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QP (Qleen Paper) defeats Jus Juice

Recap: Jus Juice kicks that hard shit and he’s authentic with it, but not all his bars hit as much as the hometown crowd would like you to believe here. Then too when QP is on top of his game, there’s hardly anyone out there that’s more entertaining, much less able to spit that real rap the goons and wannabee goons love so much, but deliver jokes and wicked punchlines along with it. Good battle, but more variety bar-wise from QP gave him the edge here.

Verdict: QP (W) 1-0

Favorite line: QP – “I’ll give that limelight your set through, bananas on that chopper split that apple and cranberry his chest too, you little strawberry nigga, after breaking down all that fresh fruit, its Jus Juice!”

Charlie Clips defeats Big T


Synopsis: I’ve always been of the persuasion that battling in front of your opponent’s home crowd can make it extra hard to pull out a win. After all, the guy battling at home is usually extra pumped to put on a great show and do well in front of his hometown fans, the crowd will almost always be biased for their guy and fair or not fair, it’s the road guy who has to come out and impress the most. That said, this was an easy win for Charlie Clips, who IMO clearly out-barred an amped up (and clearly gassed by his Chi-town fans) Big T in rounds one and two, while airing exquisite (those phone co. lines alone) schemes and personals with the same swag and confidence that we all saw earlier against Tay Rock and Aye Verb. Then too, all gassing up aside, this wasn’t Big T at his best, who tho he may’ve edged the third round with that “You know I be using barbers to pull hits instead of  clips on these faces cuz’ clips get in that jam and they usually leave behind cases” line. Despite of all that when Clips gives you three prepared rounds combined with dope schemes, he’s almost impossible to beat.

Verdict: Charlie Clips (W) 2-1

Best line: Charlie Clips – “Now I know I shouldn’t crack fat jokes, but this nigga is really fat, the type to kill himself just to see Left Eye cuz she know where Chili (chilly) at”

DNA defeats Eurgh

Recap: Despite some heavy lifting of Conceited’s notorious “Slow It Down”s and a sharp 2nd round from (“Your reputation is very different to mine, I’m known for what comes out of my mouth, not what was missing inside!”) Eurgh, DNA has enough witty (“Cigarettes are called a fag, in New York we say can we get bogies and get that what matches, you know you gay if you can go to the store and ask for a pack of faggots!”) personals, trademark rebuttals, steady name flips and grandiose schemes to take rounds 1 and 3 and pull out this battle on KOTD.

Verdict: DNA (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Eurgh – “Now let me hear something different, all these unoriginal Diana lines, you all got fucking tunnel vision”

KG The Poet defeats Megadef

Synopsis: Judged battle, wouldn’t call it anything close to “dope”, but I’ll agree with the judges and go with KG The Poet too.

Verdict: KG The Poet (W) 2-1

Favorite line: KG The Poet – “Nobody believes you wine and dine pussies, this faggot got a face like he hide behind bushes”

Donnie Menace defeats T-Rex

Synopsis: Rex has admitted in the past to just showing up and getting paychecks. And tho he put on a good show here, I think with more effort and a longer round he could’ve easily beat this guy. That said, the edge here goes to Donnie Menace who came more prepared, had an adept delivery, hilarious jokes along with personals and overall put on a better performance.

Verdict: Donnie Menace (W) 1-0

Best line: Donnie Menace – “You griping a gat isn’t a factor, ‘cuz u like Tom Brady in the Superbowl, nigga all your bullets miss when they matter”

JC defeats G.A.

Recap: In a one-round battle of Battle Rappers With Acronyms For Their Names, one has to think that if G.A. had stuck with challenging JC’s authenticity, as he did in the first half of his round, he might’ve had a chance. But for some reason he switched up the personal jokes and punchlines for generic bars and a whole lotta filler that ended up making this match a blowout when faced against JC’s rigid punchlines  and charming haymakers.

Verdict: JC (W) 1-0

Favorite line: JC – “I’m 3 battles in, you gonna be less than four, I got goons that move off hand signals, my man split you, you better find that exit door, you gonna see what them goons be bout when them Uzi’s out, you can catch the torch, but I only need one hand, that machine gun jam…it’s nothing to call in Tek [tech] support”

Th3 Saga defeats Devin Lake

Recap: Well, that was kind of weird. Devin Lake, equipped with plenty of sexual innuendo’s and gay jokes and a mostly tepid-punching Th3 Saga relying on mostly dicey/mocking personals in the earlier rounds before dishing some nice punches in the deciding 3rd round to win a battle that was so-so bar-wise from jump.

Verdict: Th3 Saga (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Th3 Saga – “The first two rounds, I was just getting my aim right, this 3rd will rock-a-bye baby like Blue Ivy!”

Real Deal defeats B. Magic

Recap: Featuring the classic, call-n-response, crowd-controlling line: “But I know the slogan Smack so to me that raises up the question, what time is it? Real what? [‘Real nigga time!’], thanks for making me the exception!” from Real Deal, in what was one of the best 1st rounds you’ll see from two rappers in battle rap history, Real Deal versus B. Magic on the URL stage was also highly impactful when you consider the style clash of a ‘Grind Time’ rapper making his debut and stepping out of the ‘knapsack rap’ zone of GT for the more street-friendly/gritty confines of URL. That said, with a gang of rigid race angles/punches, spicy [B. Magic: “You looking like I’m not the shit, nigga, change your face!”] idioms, spitfire punchlines/metaphors, witty barbs and stinging personals left and right, this close and competitive battle stands out even more due to each battler bringing their A-game. That said, with Real Deal’s more versatile artillery (which also featured some off-the-dome heat) and crowd-friendly antics upping his performance game, it’s the slightly more condensed Pittsburgh battler who does just enough to edge rounds 1 and 3 for the win.

Verdict: Real Deal (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Real Deal – “Ok, so what happens when the Black dude goes up against the White dude & the White wins?, Aiiiight then! better go home and tell ’em I’m light-skinned!”

Dizaster defeats Essay8

Recap: 1-round promo battle between Dizaster and Essay8 is decided early after the latter’s pedestrian raps get bodied by Diz’s witty freestyles before Diz switches it up to dish some mayhem and other aggressive boasts on an opponent who seemed to be interested in bragging about his headphones than actually winning the battle.

Verdict: Dizaster (W) 1-0

Favorite line: Dizaster – “No matter what you say I will never get affected, I find it funny that I’m battling someone with headphones on that are not even connected!”

JC defeats Sno

Synopsis: Considering how much work these two emcees have put in this game, this battle should’ve definitely been 3 rounds instead of one. Still, a dope match nonetheless with SnoMan spazzing on JC with so much rapid-fire bars, personals and wordplay (“JC stand for Joe Camel the way this square got boxed”) that you could forgive him for stealing that “newlyweds” bar from B. Magic. And yet, JC’s round is nothing but a barfest as lines like: “I’m killing Sno, but what’s new?, you been calling me out, I’m just not interested nerd, that’s the battle rap political term for ‘fuck you'” gets topped by “I feel like taking a whole person, blow perfect holes in ’em, leave that hoe shirtless, let the 9 bang ’em, have his spirit gone, but the mind stationed and have y’all soul searching”. JC at his best? All told it’s an artful dismantling.

Verdict: JC (W) 1-0

Favorite line: JC – “So which is Sno? kickin’ the door, gripping the four, squeeze a clip? or wait till you gone, break in ya home and leave with some shit?”

Bigg K defeats Half Past 7

Recap: Noticed a few things in this battle: 1) Even tho he would’ve lost anyway with too many basic bars, if I was Half Past 7 I would’ve been frustrated too with all the noise going on in the background onstage while he spit. 2) Bigg K announcing that he skipped his “brother”‘s funeral for this battle. I know he’d clear that up later on, but the way Rosenberg Raw used that info against him when they battled was classic. 3) As the face of the URL Smack has gotsa do a better job of keeping a poker face when dudes rap, not just because it comes off as favoritism, but because it’s professional and the right thing to do esp. when you so many other people onstage making expressions at hot bars. 4) Bernard Hopkins almost “executed” by the state?!? When the hell was that???

Verdict: Bigg K (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Bigg K – “His girl said ‘Can we shoot a DVD?’, I said yeah if ya’ head slamming like a DDT”

DNA defeats Voss

 

Synopsis: Any wonder Voss stepped it up against John John after getting buried here? DNA puts on a clinic in freestyling: rapid delivery, no stumbles, stellar flow and just to add some icing to the cake, he not only flipped his words, but reversed them–that kid is nice.

Verdict: DNA (W) 1-0

Best line: DNA – “like the Titanic his body’s underwater”

Dizaster defeats Canibus

Synopsis: Arguably the most controversial rap battle in history as Canibus breaches all types of etiquette by pulling out a notebook to recite his rhymes in round 3. Granted, against Canibus’ mediocre bars Dizaster was well on his way to an easy win anyway. But altogether embarrassing yourself, ruining an epic rap battle and failing to come up with 3 rounds for a match he was rumored to have been paid 5 figures for just adds up to an RIP on what was left of Canibus’ career.

Verdict: Dizaster (W) 3-0

Favorite line: Dizaster – “You think you’re bigger than Pun? Pun is a legend my dude, He’s a worldwide icon that’s sold more records and he’s more respected than you, You? You’re just a homeless man..on the corner holdin’ a can beggin’ for food, Just accept it! You’re through!”

Swave Sevah defeats Young Kannon

 

Synopsis: Overall, a good show from Young Kannon, but against this A-game version of Swave Sevah he would’ve needed to put on the performance of your life. And unlike his recent battle against B-Magic, Kannon just didn’t have enough stamina to deliver it here.

Verdict: Swave Sevah (W) 3-0

Best line: Swave Sevah – “You a young kannon [cannon], the fuck is that? a .22?”

Presidential Dubz defeats Piffy P

Recap: Nice come-from-behind win for Presidential Dubz, who doesn’t allow an eclectic round 1 from Piffy P to phase him. Instead raising his stock with feelgood schemes and gritty punchlines to snatch it at the end.

Verdict: Presidential Dubz (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Presidential Dubz -“You claim you good in the hood and you hugging the block, you only good with the law ‘cuz your mother a cop!”

100 Bulletz defeats Charron

Recap: Close KOTD 3-rounder between 100 Bulletz and Charron goes Bulletz’ way as the Ontario rapper’s more coalesced breakdowns of his opponent’s rap style, condensed turns and spicy personals/punchlines do just enough damage to edge both of the opening’s over a Charron who until the 3rd round never quiet seemed on his A-game when it came to consistently piercing punchlines or personals.

Verdict: 100 Bulletz (W) 2-1

Favorite line: 100 Bulletz –  “In the paint sniffing, no, you in the paint sniffing my balls up in ya face pimp’in, I’m Blake Griffin!”

Jay Rell defeats A Oun

Recap: Despite all the noise, tension and lack of crowd control in the room, Jay Rell still has enough mettle, hard-hitting bars, hairline jokes and delivery to perform a bodybag on A Oun.

Verdict: Jat Rell (W) 3-0

Favorite line: Jay Rell – “Last battle you had on fake Jordan’s and you stay talking, so even if you stay outside the crosswalk the cops will not confuse that with jaywalking”

Bill Collector defeats QP (Qleen Paper)

Synopsis: Outside of an off 2nd round, Bill Collector literally wilds out and puts together one of his best performances to take a win from QP (Qleen Paper).

Verdict: Bill Collector (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Bill Collector – “It’s gonna be a whole lot missing from your neck region, put your face in your chest now you breast feeding”

Arcane defeats Luciano Crakk

Recap: Good battle, no stumbles, lots of nice bars/punchlines from Luciano Crakk and Arcane. But throughout the battle Arcane just came off more hungrier (“Since these emcees need a lesson I’ll give ’em a blessing before I bleed ’em like Halal food”) and potent, especially in rounds 1 and 2, so I agree with the judges decision.

Verdict: Arcane (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Arcane – “Let’s be honest you don’t spray cans, you spray tan”

Profecy defeats Kick-Stand

Recap: A couple of huge mistakes by Kick-Stand: starting his round off with the title of a famous song from “Mary Poppins” and admitting in an overtime round that had no business going OT in the first place, that he wasn’t prepared. Couple that with KS’ mostly lame raps along with Profecy’s fierce anme flips, nice personals and steely gun bars and that you get a 30 piece, instead of what should’ve been a 20.

Verdict: Profecy (W) 3-0 (w/ OT)

Favorite line: Profecy – “You don’t come lyrical in any lines that you spitting, so what the fuck you hype for, must be all those lines you sniffing!”

Brooklyn Carter defeats Boogie Flamez

Recap: Edging the first couple of rounds with a steadily cohesive flow and better, quality bars, Brooklyn Carter is able to hang in there and withstand what was a pretty (“I throw bullets like Eli, so if he play for Green Bay then I’m a Aaron [airing] Rodgers!”) ferocious 3rd round from Boogie Flamez.

Verdict: Brooklyn Carter (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Brooklyn Carter – “Yo Rell, this nigga like to tweet a lot, well follow me and you’ll get the pound when I get the piece from Ock!”

Phara Funeral defeats Viixen The Assassin

Recap: Both Viixen The Assassin and Phara Funeral bring a gang of assorted mayhem in this fiery 1-rounder from G.H.O.G.H. Battle League. But a smoother flow plus a series of piercing schemes, righteous 4-bar set-ups, ringing gun bar sound effects and braggadocios punchlines by Phara gives Ms. Funeral the win.

Verdict: Phara Funeral (W) 1-0

Favorite line: Phara Funeral – “I’m a Trini girl, yeah my dad was a Rasta, but they I’m Italian ‘cuz I stay with them shells and I ain’t talking about that pasta!”

JC defeats Lix

Recap: Proud to be (“See? You the type to beef then be quick to settle, Me? I’m a true white boy, I pump hard rock and I [points fist at JC’s head] bang heavy metal!”) Caucasian emcee Lix proves to be better at the punchlines than the personals, but it’s still not enough to beat JC’s stifling (“I got a whole list of bodies and you just the next one, so watch your step son or get smacked like a stepson”) wordplay, fat jokes and ferocious schemes.

Verdict: JC (W) 2-1

Favorite line: JC – “Nigga, you? Out of all people, you don’t deserve half of my pencil, I watched 30 seconds of your battle and bitch, THAT was the intro!”

Chilla Jones defeats Cash Eatin

Recap: Rare URL 1-rounder sees Chilla Jones sees go at it with Cash Eatin. And while the Detroit emcee puts on a solid show with plenty of residual mayhem, boastful shiners/punches and steady gun lines, one too many dry spots from Cash along with a consistently potent Jones dropping a wide range of stinging 4-bar set-ups, fiery schemes, scathing personals, piercing name flips and head-ringing punchlines with ease, gives Chilla the win.

Verdict: Chilla Jones (W) 1-0

Favorite line: Chilla Jones – “But what you know about them tools?, keep it a hundred you don;t let your heat blast, matter fact let’s keep it a thousand, you ain’t a G…Cash!”

Daestro Dollar and QP (Qleen Paper) DEBATABLE

Recap: Clearly not taking this battle seriously and practically handing Daestro Dollar a win, QP puts in a weak 3rd round and then watches Doolar…do the same. Since I had the first two rounds split, this one gets no winner.

Verdict: TIE

Favorite line: Daestro Dollar – “Respect the God or die slow, cuz’ if I find out you and your man hating, I’ll have your crib surrounded by Mexicans like they landscaping”

Dizaster defeats Zeps

Recap: Here in this O-Zone Battles 1-rounder versus Zeps, Dizaster not only displays his unique ability to freestyle for an entire round, but takes ‘Promo battle’ to a new level by literally using the battle to promote his upcoming bout vs. Canibus several times. And against an opponent mired in gimmickry and pedestrian bars throughout his turn, one can only imagine how much a hurting a prepared Dizaster would’ve put on him.

Verdict: Dizaster (W) 1-0

Favorite line: Dizaster – “Of course your dad knows about me and your mom’s affair, because when he comes to the crib I’m always there!”

Couture defeats Kashie Ty

Recap: A solid, lyrical and hard-hitting effort from Kashie Ty in this 3-rounder from Queen of the Ring. But opponent Couture’s barrage of piercing punches/schemes and scathing/witty personals gets the Rhode Island emcee the first couple of rounds, before a 3rd round debatable for the win.

Verdict: Couture (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Couture – “Bitch, you look like Miss Piggy, I expected you to go ham!”

Tay Roc defeats Rich Dolarz

Recap: With Tay Roc and Rich Dolarz battling each other you’d expect a good showing and they did exactly that. Rich built his rounds around themes (Roc being “dirty”, joining Dot Mobb because he wants to be Mook, stealing ideas for bars and allegedly “lying” a lot in his rhymes) that for most part worked, especially in round 3 which saw Dolarz drop this gem: “When people hear Tay Roc the first thing they hear is Dot Mobb, I built my own name, you wouldn’t even fucking try, it’s Mook, Rex, K then you, for me that wouldn;t fucking fly, you below the son and for you that’s fucking fine, so even when it’s cloudy out you’ll still be under shine”. Still, for all of Dolarz’ originality and subject matter, his set-ups took too long and outside his motifs, there wasn’t much bite in his bar game (that is, outside of repeating other rapper lines to make a point). A worthy performance still by Rich, but with the type of heat Roc was spitting in the first couple of rounds, winning was not an option. If Roc’s first round wasn’t enough in hard-hitting (“Tried to tell you I’m a Hitman you could holler if you want, if you owe me I’m find him with the pump, it’s like I’m St. Louis in ‘Players Club’, I’ll put Dolarz [Dolla] in the trunk”) bars and execution, his second was a pure classic with a steady of name flips, (“i seen you out in Detroit I know your hood’s mad, Factor should drop the ‘X’ off his name you made it look bad”) personals, (“Look at Smack like Alpo because he set up Rich to get killed!”) haymakers, tutorials, jokes, (“…knock his box off the screen like we playing X-box Connect”) execution and even a few shots at Calicoe just in case he wasn’t paying close enough attention. Roc all day.

Verdict: Tay Roc (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Tay Roc – “Two battles ago you was fucking dead, word up, you heard what the fuck I said, I’ll Pop off, dump the lead, knock off a chuck his head or I could put the dots on him like Wonder Bread”

Kid Twist defeats Uno Lavoz

Recap: You’d think with a potential $5k to go after, a couple of talents like Kid Twist and Uno Lavoz would put on a more pitch-perfect show. But in between sips on his brew Uno spends too much time editorializing, while the normally comically consistent Twist as a whole under-performs. Still, after a close round one edged by Lavoz’ rebuttals/freestyles, Twist has enough witty bars and personals left in his tank to come from behind, take the latter two rounds and get the win.

Verdict: Kid Twist (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Kid Twist – “So yeah you beat ZM, but that gossip shit was sort of weak, I thought I turned into the Real Housewives of Puerto Rico”

Hitman Holla defeats Cali

Recap: With this 2-round sweep it’s another day at the office for Hitman Holla, who’s more robust punchlines and rabid gun bars easily beat back opponent Cali’s way more menial raps.

Verdict: Hitman Holla (W) 2-0

Favorite line: Hitman Holla – “Man, I spit like a llama, with big weapons sorta like Osama, that’ll make your heart pause like a comma!”

Jai 400 Block defeats Black Haze

Recap: Black Haze’s strong-armed raps, righteous cadence and hardbody boasts makes things interesting. But in this 1-rounder from Block City TV, Jai 400 Block’s more methodical punches, self-deprecating lines, piercing name flips and oft-witty personals shows off a more versatile pen and gets him the win here.

Verdict: Jai 400 Block (W) 1-0

Favorite line: Jai 400 Block – “Haze, that’s OK with me, you could yell, act tough as you want but don’t play with me, goons stay with me, it’s not a nigga that wouldn’t murk they own call to put in work, it’s like I run a temp agency!”

Tech-9 defeats DNA

 

Synopsis: Amazing how many commenter’s side with DNA on this one, but I’m guessing that’s due to DNA having the home court advantage and thus getting the more favorable crowd reactions. However, bar for bar I just think Tech had more punches overall while giving a crisp performance along with real life bars: “You know how awkward it feel picking your daughter up from daycare strapped, when your shirt raise up by accident and your daughter say ‘what’s that?'” that you felt through the screen. And though it seemed like Tech lost a bit of energy towards the end of each rough, this definitely wasn’t DNA at his best (tho both bodybag scheme and the tooth story in round 3 were hilarious as hell), so overall I gave Tech the edge.

Verdict: Tech-9 (W) 2-1

Best line: DNA“If everyone you body bagged was already in a body bag then who did you really body bag?”

Real Deal defeats T. Money Bagz

Synopsis: This battle did not get off to a good start. Money Bagz had plenty of aggression, but some of his bars were nonsensical (men can’t menstrual) and during the first couple of rounds Real Deal too often seemed to sleep through his bars while looking to take the night off. But then outta nowhere Real Deal came with a way-too-hilarious “interview” scheme to save the day and take the win.

Verdict: Real Deal (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Real Deal – “I’m in the mecca going ham like I’m sacrilegious”

QP (Qleen Paper) defeats Johnie Alcatraz

 

Synopsis: Any boxing judge could tell you that sometimes what determines the winner of a fight isn’t the quantity of the punches or who landed the most, but the quality of the punches or who landed more haymakers. That’s the case here–a dope 1-round battle (love the visuals here!) that sees an elongated Johnny Alcatraz do little wrong except land exquisite bar after bar (“I lick shots and then the gun will peel, because hollow heads to the pipe will bring paper to the light like I’m trying to check if a hundred’s real”), so much so that you wouldn’t be wrong to think the sometimes unprepared QP having little chance at winning this battle. But when his turn finally arrives, a confident QP doesn’t break a sweat, launching into an all-encompassing palette of righteous heat that took on everything from ridiculing his opponent’s tongue ring and his hood credentials with well-executed boasts to fiery street talk to piercing punchlines with the “Little nigga, you couldn’t hold piss on a road trip!” bar serving as the nail in the coffin.

Verdict: QP (W) 1-0

Best line: QP – “While you was playing them school games, I was stuck on the block took up a tool trade, for the right fee, your team will step like Spike Lee off a School Daze!”

Bonnie Godiva defeats Quastar

Recap: Versus a swagga-licious Quastar on QOTR, Bonnie Godiva survives some rampant personals and other style jokes with her own barrage of fiery gun bars, stifling personals, graphic mayhem and gritty punchlines/wordplay to take each round and earn a 30.

Verdict: Bonnie Godiva (W) 3-0

Favorite line: Bonnie Godiva – “I mean I don’t know if she a pussy nigger or a man bitch, have y’all ever seen a metro-sexual? well, this trans it [transit]!”

40 B.A.R.R.S. defeats Menace

Recap: Whoever ends up writing a complete, nuanced and factual book on battle rap history will certainly have to dedicate a chapter or two to Grind Time. As GT was not only one of the early successful battle leagues, it influenced many to start their own leagues later on and so many top tier greats who still battle today started their careers on Grind Time. That said, for all the ups and downs, controversies, behind-the-scene shit, etc. that GT dealt with before its ultimate demise, none irks a recap person more than the robberies that went down there, especially considering the fact that when you’re a league that keep tracks of battlers win-loss records (who can influence future plates), there shouldn’t be any room for biased and/or incompetent judges. So who knows what went down here (the judges and who voted for who wasn’t shown in the vid), but this battle between 40 B.A.R.R.S. and Menace had no business going to overtime. None. Indeed, while Menace wasn’t bad with her aggressive punches and some of her hard-hitting personals, 40 clearly out-rapped her all 3 rounds with a more consistent palette of boastful zingers, biting trap talk, sexual exploits and piercing punchlines, not to mention more haymakers. Hell, even with 40 getting frustrated having to do an OT and shortening her round a bit, her cleaner turn there should’ve given her the edge. Yeah, this was just bad.

Verdict: 40 B.A.R.R.S. (W) 3-0

Favorite line: 40 B.A.R.R.S.- “I don’t bodybag bitches, I send them to the urn!”

Brizz Rawsteen defeats Fred Mance

Synopsis: Not quite feeling lines that basically big up George Zimmerman and I get the feeling that Fred Mance doesn’t like jokes in his rap battles. But other then that this was a good battle, both bringing that hard heat with their lines, but Brizz just spazzing throughout and clearly outnumbering Mance on the versatility, performance and haymakers (“I been hell, you been frail, my guns go ‘BA-ROCK!!!, no Obama, there won’t be no missed shells [Michelle])”.

Verdict: Brizz Rawsteen (W) 3-0

Favorite line:  Brizz Rawsteen – “The bullets in the tech is toe size, no lie, put ’em to your neck from both sides like bow ties”

Calicoe defeats O-Red

 

Synopsis: This is a tough one, because bar for bar O-Red (“With that being said it’s one rule if you wanna pass this nigga, don’t spit it like the last bitch nigga, cuz the way I left that faggot in a casket laying on chin chilla, even Gaylord Focker couldn’t have Ben Stiller”) had the better material here. But rap battles shouldn’t be judged on just bars as creativity, rebuttals, performance, delivery, etc. have to be taken into consideration too. And that’s why Calicoe gets the win here, winning rounds 2 and 3 with amazing performance lines, freestyles, jokes (even O-Red later admitted how over-the-top and funny Cal was (‘…Cal, you’ve done enough!’) in that classic 3rd with the storytelling), shit-talking, personals and rebuttals in front of a hostile Jersey crowd. Then too, anyone who’s seen the run O-Red’s been on of late knows that this wasn’t one of his best performances overall. Cal edged it.

Verdict: Calicoe (W) 2-1

Best line: O-Red – “You stealing from a seed that you raised?, I should open-hand you, you got your power from your son, you a solar panel”

Daylyt defeats Danja Zone

Recap: For a last-minute replacement Danja Zone still puts on good show against the all bars, no gimmicks version of Daylyt. But a slight slip-up, a couple of elongated schemes and a little too much filler will stand out even more when it comes to a one-rounder. That and Daylyt’s steady hitting punchlines/bars secures the win for the guy with the face tats.

Verdict: Daylyt (W) 1-0

Favorite line: Daylyt – “Try to rob and you’ll see Sparks fly like a Lisa Leslie dunk”

Cadalack Ron defeats Real Deal

Recap: In this 3-rounder from Voicebox Battles, Cadalack Ron scores an impressive win over Real Deal. Using a plethora of potent hallucinogenic (“I know I’m the worst, if you got some lean in ya cup, pour out a couple of O’s and a purp before you go into church, ‘cuz I don’t care if you put me in a bodybag, just make sure there’s some dope in it first”) bars, roundhouse personals and some pleasing (“And it’s the anniversary of Columbine, so I’mma do like Eric Harris, I’ll leave him with a hollow spine and blame my careless parents!”) wordplay to take all 3 rounds over a veteran opponent whose freestyle (“Stepdad jumped in the scene to play the daddy figure, being brain dead cost you your seat at the House…Gabby Giffords!”) aptitude saved him from getting bodied, this is arguably Ron’s most consistent and best overall showing.

Verdict: Cadalack Ron (W) 3-0

Favorite line: Cadalack Ron – “I found her profile on Christian Mingle, it just said the bitch was single, if that pussy was a snare drum…well, let’s just say my dick was Ringo!”

KG The Poet defeats Uno Lavos

Recap: “Your mom’s sells cupcakes at a hardware store” and that “wetback” rebuttal, with Uno Lavis it’s rarely not entertaining. But just jokes in the midst of repeated filler won’t win you a battle against a promising up-n-comer like KG the Poet who elicits enough .personals, haymakers and steady punchlines to get the dub here.

Verdict: KG the Poet (W) 2-1

Favorite line: KG the Poet – “….you like an Arizona weatherman, you gotta lie about a Storm to get attention”

JC defeats Lynx Montana

Recap: Dishing some witty personals throughout the match while also scoring with some fiery punchlines…including a debatable round, Lynx Montana was able to keep this battle against JC close. But the ability to spout a gang of piercing punchlines/wordplay to go along with some rapid fire schemes, stinging personals and rigid gun bars allows a slightly more versatile and bar efficient JC to edge the latter two rounds of this Scheme Street bout for the win.

Verdict: JC (W) 2-1

Favorite line: JC – “And y’all say my image is a hoax, nigga your image is a ghost, that’s the easiest thing to walk through!”

B. Magic defeats Rosenberg Raw

Recap: In this three-round battle from Smack/URL, Rosenberg Raw starts things off with a bullish, banging and more condensed 1st round to edge things there before falling off (to the point of even getting tight with the crowd) with each proceeding round and leaving a consistently punch-heavy throughout, witty and mayhem/name flip-lit B. Magic to take both of the latter rounds for the win.

Verdict: B. Magic (W) 2-1

Favorite line: B. Magic – “See, Rosenberg want that drama till you pull shit, I will leave Rose on his back for that bullshit!”

Young Gattas defeats Looney Divine

Recap: Dishing some hardbody personals and relentless with the aggressive punchlines and festive name flips, Young Gattas does it all while putting a hurting on an earnest, but mostly pedestrian Looney Divine in this 3-rounder from KOTD.

Verdict: Young Gattas (W) 3-0

Favorite line: Young Gattas – “You ain’t been shit that first hit…you Lumidee!”

Head Ice defeats Swave Sevah

Recap. A couple of Harlem vets, Swave Sevah and Head Ice, go at it on the main stage and the angles are pretty noticeable here with Swave hitting with hardbody punches when he wasn’t getting metaphorical with pronounced schemes/break-downs of his opponent’s moniker. While Ice gets busy with righteous punchlines, able-bodied personals and in taking the 1st round, witty storytelling bars that were highlighted by Ice’s appreciation of Swave’s girl hitting him off with ‘home fries’ after a great night of passion. Judging from Swave’s inability to keep a straight face thru Ice’s more comedic barbs, it’s all in good fun tho, even after Swave easily takes the 3rd round with a load of stinging (“Your battles are like the rumors of you knocking Rex out, ‘cuz if it has an impact, it’s not from one of your punches!”) personals and other lyrical shiners. Thus, this one comes down to the 2nd, a solid turn from both battlers, but with Ice dishing (“You ain’t built for the streets say the punches that your jaw take, back to karate-chopping board games!”) straight heat more consistently with a little less filler, it ends up being a close win for Mr. I Control Everything.

Verdict: Head Ice (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Head Ice – “You probably feeling like we supposed to be friends, taking off ya glasses like we supposed to be twins!”

Ty Law defeats Anymal

Recap: Ty Law uses a gang of fiery name (“Usually, I spit three rounds and then I take my opponent’s heart, watch me take Anymal’s [animal’s] in two, this Noah’s Ark!”) flips, buoyant (“You Rick Ross, you know ya man Gunplay [gun play] wack!”) punchlines and sizzling (“I’m in all black like a Saints fan, poppin’ like I breakdance, he try to run I let the .8 blam, spray his whole back like Hollywood Hogan with the paint can!”) schemes to make quick work of Anymal. Who in an apparent grudge match, spent most of his time wanting to “prove” himself rather than attempt to win the battle–a little deflating after he spouted a pretty intense and blazing (“Talking out your jaw, I call and get you all sniped, put your brain on Ty Law spelled backwards, on the wall [Law] aight [Ty]!”) first round.

Verdict: Ty Law (W) 3-0

Favorite line: Ty Law – “Nowadays there’s no fighting, I will pop it, Craig on is day off, who the fuck still boxing?!”

Presidential Dubz defeats D-Money

Recap: Having your parents supporting what you love to do is a beautiful thing, but actually bringing your mom’s to a rap battle?!? Right…well, moving on, nothing spectacular to see here as D-Money and Presidential Dubz both had their moments as well as a few stumbles along the way. But I got Dubz’ punchlines amd wordplay outshining his opponent’s in rounds 1 and 3, which equates to not only a win, but a mom who’s undoubtedly proud of her son.

Verdict: Presidential Dubz (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Presidential Dubz – “Slugs open that stomach up, that means I see section [C-section]!”)

Charlie Clips defeats X-Factor

Recap: Take away the 1st half of X-Factor’s round here versus Charlie Clips and you have a pretty exhilarating (and very long) one-round matchup on the URL/Smack stage. For Clips, in only his 3rd on-screen battle, as far as making an impression goes, all bases were covered: from witty personals to goading off-the-dome lines that no one was safe from to quintessential (“This is what you wanted nigga?, you wanted me to be disrespectful, put my dick in ya niece fish tank, dump the water on ya nephew!”) schemes to flat-footed (“I’m the controller, I leave squares like you so dead, so if X care to the triangles [try angles] like Verb, he’ll get an L too and have to battle U-Red!”) haymakers, all in a battle that he was clearly motivated for as he literally took the crowd chants of “Keep going!” to heart, rapping for like 20-plus minutes. Clearly without a clue of what he was in for, after Clips was finally done, X-Factor still managed to give the crowd a worthy performance…when he got into his bag. Dishing amusing (“Against Tay-Roc about 200…against Verb, 305!”) ‘priority’ bars, feelgood name flips along with requisite (“I be going HAM, up dumping, squeezing that pump, Clips be going HAM…add bacon, cheese and croissant!”) fat jokes that made their mark, Factor’s execution was only hurt by a filler-drenched first few minutes of his round as well as wordplay that didn’t always land hard. That said, altogether Clips’ overall performance combined with better consistency was enough to score a win.

Verdict: Charlie Clips (W) 1-0

Favorite line: Charlie Clips – “It’s been 5 battles straight and you have yet to take that hat off, now either Blind Fury is your barber, he did you and took your back off or you got a hairline that’d make LeBron happy, but piss Smack off!”

Daylyt defeats Philly Swain

Recap: Considering how much Philly Swain got up in Daylyt’s face during the 1st round, unless he actually did touch him, not sure why Swain (or Lush One) would have an issue with Daylyt returning the favor. That said, this battle was pretty competitive with a punch-heavier Swain taking the 1st round before the ever bullish and quotable Daylyt edged the 2nd. Final round was a goodie with Swain showing off his vet skills via a handful of rigid freestyles to go along with a boatload of flexing punchlines and witty barbs. But the deciding round here goes to Daylyt who with a more consistent turn of fiery punches, some spicy wordplay and plenty of boastful heat, edges the 3rd.

Verdict: Daylyt (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Daylyt – “I’m more gutter than a crackhead bunch, I’ll give him more dots than a Pac-man lunch/click cals you gonna see a big POW!!!, it look like a old Batman punch!”

Big Kannon defeats M. Ciddy

Synonym: Even if you’re a fan of one-rounders, I can’t see how this one wouldn’t have been better over the course of 3 instead of 1. I mean, anytime you have non-top tier dudes rapping over 6 minutes consecutively you’re bound for a snooze-fest. That said, M. Ciddy, forever cocky, but always prepared with dope bars and personals, put on perhaps one of his best performances. If only his round was more condensed and he didn’t see the need to talk at times while Kannon spit his bars. Big Kannon, somehow the crowd fave here (despite being from Chicago while Ciddy’s from Michigan, where this battle took place), went second and while having a hard act to follow, still came through in the end by dropping a more steady stream of haymakers (that “get it like Tupac in the intersection” line was mean), less filler and a slightly better performance along with personals.

Verdict: Big Kannon (W) 1-0

Best line: Big Kannon -“What if I wanted a tour through the D?….what would you do? Take out an iPhone, start scrolling through the apps, ‘[I’m like] what’chu gonna’ do with that?’ I’m taking you to Google Maps”

Young X defeats Ave

Recap: After splitting the first couple of rounds (Young X [“See, when the narcs want to know who on the block moving yah ’round, they just pull up, Ave hop in the back seat and lay down”] took Rd. 1 while Ave [“Now I got this new mark, thinking I’mma lose heart, shit I’m smooth as GQ in Juice and this the roof part!”] got Rd. 2), it’s Young X’s versatility (personals, jokes, nice set-ups and even a crew chnat0 and slightly better consistency with the bars that edges this 3rd round and gets him a win this highly competitive and spirited matchup from Seven Cities Shark League.

Verdict: Young X (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Young X – “Yeah, you ain’t think i heard about you?, you security guard, what the fuck gave you the audacity to pick up a mic?, this ain’t even your style of work, go break up a fight!”

Pass defeats Brixx Belvedere

Recap: Spirited, competitive and at times pretty witty KOTD battle between Pass and Brixx Belvedere stayed thisclose throughout as the two traded an almost equal amount of spicy personals/name flips, rich similes, potent wordplay and piercing punchlines in all 3 rounds. However, while Brixx scored at an equal clip as his opponent, the slightly more condensed with the haymakers Pass edges the deciding (call the other two a draw) 2nd round for the win.

Verdict: Pass (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Pass – “When I put Brixx [bricks] in a bag that shit is vacuum sealed!”

Cortez defeats Shotgun Suge

 

Synopsis: Nice of Suge to finally address the not-showing-up-in-Detroit situation here, but I don’t know if I buy his reasoning considering that it was he who started the whole mess in the first place (in NYC of all places). But back to the battle, which was really loud and vociferous, which is to be expected from a couple of pretty intense dudes. Despite slipping up (no, that’s not a choke ‘cuz a choke happens when you clearly forget your bars) in the 3rd round, I gave Cortez the edge because simply put overall he just out-barred Suge (esp. in Round 1), delivering fierce lines at Suge while holding his own in front of a hostile crowd. Of course, considering Cortez’s longtime experience and vet status over Suge, this battle probably shouldn’t have been as close as it was…but whatever.

Verdict: Cortez 2-1

Best line: Shotgun Suge – “I ain’t grading a paper when you see red on an essay (‘esai’)”

Brizz Rawsteen defeats Africa

Synopsis: “Bury niggas just to make sure the shovel working”…clearly ready to go all night if he had to, a steady and passionate Brizz Rawsteen keeps the crowd wanting more in this easy win over Africa.

Verdict: Brizz Rawsteen (W) 3-0

Favorite line: Brizz Rawsteen – “….BOW! That’ll put ya’ thru the floor, now I’m shooting at the floor like I’m mopping with the gat!”

Tone Montana defeats ESG

Recap: Yes, ESG called Tone Montana a “wanksta” in this battle. But then that wasn’t the only reference he made to the 90’s or 00’s so it could be that he’s possibly stuck in the time warp and can’t get out. Granted, Tone Montana wasn’t much better here, but bar wise he bested anything ESG had to spit–too bad for Tone, all the judges must’ve been his opponent’s homies.

Verdict: Tone Montana (W) 2-0

Favorite line: Tone Montana – “…killing was constant, there was nothing I could ever do with a smile, but I’ll be in y’all projects going coo coo with the Cal”

Charron defeats Tricky P

Recap: The unique punching, sometimes sing-songy/off-the-dome and oft-witty styling’s of Tricky P do their part in keeping things interesting for 3 rounds here against Charron. But in this highly entertaining KOTD matchup, it’s Charron’s continuous barrage of piercing punchlines, hard-hitting personals, fiery schemes and ill freestyles/rebuttals that gets Corey an easy win over his look-alike opponent..

Verdict: Charron (W) 3-0

Favorite line: Charron – “If your sex life was made into a movie they’d sell it in the fantasy section!”

John John da Don defeats Bill Collector

Recap: John John da Don versus Bill Collector on the Smack/URL stage equates to a lot of entertainment, a bunch of performance bars and a whole lot of filler in a battle that overall should’ve been a lot better. Indeed, in a first round that you could be forgiven if you thought it’d set the tone for the entire battle, both JJDD and Bill Collector got in their bag with some dope personals, crowd-pleasing antics, witty barbs and pointed name flips. However, after a literally dancing at times Bill Collector edged the round with more consistently stirring lines that matched his energetic flow, a competitive battle turned lackadaisical with Bill’s bars getting less and less potent, while a slightly more versatile and turned up with rapid punchline waving JJDD also relied on effective, but elementary imitations of his opponent as well as fellow rappers to get through the latter rounds. That’s why, all in all, it’s BC’s sudden loss of a nice pen game after round one, along with a fleeting comeuppance by JJDD that gets the latter the win here.

Verdict: John John da Don (W) 2-1

Favorite line: John John Da Don – “First hand, keep a cig, that’s gonna wet ya man, and while that’s smoking, you might die from the second hand!”

T Top defeats Kenny MacGuyver

Synopsis: Good battle, competitive throughout and all of that. T Top came with creativity in round 1 with nice Grandma/MacGuyver storytelling bars, while Kenny MacGuyver went for the fat jokes (and played my man Steele from “Juice”) in round 2 to grab that one. With the battle up in the air come round 3, Top’s trap talk and gutter punchlines ably beat MacGuyver’s simply alright bars.

Verdict: T Top (W) 2-1

Favorite line: T Top – “Your bars be average, mines fantastic, I should be on that carpet with Jasmine, fuck Aladdin”

Arsonal da Rebel defeats T-Rex

Recap: Besides an excellent first (“I got a Trick Trick that’ll make you forget what a Shotgun is!”) round from T-Rex, the best thing about this battle might be the footage which featured quality lighting and superb camera positioning throughout. However, thanks to some lame extra shit between Arsonal’s man Ray Swag and Murda Mook (who should know better than to talk during Arsonal’s round), an alright battle is upstaged, a minor brouhaha ensues and everyone has to clear the stage so the battle can be wrapped up. Arsonal wins if for nothing else but packing just enough heat, aggressive (“Boy down and kiss the Chuck’s like you Leroy, nigga!”) bars, schemes and overall versatility in two elongated rounds to edge out Rex’s way-too-short 3rd and just decent 2nd.

Verdict: Arsonal da Rebel (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Arsonal da Rebel – “I ain’t never seen Redman or Treach get treated like a sucker, but I did see Cam and Jim Jones both get ran out the Rucker”