Recap: Ummm, yeah. What started out as a potentially competitive matchup, what with hard, aggressive bars coming from both sides, quickly turned into a mismatch as Rum Nitty’s stifling wordplay, witty punches and gritty gun lines got more and more potent as the battle went on. While his opponent, 2 Staxx, got worse and worse, stumbling over his speedy delivery in the 2nd round before and dishing a 3rd round that was so filled with potholes, he was left with no choice but to quit in the end.
Verdict: Rum Nitty (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Rum Nitty – “My pistol like my bitch, just me and my girlfriend, Pac said it best, just me and her to the world then, I do for her what she would for me, but if a nigga trip, fuck throwing my fists, I rather give you my bitch…I’m sugar free!”
Recap: In this 3-rounder from Alpha League, Piranha serves up a solid effort with a boatload of gritty punches spiced with rampant mayhem. However, for the more versatile Anubis, a consistent dish of fiery schemes, flexing punchlines and downright gully personals would be too much for his opponent over the course of 3 rounds, thus giving Anubis the 30.
Verdict: Anubis (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Anubis – “Now go ahead, tell ’em how a weekend with you I only got a chance to die, but you live a life where ya pet smarter than ya kid, you a Family Guy!”
Recap: Despite meeting her match when to comes to loud and boisterous hardbody stylings here versus Yodi Slim (who’s bars were also replete with plenty of racial burns), Viixen The Assassin adds some wit to her usual m.o. of gritty raps and with a way more steady mix of piercing punches, handily takes this 1-rounder from GHOGH|URLTV|MeleeTV.
Verdict: Viixen The Assassin (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Viixen The Assassin – “They told me chill out, stop fighting, you too pretty Viix, but I’m just trying to be on World Star, “Pretty Bitch Knocks Out Nigger Bitch!”
Recap: Before cracking the code to his bars in order to supplement his famous ‘That Shit Go Together’ slogan, GE was still slinging fierce trap talk, deft personals and aggressive heat that made you pay attention. That’s especially seen here in a wanton grudge match against a solid and scheme-heavy G.A., who matches his opponent’s overall grit in a fiery round one, before, thanks in part to too many pedestrian bars, gets edged by GE in the latter rounds in what overall was a close and competitive battle.
Verdict: GE (W) 2-1
Favorite line: GE – “Now y’all be honest, me verse this nigga, what y’all think I’m a do?, bars or shot’s? either way, drink’s on you!”
Recap: Nice battle between Dutch and prez mafia as Dutch came with plenty of fiery (“Nigga try to run with is gun but he ain’t shoot around, left him running with 16 o’s [holes], that’s how you move a pound”) gun bars that often hit their mark. But when it came to variety and angles, prez just had way more. That, along with a better delivery and execution with his bars, gave prez the vic here.
Verdict: prez mafia (W) 2-1
Favorite line: prez mafia – “And if your folks wanna brawl just know I’m gunning them all, I swear to God everyone I see, so push my buttons like a brand new toy and ‘Try Me'”
Recap: Lame battle as Kannon barely came prepared and Lavos’ theatrics just make it hard to take him seriously. Give it to BK on the strength of the immigration and X-men schemes as well as having better overall punchlines.
Verdict: Big Kannon (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Big Kannon – “Since you an esai [essay] it’s like I’m typing a paper to the people that’s viewing ‘cuz I’m subject to get a body for this reach of conclusion”
Recap: An up-n-coming. inspired and seemingly pissed-off T Top lays the hammer down on a clearly overmatched Young N Wise, lacing a bodybag with straightforward aggression that’s equaled by debilitating (“I know it’s iron-ic, that iron make him freeze up, and that blade will make you fold your load, it’s like a crease cut”) bars, fierce punchlines and ferocious wordplay.
Verdict: T Top (W) 1-0
Favorite line: T Top – “Ya grandmama shaking her head, that’s a mean bump”
Recap: T-Rex scoops up that out-of-state money with relative ease, showing off his ‘vet flow’ with a nice mix of braggadocio (“Ask about Rex, I been hard, besides rap, sliding in and out them hoes back like a sim card”) rhymes and gritty punchlines, to score a win over local spitter Detour, who was clearly better at the jokes than he was the bars.
Verdict: T-Rex (W) 1-0
Favorite line: T-Rex – “He ain’t ready for all that, I’m Michael Vick I bring the cameras right where I buried your dog at”
Recap: Let’s start this one off by acknowledging a tremendous start what with a very solid 1st round by both JC and Yung Ill in this battle. However, while JC’s steady aggression and rich (“To know that they gonna keep losing, you ain’t gotta be half psychic, they like Shine and Guerilla Black writing, ‘cuz they talk B.I.G., but don’t rap like it!”) set-ups were nice, his want for taking on the whole St. Louis battle scene was light when compared to Ill’s more direct style points, dope basketball references and exquisite (“See, that’s what striking a nerve, ‘cuz y’all got they new nigga’s believing they us, not Autumn [all them], but Summer Fall [some will] for thinking they with us, they not seasoned enough”) wordplay. 2nd round was a dead giveaway by Ill, short with average lines that weren’t even trying to impress and JC stepped it to take full advantage with delicious punchlines and a couple of roundhouse (“Miss me with that bullshit about solidifying the spot, ‘cuz this year I’m just making sure that all you crybaby nigga’s start…dropping a tear [tier]”!) haymakers to easily even things up going into the final round. Last round is too close to call with Ill landing with overzealous jokes, gritty punchlines and hilarious (“You pop-locked, dropped and gyrated for a grown man and I ain’t gonna hype it, but it made it worse when you smiled and said…’I hope you like it!”) performance bars/dance moves to mock JC’s infamous Chris Stokes video. But with JC earnestly displaying that he came to win, it’s the kid from Michigan’s more steady wordplay and ferocious (“Nigga you are faker than every Contra gun…lame ass, and your girl go shopping, she bring both y’all shit back in the same bag!”) personals that earns the young’un a debatable against a wiry vet.
Verdict: TIE
Favorite line: JC – “That’s why these fuck nigga’s frontin’, you Will Smith, Ali, just active [action], but throwing another nigga’s punches!”
Recap: Logic tried and tried to use personals to invalidate Jay Rell street credibility, and while it was funny at times it got repetitive towards the end. Then too, a delicious combo of nice (“I punched through his right side and knocked left his right side silly, he gonna Ice Cube’s and TLC, he need a Westside connect to keep his Left Eye chilly”) schemes, hot bars and congenial wordplay will beat 3 rounds of one-dimensional angles any day of the week.
Verdict: Jay Rell (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Jay Rell – “Screwdriver to his mouth part have him talking out his neck like a Canadian from South Park”
Synopsis: Gotta love the crowd here, going crazy and supporting their man as he attempts to pull off an upset against a visiting, on the road SMACK rapper. And while Ave went in hard for the most part, a little too much filler in the 2nd half of his round combined with JJDD using a beyond tired Multiple Choice scheme made this battle closer than what it should be. Yet, on the nice side JJDD’s bars and schemes were more condensed (plus, I don’t think he stole any bars here) and what with Ave’s slip-up towards the end, JJDD edges it in the end.
Verdict: John John da Don (W) 1-0
Favorite line: John John da Don – I’m strapped like a Tyler Perry shoot, I’m so live, naw, I’m strapped like a parachute, I’m so fly, naw, I’m strapped so I can perish u, that mean u gon’ die, naw, I’m strapped like a pair of shoes, that don’t tie”
Synopsis: Conceited versus Tsu Surf easily stands as one of the top 3 battle of 2012. After all, everything was here: fire bars, dope punchlines, (Con: “It’s a good thing you put those rhymes in subtitles ‘cuz nobody wants to hear them!”) personals, hot performance bars, ill schemes, nice-set-ups, stinging wordplay, a close, intimate atmosphere that intensified the battle and even a couple of light rebuttals by Surf. Somewhat debatable altogether, but Surf gets the edge here for these reasons: Surf going toe-to-toe with a punchline feen in Con, less overall filler and more (“Question: ‘If all your money is on your outfit then what the fuck is in your pocket?!'”) bite and versatility with his bars/schemes. That makes for Surf edging the first two rounds, while losing the 3rd because it was too short. Still, credit to both Surf and Con for putting on a great show.
Verdict: Tsu Surf (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Tsu Surf – “What you about to say, Jersey lost the Nets?, good nigga, the best shooters still in my hood nigga!”
Synopsis: Who are all these “American rappers” who keep Crome in their mouth? Anyway, when asked who was the worst rappers he’s faced, Arsonal mentioned Illmac and this guy Crome. Funny that, because Crome actually wasn’t that bad here, esp. with the way he kept pointing out Arsonal’s sometimes racist fuckery in round 2 and pulled Ars’ time (and ‘G’) card in round 3. But despite choking in the 3rd round, Ars edged the first two with enough disrespectful lines (“Your ex bitch….she flat-chested with no ass, so you be humping what?, I’ll fuck that bitch in a jacuzzi full of suds and tell her now you got a bubble butt”) and better, consistent bars to edge it in the end.
Verdict: Arsonal (W) 2-1
Best line: Crome – “And I’m tired of you talking about Hollow da Don and how you chalked him out in Fight Klub, what’s the first and the second rule of Fight Klub?, ‘We do not talk about Fight Klub!'”
Recap: In a battle that featured a gang of fiery schemes, nasty personals, fire set-ups, flexing punchlines and some dope wordplay/storytelling, after a debatable 1st round, a slightly more condensed Couture uses a vicious tranny-angled 2nd round, a host of indirect bars from opponent Jada Raye and some boastful barbs to take both of the latter rounds for the win in this 3-rounder from QOTR.
Verdict: Couture (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Couture – “But when the teacher said form a boy’s and girl’s line, Latrell sat in the middle…confused!
Synopsis: Crazy battle with Ah Di Boom and Show Off (“Well go ahead, lurk in them shadows, creep on me, I’ll pop and squeeze it, I’m Posterepedic, sleep on me!”) getting heated and delivering aggressive bars with dope flows and loaded schemes. However, Boom slips up in the 3rd, allowing Show Off to stay banging with the potent bars, come from behind and take the win. Indeed, Show Off’s comeback was so point that you can almost forgive him for pulling a Frank Ocean and singing to another man in round 1.
Verdict: Show Off (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Ah Di Boom – “Walk on the scene, throw the shells in my jeans, that’s the definition of hot pockets”
Recap: Despite failing to impress the dude with the Flyers sweater on (I don’t think he broke his poker face once during the entire battle), this was still a decent battle between Skelly and Daylyt. Skelly stepping it up with aggressive bars and Daylyt taking a battle seriously with witty bars and comedic (“I wet backs, Pablo!”) personals. Close throughout, but the guy with the mask wins it due to more variety with is bars.
Verdict: Daylyt (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Daylyt – “Canibus flow, the pad blew up!”
Recap: Besides a close 1st round this one was really no contest as Jaz The Rapper’s seismic schemes, potent wordplay, well-lit personals and piercing punchlines easily beat back a QB (Black Diamond) that you rarely see: little on the disrespect and more focused on bars that in this case were mostly pedestrian. Not that QB lacked on her notorious aggression, but a strategy that seemed bent on bully semantics and her opponent’s sex life, while hitting here and there, just got redundant over time and especially cost her when it came to elongated turns in both the 1st and 2nd rounds. On the other hand, overall a more versatile Jaz just had too much in her bag what with not only the aforementioned darts, but also witty barbs, fire rebuts for the virgin angles, fierce storytelling lines, scheming tutorials on battle rap and to the surprise of some, a pretty hip knowledge of football (and more) which would lead to some flexing sport schemes and ably assist in Jaz earning the 30.
Verdict: Jaz The Rapper (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Jaz The Rapper – “You said you’d kill me?, you lied, but you said you would kill me without talking about my virginity?, so those was both lies, ‘cuz if you had [???] at a horror flick you would know that virgins don’t die!”
Recap: Damn! I hate declaring ties, but after a couple of watches it was clear that this one could go either way with Syahboy clearly taking round 2 and Zay taking round 3, you’re only left with a very close and debatable round 1. Close battles usually make for dope battles tho, so in this case you can’t lose no matter who you think won.
Verdict: TIE
Best line: Lotta Zay – “…Wiz could leave ya with a wig missing like Amber Rose”
Recap: This is the version of K-Shine that’s damn near impossible to beat: exquisite execution, on-point delivery, a consistently confident performance, wicked (“…she asked me to freestyle, so I came off the top”) wordplay, potent (“I got that .40 in a bag like a wino, and I don’t fuck with Blanks, I ain’t never deal with tae bo”) bars after bars and even an on-the-spot rebuttal mixed in. All in all a schooling session for an aggressive, but mostly average J-Money and a bodybag for K-Shine.
Verdict: K-Shine (W) 1-0
Favorite line: K-Shine – “Nigga point me to the money, I need all of it, I’ll make a movie with that uzi, you can star in it!”
Recap: Dope 1-round, One Off between 40 B.A.R.R.S. and Young Gattas features plenty of ringing mayhem, spicy wordplay and spitfire punchlines. Hopefully, they’ll come back for 3 rounds one day, but in the meantime, a slightly more consistently gritty and versatile Gattas gets the edge here.
Verdict: Gattas (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Gattas – “You lose to everybody, I ain’t about to be The First 48 [40 ate]!”
Recap: In this 3-rounder from Smack/URL, a rare choke by Chilla Jones in the final round ends up being moot as frankly speaking B. Magic was just about unbeatable here. Indeed, especially during the 1st half of his 2nd round and versus a scheme-heavy and personal-mocking Jones who up until he had to quit due to memory loss in the 3rd, was pretty solid throughout, Magic just left earth with a boatload of spitfire punchlines (the Mysonne line will live on forever), witty personals/anecdotes and sizzling name flips that all worked together to enforce a shutout.
Verdict: B-Magic (W) 3-0
Favorite line: B-Magic – “It’s B. Magic muthafucka, acknowledge me, big straps that’ll take that back like apologies!”
Synopsis: As impressive as Bigg K’s round 1 was, so too was Rosenberg’s last 2 rounds, which combined with K’s stumble in round 3, got Rosenberg Raw the win here. Personals factor in as much as any other category within rap battles in my book and not only did Raw hold his own bar wise, but putting Bigg K on blast for dissing Smack (but then showing up “4 weeks” later to battle on URL) as well as showing up for his Ill Will battle (instead of his brother’s funeral….which Bigg K would later deny, tho he stated it on record) shows you what an inspired and highly prepared Rosenberg (“Instead he out here chasing battles, see what they do for views?”) can do against a talented newcomer.
Verdict: Rosenberg (W) 2-1
Best line: Bigg K – “30/30 with the red beam giving hickey’s (???), my vision is 20/20, six eyes like Mississippi, but I said I got this 30/30 with 20/20 vision did you dig me?, when it blast I’mma split you in half, 50/50”
Recap: While she lost the 1st round thanks to a couple of ill rebuttals from her more versatile opponent, for the first round anyway, a just-as-disrespectful, witty and (“9 months later your father put on some lip gloss and came out!”) scheme/bar-heavy Dekay held her own against the flippant stylings of Uno Lavoz. But then the rest of the battle happened and from there it was a wash. As in front of a spirited and high-energy London crowd, Uno went in for the kill with a classic 2nd round that put the DM in downright mean what with hilarious (“I mean your mom killed so many fucking babies, she the only bitch that go to abortion clinics and have reserved parking!”) abortion jokes galore and other frenzied personals that could make a girl cry, before edging the 3rd with a none-too-clean, but solid turn that beat back what was a subpar round from Dekay.
Verdict: Uno Lavoz (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Uno Lavoz – “No bitch, it’s called being creative, being unique and coming up with some of the wildest thoughts, but I forgot this bitch used to be homeless so I guess it’s hard for her to think outside the box!”
Recap: The Real Ace Boogie gets an ‘A’ for effort, but the lack of intricacy within his bars stood no chance against the fiery personals, punches and 4-bars set-ups of Rum Nitty.
Verdict: Rum Nitty (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Rum Nitty – “You pass wack, a nigga need to die, play the herb, I get mad, snap. let an eagle fly…angry bird!”
Recap: From Cartel Life, a bunch of pretty solid punches, fiery gun bars, modest name flips and hitting personals from O’fficial gets her all 3 rounds over a raucous, but not quite as consistently hitting or versatile Yung Nite.
Verdict: O’fficial (W) 3-0
Favorite line: O’fficial – “I’m Bruh Man, holding up that .4 to let that 5th flow [floor]!”
Recap: While this battle will mostly be remembered for all the Spanish/Mexican jokes Tay Roc spit at Cortez (which is out of ordinary for a gun bar fiend like Roc), it’s definitely one of those battles can upon a first look could be seen as highly debatable–yet it’s not just what shows up on the stat sheet that decides who won and who loss and this one of those examples. I got Roc taking the 1st round as while Cortez stayed aggressive and dropped a few (“I’m cooking rock [Roc], but ain’t nothing crack about you”) shiners, for the most part his bars contained too much filler and were just average in potency. On the other Roc had perhaps his best round with nice wordplay, aggressive gun bars and better (“These bullets play Temple Run, why get the phone app?”) punches throughout. Cortez stepped it up in the second round coming harder with the performance, feelgood Dot Mobb personals (“You ain’t a hustler, how’d you hustle and move keys?, you’ze a worker, you got 5 hundred for QP’s”) and this time hitting with more force on the wordplay and friendly (“You in the building but Randy’s taking your house payments”) tutorials. For Roc’s part, while his battle rapper name schemes in round two worked, they could’ve used against anybody. Better instead was Roc’s ethnic lines (“I’ll do a Mexican dirty, I’m desperado with that guitar case”) even if he had the wrong race (which Tez effectively rebutted in round 3). Round 3 saw Cortez set the tone challenging Roc to go ‘bar for bar’ and winning with gems like “Look me in the eyes I’m like God, I’m taking caps off, they type small” and witty (“Let’s talk about his clique, a bunch of ass-grabbers, none of them ashamed, it makes sense because all cavemen cuddle by a flame”) personals that even had Roc smirking. Roc’s 3rd was nice and had some hard-hitting bars, but some of his lines were a little too predictable (esp. with the continued Mexican jokes) and featured schemes (esp. the “Cortezmanian devil”) that didn’t hit at all. Close throughout, but Cortez edges it.
Verdict: Cortez (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Tay Roc – “Rex and K-Shine, I spar with them, it’s no comp with him, I’ll target him, I go harder than 8,000 army men, a tank and a ship, airplane, I’ll Pearl Harbor him”
Recap: DNA’s 1st apperarance for the UK’s Don’t Flop league is an impressive one as the Queens, NY battler flexes during a condensed trio of rounds with a barrage of pinpoint name flips, hard-hitting personals, righteous banter, fire rebuttals and stinging punchlines/4-bar set-ups to take the opening rounds (call the 3rd debatable) and earn the win over Sensa who while serving up 3 rounds of gritty raps, outside of round 3 often times took too long to get to the punch, when he wasn’t spitting one too many pedestrian lines.
Verdict: DNA (W) 2-1
Favorite line: DNA – “Now I’d like to commend Sensa’s opponent’s, ‘cuz they spit a lot of clever lines on you, I’m just trying to figure out how you ain’t rich in London when you got all those pounds on you!”
Recap: Displaying some wit and some fire bars, Lil Decent was…decent, until he choked, 1st in the second round and surprisingly again in the 3rd. That’s a bodybag for Stuey Newton, who with some potent schemes, steely, aggressive bars, nice gun bars and a few Martin jokes, had this one in the bank anyway, even if he did rap too long in the 3rd.
Verdict: Stuey Newton (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Stuey Newton – “I ain’t gonna lie tho, I feel kinda bad for murking you, ‘cuz that peach fuzz said you just hit puberty and I know your ID still vertical!”
Synopsis: Hey, John John was actually pretty original here, what with his own consistently nice bars, some fresh wordplay, funny personals and wait for it….a WHOLE battle without recycling someone’s bars. But despite the occasional struggle with is delivery when you’re dropping haymaker (“You a African American, that lost to a white man onBlack Entertainment Television”) after haymaker (“Walk up to the body, give him that ‘Is he dead kick?'”) after haymaker (“another 6 foot nigga’ with a death wish, sawed off shotty shooting out breadsticks”) along with dope name flips while mocking JJDD’s style carried with consistent aggression as K-Shine reps here, you really don’t stand much of a chance.
Verdict: K-Shine (W) 2-1
Best Line: K-Shine – “Straight out of Locash stupid lil nigga named John John, Twin 40’s got em looking like pom poms, have this nigga sticking up, Einstein, that 6 clap push his wig back call him bron bron”
WTF: Yeah that’s Bow Wow on the stage in the hoodie supporting John John.
Recap: A spitfire beverage scheme in the 2nd round by Cali Smoov is the highlight of this 3-round AHAT battle. But overall, against the mostly subpar raps of Juice, Smoov really didn’t need much more than the aggressive heaters and the earnest, but daunting punchlines that he rolled up with to make his brief hiatus from battle rap a successful one.
Verdict: Cali Smoov (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Cali Smoov – “All my heaters like shell-toe Adidas…a shell in the front!”
Recap: Specializing in rampant mayhem that even includes your kids when he’s not doing everything he can to destroy the nuclear family, a sociopathic Danny Myers out-punches opponent Louie V for 3 rounds in this mostly one-sided battle from AHAT.
Verdict: Danny Myers (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Danny Myers – “Your baby mother ain’t nuthin’ but a ho to creep, but I quit fucking her ‘cuz your son never go to sleep!”
Synopsis: One could see why Ah Di Boom would be a bit upset at this matchup, which takes place early in his career and is clearly a less polished (and even less animated) version of the Boom we see now. Whatever the case, you battle the guy in front of you, and in this case, Boom’s filler was no match for prez mafia’s swag, consistency, delivery and righteous bars.
Verdict: prez mafia (W) 1-0
Best line: prez mafia – “It’s time to get slim because I bet you you stink, I’ll give you a brick right here if you face your fears right now and down a whole vegetable drink”
Recap: A home league battle drenched with a lot of personals gets deciphered on the quality of the bars instead of what’s true or not true. That said, as much as J. Juice’s street flow came off unique and biting, R Streez’s versatility and his ability to spout more haymaker’s, got him this one.
Verdict: R Streetz (W) 1-0
Favorite line: R Streetz – “I’ll give him a buck-fifty like I’m riding the bus!”
Recap: One of the best performances you’ll see from Arsonal, gets done for via his own doing: being too lengthy (and no, we’re talking filler, but redundancy). Indeed, with a near equal amount of haymakers as his just-as-vibrant, witty, personal-lit, mayhem-bent and lyrically sharp opponent Shotty Horror in a battle that should go down as one of the best of the year, it’s a more condensed Shotty who edges the first two rounds for the win, before Arsonal matches quality with excess quantity during a highly entertaining (on both sides) superb 3rd round (that included a spitfire alphabet scheme from Ars) to avoid the shutout.
Verdict: Shotty Horroh (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Shotty Horror – “U Are Ill, that’s why u hate Smack!”
Recap: Although he got better as the round progressed, a slow start and elongated set-ups spoil any chance Yung Skillz (who did in fact have an impromptu battle against DNA a couple of years back) has to take this one from an ever-confident, consistent, witty and punchline-heavy J. Murda.
Verdict: J. Murda (W) 1-0
Favorite line: J. Murda – “I was with a BB gun, and now we use real steel like Hugh Jackman”
Recap: Too much extra shit in the room somewhat spoils a good matchup between Hazey and Nuborn. Both rappers connect with nice punchlines, schemes and fleeting personals throughout, but Nuborn spazzed a little harder and used more angles. And despite negatively adding to his reputation by slipping-up (and bizarrely complaining about his opponent’s time limit) again, you can partly blame all the distractions and interruptions for this one.
Verdict: Nuborn (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Nuborn – “Nigga you so fat you look like you snore when you wide awake”
Recap: Chris Kane came with plenty of biting personals (which QP rebuked), but drawn-out schemes and basic bars wasn’t enough to beat QP’s hitting bars even on a day he put in that light work…literally.
Verdict: QP (W) 1-0
Favorite line: QP – “You worse than Udonis Haslem because you hold down that Heat for nothing”
Synopsis: Certainly O-Solo was always entertaining in Fight Klub and there’s no way one can’t appreciate Arsonal’s dedication to Jersey (even he’s since moved to Louisiana and now Atlanta), but from jumpstreet this had bodybag written all over it and sadly that’s all it ended up being. If anything this is a lesson in leaving whatever little hometown respect your legacy has…to ya hometown.
Verdict: Swave Sevah (W) 3-0
Best line: Swave Sevah – “My nigga I’m a real nigga fam, I attack from a different standpoint, so fuck all these alien sound effects, talk to me in your man voice”
WTF Moment: That gay-ass slap on the back from O-Solo’s hypeman in round 2.
Recap: Punchlines, mayhem, fiery schemes/name flips and personals galore make JC versus AQ (aka Amazin Quality) an entertaining 3-round battle. But a more intricate, less predictable, potent and wordplay/gun bar-heavy JC does more than enough in the first two rounds to take each one in the end.
Verdict: JC (W) 2-1
Favorite line: JC – “Now go ahead and start some shit, you gonna see me spark some shit and that Tommy gonna get his crib cleared out like it got Martin pissed!”
Synopsis: Really, what’s not to like about T-Rex since he lost to Math Hoffa a couple of years ago? After all, an inspired Rex belongs in anyone’s Top 5, what with swag, attitude and “grown man” bars (“them shotgun shells is red and lime green, when I squeeze it look like a Gucci crime scene”) that only a true vet knows how to bring. Add everybody’s favorite Summer Madness punching bag, A-Verb (who wasn’t as bad here as he was the year before against Charlie Clips, if that’s saying much) to the mix and Diddy dropping $10K on that 2nd round, and all you’re left with is quality battle rap perfection (well, except for that ass-grabbing).
Verdict: T-Rex (W) 3-0
Best line: T-Rex – “I’ll ride through Verb hood and get his whole team wet, ayo Diddy, I’ma confess to the body 10 years later, I’m like G-Dep!”
Recap: X-Factor looks on as Jay Rell scores another easy victory on his way to the URL/Proving Grounds.
Verdict: Jay Rell (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Jay Rell – “You have 15 battles and 9 losses, that’s not the kind of record he should celebrate, You know what him and Detroit public schools got in common?, they both a 70 percent failure rate”
Recap: Good battle, great energy on both sides throughout and Nov came especially hard in round 1, but Big Kannon’s ability to spit rebuttals, his creativity in battling the ‘fro and his more consistently hot bars in addition to a stellar performance gave him the win.
Verdict: Big Kannon (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Big Kannon – “….His uncle, dad, brother and nephew, gotdammit you got pussy all in your genes [jeans] your like a camel toe”
Recap: Quick 1-rounder featuring Pottstown, PA battler Driese against Norristown, PA battler Bill Collector is a rapid and gritty punchfest that the more consistently hard-hitting BC handily wins to take one home for his city.
Verdict: Bill Collector (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Bill Collector – “You don’t even be outside, you in the window, binoculars, nosy ass, neighborhood watch!”
Synopsis: To think, how many people used to respect E. Ness’ grind back in the day when he battled Jay Millz on MTV and walked all the way to Brooklyn to get that cheeseburger for Puff on Making The Band. Then some years later he works his way up to and receives “legends” status here, returns on a card and disrespects DNA all throughout his rounds, while expecting to win a battle where he spouts what is arguably the worst line in battle rap history?!? That shit is just nutty. To think, we’ve seen way better from DNA who was just alright here. Thus, the body comes from Ness being that bad.
Verdict: DNA (W) 3-0
Worst line: E-Ness – “I’m crazier than crazy glue!”
Recap: Versatile and landing hard throughout with the fiery personals, rapid punchlines and gritty schemes, Cityy Towers gets the win by taking the 1st and 3rd round here over an aggressive and /scheme/punch-steady, but inconsistent Lexx Luthor.
Verdict: Cityy Towers (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Cityy Towers – “I’ll hit him with that ‘k’, just to show him I don’t text back!”
Recap: In a totally one-sided matchup, the very basic and pedestrian bars of C-Boy Folgaz whittle down to lint when put up against a slow-to-start-but-eventually turned-up Young Kannon’s fiery gun bars and relentless punchlines.
Verdict: Young Kannon (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Young Kannon – “Your bitch gave me the fish, I went ham on that tilapia!”
Recap: In a battle for the name ‘Jay”….kidding. Jay Rell ventures outside of Detroit to get some competition and finds it in St. Louis’ Jayrone (who apparently doesn’t believe in not showing disloyalty in front of an outsider when he throws a few shots at Yung Ill), a hard spitter capable of tossing out that street (“I’m awfully hot, I start schemes plots for you small-ski twats”) shit along with plenty of guns bars and even a rebuttal here and there. Yet despite some stumbles here and there, Rell stays on point with enough jokes, punchlines and quality bars to win rounds 1 and 3 and take a win back to the D.
Verdict: Jay Rell (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Jay Rell – “You sleep under the Arch, you tell bitches you got incredible views!”
Synopsis: No disrespect to Mickey Factz, but I wouldn’t be so quick to call this battle a “classic”, yet it was still a dope and competitive barfest nonetheless. That said, while both Tone Montana and Super Writer dropped sizzling bars and more than represented for their camps, the choice here goes to Tone for being a little more consistently subpar (the DMX impression killed and the temple scheme was straight dope) throughout his rounds as opposed to Superwriter–that said this battle should’ve been 3 rounds.
Verdict: Tone Montana (W) 1-0
Best line: Super Writer – “At home Tone get on porn chats for the live chatting, baby oil in his left hand and his right spazzing, while smoking weed so you a terrorist ’cause you hi-jacking”
Synopsis: “You make the worst life decisions!” Here’s why John John da Don gets hated on: stealing other people’s bars and for making ass-backwards decisions with his career like this one. I mean the idea that John John (or someone in his camp) thought it’d be a step forward to go back to “106 & Park” and battle after coming off what was easily his most popular battle with Hitman Holla, just makes absolutely no sense. Zip. None. Nada. Battling on 106 & Park is a beginners move, not something you do when you’re already established. And for that JJDD got what he deserved: a bodybag from some unknown white dude on Black Entertainment Television.
Verdict: Voss (W) 2-0
Best line: Voss – “I ain’t lying with those ears you could probably feed Mike Tyson for a year”
Synopsis: The underrated T Money Bagz pulls off an upset against S.O.N.S. vet Heartless who besides slipping up in the first round, just couldn’t deliver enough punchlines, metaphors and wordplay to keep up with Bagz’ aggression, storytelling and potent bars.
Verdict: T Money Bagz (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Heartless – “Man I heard about you and that little boy, you oughtta be ashamed that nigga was nine, Michael Jackson, you was all in Billy’s jeans, trying to Beat It, Bad, but you Remember the Time”
Synopsis: This battle really comes down to who won the 1st round, because Clips (clearly, no debating!) won 2nd round while Jones (clearly, no debating!!!) won the 3rd. With that said, here’s why I think Serius got the ‘W’ here: his “Yeah, nine years ago I was a barber, so you know I know how to handle clips” rebuttal at the beginning of round one, while short, cancelled all of Clips barbershop jokes and in my book rebuttals earn you extra brownie points. Combine that with Clips choking at the end of round 3 (mind you, Clips is a freestyle king and in my book choking not only loses you the round, but earns you some demerits too), while you still have a classic battle, but give it to Serius by a nose.
Verdict: Serius Jones (W) 2-1
Best line: Charlie Clips – the whole house scheme was straight fire
Recap: That “smell like a free clinics” line in round 2 by 40 B.A.R.R.S. here was mean…and funny. And damn if 40 didn’t kill that 3rd round, name flip-spazzing and punching with authority throughout what was a spitfire turn. Then too, for all the heat 40 took for those chilling personals towards Tori Doe on the topic of abortion? Hey, it’s battle rap. On the other side of things, she might just be 85 pounds, but when she’s on her A-game Tori Doe can spit like a giant. Indeed, in this fierce QOTR 3-rounder, Tori straight stunted on her opponent throughout the battle with a versatile, consistently spicy, performance-rich, NYC-scheme lit, brazen, condensed and personally salacious showing that with nary a dry spot edged her the first couple of rounds for the win.
Verdict: Tori Doe (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Tori Doe – “I’ll flash the heat on this old bitch so quick she’ll think it was menopause!”
Recap: An undeniable classic, JC versus Chilla Jones served as the pinnacle of new, hungry and younger talent with a knack for substance, versatility and flexing wordplay with their bars. Starting with a superb 1st round, both battlers would display tremendous moxie with their lines with an uber-confident JC dropping a series of stinging (“I’ma tell this fag actor once: get out of line, pass or bump, I’ma react with the fastest punch, they ain’t gon’ have no choice but to turn this bitch from Smack to Snuff!”) punchlines when he wasn’t dishing some hard-hitting name flipping and prodigious mayhem. However, having already shown himself to be one of the better schemers in the game, Chilla wouldn’t disappoint, the Boston spitter spouting a gang of spitfire schemes, ripping personals and roundhouse (“You rep Pontiac on that G shit, but you don’t own a gun, liar, so I’ma give this G six for y’all thinkin’ that son fire!”) punches to edge round 1 before JC would take advantage of a couple of dry spots from his opponent and come through with a (“It’s an honor for you to meet me, I’m the next problem, run in your crib, pop your mom: I’m your step father!”) punch-heavy and while making fun of Chilla’s rap style, a mockingly sanguine turn to edge the 2nd round. Tied going into the 3rd round of a battle that already had the crowd buzzing throughout, both battlers would step it up during their final turns with a boatload of piercing darts, sizzling wordplay, more heavy-handed schemes from Chilla and stunted gun bars from JC. Yet,with an astute and (“What, you gon’ flip and spazz out? Bitch, don’t try us, there’s four niggas in each car with about six mo’ riders, we heavy armed, like Precious, extend mo’ fire!”) haymaker-drenched 3rd that was flawless in its execution (i.e., a classic), despite another pretty solid turn by (“See, this a loss you shoulda planned for, but we all know you’re good with defeat [da feet], we all seen you on the dance floor!”) Jones, it’s JC who earns the win here.
Verdict: JC (W) 2-1
Favorite line: JC – “I’m tryna get his whole strip wet, he was cruising till his ship wrecked, hit me, you gon’ get hit next, stomp him but leave him choices, Timberland or Nike? Face the tree or get chin checked?!”
Recap: Yeah, it’s Dizaster versus a professional comedian in Rick Glassman. But it’s a hosted battle and the freestyles dished from both battlers during the 2 rounds were authentic. And while Glassman for the most part didn’t seem to take the battle as seriously as his opponent, Diz’s off-the-dome, roasting session zingers still helped him put another ‘W’ in the win column.
Verdict: Dizaster (W) 2-0
Favorite line: Dizaster – “Look at this muthafucka looking at me like he ain’t cool, you’re scaring me bro, you look like you’re about to shoot up a school!”
Recap: Yeah, I gotta agree: taking care of your family is a much bigger priority than fixing your teeth. Still, for all his sometimes witty, but redundant tooth jokes, a mostly tepid X-Factor, while seemingly having the tools (personals, jokes, etc.), just didn’t know what to do with O-Red, who with a fiery barrage of mocking personals, fire schemes and fierce punchlines/wordplay, took out his opponent’s moxie early, left him talking to himself and left with an easy win.
Verdict: O-Red (W) 3-0
Favorite line: O-Red – “I’m a muthafuckin’ boss, Rick Ross couldn’t see O [C.O.]!”
Recap: Good battle, liked the aggressive bars, delivery and execution with both, too bad Push Pax saved his best round for his 3rd as I had Show Off edging the 1st and clearly taking the 2nd.
Verdict: Show Off (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Show Off – “And I ain’t spitting B.I.G when I say ‘Gimme the Loot’, like I’ll December 25th ’em, clap, shell from the biscuit fell, blast scorch knock half off, that’s a Christmas sale”
Recap: In an aggressive battle that might as well have been a 3-way what with all the QB (Black Diamond) mentions, after a debatable 1st round that saw Streamz raucous bangers hit with enough effect to equal Bonnie Godiva’s punch-lit, but not always direct (again, blame QB who happened to be in the audience) go-around, Bonnie gets the win via a series of hard-hitting personals, piercing punchlines/storytelling bars and fiery schemes to handily take both of the latter rounds over her still grimy, but much less substantive opponent.
Verdict: Bonnie Godiva (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Bonnie Godiva – “The only time you ever held a gun? Price check!”
Recap: Full of conviction with his raps, while unloading a versatile mix of spicy punches, witty barbs and fiery schemes, Lynx Montana’s effort here could never be question. But damn if the Puerto-Rican rapper didn’t run into a B-Magic that was on his A-game throughout this 3-rounder from Scheme Street. The St. Louis battler consistently in his bag with a gang of piercing punchlines, some sizzling wordplay, steely mayhem and for the 3rd round only, jaunty name flips to earn a 30.
Verdict: B-Magic (W) 3-0
Favorite line: B-Magic – “Boy, you think you’re on ya grizzly with these gay schemes, you’ll get more hawks when I go rampage on A-team, still lying in front of ya temple like Beijing!”
