Recap: Strong (tho, a little bit much on the pontificating, esp. in round 3), pretty punch-heavy and witty showing by Juan gets beat back by a more consistently punch-spazzing, storytelling, wordplay-rich, comical and rebuttal/personal-bent Charron in the latter rounds for the win in this competitive 3-rounder from Don’t Flop.
Verdict: Charron (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Charron – “It’s easy to write for Charron, so many angles to pick for me, [but] you’re like my internet after watching porn…no history!”
Recap: In this 1-rounder from Ball Hogg Ent., the often loud and raucous raps from Grandaddy Purp do enough to intimidate, but battle-wise aren’t enough to beat back a consistently gun bar-heavy plus punch and wordplay-lit Aye Verb.
Verdict: Aye Verb (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Aye Verb – “I’m in your city, acting reckless, with a weapon, all breathless, two open rams, which one of you nigga’s need affection?!”
Recap: Rolla’s OG stylings are filled with such gritty street shit, swag and underlying wit that a battle against him feels worth it just for the lessons alone. Still, in this 1-rounder from Body Bag Battle League, while an elongated Rolla scored with a variety of hard-hitting punches and personals, one too many pedestrian bars from the Norfolk, VA battler and a much more condensed, punch/simile-lit and witty Bill Collector gets Double Bar Bill the win.
Verdict: Bill Collector (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Bill Collector – “Clip so big the gun shaped like Oklahoma!”
Recap: Rone clone Deffinition steady came with the jokes, some (“People keep caling him DNA, he’s not, this dyslexic cunt’s name is actually Dan!”) decent and some not-so-much. But other than that too many standard name flips and flat personals from the Brit failed in keeping up with DND’s punchline (“I been in this 3 times and I already killed 2 battles, I’m leaving this dude baffled, Morpheus hands because cuz I could let it peel with two capsules”) virtuosity, fierce name flips and admirable (“Got 3 K’s the best clan, then I’m coming for Def’s squad, Redman”) wordplay, despite some hiccup in his flow here and there.
Verdict: DNA (W) 2-1
Favorite line: DNA – “And it’s definite, you’re gonna leave red, deficit, Don’t flop and struggling with views, you part of the deficit”
Recap: Does any battler out there keep a better poker face while their opponent rap’s than Couture? Just saying ‘cuz it’s hard to recall Couture even nodding at hot bar thrown her way. Speaking of which, Couture’s QOTR opponent here, Tori Doe, certainly with a barrage of them. The petite Harlem emcee flexing her heart out with a wide load gritty wordplay and flashy gun bars while aggressively maneuvering around the ring to make her presence even more felt. But after a more haymaker-lit Tori took the 1st round, Couture would up the ante and get extra busy with a gang of her own lyrical stunting in addition to witty/hard-hitting personals, fiery wordplay and piercing 4-bar setups/punchlines to edge the 2nd round before handily taking the deciding 3rd round for the win.
Verdict: Couture (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Couture: “I was ducking who?, who the fuck are you?, let’s get one thing clear, I told Debo before I wouldn’t make it, I had to get a tooth extraction, that’s the only reason I wasn’t around bitch, You would’ve watched the throne, I been the queen, even my dentist said I need a crown bitch!”
Recap: What would’ve been a close battle between Qleen Paper and K-Shine bar-wise, becomes a 3-0 thanks to Shine’s repeated slip-ups in the latter rounds and a surprising choke in round one. Qleen, who came nice with witty (“I talk shit and back it up, bitch that’s bad plumbing!”) anecdotes, dope (“I got a deal for you Shine, like two for five, No I came to deal with you Shine, like two .45’s!”) punchlines and hard (“I be on some fuck battle rap, I’m in the hood getting my transactions up, you in the hood smacking on your he/she because your trans acting up!”) personals throughout his 3 rounds, clearly had it in him to win this battle anyway. But K-Shine, who when he wasn’t getting caught with the EARL bug dished out a load of fiery name (“I came here to clean [Qleen] up Paper, like the money launderer”) flips and potent (“What we got?, another Midwest nigga with a death wish, nah, fuck the audience I clap first trying to get a cheer started, quick to throw a round in a round, like I’m beer-ponging”) storytelling bars that made things competitive, practically gave this one to Qleen with miscues that are unbecoming for a vet.
Verdict: QP (Qleen Paper) (W) 3-0
Favorite line: QP – “Say no more, I’m about to intervention him, Bruce Jenner him, he don’t even want to hold the thing no more!”
Recap: An easy 3-0 for Tech 9 who for the most part stayed consistent with wicked punchlines, lofty personals and rambunctious (“Gangsta?!? You don’t even look like you drink and drive!”) comedy relief. The UK’s Impact, who did dish some (“You’re the only URL battler without ‘lyrical’ in his introduction”) shiners here and there, may want to lessen his elongated set-ups and cut down on the corny /jokes/filler next time he takes on a legend making a comeback.
Verdict: Tech-9 (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Tech-9 – “I’m a legend, you should take a picture with me!”
Recap: Wow! Two of the South’s best, Chef Trez and R Streetz, put on what has to be one of 2016’s finest battles, going toe-for-toe with an equal parlance for lyrical acumen, while also delivering a gang of crazy, dope punchlines/similes, piercing name flips, some scheming personals, boastful shiners and hard-hitting gun bars. Oh yeah, and the wordplay was on point throughout as well. That said, with each round being super tight and nary a slip-up (we’ll chalk up a slight 2nd round hiccup by Streetz on Trez talking while he rapped) from either battler, Streetz’s ability to get a little more versatile and witty in the 2nd round and come with a slightly more condensed 3rd, all the while equating his ever-gunning opponent on haymakers, gives him the edge (after he got edged by Trez in the 1st) in both of the latter rounds for the win.
Verdict: R Streetz (W) 2-1
Favorite line: R Streetz – “You’re not the best, get it clear, catch him in traffic…buck at the front of his car like he hit a deer!”
Recap: While the slight stumbles here and there certainly made B Magic beatable, one too many pedestrian bars and reaches by DV Hendrix coupled with Magic scoring with a boatload of piercing punchlines and name flips when he had command, leaves the St. Louis vet with the win in this 1-rounder from Stl Street Report.
Verdict: B Magic (W) 1-0
Favorite line: B Magic – “Think it’s a game till the homeboys get to teaming up like Rock N’ Jock!”
Recap: Tough one between (“Talking guns please, I never seen you with a nose, you like the Sphinx nigga!”) Reepah Rell and Buddyfe on the WeGoHard stage with each dishing a load of exquisite mayhem that got both their respective entourage’s and the crowd amped up. Each had a handful of haymakers, but with (“The next time I back out, it’s with the infra-red like retro 6’s!”) Buddyfe going way longer than his opponent did, the edge goes to a more condensed Reepah here.
Verdict: Reepah Rell (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Reepah Rell – “If I’m uncomfortable, [blowh!] a Pop will sit Bud down, I’m Cliff Huxtable!”
Recap: In this one-rounder from Bullpen Battle League, Syahboy spits some hot (“Put him to sleep like a Cortez battle!”) bars (including a dope Olivia Pope scheme) and altogether delivers a solid and aggressive performance. But a couple of redundant personals (I mean, Arsonal’s been hearing about the ‘school bus’ since like ’09 versus Conceited), bars that could’ve been more creative, wasted bars on other battlers and a shoddy ending doesn’t hold up when matched against Arsonal’s more steady unabashed (“This like the 10th plague, I’ll bring death to Syah’s firstborn, open up her stomach for him, now he getting worked on, your organs all in the background like this a church song!”) heat, winning (“You got the face of a bigga who mother still put him on punishment, nigga”) personals, rich set-ups/performance and a more versatile round.
Verdict: Arsonal (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Arsonal – “Fuck Marcus, your name Randy, you won’t let your K shine [K-Shine], you got that Rex swag!”
Recap: Angling his opponent with utter persistence, making use of some fire schemes and somehow not losing any ground for the usage of some recycled bars thanks to the hit-n-miss/redundant mayhem brought to you from Danny Myers, after a debatable 1st round, the ever witty Charlie Clips musters just enough variables to his shrewd punches/hitting personals to take rounds 2 and 3 and get the win in this 3-rounder from Black Ice Cartel.
Verdict: Charlie Clips (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Charlie Clips – “See, Rex lied about getting locked up and you knew it, and I got a question, why D ain’t strike him?, he made you shit when he took your money…I woulda been in T cell fighting!”
Recap: With her classic matchup versus Remy Ma from years back on her resume, we all know that Lady Luck isn’t new to battle rap. But since it’s been such a long time since we’ve seen Luck in the ring, the same rule applies to all recording artists making the transition to battle rap: just don’t embarrass yourself. And for the most part Luck doesn’t here, tho dishing some very basic lines in the first two rounds, she actually gets better with each proceeding round and with some killer personals, flexing (“I feel so disrespected, but anytime I’m having a bad day I just picture you naked!”) punchlines and spiffy name flips here and there, Luck not only did well overall, but she even managed to do enough to win a pretty dope 3rd round. For Luck tho, it’s too bad that the 1st and 2nd rounds count just as much as the 3rd and O’fficial clearly got each of those. The Flatline spitter using her noted gun-savvy heaters, a gang of spitfire (“I’ll leave you with a cold case, I wanna be like you, so these fists go both ways!”) wordplay/name flips and with a nod for brushing up on her research, some jaunty personals that all landed to take out Luck early and win this much-hyped Go-Rilla Warfare battle.
Verdict: O’fficial (W) 2-1
Favorite line: O’fficial – “This bitch ain’t never fresh, she sloppy dirty, said I need to lose some weight?, well, I’m dropping [points hand out like a gun] .30!”
Recap: Combine what was arguably his best bar being directed towards someone that wasn’t his opponent (Chess) and a lack of variety to what was mostly inconsistent street darts, and there’s no way (“We fight nigga’s, we slice nigga’s, get ya shit cut short…we [slaps hand] TIME nigga’s!”) Blake Winters keeps up with a spirited (and at times downright disrespectful) Presidential Dubz’ gutsy (“He died for trying to come up on Prezy, but hey [waves arm like he’s shooting] it’s worth the shot!”) wordplay, lofty performance bars and ill name flips in this one-rounder from Colosseum Battle League.
Recap: “You said I was hungry and right now you and your squad looking like all snacks!” Charlie Clips’ freestyle pedigree puts yet another battle rapper to shame (or in this case smiling heavily at his opponent’s prowess for off-the-dome lyricism). Not that Quill, with a splendid (“I feel like Rock Lee with the weights off, you killing your own image, Nicolas Cage in Face/Off”) punchline game, didn’t do well here. But when you’re battling a Top 5 on Everybody’s List kind of guy, you just have to do better.
Charlie Clips: (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Charlie Clips – “I know she nervous, your girl scared, I got Eurgh scared, knock you out, you wake up with Eurgh’s bread!”
Recap: Not as consistently punch/wordplay-heavy as his opponent Yung Griz, Ron Compton still has enough extra wit (“Nobody help him move shit…like he live upstairs!”), piercing 4-bar set-ups and fiery performance bars to stay competitive after a debatable 1st round and edge the 2nd round of this Riot Rap Battles matchup before the mayhem-rich Griz came back to take the 3rd and force a tie.
Verdict: TIE
Favorite line: Yung Griz – “Mob on me, y’all will be the Mafia for real…your whole family tied!”
Recap: In this one-round matchup from Body Bag Battle League, steady up-n-comer Genocide uses a plethora of raucous heaters, bully (“Bitch I want the money, I’m sack-chasing, gat-flaming, hospital gown…I’m back out with the strap hanging!”) bars and fiery (“I’ll have that .45 bustin in her mouth like a sugar daddy!”) punchlines to pull off an upset over Big T, who started off (“Ain’t you from the South, but you got a East coast flow when you actually spit it, so your fake ass took your whole flavor [Flava] from New York, now that’s Deelishis [delicious]!” nice, but lost his momentum and any chance of winning with a couple of slip-ups and what were mostly standard lines in the second half of his round.
Verdict: Genocide (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Genocide – “Your mother bout as dumb as a spoon and I can’t stand her, I told that bitch to suck my dick or she’ll catch cancer, she got scared, the bitch got to sucking I face planted her, gave her all the energy out my balls…I Space Jammed her!”
Recap: Pretty good battle between the subtle, but deadly E-Hart and the never lacking for confidence 40 Barrs on the Queen of the Ring stage. I got them split after 2 rounds with Hart taking the 1st with a tighter delivery while edging it on the ill punchline and (“It’s no mercy or sympathy when this bird gets cooked every round, like rotisserie!”, “Tonight is like you coppin’ a molly, you get a different E!”) haymaker count, but 40 coming back deftly with some dope schemes, gritty (“My trigger history E, no mystery, I’ll put a finger on it”) gun bars and brash (“This guerrilla warfare, so fuck you and that monkey, it’s a must-see, I bust E, leave both y’all bitches funky!”) personals to even things out. Last round goes to Hart, who despite an admitted slight stumble, still delivered better wordplay along with more potent (“What real bitch woulda owned being homeless?, not this one, i would’ve respect you a bit more if you ain’t rap about a gum, while you was applying for shelters, i would’ve robbed the state out of one!”) personals to get the dub at the end.
Verdict: E-Hart (W) 2-1
Favorite line: E-Hart – “I’m back on my job, you was only a temp hire, now you gonna have to Cook e [Cookie] to take over this Empire!”
Recap: In this 3-rounder from AHAT Washington, the more experienced Jey The Nitewing doesn’t break a sweat as he uses a gang of piercing punchlines/schemes, witty barbs and flexing personals to score a 30 (which included a 3rd-round choke from his opponent) over the mostly soft-peddling raps of Alex Stokes.
Verdict: Jey The Nitewing (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Jey The Nitewing – “Well you was talking trash, well I’m here now, your whole class I’ll tear it down, I’m a put your peers in a box since you asked for that fair trial!”
Recap: D.O.T. uses some dope (“You wanna bro, we can go, die slow, swing a beer bottle across his head…it’s gonna sound like Stone cold intro!”) wordplay, rich performance bars and steady punches mixed with resident “D.O.T. Talk” to take out Hitz, whose bad sportsmanship and mostly bland bars amounted to nothing more than a lot of righteous filler and a loss.
Verdict: D.O.T. (W) 1-0
Favorite line: D.O.T. – “Boy, I don’t go nowhere without this can tucked [Ken-tuck] please, squeeze till the clip on E…you ain’t even catch the reach…boy I got this strap from Ken-tuck-y!”
Recap: Jey The Nitewing turns this $500 judged battle into an easy decision, using some vivid wordplay, quintessential roasting sessions and a boatload of piercing punchlines/4-bar set-ups to beat back the pretty ho-hum linguistics of Famous in this 3-rounder from ForMCsByMCs.
Verdict: Jey The Nitewing (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Jey The Nitewing – “You could learn from this majesty, change you from the Queen that you are into a Bohemian Rhapsody!”
Recap: Don’t Flop 1-rounder between Cortez and Cee Major, with very little prep time for both battlers, gets edged by Cort, who’s gritty punchlines, boastful barbs and dope wordplay/name flips are just enough to get past an aggressive punching, witty at times and solid lyrically Cee Major.
Verdict: Cortez (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Cortez – “I could end thee so simply, don’t get me started, I pull strings to orchestrate on how to hit each organ!”
Recap: Before this battle dropped, word around town was that Aye Verb took this matchup against Tsu Surf easy. But watching it is a whole ‘nother matter. Simply put, even tho this battle didn’t come out as dope as it looked on paper, it’s Surf who ends up adding another win to his Midwest roster by out-barring his opponent with a bunch of potent (“You battled Griz Guru and said ‘you shot at a car when you was 22, that ain’t what a body about, by 22 I was a ho with regrets, ashamed of my body count”) personals, lofty gun bars and paunchy (“Tsu Surf got a ghostwriter, that’s what them niggas said right?, well if there is a ghost writing, I swear that nigga dead nice!”) wordplay that even had the Chicago crowd yelling for more. As for Verb, outside of his requisite ‘Showtime; routine, for all his confident (“Ride up, hollow his crib, that’s a renovation, put a couple of holes in his roof, extra ventilation!”) swag points, not only did the St. Louis vet often fail to deliver the shrewd wordplay we’re used to seeing, but too much filler as well as his use of standard ‘I’m more of a G than you’ angles would also hurt him. That said, Surf would take round 1 easy before clearly taking the 2nd via a better performance that was matched by just as dope (“I never had cable, couldn’t tell you about no Showtime!”) punches for the win before a harder hitting Verb (“You a handout-ass nigga, that’s why you can’t stand out, ass nigga!”) did enough to take round 3.
Verdict: Tsu Surf (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Tsu Surf – “My big homie said bring the wolves that fool might try you, my boy’s cold, I’m don’t want to send them on ya…cold, pneumonia, that flew [flu] right by ya!”
Recap: Don’t let the final score fool you as besides the 2nd round, this matchup between Chilla Jones and Th3 Saga was pretty close. Yet, with a confident Chilla going for a more straightforward approach to unleash a wide array of scintillating (“Deuce, deuce near me, say I won’t shoot, dare me and get a buck from under the pillow like the tooth fairy!”) punchlines, delicious (“You wanna scrap Now or Later?, you and your homies can come box, I be punching like Mike and Ike, these Jawbreakers hit your Chiclets and then your Gum drops!”) schemes, nice angles and finally, some well-equipped (“I want y’all to count how many times he look at that pussy!”) personals that more than delivered in the 3rd round, Saga’s nicest (“Well I’m Adam, EVEn if Sir Pen [serpent] nice, I’m still talking to a snake!”) punches and more fluorescent bars were either (“I’ll kill JC for the bread…do not Wonder!”; “Tell Danny what’s a Bar God to someone that literally writes God’s bars!”) indirect or too often surrounded by lackadaisical filler to keep up with Jones’ consistency and versatility overall.
Verdict: Chilla Jones (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Chilla Jones – “This was greatly ill-advised, you sent you on this stupid mission, y’all seen me son Day’s vest, now I tailored these bars to suit a Christian, you’ll die walking under this ladder, it ain’t a superstition, so many bodies on a mag, shit looking like a swimsuit edition!”
Recap: Here in this 3-round battle from AHAT, a strong 3rd by Stash doesn’t offset his much weaker earlier rounds, which in turn way gave way to Whosane’s more metaphorical and wordplay-heavy raps, thus giving the 845 rapper the vic.
Verdict: Whosane (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Whosane – “My semi crack head’s in the front just like the loosie spot!”
Recap: Honestly, never heard of this kid Automatik before. But judging from this 2-rounder versus E. Ness, the kid can spit some fire as he’s seen here dishing fiery mayhem, aggressive braggadocio lines and some subliminal wordplay all the while putting Delaware on the map and in this case, easily beating a mostly subpar Ness.
Verdict: Automatik (W) 2-0
Favorite line: Automatik – “Your family claiming your corpse, that’s Lost and Found, I seen your body before it came…ultra-sound!”
Recap: Exactly what you want to see in a PG battle: both rappers giving 100%, no slip-ups or chokes and best yet, a sterling matchup that’s almost too close to call (even with Gwitty’s constant interruptions). Steady heat from Teewhy and Whosane in the 1st round, but Teewhy with a richer performance, exquisite (“Angel spitting up crazy, that’s some fountain shit!”) wordplay and less filler edges it. 2nd round went to Whosane, overpowering his opponent’s most fierce bars with delicious bully/gun (“When these Clips get Loaded, it ain’t two Harlem nigga’s bitching on the stage!”) bars along with a couple of wicked haymakers. But Teewhy gets the win by edging the 3rd round with a little more consistent bars/wordplay overall, despite a pretty electric turn from Whosane that was coupled with some elongated set-ups and a ‘lil too much pontificating that proved costly in the end.
Verdict: Teewhy (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Teewhy – “I got a glock, the other side got a rugar strap, my nigga’s in your area code letting the toolie clap, 15 of them in a group, it’s like a booster pack, with 8 45’s [845] where you stay, you should be used to that!”
Recap: A swagger confident DNA uses a steady diet of righteous name flips, rigid schemes and surefire (“He gonna take an ‘L’ on this field, when I put a shell on his grill, Chipotle”) personals to beat Cojay in this one-rounder from Don’t Flop. Cojay provided some worthy competition with an aggressive flow that held up when he spit some decent punchlines and able (“When Chess moved, your set proved you ain’t rep for the streets, ‘cuz I thought when kings got checked, Queens went for the piece!”) schemes, but too much filler along with DNA’s more consistent punches, combined to do him in.
Verdict: DNA (W) 1-0
Favorite line: DNA -“I’m in a low ride, with arms out on both sides, if I drive through [points arm like gun] you gonna get the mill [meal] with no fries!”
Recap: In a fire, crowd-friendly and wildly competitive battle from Black Ice Cartel that saw Quantum Physics seemingly put his battle career on the line (he’s battled plenty of times since, so there’s that), the edge here goes to Chilla Jones, who for all the witty personals, rebuttals and fiery wordplay his opponent was able to throw at him for 3 rounds, still won the battle with a more consistent, angle-savvy, punch-spazzing, personal-hitting and scheme-heavy effort that edged the Kingpen rounds 2 and 3 after a debatable first.
Verdict: Chilla Jones (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Chilla Jones – “I’m just tryna beat my last performance; it seems cocky, got to make sure the punches heavy, the schemes godly, but you really think I’m focused on Q.P.?, hardly, I ain’t even see this bitch on the card; I’m Steve Harvey!”
Recap: Plenty of lyrical showmanship in this 3-round battle from RBE between Jai and ShowOff, which sees the two split the first couple of rounds, both of which were adept on wordplay with your resident mayhem, aggressive boasts and even a few personals mixed in. And while both battlers spit some solid punches and flexed some versatility in the deciding 3rd round, ShowOff’s more pointed personals and deft execution with the bars stood out a little more, thus giving him the win.
Verdict: ShowOff (W) 2-1
Favorite line: ShowOff – “I’m the same one hated by those who show me hell of love, bald head stay with a Shotgun…meet Elmer Fudd!”
Recap: Geechi Gotti’s more versatile punchlines, stinging name flips, real-life neighborhood drama and potent gun bars does a number on a blood and mayhem-obsessed and oft-nice-with-his Yung Pop for the 1st couple of rounds to take the win, before Pop gets more multifaceted during a fire 3rd round to avoid getting 30’d.
Verdict: Geechi Gotti (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Geechi Gotti – “Nigga we ain’t nuthin’ alike, I already played that game, the first time I popped a nigga, I was young…I should have your name!”
Recap: Coma is aggressive, witty and perceptive, but spends way too much time (“You’re just another fake-ass rapper that’s responsible for all the kids who got a sentence, but couldn’t read one!”) pontificating here in this Don’t Flop matchup against Chef Trez, who in turn is given plenty of time to cook and dish out his usual rounds of spitfire gun bars, flatline (“You said you ain’t been drunk in years?, I’ll give you a shit from the .40 to bring your past back!”) rebuttals and persistent punches. Ironically, even though Trez was a last-minute replacement, the only thing that saves Coma from getting 3-0’d is Trez tripping over himself free-styling in round 3.
Verdict: Chef Trez (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Chef Trez – “I got a head head, don’t be the one I get to airing on, ‘cuz I’ll come to ya block and blow in the crib like the air is on, have you and bitch in the same casket…sharing stones!”
Recap: A solid but sluggish start by Charlie Clips gets him edged in the first round before Shotgun Suge returns the favor with another raucous, but shortened turn that got beat back by Clips’ more measured and versatile run (tho, one could argue that he borrowed Suge’s ‘Willie Manchester’ bar) in the 2nd to even things out going into the 3rd round of this URL battle. By the time the final round ensued, the two top tier battlers had already delivered a grand palette of raucous heat, piercing punchlines/personals/name flips, witty barbs, a pocket tap by Suge and some wily/real talk schemes by Clips that had the crowd buzzing. Still, the 3rd round would serve as the best overall round of the battle with both emcees on their A-game all the while spouting consistent heat. And while Suge supplied to terrific effort for the win, Clips’ clever and witty ‘Shaq/Suge’ career scheme coupled with some sublime 4-bar set-ups and fiery punchlines…just killed it.
Verdict: Charlie Clips (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Charlie Clips – “My name is all over the place, every time you turn around it’s burning the ‘Net, one minute I’m the G.O.A.T then I’m trash, they asking how he earning the check, well I recycled against Big Kannon, my bad, now I guess I’m not earning respect, y’all gotta remember I’m Shang Tsung, I made a mistake and turned into Rex!”
Recap: DNA uses an exquisite palette of feelgood (“…yellow tape surround the block, weave the punch, counterblock”) schemes, cunning (“I’m old school, Aviator, these two 4’s, your favorite Laker, when these meals come out, it ain’t a Baconator!”) wordplay, witty personals, ill angles and fiery (“For them Knicks you’ll get robbed Early in Queens, this is not Uber!”) punchlines to beat Danja Zone, who at (“Don’t even think to compare him to this beast from Maryland, they ain’t seen a fly nigga drop bombs since Tuskeegee Airmen!”; “Right after I body Shine, that’s Bruce Leroy!”) times merited his consensus Battler of the Year acclaim, but overall settled for too much filler. That, along with his opponent’s incredible consistency and robust performance, made for a surprising 3-0 from DNA.
Verdict: DNA (W) 3-0
Favorite line: DNA – “See, we used to think you was tough when you was fat, but all that disappeared, I used to think the old Zone [ozone] would lay a han don me, but now all I see in him is fear”
Recap: After a careless slip-up in the first cost’s him a close round here against up-n-comer Cue Morgan, Brizz Rawsteen does what he does best getting back in his back with performance-heavy, spin-tingling, fire 2nd to pull even. However, after his oppenent’s mostly waste’s his round with a personal and well-themed, but utterly inconsistent deciding 3rd, a solid and just long enough turn by Brizz is able to shake off an upset by stopping his round short instead of falling victim to a choke.
Verdict: Brizz Rawsteen (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Brizz Rawsteen – “Your wife, dog, she put on a show when the lights off, she grab my meat then tap it twice like ‘Is this mic on?”!”
Recap: A highly (“Ol’ dirty water nigga, he even made a song about it, Section 8 support this nigga!”) entertaining first round from Squeako, filled with rich storytelling bars and plenty of jokes, makes one think that he’s going to give the ever-amusing Young X some serious comp in this battle from SevenCity Sharks. Well, you’d be wrong as some weak name flips, a startling round 3 choke and Young X’s consistently engaging (“Nigga you wack as shit, up here with that tough guy look like you gonna do something, knowing damn well I will whup your ass till about 2-something!”) personals, gives X the win in a battle that had the potential to be a back-n-forth slugfest.
Verdict: Young X (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Young X – “Then he had petty larceny, boy I wanted to hug him, ‘cuz that mean Squeak taking shit, but he ain’t taking shit over $200!”
Recap: An otherwise solid battle between Xcel and Bedaffi Green sees its biggest action occur when it gets interrupted midway by whom one can only guess was the venue’s owner. Still, after dominating the first round with wicked wordplay and hard (“This is battle, you said won’t be close?, bro you reaching, I’m Adobo with the sazon, I’m too seasoned!”) punchlines and barely losing the 2nd thanks to Bedaffi’s more resilient (“Don’t question or try to reason if it’s hot, just do the math and stop speaking in the spot, whatever X ask is Y I point and leave him in a plot!”; “The AR piece longer than a RBE intro!”) heat, Xcel delivers a cleaner, scheme heavy and more (“Mercy for you, I know this must be sad to see, tragedy, I hate it was him that you had to be, but you praised this bull and gave this golden calf to me, so the God must show I don’t tolerate the blasphemy!”) penetrating 3rd to take this one in the end.
Verdict: Xcel (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Xcel – “I’m on to you and if you disregard my rules, I’ll give your bull [bill] a right for this shit that you constitute!”
Recap: First, I love how Nu Jerzey Twork stepped in first and was like ‘We not doing that!’, basically doing what should’ve been the host’s job and preventing a fight during Quban’s round. Secondly, this battle was not only intense throughout, but lyrically fire all-around with there obviously being some history to these two battlers, thus sparking spitfire pen’s from both (“I came here for a clean body, Yusef, I’m trying to get drugs [Drugz] out your system!”) Quban and (“As far as nigga’s, we surrounded Quban’s [Cuban’s] just like the embargo line!”) Drugz that made for flexing personals, lofty punchlines, heated gun lines and some nice performance bars. Equal in haymakers and as close of a one-rounder as you can get without calling it a debatable, the feeling here is Quban, more potent with the set-ups and ever-so-slightly more consistent with less dry spots, gets the win.
Verdict: Quban (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Quban – “But you gonna tell me how you wilding on the block, you J. Reed, you pretend to be something you not!”
Recap: BOTZ Battles 3-rounder between a couple of witty, performance-lit battlers, Ncredable and Bill Collector, goes the former’s way as after the just-as-punchline-spicy, but slightly more condensed with the haymakers BC edged round 1, a 2nd round choke by Bill coupled with a personal-lit, flow-switching and versatile-punching turn by Ncredable would hand the Stockton, CA, spitter that round before a mostly pedestrian and a bit flow-challenged final round by BC would give way to a crowd-pleasing, performance-stunting and bar-heavy run by Ncredable which in turn would get him the win.
Verdict: NCredable (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Ncredable – “Your life locked. you ain’t safe when I give you this combination, I’ll shoot you in your fucking mouth, spark up the conversation!”
Recap: Not that a handful of reaches and a shortened 3rd round by an otherwise solid (“Now y’all could look at Spee Dolla as Kerry Kittles, ‘cuz we know the nigga name but we don’t remember any highlights!”) YaBoyClip didn’t help, but Spee Dolla’s nimble execution of pent-up (“Gun so BIG, D-Roc took it to trial!”) gun bars and exhilarating (“Ask ya bitch, that booger knows [nose] I ain’t nuthin’ to sneeze at!”) wordplay steals the show and scores him a well-earned 30 on the RBE stage.
Verdict: Spee Dolla (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Spee Dolla – “It’s getting ugly…that’s Whoopie in boy shorts!”
Recap: A couple of We Go Hard’s brightest stars, Chess and Dougy, leave it all on the floor and put forth an epic show, both battlers using fiery (Chess: “Head tap, get one shot like you can’t do it over!”) gun lines, boastful (Dougy: “Cross both arms and box Chess, that’s a casket!”) punches, aggressive performance bars, sturdy name flips, gritty (Dougy: “You from the Bronx, right?, well if my hand cock the jawn, I’m a flatline Chess right next to the X with my signature arm, grab on him, it’s a grip in my palm, then dab on him, he get hit with the arm!”) street darts, potent (Chess: “I can lightly black on bodies, I’m two-toned!”) wordplay and even some spicy personals to make for a close and competitive showing during all 3 rounds. Still, for all the surplus in bar efficiency, mutual respect for each other’s pen and Gwitty and Steams in the crowd competing with each other for best reaction’s, it’s really not too hard to call a winner as for all of Chess’ grit and charming parlance, a confident and less flow-challenged Dougy just landed more haymakers in the 1st and 2nd rounds to seal the win, before Chess salvaged the 3rd with a much stronger turn there.
Verdict: Dougy (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Dougy – “Two different demeanor’s, you thinking about homework, I’m thinking about some new work…A Boogie daydreaming in the cleaners!”
Recap: Two battle rappers with polarized styles, B Magic and Bill Collector, both from arguably URL/Smack’s best PG class get together for a 1-round match on Krack Liberty Battle League’s stage. Magic’s punchlines are, as usual (“Magic, know the name when its death near, metal open up this pussy, that’s a pas smear”; “I’m back snapping like I don’t fuck with the fitted hats!”)…insane with a flow/delivery that never strays from the ingenuity of the lines he spits. Bill on the other hand, goes back to his old outrageous self with perfunctory performance bars, witty (“Magic you in my house, Smack dropped us both, I guess we back in the tryouts!”) lines on the two’s collective battle history and some dope (“Ness, D.O.T., Jai, all my battles matter of fact, was classic Magic like a rabbit out the hat”) wordplay. A close one-rounder that easily should’ve been a 3-rounder, it’s Bill’s overall versatility and the alleged claim that Magic already used most of these bars (I looked and Magic’s raps are no longer available on Soundcloud) last year in a “Triumph Instrumental 40 Bar Challenge” vs Mickey Factz that gets Bill the win. Indeed, the fact that almost all of Magic’s bars were pretty generic does lend to the idea that he was lazy writing original for BB Gun Bill.
Verdict: Bill Collector (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Bill Collector – “I’m in a different class Magic, that’s Gryffindor!”
Recap: In their battle brought to you from Don’t Flop, Big T and Unanymous split the first couple of rounds with T relying on mostly banging schemes and animated (“i got a better boo, the baretta [BOO!], it’s undebatable”) gun bars to win round one, while Unanymous, who too often pontificated and took awhile to hit his mark on some of his schemes in round one, went extra with the fat (“Terrence has never seen any of his appendages, he gets a sensation in his body, but couldn’t point out where his erection is”) jokes to easily take round two. Neither battler said anything extraordinary in the 3rd round, but a more (“Last time barrels was spinning, I played Donkey Kong, but this time [makes hand like trigger finger] Texas singing, we making country songs!”) versatile and wordplay-heavy Big T takes it in the end.
Verdict: Big T (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Big T – “I heard you like to beat bitches, you use your hands a lot, till you get weak around the women you love, you like Hancock!”
Recap: Thanks in part to a round 3 choke by Mr. Mills, a back on his mean grind J Murda survives a couple of slip-ups with a steady dose of gritty (“Hey yo, I almost couldn’t write for you bra, too busy getting that green off of the trees!”) anecdotes and eerie (“I’ll bust at ya mother, step pops, I’ll clean the room and have it stinking after, like a wet mop”) gun chatter to come from behind and get a much needed win. Mr. Mills came nice with consistently potent storytelling (“Who say chivalry is dead, I know a bad bitch that got a fucked up attitude and that hold big burners, but she’s ready to settle down and give you a ring…that mean she ready to commit, Murda [murder]”) bars and set-ups to take round 1 and some fiery OG talk in the 2nd made ti close. But in the end Murda’s persistent delivery and (“You like my wifey’s new Ford, my main focus, you could get a round within a round, a train token!”) execution was just too much to overcome.
Verdict: J Murda (W) 2-1
Favorite line: J Murda – “I’ll bang him and get back to work, a sick stripper!”
Recap: A spitfire shitstorm of a 3rd (“They say we sound alike…son, I ain’t giving him props, I’m giving him shots, that’s an ignorant Pop!, ‘cuz it’ll RAISE a nigga!”; “I keep my enemies in arms reach, don’t ask me why I’m playing you close, breakfast is the most important part of the day, and we was out there playing with toast!”) round by Bangz, as he literally made every line count with superbly nimble wordplay that coincided with fierce punches from an assortment of angles. Still, after edging a close (Bangz: “As soon as I recognize him, I’ll turn my nose up at the Reepah, bitch I am death-defying!”, “This is like two yellow niggas scrapping, I’m trying to tell you how light the bout is”; Reepha Rell: “You feeling like the shit?, well picture this, I get a call to catch you right?, [you] with ya bitch, then I’ll use the llama…[pllaacck] steel offender Futarama!”; “Nigga I came from God, you complain to God, it’ll be nuthin’ to lighten up his face…Charlamagne da God!”) first round with exquisitely potent bar after bar along with seismatic set-ups/schemes and dominating the 2nd round with more sizzling name flips and repeated (“His face I gotsa lean, the way the pump cross will look like Constantine!”; “I’m here to see you throw the tray [.3] better…food fight!”; “You got a dirty mouth? ooohh [points hand like gun in air] I Aim that!!”) heat, it’s Reepah Rell who hangs on for the win in this dope Proving Grounds match.
Verdict: Reepah Rell (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Reepah Rell – “Ooooh this bitch is kinky, extended clip, watch the stairs, the shit look like a slinky!”
Recap: An alarm ringing towards the end of the battle, an ill-prepared DNA resorting to freestyles in round 2 (but still making the round relatively close) and some ‘pause’-worthy bars from Brizz Rawsteen made for a buzz-worthy, but action packed matchup on URL. First round was pretty potent on both sides with Brizz overcoming a somewhat slow start with an elongated turn that gradually led to some (“I see now you trying to Shine with K, well Clips must’ve told you he needed time and space!”) haymakers towards the end. But DNA, dishing a newer, rapid-fire flow with fervid ease, edged the round with more spitfire (“The nina clean, the Wesson dirty, but still got both hands close to the 12…11:30!”; “Then step on a party scene, a new Dot, I brought a bean, that shit will be hitting Raw everywhere…I’m Charlie Sheen!”) punches in a shorter timeframe than his opponent. Brizz, keeping the steady aggression up in round two, but also displaying more variety to his bars with witty (“Ya fake ass rapping ’bout ya clapping biscuits!”) jokes and personals amply mixed in, looked to easily take the middle round with what was his best go around. Still DNA, who apparently was going through some personal issues at the time of this battle, failed to build off the momentum he gained from his lofty 1st round, literally free-styling the entire round with lines that were hit-n-miss and even resorting to playing word association with the crowd just to get through the round. And albeit, come might say he was entertaining and (“You lost to ya man on 106, but that’s cool with me!“) capable enough to make the round debatable, the feeling here is a more prepared Brizz evening things up. Last round saw Brizz still popping, if not with more loud (“What, you think you getting girls now because of your looks?!?, Negro Please!, that mustache look like you in the Negro League!”) personals that landed hard, but with frenzied bars that kept his consistency top-shelf. And while DNA came back to his written’s in the last round, his punches, while fiery at times, weren’t nearly as strong as those in his 1st, allowing for Brizz to earn the win.
Verdict: Brizz Rawsteen (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Brizz Rawsteen – “I’ll leave a tool sitting where ya tooth missing…that’s how I bridge the gap!”
Recap: Plenty of heated gun bars and nice set-ups to the punches by both Drugz and Holmzie Da God in this close battle from Spit Dat Heat. However, in the final analysis, it’s Drugz who stands out harder with more cohesive rounds, wittier bars and an aggressive performance. Granted, Drugz was a little over-the-top at times with his aggression, but his palette still stood out more, altogether giving the DMV spitter rounds 2 and 3 and a come-from-behind win.
Verdict: Drugz (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Drugz – “I get a kick out of Holmzes [homes]…I’m evicting this nigga!”
Recap: Don’t Flop battle between Chilla Jones and Tony D while smooth in delivery and punches came off a little lethargic at times as both Jones and Tony seemed to have left their A-game behind. Still, outside of an angle-prone and personal-bent 3rd round that easily got beat by his punch-heavier European opponent, the more versatile and consistently spicy with the punchlines Jones takes the first two rounds easy for the win.
Verdict: Chilla Jones (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Chilla Jones – “Watch where you aim the cam, if there’s blood drying on the limbs, they’ll see Burgundy on the screen like Anchor Man!”
Recap: Highlighted by a trio of rare rebuttals-in-the-middle-of-the-round bars, DNA puts forth one of the most consistently superb 3 rounds you’ll ever see in battle rap to take out a mostly (“Your freestyle’s nice, but we don’t fuck with your writtens, I never met a toothless nigga that had trouble with spitting!”; “I’m official, Question: do you feel like trash? Clips standing there watching you get punched out, do you feel like Math?”) nice, but sometimes pressing at times Syahboy (who was probably still feeling himself a little bit from almost single-handedly beating DNA and K-Shine in a 2-on-2 battle with John John da Don earlier in 2015). Indeed, it was a complete showing by DNA: exquisite (“Y’all think this herb will peel on me?, y’all joking, he go to sleep and wake up to the ‘K’, Lamar Odom!”; “He don’t even know who to pop, his set DOA, but the more he [Maury] talk, he know not to test dna!”) wordplay, a wicked delivery, dope performance bars, delicious personals and fiery (“Send shots ya boo way, then have something dark liquor [dark lick her] D’ssue!”) punchlines that not only sunk any chance his opponent had of winning, but was probably the best DNA we’ve seen since the classic Dizaster battle.
Verdict: DNA (W) 3-0
Favorite line: DNA – “All your bars is useless, you think you smart but stupid, Immature, now You Got Served, that’s Marques Houston!”
Recap: Some hard (“Y’all just a bunch of battle rap strippers, y’all don’t accept the change”; “I’m Crip, but if he want the beef I’m [waves arm like guns] I’m hitting Five Guys!”) lines midway by Kiing Capo, but taking a little too long to get into his groove and a last-minute slip-up prove to be costly as they allow Snake Eyez’ somewhat inconsistent, but still mostly (“You wasn’t even on the radar, you got forced on the killer list, if you owe me bread and ain’t got it when I come to get the chips, Metro-North workers on the train, I’m a just walk through clipping shit!”) hardbody, aggressive bars/punches to eke this one out.
Verdict: Snake Eyez (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Snake Eyez – “He just a nigga that talk for the nigga’s that really put it in, you Paul Heyman!”
Recap: Nothing too rich or extraordinary, but still a pretty good battle between Syahboy and T Money Bagz on the RBE stage. 1st round was close, but Syah’s splendid (“I’m ’bout the shit, you swing, I’ll dodge ya shit, I heard Money fake, so I’mma make sure these counters fit!”) name-flips and wordplay were more condensed and outshined an earnest round from Money, tho he occasionally took too long to hit the mark on his schemes and angles. However, after the first round it was all pretty much Money Bagz–a more versatile round of dope (“I be banging the metal like my weave stuck in the grinder!”) gun lines, wild jokes and hitting (“…my heart different like John Q son after the surgery!”) schemes in the 2nd and a dope DJ scheme along with more wicked (” I hear you be tricking on these hoes, Syah you be wilding, I give bitches hope, I wouldn’t give them soap”) punches in the 3rd. All the while, while Syahboy had some (“I draw on a whiteboy face, now you Riff Raff!”) shiners here and there and his delivery stayed aggressive, overall his bar quotient couldn’t keep up with Money’s Bagz.
Verdict: T Money Bagz (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Syahboy – “Every battle, you be talking that tough guy shit, same outcome, niggas ain’t buying that shit….Rain album!”
Recap: Close 1st round, but thanks in part to a Jerry Wess slip-up, the edge goes to (“Couple rounds in the middle of ya whip…what’s that? cup holders!”; “Bitch you look like the lost member of Jagged Edge!”) Flip Grams. After that, it’s all Wess as despite having some hot (“The whole family going hard for the flag…that’s Double Dare!”) lines here and there, Grams’ half filler/lame bars had no chance against Mr. Wess’ dizzying (“But you know what we really got in common, my nigga?…[sniffs nose like snorting coke]…dope lines!”) performance bars, rich name flips and righteous (“I got an old Razr [razor] for whoever Flip phone!”; Once the .4 has [forest] fired, the victim can’t speak, boy scout this could get intense if ya can’t sleep!”) punches.
Verdict: Jerry Wess (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Jerry Wess – “I got a gun I only shoot Caucasians with…this my Cracker Barrel!”
Recap: In a one-rounder versus S.O.N,S.’ Heartless, Tez combines some mean (“Talking about he real, this nigga frail, how you gonna father figure you rep the SONS and hang with a Con that never been to jail!”) personals with animated schemes and gay (“When you and your man hug, you look like y’all doing a two-way back pocket check!”) riffs to make it close. But Heartless’ punchline-heavy arsenal doesn’t just pack plenty of (“My gun got a body on it like a piggyback ride!”; “If you think you winning tonight, nigga you dumb as fuck, oh wait this nigga came from the D, this nigga must be nuts!”) heat, but a couple of (“Nigga, I’ll aim at his brain, blew the Tek, got rid of all of the stuffy nose like Mucinex!”) in his nose like haymakers that had the home crowd gawking and a more consistent delivery that while making ti look easy, was simply what you’d expect from an able vet.
Verdict: Heartless (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Heartless – “If he say something wrong, I’m slapping him, that’s because I’m a man and I stand for something like an acronym”
Recap: A more consistent with the punches/schemes (“The light at the end of this [clicks finger like a gun] round is not tunnel vision!”) Bangz takes down a nice at times, but too sporadic (“You fell in love with your baby mother, I just get the brains in her mouth, you a stain on her life, I’m a stain on her blouse!”) Lexx Luthor in this dope one-rounder from Shock Value RBL.
Verdict: Bangz (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Bangz – “Y’all may not get what I say like when Shaq reading!”
Recap: Nu Jerzey Twork scores a rare bodybag, consistently using ferocious (“Sit your black ass down before I let my hawk speak, rip [Ripp] clothes on stage…Five Heartbeats!”) name flips, winning (“Fuck you and that bitch, that’s my fave phrase, machete on me, K on me, I gotta stay safe, Ripp get the K on sight, she get —-, I let it rip, once I let it rip, I give ya bae babes!”) schemes, fierce (“Drive-by, I’m coming to Ripp [rip] city in a Trailblazer!”) punchlines, rich angles/set-ups and even exposing Ooops sound-alike (and build-alike)/opponent (“You brought all them niggas from Trenton with you, you knew you wasn’t gonna make it alone, it looks bad for all these niggas…like the interviews with Raven-Symone!”) Ripp with pictures from a less ‘gangsta/precaher’ profession. And what with host Jaz da Rapper in the building along with a classic first round from Twork, one can guess that this was one the of the battles that impressed folks enough to eventually bring Twork to the URL stage.
Verdict: Nu Jerzey Twork (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Nu Jerzey Twork – “All that preaching just to be another nigga to die, you living a lie, I talk about guns because my Mac pack rounds…and Rosa Parks ain’t do shit but sit her black ass down!”
Recap: Olympia, WA, For MCs By MCs tourney battle with plenty of piercing wordplay and witty barbs/personals, sees a more punch-heavy Jey The Nitewing take the deciding 3rd round over a solid throughout A.M. to move to the next round against Famous.
Verdict: Jey The Nitewing (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Jey The Nitewing – “I’m a be real honest, your death tonight, real certain, I might no-show at the funeral tho…I’m not much of a morning [mourning] person!”
Recap: You want personals? Well, it doesn’t get much better than this as Bonnie Godiva and MyVerse, each battling for the 1st time on the URL stage, dish a host of insults, tall battle rapper behind-the-scene sex tales and other noteworthy gossip on who’s done who that kept the crowd highly entertained throughout. MyVerse takes the first round with more consistency, dope (“Just because you wear horse hair won’t make a black beauty!”) schemes/punches and variety on in her pen game, to take nothing away from Bnnnie whose name (“I don’t got a ghostwriter, the fuck I look like waiting on MyVerse [my verse]”) flips and personals hit at times, but weren’t delivered with the same uniformity and bite as her opponent. Second round clearly went to Bonnie, who stepped up with an elongated, but consistently fiery round that opened a literal Pandora’s box to MyVerse’s personal life, cell phone footage (“4 years ago you was fucking another battle rapper in his t-shirt, with no panties on?!”; “You was fucking Mad illz?, Bitch, Mad Illz?!?, I’m mad…ill!!!”) included. Going into the last round tied, both battle rappers came with it. Bonnie using some ill wordplay, bully (“I’ll smack this bitch on the bathroom floor, now she Versatile!”) bars and even (“Keep talking about Born in my last battle, I might have flashbacks and start choking Verse!”) self-deprecating humor to deliver a pretty solid round that would’ve won most battles if not for MyVerse’s more heated session that steady delivered on the haymakers, crazy (“I’m from East Orlando, but I could show you the West Palm [west palm]!”) set-ups/punchlines and animated (“You literally put everything but your vag on display, you’re one selfie away from catching AIDS!”) personals.
Verdict: MyVerse (W) 2-1
Favorite line: MyVerse – “I got that Erykah Badu pussy, you got that airing out a room pussy!”
Recap: Here against fellow battle vet Jay Dash, Moon flexes with that raw street shit and braggadocio lines that enhances his rep as a battle-tested, old hand in and outside the ring. That said, altogether, Moon’s urban palette is more than enough to take rounds 1 and 2, before a slip-up costs him a close 3rd.
Verdict: Moon (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Moon – “Nigga, I’ll give you that VIP treatment, ‘cuz you’ll be the first nigga to get a shit at the club!”
Recap: From the UK’s Don’t Flop league, a consistently-lit Pass dishes a boatload of fiery name flips, mocking personals and jaunty punchlines (esp. during a fire round 3) to take each round and beat back a lyrically solid effort from a gritty Raptor Warhurst.
Verdict: Pass (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Pass – “For real my nigga, be original, you know what I’m speaking is true, ‘cuz if Shotty Horror didn’t exist then neither would you!”
