Recap: Hey, I was an 80’s and 90s wrestling fan, so I can dig it. Reminiscent of when “Macho Man” Randy Savage and “Hollywood” Hulk Hogan were still in the NWO together and they fought each for the championship belt a couple of times, fellow ‘Golden Squad’ members Pep and X Da Don got at it here in this one-round matchup from FearNoOne/HoneyCombHideout. And while X Da Don scores with fleeting braggadocio bars, aggression and a unique delivery, too many dry spots, but mostly a way more consistently bar and performance-heavy Pep manages to outdo his brethren in this rare intra-faction battle.
Verdict: Pep (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Pep – “I learned from young a machine will give you a different type of respect, I went the same road that Urkel took!”
Recap: Relentlessly spouting stinging punchline after punchline with a nice mixture of flexing name flips, piercing personals and rigid gun lines dipped in just to get his point across, G Lowe easily beats back a hardbody and witty at times, but nowhere-near-as-nice The Prafessa in this 1-rounder from Carolina Barrs.
Verdict: G Lowe (W) 1-0
Favorite line: G Lowe – “You the nigga we send to the store for the wraps and the snacks, always got your hand out but never getting no daps!”
Recap: Unbothered by the rampant mayhem and earnest trap talk thrown at him by a pretty solid T-Gunz, in this fiery 1-rounder from Body Bag Battle League, a more boastful with the heat, hyperbolic with the punches, flexing with the name flips/personals and sometimes just plain disrespectful Madface litters the spot with enough damage to gain the win.
Verdict: Madface (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Madface – “Took every burners out the house, left the stove clicking, yeah the gas at home nigga, this your business!”
Recap: Taking us inside the trap world for the umpteenth time, T-Rex’s comfort zone shines early on, but becomes repetitive later on. Not that it matters to Rex, even when he gets caught by his opponent here, the erstwhile Rad B, for recycling bars. Still, wouldn’t Rex have been better off spinning more lines on why an up-n-comer like Rad deserves with him in the first place? Or better yet, displaying more of his hearty (“I’m married to the white, it’s like Kanye’s wedding!”) wit and peep that, a cold (“If I wrote, if I feel like saying it, I’ll say it again!”) rebuttal game? But hey, word has it that Rex is retiring soon anyway and hell if we all don’t appreciate him doing this battle after he no-showed when it was first supposed to take place. That being said, while Rad B needs serious work on his monotone flow and penchant for mediocre bars, the yung’un still managed to put in enough work with some nice (“Last time a chick seen Rex bone, she was at a fucking museum!”) punches/wordplay/personals here to make it competitive and earn a split.
Verdict: TIE
Favorite line: Rad B – “Are you gonna win? I already said birth control…no baby!”
Recap: Steady with the fierce punchlines and potent (“Hit him with the shotty, blank email, you getting sent without a body!”) gun bars, Genocide is nice with his throughout this one-round battle with Bill Collector. However, the always animated Double Bar Bill is not only able to dish his own assortment of killjoy punches and rich gun lines, but a nice mix of hitting (“You smell like you drank all the water from out the cabin!”) personals too, thus edging this one in the end.
Verdict: Bill Collector (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Bill Collector – “You stutter to the pigs, I diddida diddida…that’s all folks!
Recap: The normally gun bar dishing and mayhem-induced Krucial Ken veers left with a more personal stunting and punchline waving turn that makes for a solid overall, but hot-n-cold showing here. Thus, leaving a rapidly punching, wordplay-heavy and more consistent Johnny Parelli with the win in this 1-round battle from Matrix Rap Battle League.
Verdict: Johnny Parelli (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Johnny Parelli – “When I ignite, I’m smoking KK, that’s Khalifa Kush!”
Recap: Good fucking 1-round battle between Amazin D Boy and J-Krooger delivers on a boatload of utter mayhem and plenty of righteous boasts. But havoc and bedlam aside, all the while taking advantage of an opponent who rapped twice as longer as he did with less potency in the 2nd half of his turn, a rapidly firing on all cylinders, condensed, metaphorical and punch-crazy J-Krooger takes this one.
Verdict: J-Krooger (W) 1-0
Favorite line: J-Krooger – “I’m the reason your name on this card, let’s not make it a tombstone!”
Recap: In this one-rounder from Body Bag Battle League, Killa Time showed some wit and had some hot lines here and there. But too many reaches along with a plethora of pretty basic bars couldn’t withstand the arsenal of potent name flips and ferocious punches from Nunn Nunn.
Verdict: Nunn Nunn (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Nunn Nunn – “I’m flipping, like the hourglass, I got dirt for Time, lazy inmate, it’s not gonna work for Time!”
Recap: Take out Qleen Paper’s half-a-minute or so slip-up in the middle of his 2nd round and against the ever-rambunctious Nu Jerzey Twork, you have a much closer battle what with QP’s slick-talking veneer dropping some dope punches here and there when he wasn’t dishing stinging gun (“The beam on his face, soon as it get down to his nose, ring!”) bars, aggressive personals and witty shiners. But clearly focused and repeatedly applying the heat with a host of fly (“I’ll grip a blade, leave ya lip hanging off, give ya a ‘nigga please’ face!”) weaponry, oft-subliminal, but biting wordplay and fierce name flips, Twork wasn’t having any of his opponent’s veteran panache, edging a close round 1 with more spice to his haymakers, before also winning the latter two rounds with the help of a slight downturn in overall potency from Qleen as well as his aforementioned cogency with the bars coupled with an overall very ‘strapping’ performance.
Verdict: Nu Jerzey Twork (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Nu Jerzey Twork – “Sharpshooter, with the lens, I could go pro [GoPro], [Bwoh!] [Bwoh!], it’s shooting in slo-mo and he’ll who hit him…but you should be used to the No-Show!”
Recap: Over the long haul, punch for punch, Craig Lamar is able to hold his own against Big Kannon. But in what was a pretty competitive 3-rounder from RBE, it’s some exquisite personals from BK that are all the difference, allowing the Chicago rapper to edge the latter two rounds and win the battle after a debatable 1st.
Verdict: Big Kannon (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Big Kannon – “You’re not strapped, nor am I ‘cuz I ain’t think you were worth crazy drama, I could’ve dropped the kid with the ugliest ratchet, shit that sound like nigga’s first baby mama!”
Recap: Funny, entertaining, head-scratching and totally one-sided battle from AHAT sees Yung Griz somehow getting through all the crowd noise and interruptions from his wayward, totally unprepared, freestyling opponent throughout this bout and deliver 3 rounds (we’ll deem the 3rd, where Griz spit what amounted to a superior character assassination, a classic) of spitfire punchlines, scathing personals, piercing schemes, blistering gun bars and rugged name flips and beat back a pretty embarrassing effort from Billy Boondocks.
Verdict: Yung Griz (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Yung Griz – “You always saying you wanna lift up the West and that’s kinda why some of us new nigga’s try to look up to you, then we get a little buzz and nigga’s say we good and you try to troll to keep us under you and that’s why I can’t fuck with you!”
Recap: Who knew that Prep had so many haters? In a battle drenched with personals from both his opponent Venom and fiends in the crowd, the DMV headliner, while shining when he spits ill freestyles and fiery (“On his way home get hit with another 30…Kevin Gates!”) set-ups but falters with a few too many dry spots/repeats, esp. when attempting to show off his off-the-dome acumen. For opponent Venom, even with somewhat of a tepid flow, consistently hitting with fleeting punches/personals throughout his round makes than makes for it and is also more than enough to offset Prep’s righteous unsteadiness and even getting tagged in 3 times during his turn.
Verdict: Venom (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Venom – “The last time we seen someone in a bowtie kill something B.I.G., it was a bad day in hip-hop!”
Recap: Using a variety of gritty gun bars, potent wordplay and fire punchlines, Truth Watson survives a couple of mild slip-ups to beat back an overall solid, but oft-reaching and inconsistent YaBoyClip in this PG match from URL/Smack.
Verdict: Truth Watson (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Truth Watson – “Laundry day, I place something under ya chin, then I’m folding ya shit, then scratch the serial [cereal] off like ‘What else on the grocery list?'”
Recap: First, a couple of side notes on this highly anticipated battle between O-Red and Ave. For starters, Jai 400 Block, standing right there behind O’Red and refusing to hold Red’s water bottle in his hand time and time again was just passive aggressive and hilarious at the same time. Secondly, O-Red complaining about Smack supposedly cutting his round short, when Red goes at least 6 to 8 minutes in each round, was just ridiculous. That said, lyrically and punchline speaking, it doesn’t get much better than this one as personals and schemes were for the most part left out. And with the hype around Ave being pretty high before this battle happened as well as the envisage surrounding the veteran O-Red coming back to Smack/URL to take on the hot newbie being a must-see, to see both battles on their A-game (except for s slight slip-up by Red in round 3) made this battle close, exciting and a matchup that was literally drenched with haymakers. A close round 1 that saw a turned-up, (“Bro a goof, and we know O been food, shit everything about Red Cafe!”) punch-heavy and altogether fire Ave, gets edged by a slightly more condensed O-Red not only keeping up with his opponent on the more formidable (“You from Virginia right?, ok when that Baretta tweak, hole through the sternum, your bae, will give your chest a peek [Chesapeake]!”) heaters, but mixing in a couple of fire freestyles with overall, more intricate wordplay and witty personals. Round 2 also goes to Red, who was somehow able to up his showmanship after a superb round 1 with a variety of sizzling (“That foreign ratchet will serve him, welcome to Golden Krust!”) punchlines, stifling name flips/gun play and other noteworthy mayhem to beat back another dope, but not-quite-as-as-nice-as-his-1st turn by Ave. With a win already in hand, an ironically elongated and punch-heavy turn by Red (that contained the aforementioned near choke) makes for a clear loss when it comes to a more condensed, punch-focused and still in his bag Ave in the final round.
Verdict: O-Red (W) 2-1
Favorite line: O-Red – “You want this wreck?, you gonna sit with them on a losing shelf, but fuck it, cool, stitch up your own wounds, that means shoot yourself!”
Recap: After impressing the normally passive UDubb crowd with a spitfire, haymaker-friendly, punch-drenched and near flawless 1st round, DNA’s prolific use of gun bars would come back to haunt him in this 3-rounder as Pat Stay would use a witty, raucous at times and anecdotal-lit 2nd to go along with a hard-hitting, personal and punchline-crazy 3rd to complete a comeback for the win. Ironically, DNA would get off to a fierce start in the deciding 3rd round, but instead of continuing with more gripping personals on his opponent, his choice to resort back to a boatload of steady gun lines and other redundant street missives would assist in his loss.
Verdict: Pat Stay (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Pat Stay – “Battle rap is all you watch, battle rappers is all you hang with, bunch of law-abiding citizens with violent imaginations!”
Recap: Nice impresses here with that straight gutter, (“When I got shot, I woek in the hospital and told my mother it was on, and she took it in the worse way, ‘cuz she knew I was going right back to what got me shot in the first place!”) real life shit that makes the crowd scream ‘Facts!’. But overall, Nunu Nunn’s potent (“I’ll hit you till you cross gender….stuck in a trans!”) wordplay, fierce name flips and the Jersey dude’s lack of being more direct (esp. in the 3rd round where almost half his bars were directed at J. Murda) with his bars hurts him. Thus giving the 1st and 3rd rounds, along with the win, to Mr. Nunn.
Verdict: Nunn Nunn (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Nunn Nunn – “I want your sister, [but] gotta act right for the ho bitch, [but] she get back outta line, and I’ll put one in the skull of your sis!”
Recap: With a future PG battle possibly on the line, rising Massachusetts emcee Biz Barker shines with a barrage of cantankerous bars and witty jokes on a solid, but also going-through-the-motions DNA in this one-rounder from iGrind.
Verdict: Biz Barker (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Biz Barker “Go in ya pockets like ‘What else?’, that ain’t Gwitty in the background!”
Recap: In this one-rounder from AHAT Battle Rap League, a two-fold of heated gun bars and spirited name flips allows Dre Dennis to score an easy vic over a jokingly nice, but pretty basic otherwise Mark D.
Verdict: Dre Dennis (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Dre Dennis – “Your lines always fucked up like ya barber cheap!”
Recap: A testament to the idea that URL would do better to really promote their respective PG classes, Steams vs Danny Myers (who both got their starts on Smack in 2015) definitely goes down as one of the best battles of 2017. The ever-crafty, clearly motivated and flow-crisp Steams turned in a sublime performance for 3 straight rounds with spicy punchline after punchline when he wasn’t spouting some sizzling wordplay, nasty scheems, persistent heat with the (“Or I’m at your door, puttin’ in pain (Payne) wit’ the Roscoe, it’s long, and the front of it drip: it’s a snot-nose!”) gun bars and fierce name flips/personals. While an always game Danny supplied a gang of aggressive West-coast bangers, witty (“Miss me with all the hi-jinks!, nigga, you 30, and best friends wit’ a nigga who can’t even buy drinks!”) personals, piercing name flips of his own and plenty of ringing mayhem. Each round was close, but after a debatable 1st, we have the slightly more consistent and punch-heavy Steams edging both of the latter two rounds for the win.
Verdict: Steams (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Steams – “Let me stop, ’cause I can’t understand the position this tranny’s under, with eight rugrats, this nigga has got to be scared of rubbers, the Ol’ Dirty Bastard, who likes it ‘Raw’, if a bitch fuck him, then I’m scared to touch her [Why?!], ‘cuz that pussy gotta be a Lethal Weapon even if Danny glove her [Glover]!”
Recap: A little sloppy with his flow at times, Dre Dennis still manages to get his shine on, using spitfire bombs and other urban (“Head shot, Murda and Prez in the whip, I’m thinking Kennedy!”) semantics to edge the forever (“I will slap the bitch out of you and add a new member to ya clique!”) spazzing (but not quite as nice in the 2nd half of his round as his first) J Murda in this one-rounder from The Trap NY.
Verdict: Dre Dennis (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Dre Dennis – “Your name ain’t really on this card, bitch you straight McLovin, ain’t nobody coming to see you Otis, bitch I’m David Ruffin!”
Recap: Agreeing with Danja Zone that this battle between (“The irony, I joined battle rap to give y’all Heaven and caught Hell for it!”) Loso and Bad Newz was close (and fire throughout), doesn’t mean that it didn’t have a winner. As the feeling here is that after witnessing a debatable second as well as a debatable 3rd, the only clear round was the 1st. Which saw Bad Newz line up a more consistently spitfire array of punchlines to beat back an overall solid, but oft-porous turn from Loso. Indeed, Bad Newz, who overall mixed it up a bit more than his opponent did via a slew of hard (“And I heard you got the bricks on the low, well nigga take me to it, Truth or Dare, if he ain’t trying to tell me, then I’m a make him do it!”) gun bars, bully raps, a nice rebuttal to start his 3rd, real-life struggle bars and stinging punchlines, seemed to have a plan going in on staying away, for the most part, the all-too-common Christian rebukes that we see against Loso and instead just relying on having a better pen. And it worked, as a handful of predictable punchlines, subpar personals/name flips and a couple of slow starts to his rounds come back to hurt Loso in the end.
Verdict: Bad Newz (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Bad Newz – “Snapple fact, you could get a round over words!”
Recap: Using a barrage of fiery punchlines laced with ill (“Grayson Allen…dude always tripping!”) set-ups, Sir South takes the first couple of rounds here over a pretty (“Ratchet, telling all of his business…basically, that bitch going in the mouth of South like Jimmy Hart!”) solid overall, but somewhat ‘slacking’ at times Bangz, to earn the win in this 3-rounder from iBattleTV.
Verdict: Sir South (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Sir South – “I’ll cut him open, I see something in him like he got potential!”
Recap: With gun bars and absolute mayhem raining down everywhere, Prez Mafia certainly had to earn this one. Against a fiercely (“That’s why I brought that steel around, ‘cuz I watched you steal a round from a nigga and you still around!”) nice and just-as-spirited Stumbles, a little case of (no pun intended) stumble-itis cost Prez a close round one, before a cleaner and more (“Come see, I’ll get a couple kick, that’s two rounds in ya head, now you Chun-Li!”) potent 2nd round evened things up. Still, judging from a pretty solid, heat-drenched final round Stumbles wasn’t going away any time soon. Yet, relying on experience, some nasty punches/set-ups and ever-ready wordplay, Prez does just enough to take the 3rd and the win.
Verdict: Prez Mafia (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Prez Mafia – “Negro spiritual, I’ll let it sing in the field….then swing low!”
Recap: 3-round, winner-takes-all, money-on-the-line, judged RBE battle between Jimz and Aye Verb makes for an easy decision as Jimz spouts a trio of consistently dope, punch-heavy turns that easily gets him the latter rounds after a debatable round 1. Seasoned battle vet Verb, who along with his opponent did a great job on promoting this matchup, would use one of his noted ‘Showtime’ schemes in each round, but outside of he opening round, nothing the St. Louis battle did could keep up with his oft-witty opponent’s more stifling and versatile bar game.
Verdict: Jimz (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Jimz – “You can’t tell us about pain and struggle…we Knicks fans!”
Recap: A hot start that featured some aggressive shiners along with a sputtering Mr. Mills gives (“You only cereal [serial] killing at breakfast, you not a General Mills!”) Bedaffi Green round 1 in this matchup from CGBL County Ground Battle League. Yet proven able to the task, Mills uses a nice rebuttal game and steely (“….he come off the top rhyming, soon as they put him in hot water, stick a fork in him!”) punchlines/schemes to easily take round 2 over a filler-prone turn from his opponent. Split going into the final round with the battle on the line, neither battler really stepped it up too much bar-wise. Yet, a fiery freestyle and more steadier punches from Mr. Mills, edged him one for the win column.
Verdict: Mr. Mills (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Mr. Mills – “If you ain’t think I got shooters…well godammit that nigga stay masked up like that nigga behind you!”
Recap: A debatable 2nd and 3rd round, forces this one to come down to the 1st where Jonny Storm spit about twice as long as his opponent Tone Montana did and easily took the round (and win) with way more spitfire punches and a couple of (“Your girl be sucking my dick, watch who you French Montana!”) haymakers.
Verdict: Jonny Storm (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Jonny Storm – “Tone Montana, y’all about to see him die, punches, flow, presence, I’m a seasoned guy, to kill him I could give a hundred reasons why, but I ain’t want to boast about it, so why give T.M. I [TMI]!”
Recap: Almost had him. On his way to an impressive win over the (“I don’t gangbang, just thought I’d remind him nigga, the only Nutty block I know is a condom, nigga!”) fiercely eccentric Bar God that is Danny Myers, Compton’s Geechi Gotti’s barrage of spitfire (“See, I don’t even know why we here, this matchup kinda odd, but I get it, since I killed a Saynt [saint] I gotta talk to God!”) wordplay/gun bars and urban (“Real Compton nigga, my first ‘lik I robbed the corn man!”) street dynamics had him on the way to victory, until he fell victim to a slip-up towards the end as well as some more pedestrian bars that didn’t quite meet the straight heat he was spitting throughout most of his round. Still a fire one-round battle nonetheless that a more consistent and a little more versatile Myers was fortunate enough to edge out.
Verdict: Danny Myers (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Danny Myers – “I’m not playing, the glock spraying until you stop stop standing, they told me to get Gotti and Gotti got got…Goddamhim!”
Recap: Solid, punchline-heavy turn by J Morr, but Chef Trez’s variety of fire (“You put on this facade, like you really out here killing shit, photobomb, you could catch a deuce behind the images!”) performances bars, potent schemes and jaunty punchlines was just too much to overcoem in this one-rounder from Body Bag Battle League.
Verdict: Chef Trez (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Chef Trez – “You trying to put an end to me?, keep distant, heat spitting, pin a clip to the dreds, he getting them re-twisted!”
Recap: A hardbody, disrespectful and sometimes witty Arsonal versus a punch-heavy, wordplay-savvy, fiery scheme dishing and personal-leaning Chilla Jones makes for a competitive and dope 3-round battle on the UDubb stage. But after an aggressive-on-both-sides, but debatable 1st round, Chilla Jones just proves to be too much to handle in the latter rounds, spitting more consistently potent bars with rampant flair in the 2nd and 3rd to edge both against a pretty solid, but a bit filler-prone turns by Ars.
Verdict: Chilla Jones (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Chilla Jones – “My mind right, lyrically zoned, I’m too much of a monster for Red Bull, it’s in my energy homes!”
Recap: The TrapNY hosts a 3-rounder that sees Bonus use a host of fiery name flips, rambunctious gun bars and rapid punchlines to beat back the slick talk and nifty wordplay of a competitive, but altogether overwhelmed Kush Cloud.
Verdict: Bonus (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Bonus – “You piss me off more than when you trying to get pussy and the baby won’t go to sleep!”
Recap: A first-round choke by da Example (who up to that point wasn’t spitting much more than average bars anyway) makes this an easy win for a consistently nice Tone Montana in this one-rounder from Jack City Battle League.
Verdict: Tone Montana (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Tone Montana – “After I hit him, just pull out y’all camera’s….that’s how I pick a fight!”
Recap: Not much separates Rum Nitty-soundalike PG and Gwitty in this super close, West-coast PG matchup from URL. Atypical, but fiery (“Gwitty: “He rap good, on the mic cool or get hit from the blind side, this glock from New Jersey twerk, cock mines!”) gun bars from both (“PG: I’m talking curb stomp, hustler, you don’t really stick to the block, with your name on a bullet, that’s a signature shot!”) battlers, an equal amount of (PG: “A head shot will have him sharing memories like the Facebook option!”) haymakers, excellent (PG: “Watch the punches, metaphors and similes, ‘cuz you could get punched over meta 4’s that this assembly!”) wordplay from each, name flips, funny (Gwitty: “You famous?, hey miss, give him a swirly, face in the toilet, he won’t say shit!”) anecdotes and a few personals here and there and finally, consistent flows that matched their energy. That being said, the feeling here is that upon close inspection of the bars and overall performance, there was just a little bit more originality to his bars and a slightly better showing from Gwitty, who with a bigger battle rap name, had to know a little less about his opponent than vice versa. Thus, Gwitty is Paper…2-1 with PG edging the 1st round and Gwitty edging the latter two.
Verdict: Gwitty (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Gwitty – “Tek’s blam, cabal rings hit your best man, blam, blam, I walk with the arms…headstand!”)
Recap: Strong showing by Joe is met by an even stronger overall performance by Dougy, who when he wasn’t dishing pointed (“End this show wit a Mac like kings of comedy”!”; “I’m talking big dummy shits when I’m packing the tool, with a big dummy clip, like ‘Shaqtin’ A Fool'”!) gun lines that laid a fiery foundation, stayed gritty in the mix with steely trap talk, fire wordplay/set-ups and potent punchlines that continuously scored. For Joe, with aggressive (“Y’all know white boys cant dance right? So when I’m swinging arms doing dougie wrong, don’t be surprised!”) punches and dope wordplay (“NY Giants, oh they’ll [Odell] have you and your man in trouble [Manning] when they cruise up (Cruz) that’s what the mac will do [McAdoo]!”) that landed well throughout his 3 rounds, a solid battle nonetheless, that if not for his opponent’s comeuppance and a little too many repetitive themes, might’ve had a different outcome.
Verdict: Dougy (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Dougy – “We both grew up around the same type shit, you needed your mom’s, I needed a nice brick, see?, we both needed that white bitch!”
Recap: One of the punch-heaviest, dopest and competitive 1-round battles you’ll see, Ru Bando and Chris Mills both bring their A-game’s to a We Go Hard match that should’ve gotten a lot more attention in 2017. Bando, a stickler for sheer mayhem and rapidly punching with plenty of vigor, head-swinging gun bars and short, but perfunctory punchlines, rarely minced words. While Boston spitter Mills, kept the scoreboard lit with a boatload of thrifty wordplay, fire-set-ups, real street shit, some ridiculous name flips and suave (“I got a mean jab, speed bag, see how I roll with them punches?!”) punchlines that had the crowd hype. A tight one with an almost equal amount of haymakers, what Bando lacked in versatility was made up for with slightly less dry spots from his opponent, thus, we call this one a draw.
Verdict: TIE
Favorite line: Ru Bando – “It ain’t a firm handshake when I squeeze the grip, ‘cuz I’m wilding with the sub like the teacher is sick!”
Recap: Strong, raucous and punch-heavy performance by Mike P gets edged by a stronger showing by Chef Trez, who starting with his spitfire ‘Don’t none of y’all nigga’s pop those K’s, ‘I’m strapped in’, it’s like Twork, the wrong stair get you dropped on stage!’ freestyle early in round 1, dishes nothing but straight heat as well as a couple of more haymakers for 2 rounds to take each of them and beat back an opponent who certainly did enough to win, but just couldn’t quite match the Chef’s pen game until salvaging the 3rd with a cleaner, (“I took blood from his head and did his boo greasy, slapped a hand print on that ass, too easy, she ain’t recognize the bald head, I thought she knew Beasley, chin shot, turned the whole cheek red, now she Glueazy!”) scheme-heavy and more versatile turn.
Verdict: Chef Trez (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Chef Trez – “I’m cuttin’ ya life shorter, get ya brains pushed back, you can’t see the gun?, try harder, ‘cuz the .44 still [steel] in reach like my father!”
Recap: Recycling bars (see Dougy vs. Joe) is something you gotta deal it…still when faced against a very basic, one-dimensional round from X Da Don, Dougy’s fierce wordplay and steely punches are more than enough to have his hand raised at the end.
Verdict: Dougy (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Dougy -“I’m talking big dummy shit’s when I’m packing the tool, with a big dummy clip…like Shaqtin A Fool!”
Recap: Continuing, at times, to be his own worst enemy, after losing the 1st round to a raucous, scheme-licious and punch-heavier Blik Da Barbarian, with not one but two opportunities to come back and possibly win the battle as his opponent’s bar efficiency lessened as the battle proceeded, a steadily punch-spazzing Craig Lamar’s flow gets in the way with a couple of slip-ups making for a debatable 2nd round, before Craig chokes away any chance of getting a draw in the 3rd.
Verdict: Blik Da Barbarian (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Blik Da Barbarian – “This shit came from a Navy vet, you act rude, that metal clapping at you, you’ll be Swayze next!”
Recap: E City puts on a strong performance, especially in a witty 3rd round that was well executed with some hard-hitting personals and potent (“It ain’t packing a fresh box in my palm, how I’m used to having to smack a square!”) bars. But a more overall consistent J Murda, matching his storied aggression with assorted (“You punk Gringo, it’s about to get cold ice for the snow white, I’ll pistol whip him, if he get up, off ya ass like lowlifes!”) mayhem, in-ya-face gun bars, some spicy wordplay and righteous name flips, does enough to take rounds 1 and 2 and bring a win back to Brooklyn.
Verdict: J. Murda (W) 2-1
Favorite line: J. Murda – “I let it ring, I bet City haul [hall], yeah 718, but it’s gonna be 187 when City call!”
Recap: A dope and highly competitive battle from Don’t Flop that was littered with a boatload of stifling punchlines. fiery schemes and witty personals, after the two split (Soul taking rd. 1, RD taking rd. 2) the first couple of rounds, a slightly steadier hitting and more condensed Soul takes the 3rd and deciding round over Real Deal for the win.
Verdict: Soul (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Soul – “Yo, he grew up without a TV in an RV, so it makes him sad, his first car was his house!”
Recap: Much anticipated battle between “The Queen of Disrespect” (QB) and “The King of Disrespect” (Arsonal) for the most part lives up to its theme what with each battler literally (yes, there was plenty of ass-grabbing) and figuratively with some scathing disses towards Arsonal’s daughter by QB and some pretty hilarious rants by Arsonal towards QB’s sex life. That said, while both rappers were on their A-game with the personal scorn and contempt throughout the battle, each was also hurt by one too many pedestrian bars as well as a bit of overkill on their favorite go-to themes. And while Arsonal was a bit flow-challenged at times, not including a spitfire and fairly consistent 3rd round, QB’s elongated turns in both the 1st and 2nd rounds combined with a more condensed opponent who had more piercing haymakers allowed da Rebel to edge each of the opening rounds for the win.
Verdict: Arsonal da Rebel (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Arsonal da Rebel – “Little girls grow up dancing, yunno, trying to do the heel toe, you taking this being a guy shit way too far, you out here putting condoms on a dildo!”
Recap: Such a nice, young lady…not. 1-rounder from Atlanta Battle Raps sees a raucous Yoshi G go off on opponent Cell with a consistent barrage of piercing name flips, hitting punchlines, gung-ho personals and fiery 4-bar setups to handily beat back a solid-punching, but unspectacular effort from her opponent.
Verdict: Yoshi G (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Yoshi G – “I got more testicles than you Cell, I move like a nigga move, pop rockets by my clit, shit, those my genitals!”
Recap: Fire battle between KG The Poet and DNA that was almost a debatable, but upon closer inspection the edge here goes to KG, who took the first two rounds before faltering in the 3rd thanks in part to a couple of nice DNA rebuttals, name flips and (“Don’t try to fight me, you couldn’t Ice T if you knew the Art of Rap!”) punchlines. Rewinding back to the 1st and you saw both battlers going hard with spitfire bars and aggressive shiners. Still while DNA was a little more consistent, the predictability of a handful of his set-ups along with a couple of more acquiesce haymakers from The Poet, lost him the round. And while DNA sported some fiery (“I’m slick with the lines, I’ll be getting the .9, Yung Joc, the big nose will push his wig to the side!”) bars a fine basketball scheme in the 2nd, a couple of reaches within the frame and a slightly more versatile (“This NWX nigga in the land where nigga’s still bang NWA when they riding!”) turn from KG got him that round too and eventually the win.
Verdict: KG The Poet (W) 2-1
Favorite line: KG The Poet – “I’ll break this man, this nigga was a gangster from age 6 to 8 and got his tooth knocked out [mimics spitting out tooth]…change of plan!”
Recap: Drugz’ loud and aggressive style works wonders when his bars match his delivery. And while he’s able to hit it out the (“Go to D.C. and ask about Drugz…you gonna get a bag!”) park here and there in this altogether raucous and entertaining battle against R Streetz, too often then not, Drugz buoyancy really comes off as filler. That said, it’s a more well-rounded, (“I’ll clap Yusef, bang on him, Yusef is dead, if Yusef survive, he gonna lose use of [Yusef] his legs!”) performance-boastting and more consistently hitting Mr. Streetz taking rounds 1 and 2 for the win.
Verdict: R Streetz (W) 2-1
Favorite line: R Streetz – “I hate Yu [Jew] so much, I’ll give you anti-sematics [anti sem atics]!”
Recap: Horrible showing by a slip-up prone Tink Tha Demon, that’s further cemented when he almost chokes on his 1st bar before giving up the round halfway and cutting short his next two thereafter, For the energetic and witty Squeako, for three rounds it was almost like he was battling himself, what with catching a bodybag with little very wear or tear.
Verdict: Squeako (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Squeako – “So pop shit and the automatic, automatic, automatic we gonna spit, big shit, look like I walk around with a tablet on my hip!”
Recap: In some battles doing a little too much can end up hurting you in the long run. Case in point here in what overall was a terrific and close matchup between (“Have ratchets surrounding Dre like ‘How To Be A Playa!”) Jai 400 Block and Dre Dennis. Loaded with plenty of nice gun bars, ferocious (Jai: “So how you gonna act Dre?, when I push your melon in [melanin] like I’m promoting Hidden Colors 2!”) bully bars, sizzling (Jai: “Closed mouths don’t get fed, and by your weight I’d be lying if I said you don’t eat!”) wordplay, fresh schemes and rich (Dre: “He even tried to PG Step to get to Smack, but that ain’t work for you tho, little Jai tried to be I but got curbed on the low!”) personals from both battlers, this was a debatable battle going into the final round. And that’s where Dre Dennis, despite a round that spouted some fiery bars and a couple of (“This big bitch, be looking for Shotgun more than Trick Trick!”) haymakers, ended up losing the battle what with a couple of reaches, mediocre lines, unnecessarily PG-stepping and over-saturated gun bars that in comparison to a more short and succinct, but heavily (“You take battle after battle off Smack, I don’t think the staff ok with the shit, is it because of the fact they never pay you for shit?, let’s say they paid you for this, this the initiative, because after what I do to you, it’s going to be like they paid you to quit!”) stacked with a variety of potent bars from Jai, ended up edging 400 Block the win.
Verdict: Jai 400 Block (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Dre Dennis – “Slow with clips in, I take time filling up my drum, old URL days, I upload rounds one by one!”
Recap: To borrow a phrase from Young Ill: ‘Who is this nigga?’ Dishing (“Tink, why fight to be the center of attention, just to end up the center of a Caution tape!”) mark-for-death bars at his leisure, performance-heavy, Las Vegas up-n-comer Shi Dog makes easy work of a fiery (“Tell ya bitch before I sweat her [sweater], I’ll take a pocket knife and make a v-neck!”) at times, but slip-up prone Tink Tha Demon in this one-rounder from The Trap NY.
Verdict: Shi Dog (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Shi Dog – “Flex for nothing, your bitch will get a breast reduction, play nice, we might just send a tittle to you!”
Recap: It’s only fitting that a rare appearance by Tay Roc outside the URL.Smack stage, here on the UDubb platform, gets met by the so-called ‘Smack-Killer’ Charron. And this one is a goodie, what with Roc slinging a load of fiery gun bars and white ‘cracker’ jokes that mostly killed, while his opponent stayed close with his own barrage of whimsical punchlines, nice rebuttals and a penchant for comedic flair.
The latter two rounds were each transparent when it comes to who prevailed with Roc taking the 2nd with engaging schemes, exquisite (“I don’t like cheese and crackers, so don’t be smiling in my face!”; “I’ll show up to his front door and I’ll nigga knock!”) race flips and gritty punchlines to beat a mostly pedestrian turn from his opponent, while Charron went ham in the 3rd, using robust (“Said I look like I cat-fished someone…well, you don’t know who you’re fucking with!”) rebuttals, some dope wordplay, mocking personals and jaw-dropping (“On Facebook you apologized to Smack for taking this match, as a family man, you should never be sorry for making some cash, he posted ‘My loyalty is with Smack, no other league’s worthy of these gun bars’, delete…disappeared quicker than a Tsu Surf gun charge!”) haymakers that certainly had a residual effect on certain onlookers.
So this one comes down to the 1st and the edge here goes to Roc, who when he wasn’t dishing more fire gun lines along with righteous identity politics and crazy personals, also scored points with his aggressive (“…I’ll have Ars like, ‘Chill out Roc, you know he autistic!”) wit and wild set-ups. And while Charron came through in the opening round with his own turn of potent wordplay/punches/schemes, a few too many dry spots and the fact his (“Those aren’t my bars, I’m not even saying then right, I just wanted to spit a Jdakiss verse before Suge does later tonight!”) best line was towards Shotgun Suge, instead of his opponent, cost him the round and the battle.
Verdict: Tay Roc (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Tay Roc – “I was in school with pussies like you, and they was all geeks, when I wanted my homework done, I kinda gave them a hard speech like, if all my answers wrong, you get fucked up, but if you get ’em right, you get to buy my lunch all week!”
Recap: In this competitive 1-rounder from Colosseum Battle League, Hollaluyah Jones takes flight while using a series of brazen punchlines, gritty heaters, some clever wordplay/similes, boastful barbs and witty/stinging personals to beat back a spicy-punching, but overall not as potent turn by Blake Winters.
Verdict: Hollaluyah Jones (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Hollaluyah Jones – “Shallow Hal, I know you think you big, but all I see is a little bitch!”
Recap: In this close 3-rounder from KOTD, while a slightly more versatile The Saurus had the jokes, fiery bars and solid personals (esp. during a dope 3rd), a more consistently hitting, turned up with the heat and punch-heavy Aye Verb does enough to edge both of the opening rounds for the win.
Verdict: Aye Verb (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Aye Verb – “If we had the same mother, you’d be my retarded brother that couldn’t drink from the same nipple!”
Recap: An overall more consistent DNA uses aggressively poignant (“You Cripping, we know your gang, get to lifting, your C’s will be catching fire…Hunger Games!”; “Plus nigga I’m the savage type, y’all thought this was over, wait, when this shit sing, it’ll Barry White [bury White]!”) punchlines and some nice name flips to survive an extra-ill (“I paid a bitch to set up him up, she wouldn’t even go through with it, she was gonna fuck till she seen that glass of water on his nightstand with that one tooth in it!”) first round from T-Dubb O and earn a come-from-behind win.
Verdict: DNA (W) 2-1
Favorite line: T-Dubb – “All bullshit aside, you look like an emoji nigga!”
Recap: Despite a plethora of hard (“Man, your body ruined ‘cuz the gun is dumping, I’m in your Project X, like Party Crashers, I was fucking up your functions!”) bars and rambunctious haymakers from Dre Dennis (due, in part, to a couple of elongated rounds) throughout his 3 rounds, a slightly more consistent Xcel, dishing intricate (“You say I’m ancient?, but when you rap, you just babble on [Babylon]!”) wordplay, nice punchlines/name flips and even few random personals with steadier aplomb, edges rounds 1 and 3 to earn the win.
Verdict: Xcel (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Xcel – “Since my Genesis, I’ve been cutting nigga’s…you should know Thee!”
Recap: Too easy to speak on all the tension and other nonsense that went down here. But there was so much of it that it needs to be addressed anyway. I say the blame should go down to both rappers-Showoff, for speaking during Math Hoffa’s round and his insbility to control his entourage shouting during Math’s bars. And Math for letting his emotions get the best of him in reaction to some of Show’s more personal and upclose personals. As for the battle itself, I got it coming down to the 3rd round, which saw Show easily take after Math cut his short in an apparent haste to just be done with the battle (or, to be fair, he might’ve choked). Bar and angle-wise the first two rounds were both fire and debatable, what with Math’s going after Show’s alleged sexuality with some intense (“‘Cuz I was on your bucket list, this is where your death start, I heard you suck so much dick, you grew your beard to hide the stretch marks!”) flair and (“You a faggot and I’m a legend, you more like Magic’s son!”) savviness. While Show, for the most part, delivered with spitfire (“That shit he write, shitty right?, snuffed Dose, 75 pounds but still ain’t drop him…shitty right!”) wordplay, witty (“You went bald, grew a hairline and went bald right back!”) bars and intense heat. But the 3rd is where Show really stepped it up and won the bout, addressing what he had to know was going to be part of Math’s angle, but also eloquently repping for Brooklyn with elite showmanship and some personals that Math clearly let the world know bothered him a little bit.
Verdict: Showoff (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Showoff – “You was riding Surf’s dick so much, he don’t need groupies, and then you threw Boom under the bus quick as the Speed movie!”
Recap: Bonnie Godiva ventures all the way down under to Australia to take on local Real Talk Battles champ Eljay for a 3-rounder and despite a couple of rare 2nd-round slip-ups, gathers herself to spit a gang of piercing punchlines, witty personals (esp. towards her opponent’s wife) and hitting wordplay to edge round 1 and take round 3 for the win over a dude who when he wasn’t scoring with a bunch of disrespectful zingers, was too unsteady punch-wise to be able to keep up with Bonnie’s more hitting palette.
Verdict: Bonnie Godiva (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Bonnie Hodiva – “I got a gun named karma, if I use it to hit J is that blunt force trauma?!”
Recap: Nice punch-fest between Tapedeck and Don Dollaz is only spoiled when Dollaz chokes in the 2nd round. However, with just enough fiery punchlines, piercing name flips and fluorescent gun bars in the 1st and 3rd rounds, Dollaz edges both to still receive the win.
Verdict: Don Dollaz (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Don Dollaz – “After I hit him with the .5K’s, I’ll take his bread…I’m the best rapper of the tournament!”
Recap: Those two white dudes on the left side of the screen in the front row never seemed to be impressed, but for the rest of the crowd Big T and Rob Wilson kept it entertaining in this 1-rounder for Don’t Flop. The two battlers trading plenty of witty/mocking personals when they weren’t attempting to mix it up with spicy punchlines and other linear crowd-pleasers. Still, while this grudge match was fun to watch, a more consistently lit with the wordplay as well as the performance Big T gets the edge for the win here.
Verdict: Big T (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Big T – “I’m 50 Cent favorite battle rapper, but tonight I’m gonna teach you How To Rob!”
Recap: A lucid (“But if he run, eh done, I got him tho, shots easily knock him down, when them dots on his square we’ll turn him into a domino!”) Power Lines gets off to a hot start before slowing down towards the end of his turn during this one-round matchup with Nunn Nunn. But after a nice rebuttal, Nunn Nunn stays busy with fierce name flips/wordplay and a steady diet of bubbly (“Let me show you to maneuver, I could make the world watch, like Jacob the Jeweler!”) punchlines to win this bout from South Carolina Battle League.
Verdict: Nunn Nunn (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Nunn Nunn – “You think you got star Power?, let it go, you’ll see more than stars Power when the 50 show!”
Recap: Dope one between Glueazy and Nu Jerzey Twork, close and competitive enough to definitely warrant a couple of looks. A performance-rich and /set-up/gun-bar (“That’s fake love, I’ll [waves hand like a gun] fill her head up with all kind’s of shit, end the bitch!”) spazzing Twork, despite going longer than his solid, punch-heavy opponent, still rained down enough haymakers to take round 1. And while both battlers brought plenty of heat in the middle round, the edge here goes to Glu for being more condensed with his turn, while supplying the best bar of the round. Final and deciding round was another barn buster with Glueazy kicking more fire punchlines (tho mostly in the 1st half of his round) with his signature aggression and VA cadence, while Twork consistently scored aplenty with more animated gun bars and finite wordplay. That said, call it a toss-up.
Verdict: TIE
Favorite line: Glueazy – “I’ll kill him, Robin Williams, all jokes and now your life’s on a line!”
Recap: With plenty of young swag that was often matched by widespread mayhem via his punches, in this 3-rounder versus Geechi Gotti, a performance-lit Saynt manages to keep things competitive throughout. Yet, for all of his opponent’s verbal wizardry Gotti just came one better in each round, using a fierce palette of gangster steeze, flashy wordplay/punchlines/schemes and stinging personals that often mocked Saynt’s permeable adolescence to earn the 30.
Verdict: Geechi Gotti (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Geechi Gotti – “See, I’m really Cripping, when I first started banging, you probably was too young to come out the house, so unless you getting shot in the face, I don’t want to see ‘Blood’ coming out of your mouth!”
Recap: After a subpar 1st round that gave way to some stifling bars from opponent Street Hymns, Danja Zone turns it up and puts it on vet mode, dishing potent punchlines, Poindexter-dripped personals a couple of fire, mid-round rebuttals in the 2nd and 3rd rounds to easily beat back Street’s more substandard bars and earn the win.
Verdict: Danja Zone (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Danja Zone – “I had a Revelation after Genesis, I’m gonna show him where’s the exit’s [Exodus] at!”
