No Bias. No Narratives.
Mister Greco Recap: Light battle. Wavy’s been way better than this and after Majik bit Hitman Holla’s remix in round 2, I was pretty much done for the night.
Verdict: Mr. Wavy (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Mr. Wavy – “Don’t care if you 6-7 or a leprechaun height, these two .25’s ain’t a Metrocard swipe”
Synopsis: JC takes the first two rounds with better (“I wasn’t even gonna take you bro’, I don’t even joke, they said it’s 4:20 I got all the weed you can blow, I said ‘bet’ [and] I don’t even smoke!”) bars over Caustic’s jokes and delivery (tho like JC said that ‘Boston’ line in round 3 was crazy mean and nice) for the win.
Verdict: JC (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Caustic – “So what you gonna do?, hit me with the 9 next, 5 techs, talk about killing people for 5 years and ain’t nobody died yet”
Recap: Xcel and Jey Bundy make a little battle rap history as the first participants to battle on the TrapHouse NY stage. And while the newbies displayed some flaws here and there (Xcel’s 2nd round was mad tedious, while Bundy struggled with his flow in the 3rd), a boatload of lyrical stunting by Xcel and Bundy’s solid punches and wit made for a mostly competitive battlewith the more haymaker-lit Xcel scoring a 30.
Verdict: Xcel (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Xcel – “Your kind?, pork belly, yunno the squeal type, I’m King Cobra, I strike venom in all these real mics!”
Recap: With an apparent irreverence to actually rhyming at times, an emotive and steadily aggressive Diesel still manages to edge round one with more direct and potent bars than his opponent. From there, however, it’s all Emerson Kennedy, who with a friendly combo of casual wit, jaunty wordplay and a Diesel slip-up in the deciding 3rd, takes this Utah vs. Cali battle from AHAT.
Verdict: Emerson Kennedy (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Emerson Kennedy -“Nigger’s gassing you up, I’m like who in your head?, and nigger’s hitting your wife…that’s who in your bed!”
Recap: In front of a sometimes hostile Detroit crowd, Bones Brigante deserves credit for getting off all his bars. But the truth is that even in front of neutral crowd, this one would’ve been a wash. That explains the difference between Midwest Miles’ mostly potent punchlines, feelgood ‘106 & Park’ personals and witty set-ups versus the mostly elementary bars that Bones was spitting. All said, there’s no bias in saying that this was just a walk in the park for Miles.
Verdict: Midwest Miles (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Midwest Miles – “I used to be a fat nigga with that white girl getting money…call that my Blind Side!”
Recap: Chayna Ashley uses delicious (“I brought niggas that lft spirits like choirs do, these unemployed men [unemployment] still send bucks when they fire’d you!”) wordplay, lofty swag and nifty (“And y’all gave her the corwn, then who had it before E”, how is she the answer, when A through D come before E?”) punchlines to give E-Hart a fight…that is, until surprising slip-ups in rounds 2 and 3 ruin any chance she had of winning this battle. Besides that, it was toe-to-toe elite gun chatter, fiery bars and nice braggadocio (E-Hart: “I’m too quick, I don’t think you can jab with me, big bitches like you be resorting to grabbing me, well grab and I’ll grab back,if I fall you’ll get dragged with me, they’ll think I’m leaving the lab because I’m taking those tracks with me!”) lines on both sides. But Hart’s unwavering flow and potent personals end up securing the win.
Verdict: E-Hart (W) 2-1
Favorite line: E-Hart – “Hand out the window like I’m dumping the ashtray…no hand out the window start dumping and give Ash trey!”
Recap: Devast8r, a New Zealand battle rapper and aesthetically, a bigger physically and stylistic version of Diz in tone, aggression and wit keeps himself in this match with an onslaught of eyebrow jokes and some other witty punches. But showing more versatility with the personals, but also scoring with stealthy punchlines, piercing schemes/4-bat set-ups and sporty name flips, the visiting Diz steals the show while earning a 30.
Verdict: Dizaster (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Dizaster – “You went from weighing 500 kilos to 400, like how prideful is that?, congratulations cunt…you’re finally fat!”
Synopsis: Young Kannon delivers enough nice punchlines, schemes and exquisite wordplay to overcome a clearly biased host and admitted Barry White lookalike in Real Talk.
Verdict: Young Kannon (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Young Kannon – “This a televised practice, these my second-string bars on him”
Synopsis: First, major props to J. Dose for even showing up. I mean, serving as a punchline for so long after infamously getting decked on stage during a rap battle would probably make dudes go underground, get a job at UPS and never be heard from again…understandably so. Secondly, other than a decent 1st round that featured some too real bars on life since The Punch, it’s clear here that Dose–armed with too much filler, elongated rounds and lame schemes–just isn’t quite ready for the URL stage. Lastly, you get Math at his best: bars on deck, all-too-funny jokes, bully semantics and biting personals. Take out the fact that Math’s still making excuses for that lost to Calicoe and that one bar from Dose (“Cuz’ in these battle [world] niggas drop albums, and he still holding off well…one hit”) that had to hurt Math ego’s just a little bit and URL’s first ever rematch is nothing but Hoffa all day.
Verdict: Math Hoffa (W) 3-0
Best line: Math Hoffa – “I had this dude on the floor screaming out ‘Why me?’, I send four roman (roaming) your way you get the I V”
Synopsis: Mike Tyson once said that “I just have this thing inside me that wants to eat and conquer”. Well let it be said that Sco came here to eat and conquer Nuborn and left without crumb on his plate. Consider too that Nuborn’s been on a pretty decent run of late, but despite some dope bars he just got straight bodied here as Sco just spazzed throughout….back to the drawing board.
Verdict: Sco (W) 3-0
Best line: Nuborn – “I laugh when I saw dog fighting, that’s Calicoe, get decked out in front of your crib, that’s patio’s, I spark rounds, lay a markdown, that’s tacky clothes, either bounce or I’ll get your face on a bullet, that’s Mario, so you better book and take cover, that’s Fabio, I aim at bitch square foreheads, that”s Jacki-O, you moving packs and O’s well shit I’m back on the grind, that’s a guaranteed brick, dog, Shaq on the line…”
Synopsis: Might as well toss out all the rules of battling when it comes to these two as the tension and history between them only made sense for Bill and Suge to nearly come to blows here. But then Suge’s first round was extra fierce and might’ve been a certified classic if Earl hadn’t paid him a visit. All the while Bill Collector seemed to be worried about performance than bars all throughout his 3 rounds, easily giving Shotgun the win.
Verdict: Shotgun Suge (W) 2-1
Best line: Shotgun Suge – “You the type to get knocked out and blog about it like Joe Buddens”
Recap: From KOTD, a near body for Real Deal as opponent Tony D’s struggles with his flow in both of the opening rounds help give an already punchline/personal-heavy RD the win, before the more hitting RD also takes the 3rd round to get the 30.
Verdict: Real Deal (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Real Deal – “How the fuck are you old as shit but you look like you’re in 2nd grade!”
Synopsis: Decent battle and close throughout, but I got Hazey (more versatility, originality and ya’ love those “dumb it downs”) taking the 1st and 3rd rounds to edge it.
Verdict: Hazey (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Hazey – “You caca half breed, fuck I gotta say that in Patwa, you ass B, y’all praise dog and I’m gonna put a bullet in Selassie”
Synopsis: Way too much filler, a plethora of lame lines about DNA’s dad and a surprising stumble in round 2 gave Arsonal the loss here. But then DNA’s 3rd round, what with the funny wig, exposing the UW league business dealings/editing skills and Arsonal’s past teh ghey moments during battles, deserved just as much credit for getting him a clear win.
Verdict: DNA (W) 2-1
Best line: DNA – “I like when he told Charlie Clips you can’t spell ARS without putting the bars in it, it’s just one problem in my rounds I been had bars in it, nigga while you was on Earth, I was on Mars with it, conquered my fears through blood, sweat and tears, in these battles I went through wars with it, over the years I opened some ears, met a few stars in it….”
Synopsis: My man put me on to this Mr. Wavy cat outta BK and I must confess….I’m hooked. I mean this kid is a beast with personals, performance, bars, jokes, delivery…it’s all there. From the 1st round to the 3rd. Wavy put on a show and just destroyed Foreplae like he wasn’t there. And what with 6 or 7 battles under his belt, I could see Mr. Wavy stepping up and being a serious problem for more upper echelon heads in 2014.
Verdict: Mr. Wavy (W) 3-0
Best line: Mr. Wavy – “And the crowd? Y’all gonna be standing there looking over his body…with that face like he had Kool-Aid with no sugar and he thought it had flavor in it”
Recap: Easy vic for Cortez, whose flexing/witty personals, solid wordplay, righteous boasts and piercing punchlines handily beat back the very nimble rhymes of an overmatched Jus Daze in this 1-rounder from Mighty Fuzz Young.
Verdict: Cortez (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Cortez – “But which one y’all wanna see?, I nigger like me who fucks bad bitches and spits fire ‘cuz he made like that vs. a nigger who looks like Allen Iverson crossed him and he stayed like that!”
Recap: More witty and stifling with the personals, in lieu of a pretty even punchfest overall, Dutchess delivers just enough rugged schemes to edge the deciding 3rd round and win this competitive BarzN BraStrapz matchup versus Viixen The Assassin.
Verdict: Dutchess (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Dutchess – “Yeah, her ass nice but her tits sag, tell her step her bra’s [bars] up!”
Synopsis: In a URLTV battle littered with fire schemes from both sides (esp. that crazy R&B scheme LottaZay dished in the deciding 3rd round), it’s the more consistently hitting and flow tight Zay who gets the win over Tone Montana.
Verdict: LottaZay (W) 2-1
Best line: LottaZay – “This how I do, I blaze wig’s nigga, March 9th the wrong day to BIG nigga!”
Recap: Not sure what battle the judges who had Cadillac Ron winning were watching, but in this Red Bull Event, 1-round freestyle/word association battle, Dizaster clearly did better when it came to incorporating the words into his raps and even providing some nice punches during his turn as well.
Verdict: Dizaster (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Dizaster – “I’ll fucking burn this bitch, I never knew they let girls enter the tournament!”
Synopsis: Emerging in the wake of PG’s dudes feening to take over the scene, Danny Myers has unequivocally displayed his thirst with a ridiculous amount of battles in a short timespan. And while a mid-tier like John John deserves props for giving Myers a shot, stolen bars aside, on skills alone this one shouldn’t have been close. But after JJDD struck hard with that 1st round (dope wordplay along with a superb “lumberjack” scheme), it all went downhill from there as JJDD literally gave away the 3rd and tho the 2nd round was close, Myers’ delightful horror scheme, aggression and onslaught of assault bars edged it in the end.
Verdict: Danny Myers (W) 2-1
Best line: Danny Myers – “He is my son, but I have no respect for this nigga, cuz they still taking money out my check for this nigga”
Recap: Pulling out a mean bag of spicy punchlines, some piercing personals and well executed mayhem/wordplay, MyVerse doesn’t break a sweat in beating back a solid-punching, but nowhere-near-as-potent Ill V in her debut battle on Voicebox Battles.
Verdict: MyVerse (W) 3-0
Favorite line: MyVerse – “And her music is nonexistent…like V’s neck!”
Recap: Although he had a strong 3rd round, BC’s penchant for dishing better jokes than bars hurts him in the long run when faced against O’fficial’s fiery punchlines/personals, rigid gun bars and potent schemes/wordplay in the first two rounds.
Verdict: O’fficial (W) 2-1
Favorite line: O’fficial – “You and your whole family a bitch, even your seed’s soft, and acting like you down will you and your team tossed, no excuses, after this here, is a clean loss, that chopper will leave this bitch shirtless if I get T’d off!”
Recap: A 1-round battle that’s pretty witty on the low, Nu Jerzey Twork uses some piercing name flips and a gang of ringing 4-bar punches to beat back a solid throughout, but not nearly as potent Head.
Verdict: Nu Jerzey Twork (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Nu Jerzey Twork – “I’ll put a couple engaged like wedlock, nigger I ain’t taking pictures when I get Head shot [headshot]!”
Recap: Good iBattle League matchup between M. Ciddy and K-Kendle sees the two go toe-for-toe (M. Ciddy: “Way back I had a broke habit, blackhead, I was stuck and poor, then got Proactive”; K-Kendle: “You put your name on the line like acceptance sheets, everything’s falling into place like a Tetris cheat”) in the first couple of rounds before Ciddy decides to step it up with a steady and aggressive stream of wicked punchlines, metaphors and wordplay to take the final round and along with that the win.
Verdict: M.Ciddy (W) 2-1
Favorite line: M. Ciddy – “I’m vivid and too hot, NBA Jam Ill show that I’m on fire if you give me a few shots”
Recap: Harlem, NY battle vet Swave Sevah travels overseas to hip-hop hotbed Manila to take on local Filipino battler Batas and despite receiving star treatment in a stadium of onlookers, nearly blows it with a slip-up and near choke in round 1. Thankfully for Swave, his opening round hiccup would be slight and with a fine mixture of fiery personals, righteous bully semantics and witty but also rigid punchlines, the Team Homi leader would be able to easily take the opening rounds before a punch-heavier Batas stepped up his game and handily took the final round.
Verdict: Swave Sevah (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Swave Sevah – “I was the toughest kid in the sandbox, by 16 I ran blocks, and I dare you to test my Will when that Smif [Smith] is in my hand cocked [Hancock]!”
Recap: Ty Law’s wide range of rich personals, potent (“Catch him in his whip, let a Tek aim, head banging on a steer wheel, hit his left brain, had the horn beeping when the feds came, van horn [Van Horn] still was going off like a old ass Nets game!”) schemes and sizzling (“Challengers I’m homy-ing and I’m bodying this slouch, this snitch Jacob the Jeweler, he diamond [dime-ing [diamond] niggas out”) punchlines prove to be too much for even a spelling champ like Boogie Flat, who displayed some (“See, the glock be the toy that’ll leave your spot fractured, I gotcha block mastered, bitch you better back up, watch my bitch act up, son I ain’t no rapper, cock the .4 and let you meet the real 5th factor”) highlights here and there, but until the 3rd round, failed to match Law’s consistency, versatility and overall verbal onslaught.
Verdict: Ty Law (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Ty Law – “I’ll pop your toddler, in ya crib, spark her mad [pow! pow!], two to [tutor] ya kid like I’m smart in math!”
Synopsis: Who knew 40oz. Jess had bars on deck? Still a loss nonetheless as Ah Di Boom’s personals, schemes, performance and aggressive wordplay clearly outnumbered Jess’ hilarious (“See, your flow’s aight but mine’s sicker, only time you need to {w]rap is when you taking it off the stickers”) jokes, but considering 40oz. having little to no experience at this battle rap thing, this wasn’t as bad a look as one might’ve expected.
Verdict: Ah Di Boom (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Ah Di Boom – “Put all that noise in the air, that’s a soundcloud”
Synopsis: Despite a midway slip-up, Ty Law gets his grind up and takes out a competitive, but clearly outclassed Clemenza in this last-minute promo battle.
Verdict: Ty Law (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Ty Law – “This dopehead sniff and drive, nosebleeding and all, like a bitch that caught you cheating, hoe’s keying his car”
Synopsis: No battle rapper gets booed outside his home turf more than Aye Verb. Yet, I can’t see Aye Verb ever letting booing stop him from delivering a round like X-Factor does here. Shame too, because this isn’t even Goodz at his best and after the 1st round it was kind of close. And while X-Factor’s 2nd was just wack, a real vet wouldn’t let the crowd get to him like that. Clearly unprepared combined with a “priority’s” angle that went nowhere fast, X-Factor should lose a lot of fans for pulling this crap.
Verdict: Goodz (W) 3-0
Best line: Goodz – “And I heard your tenderoni was a sleaze, she a golddiger, I could mac your roni with some cheese, bake her, until she oven hot then I leave her, you open, so you take her out then you eat her, that’s crazy”
Recap: Showing off his funny bone with a bunch of piercing storytelling bars and witty personals when he wasn’t being his usual punch-worthy self, Fonz easily wins all 3 rounds in what was essentially was a lay-up over a mostly subpar Yung Daz in this matchup from TwoSixteens.
Verdict: Fonz (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Fonz – “So what if ya bitch a little thicker I’ll still dick her to her waist so, you don’t never hit her, you just lick her like a state stub!”
Recap: I don’t what’s worse, watching this one-sided battle or Chinese water torture. Yeah, it’s that bad as Juice’s consistently lame (from that horrible ‘milk this cow’ spiel to that terrible ‘I’ll come to your head quarters like George Washington to bring you pain’ line) bars, underwhelming delivery and annoying hypeman seemed to even make the steadily on point (“Your battles getting views my nigga, I’ll give you that, but now your career getting cut shorter than Midget Mac”) T Top have a hard time getting through this battle. Granted, Juice scored just enough points to prevent a bodybag, but the simple fact that he didn’t even know what position Terrell Owens plays (he was only a Pro Bowl wide receiver and NOT a tight end) should be reason enough to never have to watch him battle rap again.
Verdict: T Top (W) 3-0
Favorite line: T Top – “Listen bitch, all that staring could get your vision split, 20/20, that’s a big .40, now spit and whip”
Recap: When he wasn’t talking throughout DNA’s rounds, The Saurus mostly kicks some lame (“What do you call the people who ghostwrite his bars? DNAides”) rhymes as well as Charlie Clips/DNA fodder that we’ve long been privy too. Thus, it’s a pretty easy 3-0 for DNA, who before spazzing on race matters along with his opponent’s noted hypocrisy for style points in round 3, took round 1 and edged round 2 with better delivery, (“I came with all my niggas, we rolling 60 deep, don’t ask me if I ball, just know that I grip the heat, ain’t got nothing but white shooters, so you could die from a Pistol Pete”) wordplay and punchlines.
Verdict: DNA (W) 3-0
Favorite line: DNA – . “Now you wanna act like it’s words nigga, your brains will be on that curve nigga, shoot you and your bitch with a .33 on her, now you on the back of that Bird nigga!”
Synopsis: Since he hasn’t spoken about it publicly, one can only guess what’s going on in Yung Ill’s personal life these days and one can only hope that its gotten a lot better since this battle dropped. Still, the belief here is that once you step on the stage and into the ring…all bets are off. That said this is just hard to watch as Ill pulls consecutive choke after choke that makes you not only cringe, but wish he had listened to the audience and just stopped mid verse (or freestyle) in each round. Of course, with the repeated hot bars O-Red spits throughout here, I’m guessing that even if Ill had brought his A-game, he probably wouldn’t have been able to stand up to Red anyway. But if you paid your hard-earned dollars to see these two at their best, it’s a shame only one of the them was able to give you your money’s worth.
Verdict: O-Red 3-0
Best line: O-Red – “But now you standing here like you poppin’ thangs, stop it lame, you nervous, I can hear you shaking nigga, you pocket change…”
Recap: Excuse the loud and aggressive, but mostly basic raps from Gooch as this one is all Moon. Whether delivering stifling personals (esp. in the 3rd) or dishing on raw, authentic street shit or spitting fire schemes or spouting spine-tingling gun lines, an all-business-mode and consistent Moon puts it all together for 3 rounds to take this one going away.
Verdict: Moon (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Moon – “I ain’t gotta kill you, I could cock back the pistol, hand it to you and let you do that yourself!”
Recap: Filipino battle rapper Loonie, arguably the most viewed rapper in the world, holds his own with some witty barbs/personals and stinging punches here and there against Dizaster in this Sunugan 3-rounder. But one too many dry spots from Loonie plus his inability to sustain enough consistent bite to beat back Diz’s mocking personals, boastful darts, raucous multi’s and aggressive name-calling/name flips, costs the Filipino battler a hometown win.
Verdict: Dizaster (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Dizaster – “You’re not even a Filipino emcee, you look like a Vietnamese Beastie Boy!”
Recap: Plenty of dope punchlines in this close matchup between O’fficial and Unique Barrz (“I’m like lazy detectives the way I let a case go”), but Unique might as well as have been reading from a book the way so many of her bars lacked passion and delivery. Edge it to O’fficial for a better performance overall and a little more variety with her bars.
Verdict: O’fficial (W) 2-1
Favorite line: O’fficial – “Your names Unique, that’s what bitches call themselves when they know they ugly”
Recap: In what started out as a bit of a snorefest what with Presidential Dubz and Eclipse Da God feeling each other out through a haze of mediocre bars, earns with mark when Dubz takes flight about midway through his second round, dizzying his opponent with spitfire punchlines along with righteous personals, fiery performance bars and heated gun liners that left the haymaker-challenged Eclipse probably seeking another lane to display his rap talent.
Verdict: Presidential Dubz (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Presidential Dubz – “Fuck you doing singing to the next nigga, that shit’s homo, R&B ass nigga, I’ll let that K see Jojo!”
Synopsis: Real good battle. I had no idea who Rolla was before seeing him here, but judging from this battle vs. Tay Roc we need to see more of him–he’d make a good impression on URL’s Proving Grounds stage ’cause he’s funny with performance and has bars (love the shots he took at Roc’s hypeman here). However, Roc was typical Roc tho with aggression, vet status, delivery, nice schemes and just better consistent bars (esp. in rounds 1 and 3) to give him the win.
Verdict: Tay Roc (W) 2-1
Best line: Tay Roc – “You dead, your family gonna need a wigi board to talk to you”
Recap: The straightforward style of Aussie rapper The Kid works best here when he cobines wit with performance as he does in the 3rd round. Other than that Kid’s basic wordplay, as showcased in the early rounds, is no contest for Conceited’s versatile (“In this battle while I’m beating The Kid, this is child abuse!”) name flips and fiery punchlines.
Verdict: Conceited (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Conceited – “See, thee lesson I’m trying to teach is when that heat squirting and that infra-red beam working, he’ll be another Aussie to die from a ray like Steve Irwin!”
Recap: From Australia’s Got Beef league, against a solid overall punch game from Anecdote, DNA uses a steady diet of fierce name flips, rigid schemes and a couple of spicy rebutalls to edge rounds 2 and 3 (call round 1 debatable) of this 3-rounder for the win.
Verdict: DNA (W) 2-1
Favorite line: DNA – “Your metaphors and schemes are stretched out like a rubberband, and your punches are like Alice ‘cuz you can’t get one to land [Wonnderland]!”
Recap: If Rich Dolarz is going to waste some bars and throw some shots at his peers in a battle, he might as well do it in a one-rounder here against a relative unknown in McKims. Still, for all of Rich’s (“It’ll make you commit suicide, not because you ain’t feeling well, my honey cocaine [Honeycomb] make a nigga wanna kill themselves!”) swagger-jacking, too many lines here just didn’t quite add up to the deft of his sheer intensity. Thankfully, for McKims that’s just enough room for his witty, but filler-prone banter to score a draw.
Verdict: TIE
Favorite line: McKims – “I forever hold the peace [piece] like I didn’t have anything to say at the wedding!”
Recap: Very close battle between Luciano Crakk and Kinaze. Better jokes (that “Quack bitch” line/rebuttal killed) on Kinaze’s side, but tighter bars, metaphors and execution on Crakk’s. Those who think Kinaze clearly won might be caught up in the hype provided his cheerleaders.
Verdict: Luciano Crakk (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Luciano Crakk – “I’m like a real estate agent, as soon as she saw homes I had to give her that property”
Recap: “Every bar that I made is as sharp as a blade”, “turn white into green like incredible hulk”
…basic lines like that might’ve worked in the 90’s, but a couple of decades later you need heavy wordplay, metaphors, similes, etc. in order to hang with the big boys and as shown here 9DM isn’t equipped with any of those. That said, easy win for Bigg K…and yes that’s ‘Bigg’ with two g’s…how dare he.
Verdict: Bigg K (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Bigg K – “I’m from Shark city where the goons ride and the bricks cook, where you from y’all make moonshine and hunt Big Foot”
Synopsis: I remember Scripps from his battle with B-Magic, so I knew he’d bring his A-game here. And against an earnest YK, you knew this would be a good battle. I had it tied after round one, but Scripps was more consistent and delivered better bars and personals in round 3 to earn the W.
Verdict: Scripts (W) 2-1
Best line: (tie) YK – “Kidnap ya shortie and hold her longer than Smack footage” and Scripts – “The way she sucking on the dick, Kan I got your bitch rubber-necking, fuck her from the back, look like I’m discount double-checking”
Recap: First of all, salute to Lil Caeser and Wyclef, who co-hosted this battle and of course, R.I.P. Biggie Smalls. That said, besides an educational, spitfire and classic appearance in round 3 from ‘Professor Shine’, a couple of things always stood out about this battle between K-Shine and DNA. For starters, there’s the dope schemes/name flips and personals shown by each battler throughout the bout. Secondly, you have all the Charlie Clips mentions. And then there’s the fact that for all the ridicule DNA’s gotten for that WTF moment in choosing to rap-on-beat towards the end of his turn, up until that disastrous decision, his final round was not only crazy, but competitive and looking to be his best round of the night..Either way, a pretty memorable battle that would spearhead one of the greatest battle-rap duo’s of all-time, would be decided by a speed-rapping, but gritty and punch-heavy Shine taking the 1st round before an equally-stout, but also condensed DNA edged the 2nd. And ably assisted by an electrifying cameo from the rarely seen and previously mentioned Prof. Shine, a versatile and consistently hitting Shine would take the 3rd for the win.
Verdict: K-Shine (W) 2-1
Favorite line: K-Shine – “I’m in shape like Rocky when was boxing Apollo, ‘If he dies, he dies!’, I got the conscious of Drago!”
Recap: Loud with the heat and aggressive with the parlay, it’s too bad that overall PG Skillet’s bars lacked so much intricacy, leaving a solid, but very beatable (esp. after the 1st round) Ave with a pretty banal sweep of this battle from 7 Cities Sharks.
Verdict: Ave (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Ave – “Nigga’s never picked you for blazin;, you like Jordan with Portland!”
Recap: This “Battle of the Mafia’s” sees a horrible coin toss, prez stumble and Double R literally almost run out of gas with his bars, but lyrically it’s still the kid from the Bronx who comes one better.
Verdict: prez mafia (W) 1-0
Favorite line: prez mafia -“I’ll punch you in the middle of April, that’s a boxspring”
Recap: Easy win for Sno who literally goes ham with an assortment of gun bars, sexual innuendo lines and crisp punchlines to outcook Gambitt.
Verdict: Sno (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Sno – “I’m sonning your monkey ass, like the man in the yellow hat!”
Synopsis: Good to see Rex came to win as too many of the veteran battle rappers still don’t seem to take O-Red seriously (despite the great run’s he on). And yet while I had it tied going into the 3rd round, Red easily took round 3 with enough over-the-top personals and stellar bars to make Rex leave with his first loss in Jersey.
Verdict: O-Red (W) 2-1
Best line: O-Red – “You just talk tough, I ain’t gotta show you my cocky side, my machine could do all the talking, Johnny 5”
Recap: Damn, they just walked into that “Who in here think Shiest raw?’ line by Bonnie Godiva, who also used a bunch of other hitting set-ups/punchlines, witty/aggressive personals and boastful barbs to easily beat the gritty, but mostly pedestrian stylings of Ms. Raw in this 1-rounder from WBL Philly.
Verdict: Bonnie Godiva (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Bonnie Godiva – “I hate you, you Black bitch…I’m Uncle Rufus nigga!”
Recap: Even if it’s just for only one round, two battle emcees going at it on 24-hours notice is always impressive. That said, with Danny Myers taking awhile before he really got in his bag and Emerson Kennedy dishing consistently nice (“All of your nigga’s hitters, but ya didn’t often know, is they running trains behind ya back like Mister Rogers show!”) schemes/bars that was only spoiled by a slip-up towards the end, let’s call this one even.
Verdict: TIE
Favorite line: Danny Myers – “Beat you the fair way, he the type to tie his album to a kite just to get some airplay!”
Recap: A somewhat bizarre match between Math and Shotty Horror as Math shockingly takes a round off (which I don’t have a problem with considering that other athletes do it, like boxers and tennis players) and Shotty besides some nice Tupac schemes, surprisingly underwhelms before totally slipping up in round 3 and having to resort to freestyling in order to save him from a choke. That said, overall an easy win for Math, who despite at times struggling with his delivery, easily took rounds 1 and 3 with better penmanship, consistency and personals to gain a win in Manchester over one of Europe’s best.
Verdict: Math Hoffa (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Math Hoffa – “Now if you ain’t in Manchester, you probably can’t win fights, this slave went to the North so he could land [swings punch] his rights!”
Recap: QOTR 3-round main event between Phara Funeral and 40 B.A.R.R.S. had its moments of addressing rumors, spicy personals, fierce schemes and punch-heavy linguistics here and there, but for the most part settled into a solid bar-fest with a kill switch that surprisingly was never turned on when considering the seeming dislike these two had for each other. And while a sometimes prone to missteps Phara performed straight through without any unforced errors, a couple of elongated rounds and one too many aimless spins would help an aggressive, gritty and more steady with the heat 40 handily take both of the opening rounds for the win before a 3rd round debatable.
Verdict: 40 B.A.R.R.S. (W) 2-1
Favorite line: 40 B.A.R.R.S. – “How you a pioneer?, it only took me a year for me to get to P, that’s ‘cuz I’m raw, Salmonella, common codeine ain’t as sick as me!”
Recap: This was unfair. For all the talking these two did before this battle, the results are a one-sided affair that had you wishing someone had thrown in the towel for Don Ladyii after round 2. Funny too to see that Don Ladyii’s attempt to put QB’s alleged criminal past on blast didn’t go over well with the crowd…at all. Only Couture could pull that shit off. Again this was unfair….QB all day.
Verdict: QB (W) 3-0
Favorite line: QB – “So when that Mac-11 click shit, I been a feen, squeeze on a boss like Rick Ross in skinny jeans”
Recap: After a somewhat lackluster round by HBK, Jay Rell goes hard in the paint, delivers fiery bars with hitting jokes and shows why he belongs in the big leagues.
Verdict: Jay Rell (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Jay Rell – “This battle started bad, when I show him how this Tommy work, that’ll make Martin mad”
Synopsis: “Bully” vs, “Bully”, just what the fans had wanted. But based on experience and lyrics alone did anybody really think Shotgun had a chance? Despite a couple of early stumbles Math’s consistent personals, aggression, jokes and of course, bars like that just did a number on an over-matched from jump Suge–who while not aware that Tupac was actually born in New York, came with typical aggression, delivery, shit-talking (“You think life’s a fucking joke nigga, you gon fuck around with them fuck arounds and fuck around and get smoked nigga”) and even some hot bars (“you gonna catch a nugget in New York like number 7 from the Knicks”). Still, Math’s fat jokes (“he talk about he the shooter and the driver, cuz can’t nobody else fit in the whip'”) and that real talk during Round 1 about how Suge almost got Arsonal and Surf killed in Detroit, was more than enough for Brooklyn to take home the trophy.
Verdict: Math Hoffa (W) 3-0
Best line: Math Hoffa – “When Trick Trick stepped to Arsonal it was over you, if I was Surf I’d punch you in the face for what I’m gonna do, I guess this shit was overdue, a lesson learned for both of you, a shotgun does the most damage when it’s close to you”
Recap: Ajax kept it close here against Ty Law through two rounds thanks to a nice flow that spouted some dope (“I’m from Shark City where them heaters stay squeezing, you from PG County…where there’s PTA meetings”; “I’mma take this early, see the flow stupid cold [Cole], but I don’t date Big Shirley!”) bars and some fierce wordplay. But a lack of consistency with some filler here and there, a couple of slip-ups in the 3rd round and Law’s more steady punchlines game along with aggressive bully (“I’ll kick his features till his teeth is chipped, no cereal, I got him eating Kix [kicks]”) bars, ended up setting Ajax adrift.
Verdict: Ty Law (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Ty Law – “This guy will get his kin killed when I pull a glock, bullets hot, thought he coudl touch me but now he looking shot, back down B, all you get is a wooden box!”
Recap: Good call by the host to end this one a little early as Danny Myers was just OD’ing on opponent Rachit here in this 1-rounder with $500 on the line. Indeed, while Rachit came with some gritty street missives, one too many subpar punches from him along with Myers rampant performance-rich bars, grandiose displays of mayhem, flexing punchlines/wordplay/schemes and jaunty personals were just too much in the end.
Verdict: Danny Myers (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Danny Myers – “You are battling the G.O.A.T. so that makes you the sacrificial lamb!”
Recap: From QOTR, a dope, competitive battle between Bonnie Godiva and a fiery Lexx Banko with Bonnie’s wit making the difference after the two split the opening rounds. A consistently raucous, but also funny at times Banks stayed on her opponent’s neck with plenty of rich mayhem, real street shit and head-ringing punchlines, while a more versatile Bonnie kept it aggressive and earnest with loaded schemes, piercing braggadocios lines, some fire name flips/wordplay and stifling personals/jokes. After the punch-heavier Godiva took the first and a gritty Lexx edged the 2nd, a pretty solid 3rd round from both battlers goes to the slightly punch-heavier Bonnie for the win.
Verdict: Bonnie Godiva (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Bonnie Godgiva – “I know you chubby chasers like to eat the cake more than the twat!”
