No Bias. No Narratives.
Recap: Hip to pointing out how many ways (“But what it do, right left, pick a direction, hang your life right in front of you, give a different perspective!”) he can destroy his opponent, a confident and assertive Jakkboy Maine makes quick work of a competitive, but not-quite-ready-for-the-main-stage Cae Krueger.
Verdict: JakkboyMaine (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Jakkboy Maine – “I’ll bust his wig and like Dad’s seeing they kids, I’ll throw it up in the air…Yeah!, that’s a nice visit!”
Recap: When it comes to Shotgun Suge, it’s never really been a question about his performance or his ability to ‘talk that shit’ that the so-called real street dudes love so much. Hell, independent of his renowned shock value bars, Suge can even hit the occasional haymaker or two. Instead with Suge his won-loss record has almost always relied on a combination of his motivation, delivery and consistency and too often he’s failed to deliver the three with any efficiency. Well, T-Top must’ve awoken to the real Gooch in Suge because after watching this battle I dare anyone to find a more sublime Shotgun. From jump, in what was expected to be a slugfest just on name alone, both Top and Suge came to kill. First round sees Top rip the stage with wild gun bars and fiending (“….leave a pudding cup and a note that say Cosby did it”) anecdotes. Only when he tried to personal, rehashing Suge’s Detroit adventures, did Top not hit quite as hard. For Suge, who usually does his best work in the first round anyway, the gameplan was about the bars matching the aggression/performance and on this night they (“I got the D, but I give him the Cal, headshot [points gun at Top’s head], make him sit Indian style”; “Bandana on the barrel, shit built like a Swiffer mop!”) certainly did…for all 3 rounds. Still, Suge’s overall showing doesn’t take away from Top’s at times fiery lyrical (“I’ll smack the shit out your bitch with a boat starter!”) aggression and potent punchlines, which edged him the 2nd round over a still persistently (“You’ze a fraud nigga, say that, the streets? we don’t know you, like the bitch that scream ‘Maybach’!”) nice Suge, who only got edged for keeping his round a little too short. Last round saw both battlers stay high off that dope shit. And while Top’s continual street (“I like to play laser tag, but with a gun clip”) tales and storytelling bars kept the crowd on edge, Suge did him one better stalking the stage with a highly (“Put needles in her body, but I ain’t a voodoo doctor!”) entertaining and versatile performance that not only kept the crowd open, but more importantly got him the win.
Verdict: Shotgun Suge (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Shotgun Suge – “She call me for the bricks, I pull up on her like a Uber driver, and tell her what to do with the work, like a supervisor”
Recap: Serius Jones’ return to the URL stage is a topsy-turvy one as after laying down and pretty much giving up the first round with a load of lackluster (“Take half your head off like Casio, and after that plastic around your face, I bet your G shock”) bars/schemes versus DNA’s steady (“You are one of the worse, word to Eric you in for a long Sermon, be smart, or see hawks [Seahawks] as soon as I call Sherman”) wordplay, fiery personals and aggressive bars, it looked like Mr. GTFOH was on his way to an easy 3-0. But out of nowhere Jones made things competitive in round two, although DNA shined with both his rebuttal (“Yo Serius Jones you fucking up a bad rhyme, nigga stop talking while I rap, you seen what happened last time!”) and punchline (“Your career should’ve been took a hike, Roethlisberger”) game, Jones edged the round with some righteous (“How could call me a hypocrite or front me ‘cuz I’m living lux and I never even act religious, but I prayed over every bag I sold, yeah I’m sacrilegious!”) haymakers and punchlines that finally hit. However, with a chance to win things in the 3rd round, Jones came apart again with mostly lame bars, name flips that fell totally flat thanks in part to getting his opponent’s government name (that’s ‘Eric St John’ NOT ‘Eric Wright’) wrong and spits a Queens scheme that came off hard, but lacked the linguistics to back it up. And while DNA’s 3rd wasn’t resounding either, at the end of the day he had much cleaner, (“Now Smack called me, I was getting some head, he said I got a battle for you and it might involve you getting some bread, I jumped up, grabbed my tooth out the water, pushed the bitch off the bed…”) funnier and consistent round.
Verdict: DNA (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Serius Jones – “I’mma tell y’all what GTFOH could stand for in your case…ok, it could be ‘Got The Face Of Hurt!'”
Recap: Along with a couple of fly rebuttals, Jay Rell’s witty barbs are perfunctory enough to edge round 3. But before that, assisted by an opponent that was ill on wit, but mostly pedestrian when it came to punchlines, Ill Will’s piercing bully bars, stinging set-ups and raucous personals/gun bars are easily formidable enough to take the opening rounds for the win in this 3-rounder from Michigan’s Alpha League Rap Battles league.
Verdict: Ill Will (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Ill Will – “This bitch [holds up hand like a gun] ain’t got no bodies, but Jay’s mom could be the first one on it like The Black Album!”
Recap: Surely, O-Zone Battles could’ve found a better opponent for the ‘American rapper’ Math Hoffa than Crome, who overplayed his angles, reached hard on too many bars and for the most part fell (“Just like you not paying child support, Math doesn’t add up”) flat with his personals–all of which even made Math wonder out loud how he ended up battling this guy. Math, who was a little lazy at times with the pen, still brought enough of a B-game floor (“[holds hands like long gun] Say everything you gotta say to me in front of this shotty, then ‘BOOM!!!’ I open Crome like I don’t fuck with Safari”) Crome with the wordplay, tickle the crowd’s funny bones with the jokes and overwhelmed his opponent with the fierce personals to score an easy 3-0.
Verdict: Math Hoffa (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Math Hoffa – “How the fuck could you not heat up?, you the biggest hole in the O-Zone!”
Recap: A gun bar-heavy and altogether rousing round one from Rum Nitty sets the tone early in this Don’t Flop match against Quill, leading to an almost-as-solid and more versatile second round that gives the Phoenix battler the bout, before Quill (who struggled with his flow in the first two rounds) salvages the 3rd with what would be his best round: a steady diet of nice, self-deprecating raps and witty barbs.
Verdict: Rum Nitty (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Rum Nitty – “I’m in the spot with a pocket rocket, it sound little but it ain’t, remind you of Shallow Hal ‘cuz this bitch is bigger than you think!”
Recap: What with Beasley co-hosting, one could garner a pretty good guess as to what contributed to Teewhy and Reepah Rell both making it to the URL stage. That’s how fire and competitive this matchup was, with punches galore from both battlers, the required split of the first two rounds and a pretty fire and tight deciding 3rd–that’s usually the prerequisite for dope battle. A more condensed, performance/wordplay strutting and a bit harder (“Rocket, long as hell, you’d think that I pack Yao!”; “Everybody want to be a hero till they find out how much the Subway [sub weigh]!”) hitting overall Reepah takes the first, before Teewhy comes back in the later half of his 2nd round with some rapid heat and loud (“You giving a shot?, how generous, I want you to keep it!”; “I wet God…he Poseidon!”) haymakers that got him the edge there. 3rd round, as a whole, was yet another punchfest. But with Rell offering up not only some hard shiners, but more steely name flips and personals that deftly landed, his versatility over a solid, but a bit elongated turn by Teewhy gives the former the win.
Verdict: Reepah Rell (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Reepah Rell – “You could tell a nigger that never shot a gun round just happy making up gun sounds!”
Recap: Despite both needing some work on their delivery, Snake Eyez and Pirelli put aside the small talk, jokes and personals for mostly straight punches and braggadocio bars in this aggressive one-rounder from BattleCity TV. Going second after a solid round from his opponent, Pirelli spits a dope South Park scheme and does just (“You died before I wrote to you, do y’all recall Stan?”) enough to make it close, but it’s Snake Eyez who gets the win in the end for delivering more consistently fiery and colorful (“Find out where you live and swerve through, give it time?, fuck it, I’m in the crib by 9, like I got that curfew!”) content.
Verdict: Snake Eyez (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Snake Eyez – “So don’t stand there with the sad face, I’ll make your girl get low like the start of a track race!”
Verdict: C3 (W) 2-1
Favorite line: C3 – “You ain’t gonna understand these rounds I’m giving you till later, I teach like Mr. Miyagi Bonnie!’
Recap: Chilla Jones does a better impression of Dizaster than Diz does on Chilla. That said, in yet another 2-round battle for Dizaster, while neither battler was really on their A-game, a more condensed, personal and direct with the punches Chilla manages to take each round for a victory that was also helped in part by Diz’s emotional harangues, indirect shots and overuse of filler.
Verdict: Chilla Jones (W) 2-0
Favorite line: Chilla Jones – “Keep it a hundred, you got a problem with drugs, you need to pass the pipe, could tell by how this male function, he ain’t acting right, [so] please react to everything he rap tonight, ‘cuz if y’all are silent when this Buster Rhyme, that’s When Disaster Strike!”
Recap: Putting aside the vet vs. new era chatter that only a true We Go Hard stan could really embrace, for 3 rounds True Indeed and D Money engage in a gritty, fiery and competitive battle that was littered with hardbody street missives, mocking/witty personals, stinging gun bars and solid punchlines. A clash that also featured plenty of boastful barbs, Steams mention’s (from Money) and your to-be-expected name flips on both sides, it’s a slightly more pronounced, bar efficient and rich storytelling Money who gets the win, edging both the 1st and 2nd rounds before a slightly more punch-heavier True took the 3rd.
Verdict: D Money (W) 2-1
Favorite line: D Money – “I would say fuck your entire race…but my connect Spanish!”
Recap: It takes a lot of chutzpa to call yourself “Bar God”, but with performances like this one Danny Myers just might be onto something. Here he not only spits fiery, wide-eyed (“Your white fans love you, they amazed you can spit this well, ironic it’s only the blacks that getting sick of ‘Cel [sickle cell]”) punchlines with relative ease, but outduels fellow wordsmith Xcel with an arsenal of pointed name flips and effervescent (“If there RZA [is a] weakest nigga in your crew it’d be U-God [you, God]”) haymakers for all three rounds. Credit Xcel, despite continuing to struggle a bit with his delivery, for coming back from surprising round 1 choke to make things (“And bro’ my intention ain’t fucked up, this an intervention because Danny the Bar God is punch drunk!”; “I’ll take a 6 inch blade and connect your freckles!”) competitive in the latter rounds. But altogether Myers resilience and (“Bitch I’ll drown your child, I’mma sick type, around midnight, you’ll see me holding your baby under water like a midwife!”) fortitude was just too much to handle.
Verdict: Danny Myers (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Danny Myers – “Nigga I went postal, I’m fucking up his name like when parents be using their kids social!”
Recap: The ‘Showtime’ was a little ‘meh’, but some witty barbs (esp. the shot at the look-a-like Smack host) and head-ringing punches from Aye Verb allows him to thwart an upset from the righteous set-ups/schemes and rigid wordplay of Grizz Guru and force a debatable in this 1-rounder from Iron Mouth Battles.
Verdict: Debatable
Favorite line: Grizz Guru – “You shoulda chose a name like Malcolm X, I mean you both two nigga’s famous for dying on a Harlem stage!”
Recap: Hard aggressive bars throughout from both (“Give a fuck if you with your man’s, nigga fuck your troops, you asking for war?, I’m like ‘nawm–umm‘ yeah I’m good like I ain’t got much to do, [points at dudes behind Jerry] cuz’ you could get it, you can get it, you can get it and you can get it, nigga I’m talking more rounds than the first Lux and Mook!”) Kyd Slade and (“Head shot, give him a nasty attitude, rolled eyes, I only send the Mac’s [Cinemax] like I can’t afford Showtime!”) Jerry Slade in this 3-round battle from iBattle League. But a too short round 2 and a case of stumbles in round 1 by Slade along with consistently fiery lines and relentless (“And he front on me bully style, liek he got the grip? watch how fast I support your clothing line…[flexes hand like punch] and rock your shit!”) punches/schemes across the board from Jerry gives Wess a well-earned 3-0.
Verdict: Jerry Wess (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Jerry Wess – “I’ll walk up right up to your whip, like you asked directions, and beat the bricks off this nigga…he won’t pass inspection!”
Recap: Dishing mean and descriptive gun bars with willful abandon, when he wasn’t flexing on his opponent with aggressive braggadocio lines, after a debatable 1st round, Big Hann gets the drop on an inconsistent P.G. Skillet in the latter rounds to score a win.
Verdict: Big Hann (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Big Hann – “You came in here with nothing to lose, thinking what you spit shine, you just here to buff up my shoes!”
Recap: Billy Bars actually spits a pretty (“I’ll let a Furious 7 hit you after 6, that’s Fast 5!”) decent 2nd round, but it’s still not enough to survive Prep’s more flexing wordplay, sparky rebuttals and witty freestyles.
Verdict: Prep (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Prep – “There’s only one thing you feel from seeing Bill…bored, why advertise him?!”
Recap: Stunting with mostly fiery gun bars that was backed by an ill performance, Mack Mel knocks off a pretty ordinary and inconsistent Rosenberg Raw in this rare 2-rounder from Spittaz League.
Verdict: Mack Mel (W) 2-0
Favorite line: Mack Mel – “Keep gun-butting his forehead until he remember the serial number!”
Recap: If not for a close first round a Bill Collector totally on his A-game would’ve caught a body here against a grade-E for effort, but nowhere near bar-heavy ZitroTheGreat. Sure, Zitro had a couple of pointed (“But I’m a league owner, so I’m tired of bending over backwards for rappers who only show up when they stats hurt”) moments, but too many exquisite gun bars, nice storytelling schemes, dope (“Success the sweetest flavor, I only wanted a taste, if God wanted us perfect, the pencil wouldn’t erase”) soliloquies and animated punchlines from BC put this one away quick after the opening round.
Verdict: Bill Collector (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Bill Collector – “That chopper spit a different language bitch, Pootie Tang!”
Recap: K-Shine slips a little bit towards the end, but thanks in part to Big T’s out of nowhere animated gun racket’s and a couple of quality (“I got two guns, I’m using both then shits, Ash Kash, Cortez, they both got Clipped”) freestyles that may’ve saved him from possibly choking, Shine’s round of mostly fiery performance bars easily outpoints what was a pretty inconsistent round from Dirtbag (“I’m in Holyoke, Mass. for the weekend like a college kid on a heroin binge!”) Dan. Indeed, despite the presence of the guy in front of him, with possibly only one day to prepare Dan didn’t seem able to come up with enough lines for DNA’s replacement.
Verdict: K-Shine (W) 1-0
Favorite line: K-Shine – “Go ahead and start somethin’, I got this red light just to alarm somethin’, large button, have your whole family dressed like they job hunting!”
Recap: Nunn Nunn edges round 1 here against the ever intense and aggressive D Flamez with more versatility in the bars as well as better creativity with his (“Style on me, if I believe he flex, I’m at his babymom crib, big-ass Tek, Dave Mirra shit, get you b m x, or your cracked head [crackhead] turn to God…DMX!”) haymakers, before dominating round two with outrageous wordplay and schemes that had the crowd shook. Flamez, displaying some nice resiliency, comes back with an (“His main bitch keep the rock hard just like the caine jumping, anytime I battle I bring fire to the ring, like when Kane coming!”) effervescent round 3 to avoid a 3-0 in this Proving Grounds matchup from URL.
Verdict: Nunn Nunn (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Nunn Nunn – “If ya bitch say she faithful, that slut’s a liar, she ain’t shit without the John, I call her Syah!”
Recap: Rone versus Goodz makes for an odd matchup on paper, but the two battle rap vets still put on a highly entertaining battle nonetheless in this one-rounder from KOTD. Going first, Rone does Rone: plenty of white-boy swag with an oft-frenzied mix of potent (“You have the body type of an overstuffed teddy bear, all that extra flesh God and you couldn’t stick a neck in there?”) jokes, rapid schemes, animated name flips and robust (“Paper or plastic, man I got a bag for the goods, I will put you in the news, like Noah the story could, we’ll tune into Good Morning America to see America mourning Goodz!”) punchlines. But it’s Goodz (despite making it clear how much he was only doing this battle for the bread), who’s always the favorite when it comes to one-rounders, that uses a more versatile and condensed mix of splendid wordplay, fresh out the box puns, witty (“I’m battling a real good kid, this don’t even seem right, the toughest thing you ever did probably was cross the street on a green light”) personals and real rap (“Slow down Goodz you using them, when times get hard for me I go to selling drugs, they get hard for you, you go to using them!”) talk to take this one in the end.
Verdict: Goodz (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Goodz – “I don’t care about this battle so much…nigga, I’m rooting for YOU!”
Recap: Plenty of fire punchlines and mayhem dished from sides in this one-round battle between (“These battle nigga’s make a little change and they spit some garbage shit, my nigga, Birdman couldn’t pay me to drop the bar to 6!”) Skates and (“Nigga, I’m in monster mode, shooting crazy guns, nigga’s think I got a Contra code!”0 TGO. However Skates, with a little less on the filler and darts on the pedestrian side, gets the edge here.
Verdict: Skates (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Skates – “No borders, when it’s beef with pill poppers and coke snorters, deuce-five in his face..close quarters!”
Recap: Rare written’s (over beats) and freestyle battle between Charron and Dotz from Don’t Flop easily goes Charron’s way as the Canadian battler’s stable flips, sturdy punchlines and oft-ringing name flips/personals were more than enough to win a majority of both the written rounds and the freestyle’s.
Verdict: Charron (W) 15-8
Favorite line: Charron – “You look like a metrosexual baseball player!”
Recap: In this one-rounder from Body Bag Battle League, Glueazy spits a nice assortment of braggadocio/bully bars, a dope performance and fiery schemes to get a victory over a sporadic and basic bar prone Billie Dutches.
Verdict: Glueazy (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Glueazy -“Billie?!, Billie?!, this is who y’all was speaking about?, huh?!, well fuck it, I’ll move the bucket like [there’s] a leak in the house!”
Recap: Kaboom says he took this QuietRoom Battle on 3 days notice and it shows what with too many repetitive bars/themes, something even a lackadaisical, but punch-drenched Born can take advantage of in a one-rounder that shouldn’t have been as close.
Verdict: Born (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Born – “Raise the gauge like being raised by gay’s, you’ll get a couple pop’s!”
Recap: Comfortably nested for one round in the Quiet Room, O’fficial still manages to unleash an aggressive barrage of piercing name flips, sizzling gun bars and bruising punchlines to gain the win over a gritty, but unsteady Ms. Miami.
Verdict: O’fficial (W) 1-0
Favorite line: O’fficial – “I’ll leave Miami fucked up…like Spring break!”
Recap: Witty bars, jokes, wordplay, some freestyles and even a rebuttal or two…it’s all to be expected in a battle between a couple of chamelons like (…it’s two straps coming over the shoulder, like better safe than sorry!”; “…because as soon as you try angles, you’ll get the .9 in the middle!”) Bangz and (“This round coming off from the finger, that’s an angry wife!”; “I want a percentage of everything you make until you switch trends, I want my money to grow here [hair] so I cut Bangz [bangs] off if he don’t split ends!”) Uno Lavoz. But after drawing pretty even in the first couple of rounds, a short, slip-up prone 3rd round by Uno allows Bangz the opportunity to dish a solid and clean turn for the win.
Verdict: Bangz (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Bangz – “Wack is something that I ain’t never been, I’ll have a shell move into his body [what’s that?] let it settle in!”
Recap: Nice, gritty and aggressive with the bars even before the Zip ‘Em Up!’/Dot Mobb/NWX days, in front of a crowd that was clearly rooting him on, K-Shine snaps on an overwhelmed Carter with a host of steely punchlines and boastful one-liners to take this one-sided 3-rounder that was posted to YouTube in 2015, but clearly took place long beforehand.
Verdict: K-Shine (W) 3-0
Favorite line: K-Shine – “Lick a shit at your mother, with my meat in her mouth…she went out like a sucker!”
Recap: Conceited and Chilla Jones put on a solid battle in this main event matchup for KOTD. Got Chilla edging what turned out to be the best round for both battlers, the first, what with Mr. Jonas showing more consistency and versatility in his raps along with some aggressive (“Everything I holla graphic [holographic], I make the card shine!”) punchlines and (“You so small, I bet your rounds is short”) jokes thrown in. No doubt Conceited, after gamely attempting to predict the final word on each of Chilla’s rhymes, didn’t lack for confidence while putting forth a pretty dope round himself with some exquisite (“Being around all them K’s will bring the bitch out this nigga like Bruce Jenner!”) wordplay, feelgood Empire bars and a couple of ill slow-it-downs. But for some lulls within his turn, Con might’ve taken the round. Despite a slip-up, round two was pretty much all (“Nigga I’m the reason you rap the way you spit now, that flow is like Stephen King because I gave you IT, clown”) Conceited, who spouted out an ill Family Matters scheme that proved to be the top attraction of the round. Tied after two, Chilla dominated the final round, going long and heavy on the fiery (“He ain’t gonna grip a gat, and he ain’t gun-slinging, let Con vent, he got nuns singing, it’s like Sister Act”) punchlines and hard personals, while Con struggled with bars that apparently looked better on paper than they did when mouthed in the air.
Verdict: Chilla Jones (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Chilla Jones – “I heard you did a drive-by and niggas legs was breaking”
Recap: Nice, competitive, one-round matchup between Lil Joe and Checka Fred is filled with plenty of witty bars and fiery setups from both battlers. But a more consistent and versatile Joe, punching and raining down (“The .40 got a kickback, don’t believe me? look at [flicks his wrist in opponent’s face] the flick of the wrist!”) haymakers with ease, takes this in the end for Jersey.
Verdict: Lil Joe (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Lil Joe – “Come to my town, it’ll be like the NFL draft, the 1st round I’ll put a cap on his head!”
Recap: More often than not, European battle rappers (and their crowds) seem to value style over substance, that is delivery/entertainment value over bars. Raptor Warhurst, however, put s different spin on that theory, here in this 3-rounder versus Big Kannon, by actually dishing some pretty good and versatile punchlines throughout. Sure, the Englishmen’s more pedestrian bars were still met with many a cheer from the hometown crowd. But after an elongated 1st and a nice rebuttal from BK cost him the 1st, Raptor puts together enough witty punches and stealthy personals to make for a debatable 2nd, before he used some righteous sermonizing and more fierce punches to take the 3rd against a Kannon who while kicking some worthy (“I brought a whole Arsonal to Don’t Flop, that’s a few meals [mils] with the Shotty!”) heat for the first couple of rounds, never seemed stoke his A-game, making for a short and lazy 3rd round that made this match a draw.
Verdict: TIE
Favorite line: Raptor Warhurst – “You want to come to the UK and act like we ain’t no kind of a force, you flew straight from the Windy City and headed straight to the eye of the storm!”
Recap: Another nice battle from The Trap sees Stash score consistently with aggressive (“You sure you from Harlem nigga?, ‘cuz you straight bummy, if we exchange bucks these four .5’s will break 20!”) shiners and some potent schemes throughout his 3 rounds to gain a split in round 1 and edge round 3 over an (“I got bars, and I scheme for the punch like I’m sneaking a nigga!”; “The gun big, it look like it shoots t-shirts at half-time!”) overall solid/wordplay heavy, but shaky at times Fettuccine20.
Verdict: TIE
Favorite line: Stash – “Get Ya Boy Clip [clipped] like a dirty tackle below the knees!”
Recap: 3-rounder from Danger Zone Battle League features Brooklyn Carter unloading a boatload of mayhem, rich gun lines and some dope wordplay for 3 rounds and an excitable Relly Rell, apparently holding a grudge over some personal/battle rap shit that took place beforehand, literally going T-Rex on his opponent in a heated 3rd round turn that was highlighted by Rell slamming down of his cap. Other than that, Carter’s more consistently nice and potent raps easily outpoints the mostly basic lines of Rell in the 2nd and 3rd rounds, while we score the 1st a draw only due to a nice rebuttal by Rell.
Verdict: Brooklyn Carter (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Brooklyn Carter – “I keep the piece, I need the heat, a face shot will make his head dangle like a Jesus piece!”
Recap: After a pretty pedestrian 1st round that easily got upended by the more intricate and dizzying punches from First Ladi Flamez, an aggressive and hardbody Airborn stays in the mix with a wide load of bully bars/name flips and versatile urban shiners. But with a 2nd round rich on stifling punchlines and fire set-ups/gun bars coupled with a close, but slightly more condensed, in what overall was a pretty competitive battle, it’s still a well-earned 30 for Flamez.
Verdict: First Ladi Flamez (W) 3-0
Favorite line: First Ladi Flamez – “Maybe you’d prefer if I was palming the 5th, gun down your throat like I was testing your gag reflex!”
Recap: In this 2-round battle from KOTD, while Madness’ trailer park white boy-ism punches and jokes keep him in the game, it’s a rebuttal-lit, scheme/personal-heavy and punchline crazy Real Deal who takes both rounds for the win.
Verdict: Real Deal (W) 2-0
Favorite line: Real Deal – “You reppin’ Magic?, fuck that shit, I got the punch that ruptured Houdini spleen!”
Recap: Rarely seen judged battle on the RBE stage is a dope one between Big Kannon and Mr. Mills. 1st round was Kannon’s…clearly, a combo of nice punchlines, hard name flips and excellent (“But Gracie say ‘Don’t battle him bro’ yunno, trying to save the day, well pray before Mills [meals] get ate, you know what I’m saying, Grace”) wordplay that stayed a step ahead of Mills aggressive personals and rigid (“We been killing over Jordan’s and I send my prayers to heaven, ‘cuz if it was 12 new bucks pointing infrared shit, I probably bred 11!”) bars that got restrained a bit by elongated set-ups and some filler. With a tighter delivery, killer wordplay and a steady stream of (“Try to run up on me, you gonna fail B, before they see you beat my ass they gonna see hell freeze, a right-left combo will have your face looking worse than NuNu Nells knees!”) haymakers, Mills took the second despite a solid (“It’s like a halo, even my light rounds go over heads”) go from Kannon. Tied after two, the always confident Kannon went back to basics, earning the win with airtight (“This 3rd round sure to be crazy, if y’all don’t know what I have in for Mill, peep the formula baby!”) rhymes that had the crowd spazzed, a frenzied performance, more delicious name flips and wicked (“You know what? you rap and you fat, you got my life, he has no talent until he in another nigga’s shoes, that’s why I don’t Like Mike”) schemes that spoke to Kannon’s prestige. Mills’ made it close with dope screeds on Kannon’s authenticity and his own real-life (“See, I handle my business on the inside, that’s how I can get you clapped on the outside if shit get insane, even in New York I could have nigga’s on the inside place your body in the attic ‘cuz niggas in Attica love my [slashes neck] love my pen game!”) urban theatrics, but a little too much pontificating combined with Kannon’s overall potency and delivery, got him the loss.
Verdict: Big Kannon (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Big Kannon – “I’ll let that bitch peel, aim at his shit and he’ll get killed, blow the pump bullets are going dutch, they split bills!”
Recap: Redundant with the themes/bars during the middle of his turn, but punch/boast-heavy at the start of his round as well as towards the end with a nice mix of piercing personals blended in, Danny Myers is able to beat back a steady-flowing, but mostly pedestrian Billy Boondocks in this 1-rounder from Snoop Dogg’s Gladiator School.
Verdict: Danny Myers (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Danny Myers – “Your bars is something nobody listen to like Snoop’s No Limit albums!”
Recap: Dishing mostly fierce braggadocio lines, jaunty wordplay and fiery gun bars, (“See, this why I don’t scheme, I rather give you all this info upfront like a lobby booth!”; “In battle rap it’s a million finger guns and niggas faking straps, but this, this a textbook example of a nigga with a hard cover, but he paperback!”) Beddafi Green and (“When they tell you I’m the truth, it’s all facts, no deceptions slick, and I do numbers with that white girl and the flow [Flo], now that’s Progressive bitch!”; “I show up and Black on competition like away game jersey’s!”) Gutta both do little to separate themselves during the first couple of rounds here in this matchup on Trap House NY. Then the 3rd round came, and tho Gutta still managed to deliver a solid (“I’ll let the first kick in here sleep, then take this jerk chicken in the street..but shit, that’s just a typical Labor Day in Brooklyn”) turn, Bedaffi’s added mix of hitting personals and harder (“When the block hot, his heart drop, Gutta be exposed like a big bitch in a crop top!”) punchlines gets him the win.
Verdict: Bedaffi Green (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Bedaffi Green – “This why I hate speaking to clowns, no daps, but I peeped you when I see you around!”
Recap: In a battle that started off as a crescendo, but ended up on a light note when it came to performance and bars, after a debatable 1st round, a wordplay-heavy, simile-lit, storytelling/gun bar-bent and personal/punch-savvy K-Shine easily beats back Aye Verb with the St. Louis vet, who got off to a dope start with a witty and entertaining round 1 before succumbing to a bunch of redundant personals and punches that were mostly rarely stung.
Verdict: K-Shine (W) 2-1
Favorite line: K-Shine – “I got a Puerto Rican chopper, I gotta call Cortez just to work the button, the Desi’ African American, I can’t get it to work for nothin’, but the .40 Mexican, I can put it to work for nothin’!”
Recap: Magic City Mics 1-rounder in Florida gets witty and salacious at times what with Kaymo’s brazen sexcapades (which included bending down to ‘talk’ to 40’s vagina). But a mostly subpar 2nd half to Kaymo’s elongated turn plus a shorter, but concise, name flip-lit, wordplay/punch-heavy and versatile run by 40 B.A.R.R.S. gives her the edge here.
Verdict: 40 B.A.R.R.S. (W) 1-0
Favorite line: 40 B.A.R.R.S. – “See I rap circle around clowns, I’m the battle rap Flo-Jo, you standing in front of me on this cam is the only way you gonna Go Pro!”
Verdict: Bill Collector (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Bill Collector – “I swear my sneaky bar attack is perfect, ‘cuz I just killed you dog but I’mm keep you around, I’m such a taxidermist!”
Recap: Ill Will and Bigg K live up to their reps with a hyped and competitive battle that pen-wise saw them both bring their A-game. Too many ill verses from Bigg K in round one got him off to a hot start with lines like “What this man drop, hand cock [Hancock], Will’s a bum” and “Bitch, I’mma about to wig on Will like Ron Burgundy” just leaving you dumbstruck. Will had a nice (“How many y’all hear for K [crowd roars], all y’all mamas pussies got athlete’s foot”) first round, but it ended up being his worst as bar-wise there was a little too much filler along with lines that weren’t as remarkable as he would’ve liked you to believe. K, a punchline-heavy feen who be credited with mixing in more (“They throwing me racks on racks, while you on Twitter…everyday, sucking dick, trying to get back on Smack!”) personals in his rounds here than usual, continued to work the crowd into a frenzy with dope punches in round 2, but a couple of nonsensical (“I’ll catch you on a late night, that’s a matinee” lines and less potent bars overall than his first round couldn’t keep up with Will’s second round comeuppance. A round that saw him get more versatile with dope personals, crazy wordplay, righteous (“Back in the day I would’ve dropped you every week, like a No Limit CD”) bars and all-too-nice (“If it start with ‘K’ [makes hands like gun] than it end with K [points hand like gun at Bigg K’s head], like Kodak…you get the picture?”) performance bars. 3rd round was pretty standard fare, but Bigg K scored well with pointers on how he allegedly chose a battle over his brother’s funeral (even tho that’s pretty much how it sounded when he first brought it up in his battle against Half Past 7) and some ill wordplay that kept heads buzzing. But Will did him one better, continuing to display more versatility along with a nicer performance and some rich (“Your bitch got a venereal disease, it’s chewing through the shorts”) joke to take the round and edge it at the end.
Verdict: Ill Will (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Bigg K – “Got a brand new chopper, you wanna feel the flame first? This the best M-16 [Em 16] since the “Renegade” verse”
Recap: Diesel and J-Money put on a fiery and competitive show throughout this West-Coast PG battle, loaded with plenty of hardbody punchlines/gun bars, feisty wordplay, ill braggadocio lines and aggressive performances. A more condensed and consistent Diesel takes a close round 1, before a (“They say you the hottest Dies…but you know nigga’s, they say a lot of things!”) pronounced, versatile and scheme-heavy J-Money comes back to edge the 2nd. The deciding 3rd round was nice all around with Diesel hitting hard with boastful punches and some fire set-ups, while J-Money dished his own crazy steeze of West-coast themed punches and stifling polemics to earn a debatable.
Verdict: TIE
Favorite line: Diesel – “I’m riding, with a SOS…that’s a big flare, that’ll take you from your baby, your baby momma be Living Single like Sinclair!”
Recap: Newcomer E-City makes a name for himself with some nice name (“You wanna be a star, but you’ll never be a celebrity Show!”) flips and hard (“For you to Access Hollywood, you gotta blow like TNT, but I’m embarrassing you on cam, like TMZ!”) punches that landed well in this one-rounder against the favored Show Off. But too many average bars and lackluster setups from the Massacre Battle Association emcee couldn’t hold their weight when faced against Show’s aggressive performance bars, dope (“You a walking contradiction, like a white Latin King!”) lines/schemes and fiery wordplay.
Verdict: Show Off (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Show Off – “You talked all that you was gonna beat me shit…knock it off, my bars got your bitch on my dick, she will knock it off!”
Recap: After slumping a bit in hi slast battle against Born Xcel gets back to basics with a combo of exemplary wordplay, superb rebuttals and a legion of sharp-witted (“I leave earth every time I’m spitting, my alien writtens cut deep, I’m Zecharia Sitchin!”) bars to take a close one from the steadily (“I’ll tag Xcel [XL] with this shit that go over the head…I’m not putting you on”) improving, but still too often word-stretching Steams.
Verdict: Xcel (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Xcel – “My first thought, when I caught the first draft of y’all name…was Little Debbie, cux all the Cakes come packaged the same”
Recap: In this 3-rounder from Showtime Battle Arena, tho he’d choke away his 3rd round, the hardbody punches and witty storytelling from Ghetto Fama would keep things interesting. That said, Fama really stood no chance as a consistently blazing with the heat, bruising with the personals and punch-lit from all angles Nu Jerzey Twork delivers the 30.
Verdict: Nu Jerzey Twork (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Nu Jerzey Twork – “If he see long snipes, he gonna head for the nearest exit, infra-red tags on clothes like the Clearance section!”
Recap: In what was an aggressive on both sides, but pretty underwhelming 3-rounder from KCBL & Barburians Battle Arena, Bill Collector uses doses of self-deprecating humor, some solid punchlines and personals and bouts of frequent mayhem to beat back a mostly pedestrian punching and personal-light Moses West, handily taking rounds 1 and 3 when he didn’t have a debatable 2nd.
Verdict: Bill Collector (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Bill Collector – “You ain’t really booty, just an ass shot!”
Recap: An unusually funny Danny Myers attaches a gang of witty barbs/personals to his usual assortment of frenetic street missives to beat back a solid, but less consistent showing from fellow West-coast energy capo Cali Smoov in this 1-rounder from KOTD.
Verdict: Danny Myers (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Danny Myers – “I walk into prison I’m the one they flex they grizzle at, he walk into prison he the one nigga’s whistle at!”
Recap: Not much to see here and a pretty dead crowd didn’t help things either as Uno Lavoz and O-Red are put together for a matchup that made little sense. First round stands out as the best round as a somewhat hyped O-Red gets off some nice (“Militant, ready for action, let this nigga trip, neck shot, he’ll walk off stage with the Reggie Miller clinch”) performance bars, while for the most part Uno struggles with his angles/bars freestyles and yo mama jokes. Latter rounds sees the crowd get more and more distracted as the combined performance by Red and Uno only gets lamer with a shitload of lackluster (Uno: “I heard you sleeping on me, yeah? Well I’ll put that silencer over your mattress, now that’s your deathbed”) bars and slip-ups. Still, with just enough potent bars and affable wordplay in round two to overcome a throwaway final round and Uno lacking hard in originality or consistency throughout, Red’s gets a dub that he probably won’t be bragging to kids grandkids about.
Verdict: O-Red (W) 2-1
Favorite line: O-Red – “It’s sad you losing your life God and your bae [Bay] watching me”
Recap: O’fficial’s classic “Cock the Dezzi?, Jaz, you can stop already, pop a gun!?, You too afraid to even pop ya cherry!!!” line gets most of the attention here and deservedly so as its performance, authenticity and execution were extra on point. But after a more consistent O edges the 1st round, what really makes the difference in this battle versus Jaz The Rapper is a spitfire, versatile, personal, witty and punch-crazy 2nd round by O’fficial and what would amount to a couple of lyrically underwhelming turns by her opponent. Indeed, when the gritty, scheme-slinging and wordplay-heavy Jaz we all know would finally show up with a (“How you gonna beat me, O, when (Owen) Hart made you die in the ring?, and after all that, y’all wanted me to be the one she go to?, yeah I battle periodic, but I take bitches out they element, now I gotta get O too (O2)!”) punch-heavy, consistent, angle-rich and personal-spazzing 3rd, the irony of O’fficial getting booed in her 3rd (tho the 2nd half or her turn made up for a subpar 1st half) round probably wasn’t lost on the heads who had Jaz as the heavy favorite going into this battle.
Verdict: O’fficial (W) 2-1
Favorite line: O’fficial – “And if anybody say they’ll fuck Jaz, I’m upset, ‘cuz she built like a 10 year old boy, y’all suspect, she gotta, big-ass head, no titties, ass or hips, and y’all know I would never lie, this bitch is standing here shaped like a lowercase letter ‘i’!
Recap: Fresh off his somewhat disappointing battle with Hollow da Don, Charlie Clips gets right back on stage against a formidable opponent in the punchline-heavy, Oakland-based spitter Pass. From the start it doesn’t look too good for Clips as Pass (who clearly took a lot of notes from the Hollow battle) uses his opponent’s penchant for excuse-making to set up some nice punches and fiery (“You not careful where your Ice is [Isis] you get beheaded”) bars. But after using his first round to spit some mostly pedestrian freestyles in between pontificating on time issues, Clips gets back to battle mode and steps it up with a mean performance, steady schemes and a couple of righteous (“I’ll walk through your hood, no scratches on me, I’m a Foam Posit”) haymakers that easily takes out Pass’ fast-rap indifference and mostly stale darts. With the momentum back on his side, Clips edges a competitive (Pass: “Just cuz’ you .38 don’t make you special nigga”) round 3 with nasty schemes, festive (“You know Simon?. who gives a fuck, do what this gat say”) wordplay and a ‘Timbaland/Timberland/Missy’ line that was the best one in the round. Take in account Clips’ freestyle pedigree and how prepared he was for Pass’ angles and whoever Clips battles next may want to rethink the idea that he might be falling off.
Verdict: Charlie Clips (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Charlie Clips – “And my Cole, Shirley, when I bring these biscuits in ya mama Payne [pain] bitch”
Recap: After using a barrage of graphic punchlines, heated (Krucial Ken: “How sharp is your shooting bitch?, ‘cuz mine’s razor, Detroit ain’t seen a point this great since Isiah!”) guns bars and pointed wordplay/schemes to split the 1st round, Dyce Rolla and Krucial Ken do the same with the latter two rounds. First, Ken gets amped with rapid-fire punches that led to a handful of haymakers to take the 2nd round, before Dyce edges the 3rd by mimicking his opponent with a nice freestyle game, a feelgood rebuttal and a more witty, condensed turn.
Verdict: TIE
Favorite line: Dyce Rolla – “Pistol to his head while he trying to stuff himself, put the biscuit in his hand, when the cops find him, they don’t know if it was suicide or he choked to death!”
Recap: Capped off by a righteous and spitfire 3rd round (which included a crazy mid-round rebuttal), Loso uses a boatload of stinging personals, Christian-laced zingers and spirited, but hitting punchlines to beat back the slick wordplay, but also topsy-turvy bars from Problems in this entertaining 3-rounder from The ETD Platform.
Verdict: Loso (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Loso – “I got two options when I look at you so you don’t die and choke, you could speak better or end up like Heath Ledger…die a joke!”
Recap: Honestly, but for a couple of 2nd round slip-ups, Ryda won this battle. Jerry Wess, who overall, despite a solid turn throughout, probably had his worse battle here with filler aplomb, edged the first round with a slightly better mix of (“I was at your girl house last night…I’m just here to give you her keys back!”) bars, rich schemes/personals and an ill performance. From there it was plenty of haymakers….but mostly from (“Hey Clip, you chose to put two dough on it?, I’ll make Jerry Wess feel like Jerry West, his front get the .44 [44] on it!”; “You start shit, I end shit…this is Genesis vs. Revelations!”) Ryda, who stepped it up in the 3rd to easily take round and would’ve had the 2nd too if he was better prepared.
Verdict: Jerry Wess (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Jerry Wess – “Wait, enough with the schemes, before he start thinking he punch better than I do, you gonna leave here on a bad note…like he lost on American Idol!”
Verdict: Ill Will (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Ill Will – “You gonna die my the Smif, but we brought the Sub in for the kids like Real deal called in sick!”
Recap: Despite Milton Bloe’s constant interruptions and need for screen time, this battle along with a B-Magic strictly on his A-game is still worth a see. And after getting edged in the 1st round, thanks in part to yet another nice (“You said, I’m the Chef, I should be used to long caps, well you Magic so when I pull something outta one, it shouldn’t be a surprise!”) rebuttal from the hard-punching (“Rib shot, bullets go through your side like the front door was locked!”) Chef Trez, Magic’s spitfire (“Round [around] 2, I’m eating like late lunches!”; “This fucker gonna die quick, see the ratchet, busting out the window, it ain’t a side bitch!”) punchlines dominate round 2, before he takes the last round with more consistent (“I made a song about the ratchet, called ‘I Hit It First!'”) heat and a higher overall bar quotient.
Verdict: B-Magic (W) 2-1
Favorite line: B-Magic – “Blow ya chest across the room like ya crib haunted!”
Recap: Put aside all the silly antics here, especially on Calicoe’s part, as a poor display of showmanship was made up by the fact that when it came to bars and performance Calicoe actually did really well. First round was pretty much a wash as Pat Stay’s aggressive wordplay and rich (“If you really trapped so much, you wouldn’t open your trap so much!”) personals overmatched what was a pretty ubiquitous round angle-wise from Calicoe. 2nd round saw a more focused Calicoe spit some nice bully bars, step up his performance, deliver some dope punchlines and efficiently mock (“These King of the Dot niggas, they just seem hot, they living like they married to the game, but got on ring pops”) Pat’s intimidation tactics. Surprisingly, for a guy renowned for his pen game, consistency and ability to stay focused, as the battle progressed Pat Stay seemed to get more spent, what with nice bars and witty lines surrounded by (“Even on a rag-you-later, you like Nate Dogg”) reaches and elementary rhymes pulled from 2005 instead of 2015–then too, an overkill on attempting to show just how real he is. Indeed , the “I’m just as real as you are” shenanigans just seemed too forced on Pat’s part, when in the past his mere poise always came off as organic. Last round Calicoe continued to come with it esp. on the personals tip, effectively mocking Pat’s (“You from Canada, you couldn’t make it to the CFL?’) stature, race and battle rap (“But you 6″6′, but that don’t matter cuz you still a big bitch!, I don’t know if you Kurt Angle, William Regal or Rik Smits!”) aura to trounce what was pretty much a wasted round by Pat–more attention on spitting jokes and spouting recreation bars than anything direct at his opponent. All said while many will watch this battle and solely base their decision on Calicoe’s tomfoolery, at the end of the day once you’re in the ring it’s all entertainment, thankfully no punches were thrown and overall Calicoe clearly had the better battle.
Verdict: Calicoe (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Calicoe – “You probably would block a shot like [waves hand like a girl] this, fucking with me you gonna have a block a shot like [falls back and cowers] this!”
Recap: A spitfire punch-wise (and less morbid) 3rd round by Tink tha Demon isn’t enough to save him from Big Hann’s more condensed, rigged and punch-heavy 1st and 2nd, thus giving Hann the win in this nice, competitive battle from World Battle League.
Verdict: Big Hann (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Big Hann – “You Delaware nigga’s is pussy with no hammers, Me? I keep the ratchet cuffed like I’m slow-dancing!”
Recap: As long as Ty Law’s been out of the ring, you had to know he was sitting on a shitload of bars. Still, up against a resilient punchline fiend like B-Magic, the main question here was if Law’s long break would give way to rust. Apparently not as from the jump Law’s pronounced, slow-punching and for the most part (one too many lines on Magic’s past brouhaha with the S.O.N.S’ Fox), consistently biting lines definitely made their presence felt throughout the battle. B Magic, on the other hand, quicker and adept with the punches, while also fierce with the name flips, wordplay and unorthodox polemics, would take advantage of Law’s worst turn of the night (a hitting at times, but somewhat pedestrian 3rd that came right after he tied things up by edging round 2) with a condensed, but ably proficient and punch-heavier round that worked effectively enough to edge him the battle.
Verdict: B Magic (W) 2-1
Favorite line: B Magic – “You better break when it clap like a football huddle!”
