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Uno Lavoz defeats Juan

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Recap: Some battles are not for the sensitive types and this one between Uno Lavoz and Juan certainly fit the category. While both battlers went ham with the jokes (Uno: “And your teeth are big as shit. how much wood could a Juan Juan chuck?”), personals (Juan: “It’s Juan and Uno Lavos, they got this fella to battle me, all we need no wis Carlos and Pedro and we could start our own Mexican battle league”) and punchlines to split the first two rounds, it’s Uno’s over-the-top freestyle (“Wanna know how I know you’re a faggot? That’s your girlfriend…”) taken out on an apparent tranny in the crowd in addition to some downright mean Jewish jokes that gets him a some might say…controversial win.

Verdict: Uno Lavoz (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Uno Lavoz – “He’s racist, don’t fucking believe him, I mean the only black friends he has is the Jewish people that survived the oven treatment”

Young Kannon defeats Fettuccine20

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Recap: Who knew that Young Kannon was such a (“Trust me, you ain’t waling through these sparks, you ain’t Goldberg!”) wrestling fan? Nonetheless, a good battle between the visiting YK and East Harlem up-n-comer Fettuccine20 pretty much comes down to round 1, esp. when you put aside a debatable (and fairly weak on both parts) second round and a debatable (and pretty dope on both parts) 3rd. And it’s YK who takes the only clearly non-debatable round, using queasy (“Outside his mom’s building ready to murk a nigga, she’ll see clear when I give 20 .20, that’s perfect vision”!) gun bars, filthy name (“Fettuccine need seasoning, I don’t mean powdered garlic, I’m cooking this nigga…from Trap House to the Olive Garden!”) flips and serene wordplay to squeeze past what was an at times ( “……where I’m from nigga’s only worried if a nigga wave an arm AFTER he reach”; “Nigga I’m a pimp, my bitch wear heels, that’s two pumps in the mac, like an African with a baby, this shit will put Young on his back”) fiery, but way too inconsistent turn by Fettuccine20.

Verdict: Young Kannon (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Young Kannon – “Have him bleeding on his porch, his mama outside crying, screaming ’cause she hoarse, bullets toru guides with your name on it, lead him to the Lord, the metal twist Fettuccine like I’m eating with a fork!”

Viixen The Assassin defeats Ms. Miami

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Recap: From MeleeTV/URL, Ms Miami’s gritty punches kept things competitive, but in one the best, punch-lit performances we’ve seen from her to date, Viixen The Assassin’s steadily spicy bars (mixed in with some fiery gun bars and dope 4-bar set-ups) over the course of 3 rounds gives the Milwaukee emcee a well-earned 30.

Verdict: Viixen The Assassin (W) 3-0

Favorite line: Viixen The Assassin – “In Milwaukee, you gonna show some respect, everybody wanna be the Queen on the card until they Decked!”

Bonnie Godiva defeats Tia. S

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Recap: Props to both Tia. S and Bonnie Godiva for displaying what real emcees are made of and doing this impromptu, One Off battle for Smack/URL. And while word has is that Bonnie free-styled around some bars she already had for O’fficial, as long as the bars are hers, the Yonkers battler more spicy punches and personals handily earned the win over a hardbody, but flow-challenged effort from Tia.

Verdict: Bonnie Godiva (W) 1-0

Favorite line: Bonnie Godiva – “How you fat and Black? from the back we think you a white bitch!”

Murda Mook defeats Loaded Lux (Rematch)

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Recap: Much-anticipated rematch between Harlem legends Loaded Lux and Murda Mook gets the polished and production-lit reception it deserves in front of a packed crowd at the Hammerstein Ballroom in New York as the headline to the Total Slaughter card. Too bad the battle itself wouldn’t live up to the hype. As after Lux dished a consistently gripping round 1 loaded with righteous punches, some vivid storytelling and wily personals to beat back a momentous and witty at times, but inconsistent turn by Mook, the “Talk Dirty” emcee’s normally virtuous rhymes would disappear into a pool of pedestrian bars and personals with very little bite, helping him to eventually lose this battle. And while Mook would start to land with more punches as the battle proceeded, continue to call out his opponent for allegedly being a hypocrite when it comes to his more preachy lines, spit a nice rebuttal in the deciding 3rd round and instigate a Lux vs. Busta Rhymes (who was in the audience) beef by playing a tape of Lux sneak-dissing Busta (a ploy that worked out really well when you consider the weak attempt by Lux to use a coat as a prop during the top of the round), it wasn’t like Murda, who was often spotty here, was ever on his A-game either. Although one can agree that the higher-ups could’ve let Mook finish the verse he wasn’t able to deliver in time in a final round that with the many breakdown’s on his opponent, he won pretty decisively.

Verdict: Murda Mook (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Murda Mook – “All of this dressing up like different people, that ain’t for niggas from the block, the only time we in disguise when we fin to get the drop!”

Dougy and Chillean G [DEBATABLE]

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Recap: Judged battle from We Go Hard. Tho I get where the judges were coming from giving the win to Chillean G seeing as Dougy had a less cleaner round. The second half of Chillean G’s round wasn’t quite as nice as the (“Now I’m on your neck like a noose, you can’t hang with me…Dennis Rodman crashing the boards [slams hand on basement wall] you can’t bang with me!”; “With one bullet, through your dome and out his neck…I trick shot him!”) first. And overall (thanks in part to him spitting longer, but also due to a higher bar quotient) Dougy had more harder (“I got the can on the couch, I’m Al Bundy!”; “I been nice since City was bony, nigga!”) punches and lit performance (“…she was looking all sloppy and shit, I told my hitter ‘finish the bitch!‘, he threw the grip, I threw my man the glock, he took the shot…that’s a hockey assist!”) bars. So all things said, make this one debatable.

Verdict: TIE

Favorite line: Dougy – “I ride with a .380 ‘cuz I can load it quicker, but you could still get your head cracked for fucking with that K…he a Lamar Odom nigga!”

Rum Nitty defeats Steams

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Recap: Honestly, it doesn’t get much better than this as Rum Nitty and Steams each put forth one of their best performances in this URL/PG battle on the West coast. Going toe-to-toe with plenty of (Nitty: “Think this one shot Mrs? I doubt fire on Kareem [Cream] face”) haymakers, sharp (Steams: “It might look like it, but you don’t really cook, kid’s ovens”) darts, sizzling metaphorical wordplay, name flips, rich performance (Nitty: “Nigga my whole team will shoot, big shit, let an eagle loose, you gonna pull to the side like da ambulance is comin’ and you gonna need ’em too!”) bars and steady urban theatrics, the shouts in the crowd for ‘Battle of the Year!’ were more than warranted. Still, what with Nitty edging the 2nd and Steams edging the 3rd, it’s Nitty’s comeuppance (“I’ll whoop your ass then whoop your ass, I’m on repeat, you’ll get washed up then dusted off again, I got OCD”), fresh personals and hard gun lines that wrecked havoc on an animated and (“Your girl I peep for free, speaking of in boxes I was whispering in your bae’s [bay’s] area like Keak the Sneak”) potent, but inconsistent and overanxious Steams in round 1 to clearly give Rum that round and earn him the overall dub here. Either way, it’ll be hard to top this one in ’15.

Verdict: Rum Nitty (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Rum Nitty – “Cali, Atlanta, Canada now I’m going to Vegas, I’m doing my numbers around the globe, that’s a notification”

Young Kannon defeats Cannon ThaBeast

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Recap: In this 1-rounder from SpitDatHeat, Cannon ThaBeast’s love for gun bars allows him to score some shiners here and there in this, But a repetitive display of mayhem from ThaBeast along with a more diverse pen from Young Kannon–who not only scores with his own set of gun theatrics, but also some fierce schemes, soldi wordplay, name flips and airy punchlines–gets the kid from the Southside of Chicago another win.

Verdict: Young Kannon (W) 1-0

Favorite line: Young Kannon – “Why the fuck they got your man amped?, what you put in ink is barely above ass, you a tramp stamp!”

Hitman Holla defeats Shotty Horroh

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Recap: SMH at this one. Some weirdo interrupts the match during Hitman Holla’s round one (and apparently got his just due when he got knocked off stage), both Shotty Horror and Hitman suffer from slip-ups and the battle is frequently interrupted by silly time limits (really, esp. if it’s the last battle of the night, just let ’em rap). That being said, Shotty’s too-frequent filler and brief first two rounds didn’t pack enough punch against Hitman’s aggressive (“Drake let me get something straight, I’m um-fucking set, y’all threw me in a dunk contest with a nigga who can’t touch the net?!”) bars, hometown crowd pleasers and fiery performance. Close 3rd round, but Shotty had the best line (“Split personalities, persona disorder, you see how quick man flip?, aye lets just say it’s JFK, there’s still questions of who that Hitman is”) to edge it.

Verdict: Hitman Holla (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Hitman Holla – “If Show swing, you’ll land in the crowd, that’s the shit starter”

Hollaluyah Jones defeats Amazing D Boy

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Recap: From Spittaz League, 1-rounder features strong, punch-heavy and boastful/mayhem-laced performances from both Hollaluyah Jones and Amazing D Boy. But it’s the more versatile, witty, metaphor-rich and consistently hitting Jones who gets the win.

Verdict: Hollaluyah Jones (W) 1-0

Favorite line: Hollaluyah Jones – “Amazing delivery boy, you drive pizza’s, so why you claim you banging them tek’s?, get the order there in under 30 minutes or else it’s coming outta your check!”

J. Murda defeats Phrank Rizo

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Recap: J Murda uses some flagrant schemes and hot performance (“You can lose your life exactly where you stand…BYE! [standby]”) bars to take out a poor man’s Tech 9 in Phrank Rizo. Indeed, with Rizo spitting consistently underwhelming lines like “Shells burn baby, shit will get hotter than Africa”, this one was over pretty much before it started.

Verdict: J. Murda (W) 1-0

Favorite line: J. Murda – “This BODY gonna be hard for you to watch, like your sister stripping”

Th3 Saga defeats Prep

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Recap: Hell hath no fury like a Christian scorned. Accusations of hypocrisy, or the real life anguish that comes with walking a thin line while serving God? Th3 Saga addresses all issues with a righteous display of speakeasy bars, Smack battle rap proficiency, outrageous name flips, dope schemes and hard-hitting (“Speaking of grammar, your last PG almost got you shot in the face, run-on sentence you had a hard time putting D.O.T. in his place!”) personals. There’s even a moment of revealing self-examination: “Before I wrote this round, I had to reexamine my own life, see after that Blac Muqua and T-Top battle, Man, I was feeding into my own hype, yunno counting the new followers, and reading into what blogs say, focusing in on the views instead of listening to what God say…”. Indeed, one could argue that this battle was kind of therapeutic for the Christian battle rapper. By the way, Prep did really good here: crazy wordplay, rich (“I’m sure you stole from a collection plate once or twice, now let’s see if you can [points hands in air like a gun at Th3 Saga’s head] take a BUCK!”) gun bars and bullish rebuttals. But a too short 2nd round and Th3 Saga’s workmanship, variety, aggression  and preparation was just too much to overcome.

Verdict: Th3 Saga (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Th3 Saga – “Won’t be swindled by the limelight, covered in His blood, but came to kill every one in my class, I’m Carrie, on prom night”

Shotgun Suge defeats Reepah Rell

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Recap: With a style and flow reminiscent of Rum Nitty, Long Island’s Reepah definitely came with it in this one-round matchup against Shotgun Suge–delivering a litany of flavorful (“So what, you big and fat, whoopee, nigga I will still hurt you, I throw beats like Harpo, Suge been singing like a bitch, not cuz his Color Purple”) punchlines, name flips and working (“You a bully but got spazzed on by a white kid, soccer mom”) jabs handmade with consistent aggression. Indeed, what with Reepah spitting heat for more than half the battle, a minor upset was ready for the taking. Too bad on this day Suge clearly wasn’t having that as Jersey’s favorite bully worked his 3 minutes to startling effect: rambunctious (” You ain’t on my level, I don’t get battles because they think I’m a terrorist”) shit-talking, potent gun bars, grimy street (“He brown skin now, he gonna be laying in his casket looking like Gucci man”) chatter and groundbreaking haymakers with nary a slip-up to pull out a close one.

Verdict: Shotgun Suge (W) 1-0

Favorite line:  Shotgun Suge – “I’m the type to hook a nigga if he slap box”

Casey Jay defeats Taylor Jay

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Recap: From NOBL, dope one-round battle for the ‘Jay’ between Casey and Taylor gets pretty lit when it comes to blistering punchlines, residual mayhem, raunchy chatter, fierce gun bars, sizzling 4-bar setups, wit and piercing personals. A close one till the end, a slightly more condensed and cleaner Casey edges the win here.

Verdict: Casey Jay (W) 1-0

Favorite line: Casey Jay – “I’d kill her with twin Nina’s, but those old bitches jam…Salt-n-Pepa!”

Aye Verb defeats Danja Zone

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Recap: Danja Zone rapped longer and came with some nice (“See these ratchets fucked, and flew out the window like Cleo in the whip”) bars, but too much filler and exaggerated schemes proved too little against Verb’s haymakers, witty personals and crowd-pleasing (“I be bringing out the live drums in Maryland, nigga that’s Go-Go music!”) punchlines in this one-rounder from Do or Die Battle League.

Verdict: Aye Verb (W) 1-0

Favorite line: Aye Verb -“I ride up, Jerri-curl, bumping that Soul-Glo music, shotty out the window, that bitch long, look like Rebecca Lobo shooting!”

Pat Stay defeats Charron

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Recap: More serious of a battle than a jocular, punch-fest that you might’ve expected to see, KOTD champion Pat Stay does enough in the 1st and 3rd rounds with his rugged bully bars, righteous personals/schemes, solid rebuttals, fiery braggadocio lines and spicy flashes of mocking wit to keep his title after beating back a pretty committed, but overall less potent with his 4-bar set-ups, too pressing at times and not as consistent Charron.

Verdict: Pat Stay (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Pat Stay – “Dog, you can’t fuck with me, I’m Sucker-free, you gluten-free!”

Xcel defeats Sicarii

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Recap: Nice, competitive and spirited battle between Xcel and Sicarii stays close throughout, but the difference are mostly the haymakers. And while Sicarii dropped some real heat and funny (“You got that homeless odor, that I’m broke aroma”) quips at times, his quantity of over-the-top bombs, consistency along with wordplay didn’t quite match (“Body after body flooded the net, my name proven for those dope caskets, I’m battle raps Frank Lucas”) Xcel’s. So I have Xcel edging the first couple of rounds and Sicarii taking the 3rd.

Verdict: Xcel (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Xcel -“Take me in vain [vein] and get drugged, I’ll relapse this dude”

Kee Kasino defeats Dre Vishiss

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Recap: An aggressive and confident Kee Kasino uses steely name flips, gritty street chatter and some wicked/witty punchlines to take the first two rounds over a mostly pedestrian Dre Vishiss, before Vishiss steps it up and shows enough versatility to salvage the final round and avoid getting 30’d.

Verdict: Kee Kasino (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Kee Kasino – “You think that you could intimidate me boy?, you must be crazy boy, you got that same frame like Snoop and that wife-beater on Baby Boy!”

Gutta defeats Gjonaj

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Recap: Dope battle between Gutta (who easily makes up for his earlier poor PG against Blacksmif here) and Gjonga, a Michigan cat whose style and pedigree is like a flat-out combination of Dizaster and Uno Lavos. Close throughout with plenty of haymakers, crazy (Gutta: “I’ll chew a nigga while he hot, I can’t stand to eat my dinner cold”) punchlines, steady jokes, preachy (Gjonja: “Well honestly, save your fucking apology, I been down paths so fucking dark my shadow wouldn’t follow me”) wordplay and stellar performances on both sides. But Gutta takes it in the end for being a little more consistent overall with the flow while producing more heat with his stage time. All the while Gjonaj’s wordplay didn’t always match his aggression, tho his all-world first (“If by now you’re not a fan, I got holy punches that I promise land”) round should still be viewed as a classic.

Verdict: Gutta (W0 2-1

Favorite line: Gjonga – “Well now I’m mad and I can’t get past it so I’mma catch you leaving Summer Madness, talking to your fucking ratchet, knife you at a red light, tell your bitch you got stuck in traffic!”

Rosenberg Raw defeats Tink Tha Demon

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Recap: Tink da Demon had some nice braggadocio lines and funny (“This mission suicide, they got me battling a half-white, black, German, Jewish guy!”) barbs, but a couple of slip-ups along with Rosenberg Raw’s variety what with rap battle tutorials, spirited gun bars and wicked personals were so hot that the damn ring broke.

Verdict: Rosenberg Raw (W) 2-0

Favorite line: Rosenberg Raw – “Head shot, simple, that’s how I’m getting busy, bullets will go in one ear and out the other, be like ‘Nigga, you should’ve listened to me'”

Troy Brown (Bal. ) defeats Franchise

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Recap: Punchline-heavy until he regresses a bit in the 3rd, Troy Brown edges a solid and performance-heavy Franchise in the 1st round with a nice rebuttal and then again in the 2nd with a more condensed turn when placed side-by-side with his opponent’s mostly one-note themed drenched round. That’s enough for a win from Brown, even if you think the final round could be edged to Franchise for struggling less with his flow as well as his bar quotient.

Verdict: Troy Brown (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Troy Brown – “If I lose, I’m clapping it up…that’s good sportsmanship!”

Whosane defeats July Streets

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Recap: Always good to see two battle rappers with so much confidence in themselves. But as far as output goes, a way more consistent, set-up fiending and punch-heavy Whosane easily gets the one-up on an eccentric July Streets here.

Verdict: Whosane (W) 1-0

Favorite line: Whosane – “My right-hand man, told me he a realer, stone gangster till he rot in a box, but I could still give him the signal and have that .8 lift you like Simba at the top of the rock!”

Ryda defeats Top Class

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Recap: Despite all the loud and distracting crowd noise that went down throughout the battle, a more comfortable in his element, set-up and (“I came in armed the blade, you’ll get a baraacka slice”) punchline-heavy Ryda still manages to make quick work of a struggling Top Class.

Verdict: Ryda (W) 1-0

Favorite line: Ryda – “As soon as I pull out [reaches for guns with both hands] Kid and Play, we gonna see how Class act!”

Chess defeats Billy Bars

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Recap: In what one could guess is one of the lamest angles ever attempted in battle rap history, Billy Bars decided that it would be ‘bright’ to build his round around Chess’ moniker with literal (“…and we’re running late to the next class”) schoolyard rhymes that were elementary at best, that he somehow thought were hype and had to leave your head shaking on how he got this battle in the first place. And yeah, he used ‘Leave it to Beaver’ in a bar…ummm yeah, this was just bad. Or better yet, only watch it for Chess’ steely (“My machete turns 6-feet nigga’s to 4’4″!”) urban dynamics–thank goodness he went first.

Verdict: Chess (W) 1-0

Favorite line: Chess – “I’m a send your silly ass down Gwitty path…Paper trail!”

Swave Sevah defeats Ness Lee

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Recap: Sometimes a comedy (Swave: “Nigga you look like every picture you take should have a caption that say ‘Dark Skin Niggas Be Like…'”) roast and other times an actual rap (Ness Lee: “….you let him Jaden Smith ya, nigga you was sounding crazy nigga, on the spot looking uncomfortable like you played your sister in a game of Twister”) battle, thanks in part to his opponent’s round 1 choke, Swave Sevah outlasts Atlanta battle rap veteran Ness Less with better consistency on the bars, higher quality (“Respect me, I’m deadly, I’ll dead Lee, I’m the one they unleash when it’s war, you will probably Jet Lee [Li]”) wordplay and a nicer overall performance to get a win here.

Verdict: Swave Sevah (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Ness Lee – “You’ll be the first to get it like we had an inside joke”

Bigg K defeats Conceited

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Recap: After getting edged in round 1 thanks to a shortened turn that even a so-so and elongated, but punch-heavy at times Conceited was able to sneak past, Bigg K turns it up in the latter rounds of this 3-round Ether battle (which btw had some fire visuals) with a gang of mocking personals, some killer schemes (most notably, the MTV show’s roundhouse in round 2) and flexing punchlines for the win against an opponent who by the middle of round 3 was so surprisingly pedestrian with the bars that even the booing crowd wasn’t having it.

Verdict: Bigg K (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Bigg K – “Stop lying about how you fire tools and your hammer tucked, pussy, you short enough to tie ya shoes while ya standing up!”

Big T defeats Aktive

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Recap: Feet planted on a polished Belasco Theater stage in Los Angeles, Big T still brings the raw and gritty theatrics, rocking the crowd (and opponent Aktive) with a barrage of sizzling gun blasts, plenty of righteous mayhem, piercing wordplay and graphic punchlines/personals to easily catch a 30 over his mostly pedestrian adversary.

Verdict: Big T (W) 3-0

Favorite line: Big T –  “Nigga, we leaving bigger spagetti in they lap, I’ll have my dog split they noodle like Lady and the Tramp!”

Rum Nitty defeats Billy Boondocks

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Recap: When a battle rapper spouts a ‘thank you for having me’ speech before he begins his 1st round, dishes an entire round of nursery school lines that each end in his opponent’s last name, drops microphone on the floor in a lame attempt at machismo and spits horrible bars like “You gonna get stuck, chewed the fuck up, left under these boots like gum Nitty!” with the sheer intensity (I’m guess that he thought that “Dope!” when he first wrote it tho) of a dude who clearly thinks he’s nice, not only do you know that you’re in for a long night, but one can only hope the crowd doesn’t throw stuff at him while they boo him off the stage. Yeah, this was that bad, to the point that you got the feeling that even Rum Nitty felt kind of sorry for the guy. Speaking, thankfully for the crowd in attendance and anyone who dares to watch this mismatch, he did his thing with consistently fire gun bars, steely punches and fiery wordplay that allowed for a battle where the fast forward button will certainly be needed.

Verdict: Rum Nitty (W) 2-0 (couldn’t hear Nitty’s 2nd round due to bad audio)

Favorite line: Rum Nitty -“If a nigga get to fighting, I don’t lift no fist, you’ll see me squeezing in a brawl…that’s O’fficial’s tits!”

Thoota defeats Lil Joe

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Recap: A resilient Thoota overcomes a tough start as well as Joe’s fervent punches in the opening round to edge the 2nd round with a couple of haymakers and easily take the deciding 3rd, after a choke from his lax opponent.

Verdict: Thoota (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Thoota – “Everybody talking like Joe is so major, and Joe got more flavor, since he wanna be black, after I knock his ass out, Lil Joe could be Joe Frazier!”

Mack Mel defeats Daewoo

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Recap: A nice showing by Daewoo, who started off a little slow before turning (“You better have a Plan B ‘cuz I ain’t kidding!”) it up towards the middle of his round, still can’t push back the delicious gun (“Under ya chin [bloowww!], look like I’m opening up a pizza box”!) sounds and body-prepping skills of Mack Mel, who for all his ill sonic execution, still had the courtesy to call the funeral home at the end.

Verdict: Mack Mel (W) 1-0

Favorite line: Mack Mel – “I’ll pull a strap from under the arm like I’m done checking my blood count!”

Head Ice defeats Caustic

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Recap: Even against a well-equipped (“How you 50 years old making tracks that are garbage?, you gonna be the first rapper to die from natural causes”) jokester like Caustic, Head Ice’s repeated tales on urban theatrics, introspective machismo bars and (yes, he has a funny side) dope (“How ya sister call her slippers house shoes if she got ’em on at the corner store?”) one-liners along with fanged lines dipped in personals and an eccentric (“I keep the peace like I’m Sharif brother, I bang, but ain’t no set gonna find these colors”) thug life are too much for those obsessed with racial semantics versus the simple thesis of who rapped better. Indeed, much as Caustic’s collective witticism garnered plenty of guffaws, too much filler and average bars against Ice’s quantitative heat and variety also did him in.

Verdict: Head Ice (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Head Ice – “Fucking bird, when you go sniff coke your nose hit the table first”

Ha Style defeats Streetz Me

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Recap: Hot at times, but mostly dishing pedestrian bars, Streetz Me gives himself little chance to keep up with the vibrant performance, effervescent flow and lofty (“These punches hitting like Tyson messiah, you called that, T.I. son, Messiah?!”) wordplay of Ha Style.

Verdict: Ha Style (W) 3-0

Favorite Line: Ha Style – “So you a Blood, whatever this Blood sport, I got something kicking out the Van…damn!”

Jey The Nitewing defeats Formz

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Recap: Next Rap Battles 1-rounder between Jey The Nitewing and Formz is pretty one-sided as Jey’s crispy wordplay, piercing sports bars and hitting punchlines/personals beats back the mostly pedestrian bars from his opponent.

Verdict:  Jey The Nitewing (W) 1-0

Favorite line: Jey The Nitewing – “Your bars lipo-suck, I don’t know how you got so many views, when your round’s finished, the crowd clapping ‘cuz they don’t want to be rude!”

Squeako defeats Jimz

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Recap: In this 3-rounder from Trap New York, Jimz brought the humor but not much else in terms of bar efficiency, leaving a gritty when needed and personal-spazzing Squeako with enough heat to edge each round and score a 30.

Verdict: Squeako (W) 3-0

Favorite line: Squeako – “Nigga, you ain’t never bagged up dummies and made a sale on the stoop, or lost your your legs ‘cuz shot dice and fell to the Duke!”

Stuey Newton defeats Un

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Recap: Shortened name. A couple of super short rounds. Leads me to guess that Un is more of a battle rap hobbyist than a guy seeking to gain a name in the game. Thus, an easy win for a much more polemic and versatile Stuey Newton in this 3-rounder from Alliance Battle League.

Verdict:  Stuey Newton (W) 3-0

Favorite line: Stuey Newton – “Of course you been through it all…you the oldest muthafucka around!”

Rum Nitty and Lotta Zay (DEBATABLE)

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Recap: As expected, a close, competitive and entertaining battle between underrated vet Lotta Zay and rising up-n-comer Rum Nitty. Both dropped plenty of hot bars, added a few haymakers here and there and put on a dope performance for the crowd. Still, while Zay had a little more variety with the bars and stayed consistent throughout, Nitty’s wordplay and punches (“Get close up on him, with a snub and a black denims, i grab the nose get back and wet him, that’s a baptism!”) seemed to get better with each round. I got Zay taking the 1st, Nitty edging the 2nd and you can go either way on the 3rd.

Verdict: TIE

Favorite line: Lotta Zay – “You don’t believe I got gun powder on my hands?, Smell My Finger like Suga Free”

Uno Lavoz defeats Daylyt

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Recap: Plenty of antics, jokes (Uno Lavoz: “Why doesn’t Daylyt like knock-knock jokes? because his father never came home”), hecklers, donations, rebuttals, antics, dance steps, racist lines, wrestling moves on the host, pushing, shoving, steady interruptions and even some (Daylyt: “Me? I’m Mr. Hanky with a spine problem, aww shit he back spazzing!”) bars mixed in–what else would you expect from a matchup between two of battle rap’s funniest and wildest characters? Uno wins round 1 with more variety, while Daylyt takes the second round with better (“You be at the bottom at the ocean like blue whale dookie”) bars, crowd-pleasing lines and less filler. Tied going into the 3rd, it’s Uno’s from jump, imitating Daylyt’s past performances with delightful effect, while Daylyt pretty much wastes the round to deal with personal hardship and past tribulations. Indeed, usually a Stone Cold stunner makes for an automatic win, but not in this case.

Verdict: Uno Lavos (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Uno Lavos –  “To fuck Diddy or T.I., you like to choose!”

Tink Tha Demon defeats Monstar

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Recap: Nothing like getting in some practice before a battle on the main stage as Tink Tha Demon eschews formalities and tosses out a fierce litany of ‘throwaway’ (“Soon as I blast the shot, it’ll open your fucking earth to the point that an astronaut can feel the aftershock!”) bars at opponent Monstar, who had his (“Buck 50 nah this shit is getting old…give this nigga a hashtag!”) moments of crowd-pleasing theatrics, but spouted too much filler to have any chance of withstanding Tink’s barrage of demonic wordplay and rueful (“Twin .40s, life on the line, peep how I’m squeezing ’em!”) gun lines.

Verdict: Tink Tha Demon (W) 1-0

Favorite line: “I’m war-bred, a war vet, your mother will get th efeeling that you dead, but she ain’t for sure yet….till I ring the doorbell and throw the whole left arm on the doorstep!”

Arsonal defeats Mistah F.A.B.

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Recap: “These rounds we going 6 minutes” says host Sway. How funny and ironic was that during a way-too-long battle between Arsonal and industry rapper Mistah F.A.B.? Arsonal, who managed to drop some disrespectful (“I call her Big Drawers Backpin, the bitch all action”) shiners here and there. was so caught up in his raps, he doesn’t realize just how much filler he spits. But even worse, nonwithstanding all his hometown bars and lackluster elementary rhymes. speech-rap, fast-rap, impressions in addition to Batman drawers, you not know it’s really bad when F.A.B.’s crew can’t even get hype to his bars, much less when he calls Arsonal a ‘fake-ass Wale’ and acts like he spit something dope. Indeed, for all the battle rap fans who complain about industry rappers trying to infiltrate the battle world, besides the God-awful Canibus vs. Dizaster match, this is the second best way to make their case.

Verdict: Arsonal (W) 3-0

Favorite line: Arsonal – “Now I ain’t gonna compare you to the mainstream ‘cuz underground is where Fabby is, he just ain’t as underground as his mama and his daddy is”

Dizaster defeats Proaktive

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Recap: In a solid freestyle battle that took place at the HighTimes Cannabis Cup in San Bernardino, CA, an admittedly high Dizaster still out-punches Krack City brethren Proaktive in the first two rounds for the win.

Verdict: Dizaster (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Dizaster – “Faggot sucks, he’s the only dude at the Cannabis Cup that doesn’t have any bud!”

D.O.T. defeats C Low

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Recap: Sleeper battle between D.O.T. and the New Jersey reppin C Low as a competitive matchup is decided by the 3rd round, what with Low edging round 1 with better bar (“I’ll leave you O-Solo [oh so low] with this Tek-9, and slam your cap to the floor like you just spit a T-Rex line”) potency, while D.O.T. got the 2nd by displaying more (“I’m in your bitch C Low!, whether you ace or not  cuz around 1, 2 or 3…regardless D.O.T. [dot] in her box!”) versatility along with a nicer overall performance. The final round sees C Low continue to put on a tactical (“I’m an animal leaving nigga’s brain dead, out in the street with one boot and skully, looking like Waynehead”) barfest with each line delivered with a titled mission. However, D.O.T.’s 3rd round one-ups his 2nd and with his stellar delivery, similes, showmanship and history (“You supreme? show up in court…Supreme…Court, I’ll harm you, I’ll be the first negro banging hammers in court nigga, that’s Thurgood Marshall!”) lessons staying on point, it’s another victory for Brooklyn and the Dot Mobb.

Verdict: D.O.T. (W) 2-1

Favorite line: D.O.T. – “Catch him while he boo loving, heart shot!”

HA Double defeats BC

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Recap: HA Double uses repeated personals, swift punchlines, punishing poetic haymakers, exquisite (“When some [sun] hot flashes at this bitch, it ain’t menopause!”) wordplay and crazy bars to put a hurting on local rival BC in this one-rounder from New Orleans Battle League.

Verdict: HA Double (W) 1-0

Favorite line: HA Double – “They picked you money as the Walking Dead, but I’ll still Rob a Zombie”

Chef Trez defeats Grandaddy Purp

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Recap: Solid turn by (“Don’t talk that trap shit to me neither, I done sold all kind of things, nigga we went through more bowls than one of your favorite college teams!”) Grandaddy Purp gets over overrun by a more (“I heard you fuck with young bitches, so don’t start with me, you famous for making kids cum [come]…Walt Disney!”) diverse and systematically nice Chef Trez in this one-rounder from Ball Hogg Battle League.

Verdict: Chef Trez (W) 1-0

Favorite line: Chef Trez – “I’ll give you a thousand dollars, then kill you, when I blam, fam in hell, Ninja Turtle shit…you’ll get a Bandana [bam then] shell!”

Yung Griz defeats CodexP

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Recap: After an abbreviated 1st round that saw him struggle with his flow and cut his turn short, Yung Griz swipes away the nerves and delivers a couple of flexing rounds filled with spicy punchlines and boastful/witty screeds to come back and get the win over the speedy, but mostly bland stylings of CodexP in this 3-rounder from Casual Conflicts.

Verdict: Yung Griz (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Yung Griz – “Where ypu get off, talking all that fuck shit?…this ain’t the Party line!”

Dougy defeats Jonnie Danger

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Recap: In this one-rounder from WeGoHardTV, some spitfire bars here (“You a Birdman, that shit so lame, but if I catch you with ya Rich Homie Quan?, you ain’t even gonna see the snub, just the nose ring!”) and there from Jonnie Danger still serves as no match when faced with the relentless heat, fiery (“I never talk to 5-0, ‘cuz where I’m from, they know the grip toast, and move like the Taliban, get low, wait till he get clipped then [phrooomm!!!] like the dollar van!”) set-ups and urban street talk from Dougy.

Verdict: Dougy (W) 1-0

Favorite line: Dougy – “The clip about as long as a ruler, I don’t need aim, I just empty the clip, soon as it click-clack nigga, if I shoot and I miss, my man gonna bang…that’s a put-back nigga!”

DNA defeats Dotz

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Recap: In this freestyle battle from Don’t Flop, DNA’s fierce rebuttal game proves to be too much for noted freestyler Dotz as the NWX capo takes 6 of the 10 (edged 3 for Dotz with one tie) rounds here for the win.

Verdict: DNA (W) 6-3-1

Favorite line: DNA – “That was cool but you still not killing me, I’m beating you lyrically, you could bring my mom’s wheelchair and still wouldn’t have this ability [disability]!”

Ave defeats Ah Di Boom

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Recap: Fiery, rapid-fire punchlines, mocking personals, witty barbs, piercing gun bars and plenty of workmanlike wordplay along the way as Ave easily takes all 3 rounds of this 3-round Trap House battle against a confident, but mostly subpar Ah Di Boom.

Verdict: Ave (W) 3-0

Favorite line: Ave – “Got the strap, but never use it…he like a lonely dyke!”

Shotgun Suge defeats Theory Truth

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Recap: Spitting fierce gun bars along with all-too-aggressive punchlines, Shotgun Suge has just enough left in his tank to outperform the fast-rap style and reflective (“Stop asking what’s life like if you ain’t living your dream”) stylings of Theory Truth.

Verdict: Shotgun Suge (W) 2-1

Favorite Line: Shotgun Suge – “My niggas will chase your gang around the city like the Warriors”

Jai defeats Rosenberg Raw

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Recap: Rosenberg and Jai put on a spirited battle on the RBE stage and it’s Jai who comes out on top with hard-hitting bars, delicious (“Just know whatever I hold in these hands I’m squeezing, they’ll find body parts of Rose’s [roses] everywhere, EMS won’t know whether if it’s a homicide or a romantic evening”) anecdotes, steady name flips and enough personals to make Rosenberg want to seek out a confessional. Almost a 3-0, but credit for Rosenberg for hanging in there, making it close and edging the 3rd round with that “stealing crabs like Jameis Winston” line.

Verdict: Jai (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Jai – “You not a man of your words, 50 vs. Ross, I can’t believe the shit Rozay [Rose say]”

Tone Bone and (QP) Qleen Paper (DEBATABLE)

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Recap: Proving once again that consistently taking battle rap seriously is still not an objective, Qleen Paper gives us yet another shady performance in a battle he should’ve easily won against Tone Bone. To think, he actually edged round with a variety of jokes and some solid punchlines versus mostly standard lines from Mr. Bone. But then in a move that totally came outta left field, Qleen literally gives away his 2nd round by letting new BFF QP spit for more than half the round–bars that wouldn’t even counted if they were dope considering that another man spit them. Last round finds Qleen serving up more style points than substance, allowing Bone to take advantage with a better delivery, despite having nothing all that spectacular to say, the effort alone makes for a debatable…smh.

Verdict: Tone Bone (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Qleen Paper – “I tried to instruct him, but he was lost from the first step like an A.I. defender”

Kid Chaos defeats I Am Spoken

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Recap: Extra spicy on the personal breakdowns (esp. during a spitfire, perfectly-executed 3rd round) throughout this match, Kid Chaos also uses a boatload of fiery schemes, hard-hitting name flips and piercing punchlines/set-ups to handily beat back a mostly modest punching I Am Spoken in this 3-rounder from Barbarian Rap League.

Verdict: Kid Chaos (W) 3-0

Favorite line: Kid Chaos – “You see the difference playa?, you got bars, but obviously don’t know what to do with it, but see my mom and my dad gave me presence [presents] I’m too gifted!”

Lil Joe defeats V6 Quan

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Recap: Conceited hosts a mostly lackluster battle between Lil Joe and V6 Quan, that thanks to Joe’s righteous name flips and hard-hitting punchlines garners an easy 3-0 over the very basic bars of Quan.

Verdict: Lil Joe (W) 3-0

Favorite line: Lil Joe – “Chopper will turn you inside out, you better pray your skin’s reversible, I’ll turn that soft top…back, you’ll be a V6 convertible!”

Presidential Dubz defeats Young Robbles

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Recap: A distinct looking oddity in battle rap still capable of spitting that resident (“You too soft, I don’t have to bang .9’s, if I walk up on you, the braids on the back of that neck will get hang time!”) heat, Young Robbles’ sizzling, bar-centric 1st round more than spouts his mettle. However, when resorting to crowd-pleasers and jokes it’s a different story as the predictability and lack of dearth in bars begin to show. Subsequently, for opponent Presidential Dubz, with a Proving Grounds opportunity on the line, a well-balanced flow throughout, but especially in rounds 2 and 3, dominated by fierce (“They say in America, everybody deserve to be treated equally right?, therefore I’m letting it blicka, ‘cuz I don;t give a fuck if you retarded, you getting killed like a regular nigga!”) bars, nice wordplay and frenzied schemes combined with Robbels overall descent, allows him to keep his place on the roof.

Verdict: Presidential Dubz (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Presidential Dubz – “A retarded nigga trying to be a captain…Major Payne!”

Bigg K defeats Arsonal da Rebel

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Recap: Able to survive an Arsonal (“Y’all got me battling a white boy on Black Friday…I could be in somebody line purchasing some cheap shit!”; “Ya bird give long neck, but ain’t fly, that’s an ostrich!”) onslaught of verbal gymnastics in round 2, overall Bigg K’s more consistent flow, punchline regimen and hard-hitting (“Broad day you get in the intersection, lick one in the air like I’m testing the wind direction!”) gun bars gets him the 1st and 3rd rounds for the win.

Verdict: Bigg K (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Bigg K – “Have your wifey and your sister do the dishes, after that they sucking dick, then little stupid bitches…I’mma make ’em split the pole, they ain’t superstitious!”

Chef Trez defeats J. Murda

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Recap: An AngryFan Radio 1-rounder between J. Murda and Chef Trez goes the latter’s way as the Chef’s more intricate punches, pointed mayhem and well-finessed wordplay work together to easily beat back Murda’s righteous boasts and mostly pedestrian forms of mayhem.

Verdict: Chef Trez (W) 1-0

Favorite line: Chef Trez – “I’m strapped up, just know that I’m always close to the .44 like Michelle Obama!”

Danny Myers defeats King Diesel

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Recap: Spirited as always but cohesive with the heat, while also displaying a fierce punchline game, some fiery name flips and even a bit of rocking humor, Danny Myers’ versatile mix of piercing punches is just enough to beat back a pretty solid, witty at times and raucous King Diesel in this competitive 3-rounder from Bars and Bodybags.

Verdict: Danny Myers (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Danny Myers – “Force of a Mac truck within my grip, I’m just looking for a Diesel I can match this Semi with!”

Xcel defeats Beach

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Recap: Exquisite wordplay, wicked (“You’ll get a ring for nuthin’, that’s a TracFone black”) anecdotes and split-hairing bars, it’s all there as Xcel lives up to the title on his t-shirt against an at times game, but clearly overmatched Beach.

Verdict: Xcel (W) 3-0

Favorite line: Xcel – “Put your eyes in your mouth little nigger, watch who you talk to”

M. Ciddy defeats DNA

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Recap: Much as I’m sure the hardbody fans of battle raps in Detroit must’ve appreciated Charlie Clips (vs. Marv Won on the same card) and DNA making an in-town appearance, there’s just too much experience, similarity in styles and chances of a classic matchup for a DNA vs. M. Ciddy matchup to be reduced to a one-rounder. Smh. Nonetheless, while they both went in on the personals, name flips, (DNA: “What you thought cuz you was on this card you was get the power?, well they kill whoever I Battle so they should’ve gave Ciddy [Citty] towers”), jokes and (Ciddy: “You slept on me for a long time…Charlie’s sofa”) punches, it’s M. Ciddy who edges this one with better angles (ex. calling out his opponent’s rhyme pattern), a couple of more haymakers and a slightly performance, home crowd notwithstanding.

Verdict: M. Ciddy (W) 1-0

Favorite line: M. Ciddy – “You name drop every punch about a current event, you Tanqueray, you just a cheap version of Jin [gin]”

Ill Will defeats Big Kannon

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Recap: It takes an all-out, impressive performance to 3-0 the likes of Big Kannon and Ill Kill pulls it off here. Consistently impressing throughout with a fresh plate of aggressive gun bars, pristine (“You beating me, you gotta be Smokin’, stay off the grass, this is Stanley talking”) anecdotes, filthy wordplay, wicked snaps, and dope (“But if I’m hungry and starving and this fella be eating, this .40 going ‘Right On My Brother’ like a 70s greeting”) punchlines, a motivated and confident Ill Will reminds everyone in the building of why he was a UFF champion. And while Kannon no doubt cooked (“I got fire rounds, punches that’s gonna burn Will, I do a have a couple to take you out, in the 3rd wheel”) throughout, a little too much filler/name flips, a couple of weak rebuttals and a steady dose of Ill Will’s righteous heat just gave him little chance at winning.

Verdict: Ill Will (W) 3-0

Favorite line: Ill Will – “I know how to make you and Gracie enemies like that, put a banana between y’all that’s Gorilla warfare!”