No Bias. No Narratives.
Recap: Here in this one-rounder against a solidly scheme and punch heavy Pretty Hippie, a sluggish Qleen Paper resorts to kicking a mixtape verse halfway through his round and for the rest of his turn. Needless to say, that’s pretty much asking for a loss.
Verdict: Pretty Hippie (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Pretty Hippie – “This real rap, we respect Smack, nigger’s ain’t seen murder, ’round here nigger’s get smacked after they say ‘cheeseburger’!”
Recap: If you were long anticipating Xcel’s return to the URL stage, it was well worth the wait as you certainly got a goodie here versus an also impressive Stuey Newton. First round was close, what with Newton’s hardbody barbs combining well with an air of (“I’m a make this Homie look bad…Poison Pen with the microphone!”) wit and steady aggression. However, with his own allotment of stinging (“Plus, the ratchet lick Offset’s [off set’s], it act just like Cardi act [cardiac]!”) wordplay and more potent punches, Xcel was able to do his opponent one better and take the opening round. Despite a solid turn by Xcel in the 2nd, there was just about no way he could beat an almost perfect mid-round by Stuey, who besides a nice freestyle and rebuttal to start things off, went with a personal-themed (“You ain’t been carrying your weight, so it’s clear XL [Xcel] doesn’t fit you!”) round that scored heavy when he wasn’t already bodying things with delicious haymaker after haymaker to come back and even the battle out. Tied going into the 3rd, Stuey Newton came back with another (“I can kill nigger’s with facts…the truth serum!”) hard and righteous round, all the while flexing his versatility, however, a few dry spots here and there would leave the door slightly open to defeat. And Xcel did just that. With a more condensed, even more righteous and straightfire (“See nigga, they gas you, I air it out ‘cuz I prefer less pollution!”) turn that spoke to every bar literally counting, the Team Homi linguist reminded URL viewers of what they’ve long been missing, while edging this altogether dope battle by taking the 1st and 3rd.
Verdict: Xcel (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Xcel – “Can y’all feel the gravity of this moment?, I’m here for the death of Newton!”
Recap: Nunn Nunn’s debut on the KOTD stage goes about as well as expected, mixing in some mean personals, surefire punches and a dope rebuttal to start his 3rd round, Nunn’s steely versatility wins the crowd over and easily beats back an overall solid, but inconsistent turn from Aussie opponent Vega.
Verdict: Nunn Nunn (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Nunn Nunn – “This gonna be murder, let’s begin, you hear a ‘Que?’ [K] outta nowhere…like confused Mexicans!”
Recap: Making it seem like practice, Ryda jumps (“Damn, he insane, just admit it I’m dope nigga, y’all thought I couldn’t go line for line with him because he a coke sniffa?!”) on Big Jinya’s neck early and from there, doesn’t hold back, using frequently fire set-ups, some piercing name flips and witty bars to outclass an opponent who judging from his ‘You ever see a rifle with diarrhea? well, I’, about to drop a load’ line alone, never really had a chance.
Verdict: Ryda (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Ryda – “We know about your habit Jinya, but we don’t blame you, ‘cuz sometimes we gotta go to drugs just to deal with the stressing…but Jinya, the magic 8-ball ain’t gonna have the answer to none of your questions!”
Recap: Not privy to the history between Raptor Warhurst and Real Deal, but damn did Deal have a lot to get off his chest, using an elongated, but brazen, highly personal, witty, wordplay-lit and punch-heavy turn to rip a new one in the UK rapper’s so-so multi’s and more stinging punchlines/personals and take this 1-rounder from Code Red.
Verdict: Real Deal (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Real Deal – “You try to check my pockets, your family will get your picture inside a necklace locket!”
Recap: Deftly using props, more prepared with the personals and all in all more direct with approach than his anecdote-heavy opponent and coming off a couple of subpar performances on the URL stage, a consistently nicer Brooklyn Carter gets back in his bag all the while spazzing astutely on a seemingly lesser inspired Gwitty.
Verdict: Brooklyn Carter (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Brooklyn Carter – “I ain’t take this battle because it was him, I took this battle to get under your skin and boooyyyy you’ll be bubbling then!”
Recap: Hey, it’s 2018, so I guess it was only a matter of time before gay dudes started battle rapping, especially what with the female battle rap side being dominated by so many lesbians for so long. That said, take away the annoying voice and Flyking wasn’t half bad, using repeated personals/pontifications, style (“They thinking ‘cuz I’m gay I can’t withstand a Bronx gangsta, but there’s faggots and fruits standing in front of every Bronx bodega!”) bars and name flips to score here and there, before getting stale with too much usage of the same themes. Still, on experience alone, one had to think that there was no way E-Hart was losing this battle and you’d be right. Casually riffing with sheer (“You look like your mom’s nicknamed you ‘Buttercup’!”) wit, nifty personals, sizzling wordplay and fiery bars, Hart was so nice in the first couple of rounds, that one can almost forgive her for pretty much taking the last round off and not getting the 30.
Verdict: E-Hart (W) 2-1
Favorite line: E-Hart – “He don’t know if he wanna be King or marry one, he don’t know if he wanna suck dick or helium!”
Recap: A fire battle that was close throughout, a slightly more resourceful, (“What the fuck is on dude menu? look like your mama used to just open you up and put the food in you!”) witty and spitfire Ill Will takes the 1st and (“Guy on the couch, they thought I was asleep before I extended the arm to smoke something!”) 3rd rounds here to beat back a (“If you even look like you wanna fight, you see these Grape street nigger’s?…you can get initiated tonight!”; “38. revolver, classic, that old dirty bastard, chin shit!, he gonna have to snap his neck to fit him in his casket!”) combative and aggressive-dart throwing Shotgun Suge on this Traffic 3 Smack/URL card.
Verdict: Ill Will (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Ill Will – “I’m supposed to give him respect, not in here, fuck him, Tyrese scandal, Will ain’t giving nobody that’s dropping tears nuthin!”
Recap: Besides the redundant Math personal’s, I was really feeling Charron’s strategy here. Go after Serius Jones’ penchant for dated bars, his rap battle pedigree, mix in some dope set-ups/personals and a few rebuttals (along with a rare mid-round rebuttal) and get an easy win. Except to Jones’ credit, when he wasn’t making veil threats at Math, for most of the match he actually stayed in there and competed, while cleansing himself of his repeated use of bars that were nice….in 2007. Still, for all 3 rounds Charron was just too much, not just for the aforementioned tools used here, but on flow and being more succinct with his bars/kaymakers too.
Verdict: Charron (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Charron – “In your blog, you said I was racist, that’s how I know that you’re lame, how can I be racist?, I only took this battle so you don’t get a chain!”
Recap: Fire battle from P&R 559 sees the young’un NXT hold his own against opponent Geechi Gotti via a boatload of aggressive darts, steely (“I’m from the roughest block, I went to sleep with my gun and I love my Glock, so yeah, I lie down with the head crack ‘ya [cracker] just so I could wake up, I ain’t give a fuck if there was crumbs or not!”) gun bars and fiery punchlines/personals. Still, an always prepared Gotti literally goes to town on the youngster, using some stellar wordplay, roundhouse punches, feening set-ups, some solid rebuttals (esp. during a spitfire and flawless 2nd round), stinging name flips and potent (“What made you thought you could bang with the O.G.?, face shot, smoke coming out of his mouth like the angry emoji!”) gun bars to take each round.
Verdict: Geechi Gotti (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Geechi Gotti – “You been a bitch, I’m really Loc-ing, the semi smoking, double head shot, your brain get swapped, put your idea’s together like a semicolon!”
Recap: A battle (“And since Magic want to know who’s a new killer”) long in the waiting, B-Magic versus Ave finally takes place on the Smack Volume 1 card and for one round anyway, lives up to the hype with Magic vociferously spitting his usual assortment of spitfire punchlines and an also punch-heavy Ave delivering the goods on stinging set-ups, flexing wordplay and utter mayhem. With a more potent Magic taking an altogether spitfire round 1, the feeling was that we were in for a classic battle. But then early into his 2nd round, Magic started slipping up and despite eventually getting back his flow, his pen game was never quite able to get back to top-notch form. And with Magic continuing to slip-up while delivering mostly pedestrian punches in the 3rd, a way more consistent with his flow Ave just kept his handle up, dishing some fire braggadocio lines, sizzling name flips and personals to go along with a standard palette of bedlam to take the latter two rounds and get the win.
Verdict: Ave (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Ave – “So go extra, that’s gonna get the big toast waving, a shell fed once the joint pulled and this Loc ate it [dislocated]!”
Recap: Tru Tones offers up some solid lyricism and a bunch of witty teacher jokes, but in this 3-rounder from UBRV, a more scheme/punch-heavy, personal-lit and mayhem-dishing Real Deal gets the win with by taking both of the opening rounds before a debatable 3rd.
Verdict: Real Deal (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Real Deal – “Your crew got more virgins in it than the Islamic afterlife!”
Recap: In one of the more disappointing Summer Madness matchup’s of all-time, Brizz Rawsteen versus Calicoe is a case of one fire round (Calicoe’s 1st), Brizz once again going way too long in rounds that were low-lighted by a boatload of filler, pedestrian name flips and personals that mostly fell flat and yet, still having a chance to win this bout at the end of his 3rd thanks in part to Brizz’s comeuppance on (“I can tell you ain’t getting money by the shit that your bitch wear!”; “Tell your dudes scrap or move back, or they gonan get the tek’s [texts] at the same time like Group chat!”) haymakers as well as Cal’s inability to match his conventional aggression with quality bars. That is, until a late (“My price is my price, I don’t bargain with nigga’s, from now on, we can’t eat unless you starve with a nigga!”) surge towards the end of his 3rd earns Cal a debatable…thanks in part to a solid, but once again elongated turn by Brizz. Still, with neither battler consistently bringing their A-game throughout, call this one a draw and move on.
Verdict: TIE
Favorite line: Calicoe – “I’m the type of nigga that’ll front you, give you all the work and you the type that’ll run off and get your sister put on a shirt!”
Recap: Real good shit between Yung Griz and (“Drive-by, I brought something glorious for your troops, with a ladder hanging out the chopper, like I’m trying to save Morpheus from the roof!”) Craig Lamar, who both came with a plethora of spitfire bars, biting (YG: “Lift and spark, I’m looking just over the edge when I draw…midget art!”) wit, plenty of fiery punches and stinging set-ups to make this yet another dope PG matchup from Smack. Still, while the bout was competitive throughout and (“Nigga you gonna meet your maker, like you came with a warranty!”) Craig’s freestyles at the beginning of round 3 edged him a very close one, it’s Yung Griz, more consistent throughout with a betetr performance throughout and a little more versatile with some crazy personal’s mixed in, who takes the first couple of rounds for the win.
Verdict: Yung Griz (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Yung Griz -“This nerd tripping, the nerd in him, I’m serving him, dent in your glass jaw…look like the TVs with the curve in them!”
Recap: Entertaining battle between Cali Smoov and Big T features plenty of jokes, witty personals, startling sound effects and resident gun bars. But tied through two, the moment you saw Big Terrence looking in his phone while Cali rapped in the deciding 3rd, you got a feeling that T was in trouble. And sure, while he dished a pretty solid 3rd, repeating earlier bars in the middle of his turn works against him here considering Cali also spouted a solid 3rd without repeating himself.
Verdict: Cali Smoov (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Cali Smoov – “See? I could dish it to him funny and I would say let that marinate…but the nigga might be hungry!”
Recap: Splitting up his witty roasting sessions over the course of 3 rounds, while adding in some spicy personals/punchlines/name flips here and there to go along with two condensed turns, Qleen Paper manages to edge a gritty and punch-heavy at times, but also a bit elongated and redundant Eazy The Block Captain in the opening rounds to gain the win before a more amplified Eazy took the 3rd.
Verdict: Qleen Paper (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Qleen Paper – “Face shot, got his body twitching like he streaming!”
Recap: Dope battle between D.O.T. and Dre Dennis on the TrapNY stage is only set back by a couple of elongated rounds by Dennis, one of which (rd. 2) he dished enough fire (“The tool spit, stoop kid, you ain’t trying to leave the steps, you never suited up…that’s the Iverson effect!”) gun bars and haymakers to edge, but another of which, round 3, he didn’t quite so much. That faux pas’ in the 3rd and deciding round would prove to be fatal for Dre as a solid and consistent from the beginning D.O.T.’s resolve for salacious performance bars combined with some nifty (“Adam and Eve, bullets like a forbidden fruit, how you like them apples?!”) wordplay, verbal twisting and witty punches with little on the reaching side ends up being the difference here.
Verdict: D.O.T. (W) 2-1
Favorite line: D.O.T. – “He won’t hear the Tek’s [texts] like a thot’s favorite excuse….it was on vibrate!”
Recap: 1-rounder from Don’t Choke Rap League sees Briscoe spit your usual assortment of rapid boasts and mayhem with continual flair. But helped in part by an opponent who was mostly mired in pedestrian punches, even with a few recycled bars here and there, a more versatile, witty and scheme/punch-heavy Your Honor gets this one.
Verdict: Your Honor (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Your Honor – “Fat ass, be sad as shit, always wanna play quarterback but mad when we blitz!”
Recap: The most likely point person in ‘What’s a choke?’ debates, overall Nu Jerzey Twork manages to out bar a mostly pedestrian (and admittedly drunk) Krillz, but not before choking away round 1 and almost choking again the deciding 3rd. Still, if not for a poor showing by his seemingly distracted opponent, Twork’s short-lived final round (albeit with a couple of hot bars) might’ve cost him this tune up before his next battle with JC.
Verdict: Nu Jerzey Twork (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Nu Jerzey Twork – “The gun dumping, if he tell you even a bit of my challenge then son fronting, my only competition was burgers…like The Chum Bucket!”
Recap: From South Carolina Battle League, tho he did some reaches here and there and rapped twice as longer as his opponent did, a cleaner-flowing, scheme-heavy and at times punch-lit Power Lines, helped a bit by a Swamp choke (which led to his crew having to finish his round) ends up with enough fiery darts to take this 1-rounder.
Verdict: Power Lines (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Power Lines – “Drive-by, shotgun out the window, you dead from the jump, ‘cuz when we come around one time you getting smoked…like too many hands on a blunt!”
Recap: The first female Proving Grounds battle between Fiirst Ladii Flamez and Jade is a dope one as Flamez’s sizzling wordplay, aggressive mayhem and intricate punchlines when matched up against the witty personals and brazen punches from Jade, made for 3 spitfire rounds. A pretty solid, but shortened turn by Jade in round 1 gets beats a more haymaker-lit round from Flamez. And while Jade upped her ring time, versatility, personal game and bar efficiency in round 2, Flamez’s shrewd darts, stifling gun bars and rich set-ups edges her the round and gets the Fiirst Ladii the win before a slightly more hitting Jade edges what was a fire-on-both-sides 3rd to avoid the shutout.
Verdict: Fiirst Ladii Flamez (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Fiirst Ladii Flamez – “Prosthetics with me, that’s just for kickbacks and all kind’s of grips, you’ll get beat with whatever’s in reach, like when ya momma’s pissed!”
Recap: Damn, where was that spitfire, 3rd round Mula at in the first two rounds? In a battle between two noted performers, D.O.T. returns to the URL scene and immediately reminds you of what you’ve been missing, slaying his opponent with stunt-heavy (“Treat him like an 8-ball, ‘cuz I’ll make sure, you are, the last thing I hit!”) gun bars, Bed-Stuy trigger-nomics and righteous name flips to beat back a solid, but somewhat subdued for him, turn by Mo Mula. Second round was more of the same, but even better, as D.O.T enchanted the crowd with more performance-heavy (“If I reach…Lawd, you gonna reach? Lord!”) gun bars and sizzling punches that continuously landed. Already down 0-1, Mula came back with some nice angles, (“You’ll get a wet back , with a Mac, like Thesis when he editing!”) wordplay and personals that would’ve made the middle round close if not for a couple of slip-ups by Mula. Still on fire in the 3rd, D.O.T. put forth yet another solid round that might’ve been even better if he hadn’t rapped for so long. However, looking to avoid getting 3-0’d in a battle many have long called for, the Mula that impressed so much in previous URL battles against Bonus and Ha Style, finally showed up, delivering a steady mix of fiery (“I had to renew the clip, to make sure I would hurt ‘cha, now my K go egg with extensions, welcome to Good Burger!”) bravado, wit and of course, performance-heavy heat.
Verdict: D.O.T. (W) 2-1
Favorite line: D.O.T. – “Catch me all in your bitch walls, all she felt was D.O.T. [dot], like she was reading in Braille!”
Recap: Dispensing some ill name flips and hard bars, Shyce makes himself a noteworthy opponent, that is, until a severe case of the slip-ups overwhelms him into ending his round before a rambunctious Drugz delivers his usual assortment of hardbody rhymes and performance-spiced heat to get an easy win.
Verdict: Drugz (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Drugz – “Nigga, you’ze a lame, this toolie bang, let me put a round in your stomach, bitch, and see if you move the same!”
Recap: Gritty 3-rounder from Pit Fights Battle League finds the visiting Snake Eyez get busy with a gang of bruising/mocking personals, spicy set-ups/punchlines and flexing street missives in a condensed effort that manages to beat back, in each round, a pretty solid, raucous and punch-lit at times, but not as consistently hitting Murda.
Verdict: Snake Eyez (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Snake Eyez – “I got a youjg nigga, with a blue face, he’ll bust a shot for me, I’m talking no more than a buck, everybody could get a bag like it’s Dollar Tree!”
Recap: Overall, an equal amount of performance, heated punches, charismatic name flips and sizzling personals from both battlers makes for a close and pretty dope matchup between the visiting Dre Dennis and the hometown fave Dex. That said, give Dex, who despite taking a little longer to get in his bag, but was a bit more condensed with his round and steadier with his flow despite a predictably biased crowd, the win by a nose.
Verdict: Dex (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Dex – “‘Cuz you gonna what to who?, nigga that shit don’t even compute, Hold, Control-S, nigga save that shit!”
Recap: Well, Ty Law definitely had to earn this one. Against a spitfire at times, immensely name flip-dropping and (“Nigger stop, ‘cuz this will be the first 48 if we take this further, my Criminal Intent put Law & Order when I wave this burner!”) scheme-heavy Steve Staples, who seemed to get better with each round, a more consistent with his flexing (“I was scoping you, you fought your boo mad drunk, y’all had a loud falling out like a loose ass blunt!”) punches, nifty over-the-head bars and spiffy wordplay Law, not only rises to the occasion, but manages to drop in a couple of nice freestyle/rebuttals to easily take round one before edging the second for the win.
Verdict: Ty Law (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Ty Law – “Pull out a calicoe, he’ll probably choke, peep him coming, press him calmly then I’ll pop him close!”
Recap: Tough one-rounder between Chess and (“You let a breakdancer off you dog, it’s bad when a breaker break a nigger, it ain’t a walkie-talkie call!”) Ty Law sees both battlers come heavy with the punches throughout their rounds. Yet, despite a near choke towards the end of his turn, (“If I catch him in his whip, the weapon will clap 8, leave Law smoking in that van like the detectives in Half Baked!”) Chess survives with a more condensed and consistently nice turn that just edges his opponent’s less potent artillery.
Verdict: Chess (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Chess – “I don’t look like the blade type?, Y’all think I won’t cut a person?, until I grab the gem and I [Gemini] become a whole ‘nother person!”
Recap: It’s a tale of two Qleen’s as Mr. No Show takes us back to his early Smack days with a condensed, but spirited and (“If he was to light a fucking pay stub on fire, he still couldn’t match by check!”) spitfire round 1 that just edges a fiery, but not quite as hot turn from Rydadie Ty. However, the 2nd round round sees a game Rydadie up his performance, while matching them with stirring schemes/storytelling bars, witty (“He the type to yell ‘Domino muthafucka!’…and that’s at a cookout!”) punches and lucid punchlines, while easily beating back a topsy-turvy round by Qleen that saw him lose his flow and get it back before cutting his turn short. In other words, a lot like the Qleen we’re used to seeing of late. The deciding 3rd round saw Rydadie put forth a solid turn, nothing quiet as comparable to his first two rounds, but still with enough heat to beat a pretty ordinary turn from Qleen.
Verdict: Rydadie Ty (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Rydadie Ty – “I’m squeezing on a ratchet like a slow jam!”
Recap: Plenty of prophetic speak, rich set-ups and hot bars between Xcel and Ha Double in this 3-rounder from iBattle. However, with H.A. reaching quite a bit and Xcel righteously spitting a more spicy variety of stinging wordplay and God-mode darts with less dry spots, it’s the Team Homie member who takes the first couple of rounds for the win.
Verdict: Xcel (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Xcel – “I ain’t moved by names or views, they turned on me so I turned the tables too, I’m Paul Pierce, got stabbed in my back, but I remain the Truth!”
Recap: Big Kannon’s debut on the KOTD stage goes about as well as expected against an overmatched Dunn D, whose light schemes and mostly pedestrian bars are no match for Kannon’s way more exquisite punchlines and meatier wordplay.
Verdict: Big Kannon (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Big Kannon – “For me to compensate the room, I’ll just talk about how ya not a famous dude, because most your country populates their views from boxing kangaroo’s!”
Recap: Marvwon survives a bout with the slip-ups in rounds 1 and 3, going vet mode to save himself with a couple of ill freestyles, after getting edged in round 1 to West-coast rapper Heretic’s ability to spout a more clean flow, before dominating the 2nd round with highly potent bars and nice punchlines.
Verdict: Marvwon (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Marvwon – “I’ll let the metal sing all through the house like ‘Teen Titans Go’!”
Recap: In a battle littered with a gang of vigorous boasts, some nice wordplay here and there and aggressive gun bars, after splitting the first two rounds, a more punch-heavy and condensed Brixx Belvedere does enough to outlast a solid throughout, but less steadily potent Bankhead.
Verdict: Brixx Belvedere (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Brixx Belvedere – “Your gangster image nigger?, the shit’s a facade, you gotta smoke some shit to get you a nod, he In Too Deep, J Reed should go cop to kick it with God!”
Recap: In this one-rounder from Beastmode, Franchise has the advantage of taking on an opponent, Grips Loc, who came to battle on only two days notice. That edge amounts to an easy lay-up for Franchise, who unapologetically serves up a barrage of righteous gun bars and spirited punchlines for the win over solid here and there, but clearly over-matched opponent.
Verdict: Franchise (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Franchise – “Silencer on it, fuck that, I grab the nina and dump it, head shot, chin down, look like he sleeping in public!”
Recap: Intense, spitfire and competitive battle between a more condensed, gun-bar (“Drums on gun, look like I’m holding Mickey Mouse upside down!”; “So play it cool, it’s fucking nice, ‘cuz if I send a nigger to shoot, it’s nuthin’ nice, all you hear is a voice say ‘Hey Zeus!’ [Bwoh!] now you in front of Christ!”) savvy and punchline-heavy Bedaffi Green and a thought-provoking, (“I don’t have to body you, you loser, I just show half the body like Hooters!”) gritty, poverty-talking and bodacious Zeus Da God is littered with haymakers throughout, from both sides, thus making it no surprise that it’d come down to the 3rd to see who wins. And while you get a pretty solid turn from both sides, a little too much filler from the more expatiated, storytelling and impassioned Zeus along with an aggressive, loaded wordplay/punch dishing, condensed and (“She looked me in my face and acknowledged that, no joking, no slogan, she knew it was real because my eyes said that, I said that!”) vigorous Bedaffi earns Green the win.
Verdict: Bedaffi Green (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Zeus Da God – “Grandma was ting to get me off the couch to go to work, but she ain’t know my work was under the couch!”
Recap: Gwitty’s rampant and elongated anecdotes versus Zeus da God’s hard and schizophrenic (“You get cracked baby, I been known to live the 80 life!”) rap stylings make for lots of noise and some witty bars, but not much in the way of steady, consistent heat from either battler. Thus, call it a 1-rounder that didn’t really prove who was better.
Verdict: TIE
Favorite line: Gwitty – “I be rebelling, while smoking the weed I’m selling, I can take an ‘L’!”
Recap: Saving his best round for the 3rd with a well-themed turn that was wax full of egocentric bluster, Cortez survives a split of the two rounds as well as overall a nice, competitive turn from his witty/aggressive Aussie opponent Cortext, to take the deciding round and earn the win.
Verdict: Cortez (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Cortez – “Me?, I’m MSG on SportsCenter, Him?, high-school gym, y’all get it, which Cort’s [court’s] better?!”
Recap: In this 1-rounder from Bring Ya Barz Battle League, Your Honor and Paine The Poet exchange a gang of boastful barbs, heated personals and residual mayhem that all make for a competitive match. And while Paine The Poet, more condensed with his turn and slightly steadier with the punches/personals/name flips makes a solid case for the win, even with an elongated round that was littered with filler, some added wit, dope (“I ain’t from the DMV, I’m from the District, get it right, for y’all rooting for him and praying that he probably win this fight?, I ain’t scared of ya, Miss America, this gonna be the body of the night!”) set-ups and the ability to drop roundhouse punchlines throughout his round, allows for Your Honor to do just enough for this one to be called a draw.
Verdict: TIE
Favorite line: Paine The Poet – “Keep it handy, hit his crib, kids tied up in the pantry, mule kick your mom, snub pointed at granny then it’s Blue Ivy looking at daddy, you better pray this nose don’t run in the family!”
Recap: Despite almost rapping as twice as long as his opponent, a more versatile and habitually robust Young Kannon is able to beat a not-quite-as-focused Mr. Mills in this one-rounder from Gorilla Warfare.
Verdict: Young Kannon (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Young Kannon – “Paralyze him for charity, that’s how you get the meals [Mills] on wheels!”
Recap: Split going into the 3rd round, in front of a hard to impress UDubb crowd, DNA uses some relentless punches, hard-hitting personals and a couple of spiffy rebuttals to edge a (“What his life like? While he was chasing battles, I was facing battles, sipping lean like don’t let that worry you, I’ll have your mother doing car washes and bake sales just to bury you!”) strapping 3rd round by Shotgun Suge and take one of those rare battle’s that seemingly got better and better as it ensued.
Verdict: DNA (W) 2-1
Favorite line: DNA – “Since we talking about it, what his health like?, diabetes, high cholesterol, a couple of things, what his meals like?, chili dogs, french fries, onion rings!”
Recap: After struggling with his flow in a pretty pedestrian round 1 and withstanding Geechi Gotti’s steely (“9. to his face [pow!]……I had to bring the mill [meal] back like they ain’t get my order right!”) comeuppance, The Saurus gets his swag back to make for a more competitive 2nd round that’s still edged to an overall, more (“I’m a hitman, I get paid to pop like foster parents!”) flexing with the punches, Gotti. Still, even with the bout already decided The Saurus’ spitfire (“Throwback, brought a rusty Razor like the Wolfpack!”) wordplay and resiliency for stalwart (“Muthafucka, I stay with the shotgun, I’m a car pooler!”) punches, allows him to avoid the 3-0.
Verdict: Geechi Gotti (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Geechi Gotti – “Friend or foe, I’m through with the damn fakes, you’ll get slapped with the pound like Mexican handshakes!”
Recap: Dope battle, until the 3rd round anyway, between Joey 357 and Xcel had them both spitting haymakers, intricate wordplay, steady punches and especially in the case of (“Get’cha top blew, I never knew he was that anxious to die!”) Joey, a versatile flow that spoke to a flexible cadence. Still, after coming back in the 2nd with a spitfire (“I take steel and stick figures, that’s an easy draw!”) turn that pushed back a solid, but elongated round from his opponent, an old case of the slip-ups returns for Xcel, causing him inexplicably choke and lose the deciding round, which ironically was Joey357’s worse.
Verdict: Joey357 (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Joey357 – “Joey357 versus Xcel this just goes to show, if I’m behind bars after this ‘cuz he was around 5-0 like OVO!”
Recap: Well prepared going back to his GrindTime days, John John da Don has always known how to keep his rounds short. And even after a year-plus hiatus from battling, JJDD’s ability to condense his bars continues to pay off. Indeed, JJDD after getting edged bar-for-bar in the 1st round against fellow PG vet (“No exaggeration, against wack emcees, I rap with ease, in big battles you would think I’m half-Asian…I’m Blackenese!”) Chilla Jones, the more condensed, Bullpen Battles league owner comes back with storm of banging {“You went from league owner to PG, that’s still pushing through, I went from PG to league owner and now I’m booking you!”) personals, witty barbs and fiery punchlines to take the latter two and gain the win.
Verdict: John John da Don (W) 2-1
Favorite line: John John da Don – “Prep, you beat Prep? Yeah, you beat him after I’d already crippled him, Gjonaj?, that was after Dizaster had already finished him, even Illmac loss to Rone, he couldn’t keep his belt and as far as Th3Saga go…well, we all know he beat himself!”
Recap: Solid punch-fest between Chilla Jones and Vega stays close for three rounds, but goes the Kingpen’s way as the visiting-Down-Under-Boston-spitter’s flexing schemes, rigid guns bars, dope set-ups and fierce personals/punchlines work together to outshine his boastful opponent in both the opening and final rounds (in-between a debatable 2nd) for the win.
Verdict: Chilla Jones (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Chilla Jones – “So you the one they call Maverick, well this German blixky got a big kick but it shoot like Dirk Nowitzki!”
Recap: When you’re able to battle 30 times in one year as Dre Dennis attests to here, you must be doing something right. Thus, even before Prep tagged himself in for some ill tag-team theatrics at the end, with pointed gun lines, stirring name flips and some hardbody workplay, Dennis puts in enough work to beat a nice, but none-too-spectacular Ish Mula.
Verdict: Dre Dennis (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Dre Dennis – “You don’t make homies, you put fake bodies under sheets like kids sneaking out!”
Recap: A cleaner 3rd round by Real Deal is the difference here as in this close and competitive battle that saw a gang of rigid struggle bars, lucid personals, fiery gun bars/wordplay, piercing/witty punchlines and livid mayhem, after Deal and Joey Gambello split the opening rounds, the Canadian rapper’s hiccups in the final round (which otherwise a pretty righteous Turn), would end up costing him this 3-rounder from Beastmode.
Verdict: Real Deal (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Real Deal – “I bet when you and girl lying in the bed at night, you hear the noise and she goes to investigate!”
Recap: Faced (no pun intended) with obstacles that included a slow start, early round slip-up and what we can guess was a surprising handicap match (opponent Face allowed one of his homies to kick off his turn with some earnest rhymes) to start things off, in this fiery 1-rounder from SouthPaw Battle Coalition, Madface still flexes with enough potent punches, witty shiners and provocative wordplay to edge a pretty solid and mayhem-drenched turn by his two rivals.
Verdict: Madface (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Madface – “I do what I want, that’s the reason this happened, like ain’t nobody wanna see mad face versus that Face that still need some reactions!”
Recap: The much-hyped, Bullpen Battle League matchup between Loso and B. Dot turns out to be a winner as both battlers not only reach deep down to challenge each other on who’s theology is actually making a difference on others. But the battle is also highlighted by a series of lyrically-bent schemes, ill personals and haymakers laced with each battlers own personal belief system. 1st round was a fitting set-up for the entire match with the ever-confident Loso going right at his opponent with an adept research game that made for plenty of dope punchlines, screeds on hypocrisy and frenzied (“Y’all could adore this Blood of you want, but I’m still not gonna let him Pass over [Passover]!”) wordplay. And while a spazzing B. Dot came through with a solid, personal-drenched 1st round that hit hard at times, overall his turn just wasn’t as heavy-hitting as Loso’s. In the 2nd round Loso again went straight as B. Dot with deft (“Any little bot could sleep with a hundred women, a real man gonna give one woman a hundred percent!”) personals and some nice punchlines that were only weakened by a round that went too long. On the other hand, after getting edged in the 1st round, B. Dot went ahead and got ‘surgical’ with his, spitting rapid fire creed’s with startling effect, all the while dishing a set of rich schemes and flexing personals surrounding (“I told him I was Heaven sent [scent] and ever since he been sniffing around trying to pick up my fragrance!”) allegations of an opponent stealing his style. Altogether, enough heat by B. Dot to take the round and split things going into the 3rd. The deciding final round saw Loso continue to mock B. Dot’s style and modus operandi, but with boastful darts that were both hit and miss. However, with plenty of momentum coming into the 3rd, B. Dot would get even more potent with his bars, hitting hard with more Christian rebukes, dispensing some stifling (“A nigga worship a God that saved Saga from masturbation and jerkin’ his chicken, but can’t save blacks from mass incarceration gettin’ jerked by the system?!”) punchlines and spouting his Kemetic science/Black Afrikan knowledge with splendid enough results to take the round and earn the win.
Verdict: B. Dot (W) 2-1
Favorite line: B. Dot – “And me, King? I got a deep lens, What good is a sacrifice if you get it back?, See how they pretend?, He died on Friday, came back Sunday…that nigga took off the weekend!”
Recap: A highly anticipated battle for any long time battle rap fan, for the most part Tay Roc versus Dizaster doesn’t disappoint. Round 1 sees the visiting Roc get busy with fire punchlines, crazy name flips and fiery (“I stretch a guy when I’m waving, scope zoom in and out, I exercise when I’m aiming!”) gun bars that proved that he wasn’t here on vacation. On the other hand, the always aggressive and enigmatic Dizaster showed off his mettle as well, using some nice freestyles, loud (“Talking all this bat Cave bullshit, tell me like I don’t know what his world like?!, bitch my last name Bin Laden, I’ve been with this cave business my whole life!”) braggadocio punches and stinging wordplay/name flips to keep up with his opponent’s fire half and split the round.
From there, however, things would change quite a bit as a turned up Roc would up his bar proficiency and versatility game, using a classic, haymaker-drenched 2nd round to take over the West-coast crowd and take the lead when put up against a solid, but too dogmatic at times turn by Diz, before taking the match with another punch-heavy, personal stifling, ably (“Are you a crackhead or a steroid-head?, it’s hella funny, you look like you in shape and out of shape, you a healthy junkie!”) witty and gun-savvy turn that easily beat a less potent, tho (“…you could say it, but I can’t say it?!, Shaniqua gonna get this work!”) clever at times, hit-n-miss round by Diz.
Verdict: Tay Roc (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Tay Roc – “I’ll take ya bitch from you, I’ll have fun with her then be done with her and I doubt that Slut Walk after .21 hit her!”
Recap: Both pronounced and stifling when it comes to bringing the heat, Coffee Brown and veteran emcee 8R-14 make for a competitive 3-rounder here The Riot Network. But with her play on words showing more pizzazz overall and flexing with the ability to score via a gang of lucid personals and fiery punchlines, this one is all Coffee.
Verdict: Coffee Brown (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Coffee Brown – “You better level the fuck up, ‘cuz I’m a ruler [Ruga] squeezer, I’ll give the bitch an inch, she take a foot now the mil will meet her [millimeter]!”
Recap: Not everyday that you see a league owner with little to no experience battling step in the ring to face off against a top tier opponent. But that’s the case here as ABR owner Chris Petty goes heads up against Goodz and honestly..he was alright. Tho his braggadocio lines on how wealthy he is does get a little repetitive at times, he scored with a few shiners here and there. And while the witty and swagger-aesthetically inclined would’ve had to have pretty much choked in order to lose this battle, at the very least, Mr. Petty didn’t embarrass himself and the battle itself clearly kept the crowd entertained.
Verdict: Goodz (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Goodz -“They talking lyrics, dumb then down, I’m really trying to dumb him down, I done had a bunch of orgies, think chicks in circles, but I don’t fuck around!”
Verdict: TIE
Favorite line: Fettuccine 20 – “He always acting like he tough, nigga move something, the tool dumping, each one come with a pair, I put a metal on tray liek school lunches!”
Recap: A little underwhelming considering that we’ve seen better battles from both. But after splitting (I got Illmac taking the 1st and Iron taking the 2nd) the first couple of rounds, this KOTD battle between Iron Solomon and Illmaculate comes down to the 3rd, where a more succinct and less hurried Illmac takes it, beating back a hit-or-miss Iron in what seemed to be personally driven, grudge match that the scheme-heavy and consistently witty Mac was more prepared to win.
Verdict: Illmaculate (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Illmaculate – “You left, thinking you was Jordan with his tongue out, came back…looking like Jordan in the dugout!”
Recap: After Drugz puts together a phenomenal 1st round that pushes (“Do business with him on the street?, I couldn’t even fathom that, why you pack pitching and gat-toting anyway? don’t the captain of the block supposed to have nigga’s to handle that?!”) back on his opponent’s entire battle rap repertoire, Eazy the Block Captain displays plenty of mettle by refusing to wilt. Indeed, with the Philly rapper upping his gritty stylings with fiery set-ups, fierce (“Oh, you back with your team now huh?, oh that’s cool, you winning, but just like the Goonies, wasn’t fucking with they own brother in the beginning!”) personals, potent jailhouse raps and discernible ‘real rap’ bars, even with a couple of elongated rounds, thanks in part to a more pedestrian Drugz coming back to earth in the latter rounds, the Block Captain edges rounds 2 and 3 to earn the win.
Verdict: Eazy the Block Captain (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Eazy the Block Captain – “All that tough shit, nigga you can have that, but on this stage don’t let it go past that, or a real bar could go over your head…and y’all don’t gotta ask ‘Did he catch that?’!”
Recap: The ski mask’s end up deciding this one as after Daylyt surprisingly spits a fire, (“Think pilgrim beef, in the end [Indian], I do Ill wild and y’all was trying to tell me that Will da beast [Wildebeest]?!”; “99’s over all…he the hoodie Melo!”) punch-heavy 1st round that edges a dope and heated turn from Ill Will, Will returns the favor with a even more aggressive and (“Revolver?, half-loaded, I got it by the left leg, 3 of then thangs left your dome…I got it from Chef Trez!”) potent 2nd round that easily beats back a reaching with the words and pretty standard round from Daylyt. Final round is where we see the ski mask’s come out on both ends and while Daylyt spouts a solid, conscious-themed round that made it competitive, its Will’s mask that wins the day with a trio of standing haymakers and feelgood punches.
Verdict: Ill Will (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Ill Will – “The .9 milli, it’s easy to fit nigga, I like the Hollow’s, the bald heads ain’t cool on the low, like Beasley and [points at ARP] this nigga!”
Recap: Chilla Jones and Cephdeezy meet up for a lyrical showdown for 1 round on the Ball Hogg Ent stage and it’s a pretty solid effort from both battlers with plenty of boastful barbs, rigid personals, fiery schemes, some witty darts and piercing punchlines/gun bars to keep you paying attention throughout. However, it’s the visiting Chilla, with a more consistently punch-heavy and versatile turn, who comes away with a well-earned road win here.
Verdict: Chilla Jones (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Chilla Jones – “You need more than luck, that’s why you lack a cult following!”
Recap: I’m glad that Cortez mentioned staying in Australia for a couple of weeks, because Lord knows you shouldn’t travel 24 hours all the way to Australia from New York just for a battle and turn back right around. Instead, make it a vacation and roam around, check out the place, touch a kangaroo, etc. That being said, nice battle between (“Yall know me, Cortez, Brooklyn, I kill shit offhand, Mason Betha, he can preach and diss all he want, I’m sill gonna get the win on Cam!”) ‘Tez and veteran battler (“…turn ya cerebral cortex into a lobotomy!”) Dunn D with both having their moments throughout the match while keeping the crowd hyped. Still, after sort of an up-n-down 2nd round that saw him fumble a bit, thus splitting the battle going into the 3rd, Cort used an obligatory ‘Something We Gotta Talk About’ theme to get personal and score with hitting barbs on his opponent’s career or lack thereof and beat back a solid turn by Dunn D.
Verdict: Cortez (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Cortez – “Damn, I thought you was the man on this rap shit, but you ain’t looking how I thought you looked…I was catfished!”
Recap: I’m guessing that all those shouting “3-0!!!” in the crowd were either diehard JC stans or on crack or something, because this was nowhere near a shutout. To start, ummm yeah, that was Rum Nitty taking off with a fire first, delivering righteous (“I said you bitch made timid, I’ll walk up to ya whip then raise with it, then put .5 on the glass like an inmate visit!”) gun bars and steadily potent with the metaphorical (“You thought I left the .4 at home, I keep it Loaded in the gray hoodie, I never leave my nose alone!”) wordplay to edge a raucous (“Instead of taking a slit wrist, I took a big risk and made every step count…like a Fitbit!”), personal -savvy and thematic turn by JC that the latter might’ve won if not for taking a little too long to get in his bag. The 2nd round wasn’t quite a fire as the first, but was still a dope round nonetheless. Rum, fresh off a sizzling round 1, came down a bit here, but still remained competitive, dishing steely personals and aggressive (“You Vice Lord right?, well I’ll put you under the .5 and bang it to the left!”) heaters with ready, aim, fire semantics that would’ve beat most opponents. But after an up-n-down first, a confident JC stayed turned up, dispensing steadier heat with a fine mix of able-bodied (“Nigga you be with a different team every visit, so the next time you switch sides, I’m a be waiting for the shot…just cherry-picking!”) personals, witty shiners and jaunty (“The chopper put him in his place like real estate, and that’s not a punch…it’ll flip a house!”) gun lines that got him the round. Tied going into the final round in what altogether was a near classic, Nitty stayed on point, continuing to score with fiery punchlines and more (“Your soul lifting, one in the doem hit him, now Carter can’t feel his face…and got no ceiling!”) lead for that ass that while mostly hitting their mark, could be knocked a little bit if only for its repetition. That said, it’s where a slightly more versatile JC edged it, mocking (“You make those Gunz look worse than Love and Hip-Hop!”) Rum’s rap style, spouting plenty of dope 4-bar set-ups and staying on point with a load of spitfire (“I don’t even do subliminal’s, I let the sub tweet!”) wordplay.
Verdict: JC (W) 2-1
Favorite line: JC – “I’m not here to pass Roc, I’m ball-hogging…I want the last shot!”
Recap: Quick with the searing jabs and spouting a sizeable amount of informal wordplay/metaphors. E. Ness easily takes this 2-rounder from a far (“Nessaserian”?!?) reaching, dated and inconsistent Serius Jones.
Verdict: E. Ness (W) 2-0
Favorite line: E. Ness – “You got signed after me…and got dropped before me!”
Recap: Prep’s return to the We Go Hard stage is a pretty decent one as he uses a bunch of formidable (“12 drawn in his face, this a criminal sketch, then switch the B-side like I flipped the cassette!”) punches, spitfire gun bars and some potent wordplay to take the first two rounds and edge out a solid B-Trillz. Despite an at times funny and freestyle-buttressed 3rd from Prep, Trillz saves himself from getting 30’d with an earnest and personal (“You had that dumb ass outfit on, looking like somebody father died!”) punchfest that easily made for his best round.
Verdict: Prep (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Prep – “Cops asking one question when mad toys is shooting, did he [Diddy] put 1 .12 [112] next to the locks [Lox], this a Bad Boy reunion!”
