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Jaz the Rapper defeats 40 B.A.R.R.S.

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Synopsis: So….is there really any more doubt about who the real Queen of the Ring is? Getting right to it in round 1 Jaz the Rapper lands haymaker (“Cuz’ to be the best you gotta beat the best, you ain’t ever had a full court press up in ya face, you battled Star, Imah, Norma, Dutchess, of course you gonna look like a queen  always putting peasants in they place”) after haymaker (“…I just hit 22, but watch how I bag 40. I’m in a cougar bar”), showing so much contempt for 40 B.A.R.R.S. that she had the nerve to call that her lightest round. Meanwhile an up-n-coming, but clearly not-ready-for-primetime 40 B.A.R.R.S. stumbles from the gate and spits a round so light that even Tay Roc would shake his head. From there it’s nothing but Jaz prepping the bodybag, styling on her opponent with killer bars (“I got a gun so big…..that shit don’t work”), a nice Lux impression and embarrassing 40 with Popeye flashbacks (“40 you fought granny over a 2 piece biscuit and some fries?!”). How bad was this massacre? Twice 40 either choked or pulled a Duran and quit on her rounds–to quote K-Shine: “Zip her up!!!”

Verdict: Jaz the Rapper (W) 3-0

Favorite line: Jaz the Rapper – “Hit that bitch in the head with a bottle of vodka to show 40 proof”

Young X defeats P.G Skillet

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Recap: P.G. Skillet had some nice schemes and hard (“I’ll spin his shit back, y’all gonna miss X…like Christmas time!”) bars to edge the second round and put up a decent fight against Young X. But X’s versatility, a fine mixture of rich storytelling bars, requisite jokes that landed, steely (“And all that cook coke shit, nigga you can kill it, every hustler in here know you can’t cook coke with no skillet!”) name flips and some fiery personals, gets him the 1st and 3rd rounds and the win.

Verdict: Young X (W) 2-1

Favorite line:  Young X – “You that nigga that won’t get no pussy, catch me getting getting pussy and be like….I’mma tell!”

Chess defeats D.O.T.

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Synopsis: Nice battle (tho someone’s gotta tell heads who wanna talk during a battle to go elsewhere) esp. for a PG matchup. Both D.O.T. and Chess had energy, similar styles, ill schemes, great wordplay and performance galore. Close throughout, but when you dissect the battle a little bit it clearly came down to who had more sensibility (Sorry Dot, but the Olympic logo has 5 rings, not 4. And “Gabby Davis”?!? Lupus being a “hair” disease?!? Really?!?) with his bars as well as who dropped more haymakers–that’s Chess on both counts.

Verdict: Chess (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Chess – “Pop your melon while you sleep, you’ll be yelling, that means I blew dreams out his dome for getting loud, but that’s regular, that’s dot, dot, dot, etcetera, etcetera . . .”

Danny Myers defeats Dre Vishiss

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Recap: Even against a sublime showing from a slick-taking and potent Dre Vishisss, the forever-turned-up stylings of Danny Myers prove to be a little too much as the Bar-God’s variety of salacious punchlines and fiery wordplay are enough to take a deciding 3rd round in this dope 3-rounder from AHAT.

Verdict: Danny Myers (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Danny Myers – “Since you talk shit, that small toaster rise, it blows your funny bone to the left of you, all jokes aside!”

J. Murda defeats Amzilla

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Recap: No doubt, as proven here, the veteran Amzilla would be pretty dope in a corner cypher what with his ability to spit plenty of nice off-the bars at the ready. But in a rap battle (while admitting that he forgot all his writtens), against the likes of a hungry J. Murda, going all freestyle just was not gonna work as the young’uns rich organic punchlines and relentless heat earns him an easy dub.

Veridtct: J. Murda (W) 2-1

Favorite line: J. Murda – “I got two straps, one I copped yesterday the other got 4 bodies, so basically I got arm to waste [waist], the other in the air like I’m doing the Nay-Nay!”

Couture defeats O’fficial

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Recap: A direct contrast to O’fficial’s rambunctious and at times, overtly emotional demeanor, Couture’s cool and calm mannerisms along with her focused delivery gets your attention even more when her pointed personals, fiery schemes, salacious name flips, witty barbs/angles and flexing punchlines get under an opponent’s skin as we witnessed here. Not that O’fficial helped herself much with a couple of very elongated rounds as well as a boatload of punches that didn’t always land. But after easily out-pointing her opponent in rounds 1 and 3, but for a debatable 2nd round (thanks, in part, to a nice O’fficial rebuttal) and a too extra ‘prop’ drill sergeant in the final round, this one was pretty much all Couture.

Verdict: Couture (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Couture – “You a fake, a fraud, a phony, on top of that your flow sucks, these niggers got you gassed, you thought your shit was lit till I stepped on stage and stole your shine, you Slow Bucks!”

Loaded Lux defeats Hollow Da Don

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Recap: From U Dubb’s High Stakes card, Loaded Lux versus Hollow Da Don in a highly anticipated battle that really altered the game when it came to how much battlers should be paid (indeed, when first talked about, this top-tier match was supposed to be URL, but as the battlers asking price was deemed to be too high, U Dubb would swoop in and land the match instead). Lux, dressed in Black Panther garb that would prove to be a huge theme for the Harlem vet throughout the battle (tho Hollow would spout some dope freestyles in response during the matchup), would shine with a plethora of rich metaphors, stinging personals (esp. when it came to Hollow’s alleged fondness for lean), righteous pontifications and hard-hitting punches that also flexed his versatility. On the other hand Hollow, with an aggressive, personally belittling (esp. with the Lux impressions), witty, wordplay spicy and at times scheme-heavy palette, would stay competitive despite being hurt a bit after having both of his opening rounds cut a bit short due to time constraints (apparently the two battlers had already agreed to two 5-minute rounds before an unlimited 3rd round prior to the battle). That said, slightly helped by utilizing less filler while overall coming through a bit more intricate, condensed and more pointed with the bars/personals, an also more haymaker-lit Lux takes rounds 1 and 2 for the win before a debatable final round that’s noted for Hollow bringing Calicoe’s pops out on stage.

Verdict: Loaded Lux (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Loaded Lux – “Baby you a star, they love you the way you are, but I love you enough to not leave you the way you are!”

Street Money defeats Shotgun Suge

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Recap: Let’s call this one what it is: Shotgun Suge dishing barely 3 minutes of raps for a 1-round battle and thus losing to a more prepared, gritty and punch-heavy Street Money on NOC Battles.

Verdict: Street Money (W) 1-0

Favorite line: Street Money – “I’m a stand-up nigga, I hit whoever…up…standing!”

Reepah Rell defeats J.O

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Recap: In this 3-rounder from We Go Hard, Reepah Rell and J.O. kick a lot of hood tales, braggadocio bars and mostly in the case of Reepah, some dope/witty punchlines with more versatility to his lines. For Reepah, a couple of multifaceted turns against an opponent who overall came with a load of filler, gets him rounds 1 and 3 for the win.

Verdict: Reepah Rell (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Reepah Rell – “I hope you hearing me ock, ‘cuz first you hearing the pop, then your top get pulled back, that’s a cereal box!”

John John da Don defeats Reed Dollaz

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Recap: The effort–hard-hitting, braggadocios, street-laced raps with a little wit and consistent aggression–was there. But in 2014 battle rap, where schemes, wordplay, metaphors, name flips, personals, angles and similes matter a whole lot more than they did a decade prior, Reed Dollaz really had no chance, easily bested by a confident and punch-heavy, but albeit methodical John John da Don for 3 rounds with a plethora of the aforementioned attributes that included the now-infamous ‘It’s in the car!’ response to one of JJDD’s more spirited disses. Include way too many pedestrian bars from Dollaz and even for a JJDD that wasn’t always on his A-game, a shutout over a Philly vet many consider to be a battle rap legend, still counts on the scorecard.

Verdict: John John da Don (W) 3-0

Favorite line: John John da Don – “We was supposed to do this out in Philly, I would’ve came Reed, but now you getting drugged in New York, I’m a Duane Reade!”

T Top defeats Cityy Towers

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Synopsis: Chilla Jones nods his head at too many bars, I mean they can’t all be that nice, can they? Anyway, City Towers has some skills (“You say you trap dusk till dawn with your eyes wired, I’ll let a round flame your top if you a night rider, my con ride up them type riders, that’ll cock the metal back before another sentence, them typewriters”), but besides telling his entourage to ‘chill out, it’s just a battle’, he needs to work harder on his delivery, versatility and being more consistent. As for T Top, what more could you ask for? Street/gutta shit, storytelling, name flips, throw in a joke or two (“I’m gun pouting because I ain’t hearing you baby, I mean you barely got born, you a miracle baby”) to keep the levity all the while dropping more consistently tight bars. In other words, Carolina all day.

Verdict: T Top (W) 3-0

Best line: T Top – “16’s will put him in a box, that’s a Pro Tool, I’m still Chuck E. when I’m Fresh, I bust the dope moves!”

T-Rex defeats Big T

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Recap: A 1-rounder from the Road To Total Slaughter tournament, T-Rex delivers a beating on an inconsistent and flow-challenged Big T, wilding on the Chicago vet with a gang of rapid-fire/gritty/hardbody punchlines to handily get the win.

Verdict: T-Rex (W) 1-0

Favorite line: T-Rex – “Silencer, sound like the Uzi trying to tip-toe, he dead, I’m a keep fucking going like a nympho!”

Showoff defeats Tre Awthenicc

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Recap: Speed rap is cool, but when it gets to the point that people are having a hard time understanding your bars, you might wanna slow it down a little bit. I got Showoff edging rounds 1 and 3 here, but Tre Awthenicc definitely has bars and could be somebody to look out for in the future if he goes 55 instead of 90 and adds more dimensions to his raps.

Verdict: Showoff (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Showoff – “Are you moving rock? Cuz’ from the looks of it nigga you don’t get no cash…without a doubt you gotta quit showing out Roscoe Dash”

JC defeats Prince Lord

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Recap: Feasting with fiery schemes, lofty name flips, some witty barbs and gritty gun bars/punchlines, in this 1-rounder from Gorilla Warfare, a more consistently potent JC does enough to fight past a solid, but often pedestrian showing by Big T homie Prince Lord.

Verdict: JC (W) 1-0

Favorite line: JC – “What’s poppin’?, I heard y’all known for drama, well, we roll with llama’s, bis ass ratchet’s, yunno, the kind you can’t take home to mama!”

Qleen Paper and Arsonal da Rebel [DEBATABLE]

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Recap: In this solid 3-rounder from Black Ice Cartel, Arsonal does a mean Qleen Paper impression and had his moments (“The closest you’ll ever get to being King is Tekken 4!”) bar-wise, but way too many reaches and pedestrian lines hurts da Rebel in the long run versus a Queen hellbent on talking past beef with Detroit rappers when he wasn’t tossing out a nice assortment of gang-related personals and lucid boasts/punchlines. Still, as challenging as this battle was when it came to mediocre punches, it had its share of comical stylings from both battlers and stayed close throughout, leaving us with a slightly more versatile Ars taking the 1st round, before a more consistently potent Qleen edges the 2nd, before the two, pretty equal on bar efficiency, turn out a draw in the deciding 3rd.

Verdict: TIE

Favorite line: Qleen Paper – “Fuck that, I ain’t bring no 9’s and shit, I got a scope so I can find a hit, y’all know how it go, the softest grape on the vine get bit!”

Head Ice defeats T-Rex

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Recap: A couple of things of note with this Quiet Room battle: considering their long and renowned history, one would think that a long-anticipated battle between Harlemnites T-Rex and Head Ice would take place on a bigger stage, much less for 3 rounds instead of 1. And while Rex came with his typical ‘grown man’ (“Even silencers is loud when you in a Quiet room”) bars, taking into account the alleged backstory between these two, one would think he’d have a lot more to spout off than the roughly 3 minutes he barely gave you here (plus too, this was a one-round, unlimited). As for Ice, it was all there, steady painting pictures with a round of linear bars, brash (“Know your roley, I provide niggas, I’m bamboo strapped, I don’t speak ‘cuz I know the witnesses gonna tell ’em everything they need once my hand go back”) wordplay, jokes and some amiable personals mixed in to calmly and collectively cop the win.

Verdict: Head Ice (W) 1-0

Favorite line: Head Ice – “Your mouth spoke on more metals than Gabby nigga”

Real Deal defeats ZitroTheGreat

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Recap: From Homegrown Battleground, a solid, rapid-punching effort for 3 rounds from ZitroTheGreat gets blown to pieces by a steadily mocking, scheme-lit, casually witty, personal and punch-heavy Real Deal, giving the latter the 30.

Verdict: Real Deal (W) 3-0

Favorite line: Real Deal – “Since you’re Puerto-Rican homie I’ll whip the blade out for ya, if you a product of your environment you’re made by Goya!”

Goodz defeats Aye Verb

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Recap: Aye Verb gets line of the night (see below), but that’s still not enough to beat back a (“Ask about my background, pistol dumpin’, believe me nigga you gon’ get what you don’t want if this cat fish [Catfish] for somethin’!”) punch-heavy, swaggalicious with the boasts and witty with the personals Goodz in this N.O.M.E. IV, 3-rounder from Smack. Goodz, amped from the jump on out-barring his opponent, faced some steady comp lyric-wise from the St. Louis-repping vet. But besides a debatable 2nd round, a couple of inconsistent turns by Verb in both the 1st and 3rd didn’t help matters, thus helping a righteously snapping throughout Goodz (who on Jadakiss reactions alone, won this battle) to the win.

Verdict: Goodz (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Aye Verb – “I ride up on this nigga while he chillin’ on the weekend, creepin’, seat back, iron low like I’m anemic!”

Brizz Rawsteen defeats Young X

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Recap: Brizz Rawsteen versus Young X comes down to who the better 2nd round. As thanks in part to a lackluster second half of what was a quality (“You the type to get mad at’cha bitch, try to punch her out, but you ain’t punch that nigga who took ya tray when CO’s was passing lunches out!”) first round by X, but mostly due to Rawsteen’s righteous (“I mean they tried everything, telling me this bitch was a thug, then they tried switching it up, said he was flipping them drugs, [but] that ain’t convincing enough, we only seen X with O’s when it’s kisses and hugs!”) name flips, rich performance bars and a couple of (“Dirty nigga’s, how they compare smiel quality to God kind of speed, I’m a prodigy, my mom’s kind of deep, to kill the daughter in front of the boss…Godfather 3!”) haymakers, it’s Brizz who clearly takes round one. While X, thanks in part to a short round by Brizz that included a huge slip-up, but mostly due to the fiery versatility he displayed–that included some dope (“And I got a knife called ‘eyewitness’, because it SAW a nigga’s face!”) wordplay/double entendre’s, crazy punchlines, a hilarious roasting session and raucous (“…all y’all know he hang with a bunch if stupid nigga;s, they think he going to heaven because they buried him in True Religion!”) comedic timing–it’s X who clearly took the 3rd. All said, a dope middle round from both (Young X: “…nigga you’ll be like a flat spare tire, you’ll be in the trunk for nothing!”; Brizz: “I come with the best raps, that’s just facts, I got it figured out, you trying to get it out, but good shit is what X lacks [Ex-Lax]!”), but it’s Brizz who edges it with more quality punchlines, nice set-ups/name flips and an overall better performance.

Verdict: Brizz Rawsteen (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Brizz Rawsteen – “They think I’m joking with Charlie, I get silly with Clips..then aim right for ya baby, Gillie the Kid!”

Mark Miner defeats Tez

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Recap: Nice battle between Mark Miner and Tez. Close throughout with Miner spitting a dope 1st round (“Wash who you push up on, before we do our homework, find his home, rush in the door liek we late for work, toolies squirt, gotta blaze his top, casual shirt, when I address a nigga it’s always business first”)to take the early lead, while Tez straight (“I be cool, then I throw angry punches, that’s a mood swing”) spazzed in the 3rd to easily take that round. Thought it came down to the second with Miner edging it with better personals (“You a comedian, we battle rapping, which makes you Chocolate Drop, you be out here on some joking shit”), delivery and wordplay.

Verdict: mark Miner (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Mark Miner – “You still got time to chill because you got depressing battles”

Dre Dennis defeats Ray Stizzy

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Recap: Thank goodness for Dre Dennis, as his ability to dish way more consistent punches and righteous (“If we went to school together, I would’ve took your lunch money, and stuffed him in a trash can like ‘You know I’m fat bitch, don’t run from me!”) bully bars, gives him the fortitude to survive an elongated round of mostly filler and standard bars from an aggressive Ray Stizzy. What with host Uno Lavos dick-riding even Stizzy’s most routine bars, that kind of gassing still didn’t take away from an easy win for Dennis.

Verdict: Dre Dennis (W) 1-0

Favorite line: Dre Dennis – “Every time I see him I’ll give him a buck like little dude across the street!”

Teewhy defeats Smooth

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Recap: Battle of the braggadocio bars in this intergender matchup between Teewhy and Smooth. Harlem’s Smooth, who I don’t recall seeing on QOTR or any other battle leagues period, represented well and came hard with some aggressive (“You see me, you see P and the God Arty, I’ll put blood here and blood there, like a Piru party!”) wordplay and solid punches throughout her turn. But compared to Teewhy’s more consistent flow, fiery (“Feeling froggy, should’ve leaped. leave ’em froggy like Malignaggi when Porter put him to sleep!”) punchlines and heavier bar quotient, it’s the Jersey newcomer who gets this one.

Verdict: Teewhy (W) 1-0

Favorite line: Teewhy – “Mt shit infectious, spread it and I need a Benydril, you ain’t a fraction of my .6, so how could you half as ill?”

Xcel defeats CT

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Recap: A couple of shining (“My nigga, I go the damn distance they knew it was a ‘G’ as soon as I stepped in, that’s a grand entrance”) moments from CT, but Xcel’s pen (“You? Kill me? Nigga you got that fucked up, that shit’s like a leather clover leaf, that’s some tough luck”) game, exquisite wordplay, gun (“That beer belly, says you like having cans to the mouth…”) bars and rich schemes were just too much to overcome here.

Verdict: Xcel (W) 3-0

Favorite line: Xcel – “I know you like, ‘C3’? Yeah that’s what I name my pistol clown, ‘cuz she small and black, and she keep Official rounds”

Jakkboy Maine defeats ALR Tone

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Recap: Tru Life lookalike ALR Tone is (“Nigga, only ratchet you got is your new bitch!”) opportunistic at times, but for the most part lacks the ingenuity bar-wise to beat the nifty wordplay and speakeasy hand (“These two [balls fists] is like saying your grace, they come together just to make your head nod!”) gestures of Jakkboy Maine in this 3-rounder from Supreme Battle League.

Verdict: Jakkboy Maine (W) 3-0

Favorite line: Jakkboy Maine – “Flow like dropping shells in the snow, I got the coldest round!”

Presidential Dubz defeats Aura

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Recap: While bar lovers will like this one, for Aura anyway, too many of his speedy darts had a standard, generic feel that could’ve been thrown at anybody. Thus, Presidential Dubz with more variety to his performance, including some nice name flips and yes, even some paperwork, edged the 1st and 3rd rounds to take it in the end.

Verdict: Presidential Dubz (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Presidential Dubz – “He a lost nigga trying to find himself…I see the maze in you!”

Rosenberg Raw defeats Skelly

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Synopsis: Come-from-behind vet Rosenberg Raw does it again taking an ‘L’ in round 1, but stepping up that straight gangsta shit (“You wanna why I said you a bitch? because I said you is”) in the latter rounds to clearly take the win in his 1st KOTD appearance.

Verdict: Rosenberg Raw (W) 2-1

Best line: Rosenberg Raw – “But I’m the type to fuck your girl right in front of you, I get real greasy on her, [while] you standing in the corner like ‘Raw, take it easy on her'”

Tay Roc defeats Charlie Clips (Rematch)

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Recap: When Tay Roc got 3-0’d in the first battle between him and Charlie Clips, the biggest critique for Roc might’ve been his lack of aggression throughout the match. A big surprise considering that outside of that now classic battle, the legendary Baltimore, MD, spitter’s aggressive flow has almost never been called into question. And that’s the case here in this long-awaited rematch between Roc Clips that fires on all cylinders when it comes to not only Roc’s assertiveness, but also on a whole standout lyricism, heated gun bars, dope schemes (from both battlers), fierce punchlines, fly wordplay, crafty wit, shout-out’s to Clips’ grandma and of course, fiery lines concerning their previous (btw, nice move by Smack to bring Loaded Lux up the stage before the start of the battle in a salute to Lux’s old Lion’s Den, which is where these two first faced off) encounter. That said, with both battlers having gained so much experience and star power since their first meeting, it’s only right that they brought their A-game and that this rematch goes into the 3rd tied (what with a punch-heavier Roc edging the 1st round, while a more personal and creative storytelling Clips edged the 2nd)/ And it’s Roc who edges a close 3rd here, getting some major payback via a slightly more consistent turn with the heat, more condensed when taking in account an equal amount of haymakers from both battlers and less bent than his opponent on the usage of redundant personals. Either way, a spitfire battle altogether and one can only hope for a Part 3 to take place sooner than later.

Verdict: Tay Roc (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Tay Roc – “Fuck you, this rematch unnecessary, who’s the legend?,beating me is what made you legendary!, Charlie get hit with the 1st and then the secondary, then DNA get the business like its hereditary!”

Vizz da Outlaw defeats Dougy

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Recap: When he wasn’t spitting some pedestrian bars, Vizz da Outlaw’s arsenal of lofty (“Nigga, I’m ignorant, I just had to let you know, so there’s no confusion here, with that being said…I’m a run up on his mother with DE and a AR, liek ‘Excuse me Dear!”) gun lines and schematic jokes proved to be more than enough to beat an often lethargic and ill-prepared Dougy.

Verdict: Vizz Da Outlaw (W) 1-0

Favorite line: Vizz da Outlaw – “Nigga, my weaponry is legendary [raises each arm like a gun], I’m taking Dr. King, brother Malcolm, this one will catch you dreaming and this one will ask you out by any means necessary!”

Emerson Kennedy defeats B.Side

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Recap: As if the annoying chick screaming throughout this battle wasn’t enough, what you get here is a mostly average Emerson Kennedy against a confident and (“…nigga, I said a double-burger with cheese!”) bullish, but a little slip-up prone B.Side. Still, EK with some sizzling name flips and staid schemes/set-ups, takes the 1st and 3rd rounds easy for the win.

Verdict: Emerson Kennedy (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Emerson Kennedy – “I had to earn my right type spitting, Facebook, B.side, green light whats what they like to type in it, but we see B.Side, green light and he slight tripping, the scope see nothing B.side green light’s like night vision!”

T-Rex defeats Cortez

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Recap: Mayhem-lit, gritty and hard-hitting with the punchlines, in this 1-round Wild card battle from the Road to Total Slaughter tourney, T-Rex makes easy work of a mostly pedestrian and flow-challenged Cortez.

Verdict: T-Rex (W) 1-0

Favorite line: T-Rex – “‘Cuz you work at the airport don’t mean you let nothing fly!”

R Streetz defeats Incredible BA

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Recap: Way more intricate with the bars and scoring at will with the fiery wordplay, a rampant R Streetz beats back a solid and witty showing by Incredible BA in this one-rounder from SDH TrainingDay.

Verdict: R Streetz (W) 1-0

Favorite line: R Streetz – “This a bag, he ain’t fucking with me, what’d you think would happen when you put BA in front of a ‘G’!”

Ave defeats Steams

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Recap: Besides both rappers choking in round 2 (I gave it Steams because he went a little longer that Ave did) and Steams struggling at times with his flow and tepid reaches, Ave easily takes the 1st and 3rd rounds of this matchup with more consistent punches mixed in with some stirring personals and better overall wordplay.

Verdict: Ave (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Ave – “Fame got you thinking you hot, watch how this flame rock you, you couldn’t handle lines this raw with a Rick James nostril!”

DNA defeats Celebrity Cell

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Recap: Getting some prep in before his Ill Will battle, DNA uses a gang of flexing punchlines, on point freestyles, fierce schemes/personals and piercing name flips to sneak past a loud, aggressive and actually pretty nice and at times punch-heavy effort from Celebrity Cell in this 1-rounder from 413 Battle League.

Verdict: DNA (W) 1-0

Favorite line: DNA – “Rule number one on being a celebrity is people have to actually know you nigga!”

Chess defeats Cakes

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Recap: Too much talking in the back (like Tsu Surf mentioned, why heads come to a rap battle to talk is beyond me), but still a good-ass battle nonetheless between Cakes and Chess. Thought Cakes brought slightly more angles, styling on all the hype concerning Chess’ youth (the scheme about Steams always yelling out “He 16!” was hilarious) and I liked how he repped his hood with that “You on a winning streak? Nigga you gonna be under the L like you passed through Sutter” quip. But for all his hot bars and wordplay Cakes needs to work on his performance (unlike Ah Di Boom, he lacks that big man swag) and stage presence as too often he gets distracted by the crowd and has a bad habit of talking/gesturing during his opponent’s rounds. Still, Chess’ round was just a total barfest, impressing with delicious schemes, fierce (“You not Chess, so it’s hard for you to kill niggas that don’t cut it, out to cook, that’s my barber’s que [barbeque] to grill niggas”) wordplay and loaded haymakers all the while staying away from too easy fat jokes. Chess got this one.

Verdict: Chess (W) 1-0

Favorite line: Chess – “Don’t grip the nine, take his life with a knife, split his mind and leave head on both sides…..69”

Jakkboy Maine defeats Jay Dash

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Recap: Not as close as the crowd would have you believe as Jay Dash’s most impressive bars were surrounded by a lot of reaches and pedestrian lines. For a way more consistent and performance-heavy Jakkboy Maine, that’s more than enough to get the win.

Verdict: Jakkboy Maine (W) 1-0

Favorite line: Jakkboy Maine -“Wanna fight?, I’ll knock the sense out you, give a reality check and knock the bitch out you!?

First Ladi Flamez defeats Fafi

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Recap: A rapidly punching, name-flip leaning Fafi makes things close, but in this competitive battle from Supreme Rap League, one too many pedestrian bars from the Brooklyn battler along with a more hard-hitting, condensed, bullish and personal First Ladi Flamez allows the Richmond, VA, spitter to take the first couple of rounds and gain the win.

Verdict: First Ladi Flamez (W) 2-1

Favorite line: First Ladi Flamez – “You the type of bitch to yell ‘Squad’ like them nigger’s go, my killers real, I don’t gotta yell, ‘Go!’ is all they know!”

Fonz defeats Osage

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Recap: Osage probably should’ve stuck with the animal bars he used aplenty early on in round 1. As afterwards, in this 3-round battle from Bar4Bar Battle League, Fonz’s fiery punches/schemes and wily personals, a problem for his opponent throughout the bout, would easily prove to be tough enough to outscore The WillDaBeast’s more abstract raps in both of the latter rounds.

Verdict: Fonz (W) 3-0

Favorite line: Fonz – “Play goofy with Fonz and I’m a leave you on some vegetable shit, let that snub nose rub him out liek an Eskimo kiss!”

Mackk Myron defeats Tone Montana

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Recap: Mackk Myron’s heated punches, steely name flips and bouyant set-ups combined with a mostly pedestrian Tone Montana make for an easy 30 for the Team Homi spitter, who may’ve also benefited a little bit from his opponent letting a restless crowd wanting or expecting better competition.

Verdict: Mackk Myron (W) 3-0

Favorite line: Mackk Myron – “Well, let him know I keep a nina as a weapon, another nina, it’s kicking like Nina off of Tekken!”

JC defeats B. Magic

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Recap: Gorilla Warfare battle between JC and B-Magic stayed competitive with the two splitting the first couple of rounds. But Magic, who’d already served up more than enough JC ‘pop-locking’ references/bars in the match, would not only continue with more of the same silly personals in the deciding 3rd, but also deliver a shortened and mediocre turn that when faced against a stellar and punch-heavy round by JC, handily cost him the bout.

Verdict: JC (W) 2-1

Favorite line: JC – “You gonna die from two Yak nigga’s clearly, it ain’t for the fans to decide, ‘cuz you got killed by Will [wheel] like Brandy was driving!”

Tycoon Tax defeats Shotgun Suge

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Recap: Sometimes you can only blame yourself for losing and such is the case here as Shotgun Suge came with some serious (“I’m from Newark nigga, these weapons is real, this big fucking .40 expect it to peel, I hit his taco, expect it to spill, Chipotle, all on his Mexican grill”) bars and enough politically incorrect jokes to edge Tycoon Tax. But there’s just no way one can ignore Suge’s slip-ups in the first two rounds and choke in the 3rd. Thus, Tax gets the win, if for nothing else but flowing consistent throughout his rounds and providing enough bite to his (“I don’t care what set he claim when I load these clips, it’s the translator at the Nelson Mandela memorial, them signs you throwing up don’t mean shit”) bars, (“You lose every fucking battle, what got your ego popping?, you just another actor that died on Smack, Philip Seymour Hoffman”) personals and punchlines.

Verdict: Tycoon Tax (W) 2-1

Favorite line:  Shotgun Suge – “What you worth to me? I know you ain’t get paid, cuz’ you’se a Mexican, you niggas damn near work for free”

Drugz defeats Teak

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Recap: In this close 1-rounder from Bar Bendas Rap Battle League, the bullish punches from Teak (who gets credit here for barely using a name flip–an all-too-common occurrence when it comes to Drugz) validates a competitive bout. But with a consistently torrid and spicy turn of piercing punchlines and shrewd set-ups to go along with some fire wordplay, it’s Drugz who gets the edge here.

Verdict: Drugz (W) 1-0

Favorite line: Drugz – “No leg shots, only the top’s getting filled in like I forgot my password!”

DNA defeats Ill Will

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Synopsis: DNA got this, but this definitely wasn’t a body as Ill Will more than represented (esp. in the 3rd) with his usual aggression, real talk and potent bars in front of a clearly biased crowd. Still, knowing full well the kind of arsenal DNA is equipped with (rebuttals, crowd control, quality bars, schemes, personals, freestyles and a rare ability to match almost anyone’s style), the idea that DNA would go as an underdog against any non-top tier battle rapper is just plain ass-backwards. No need for motivation tho, the kid is just gifted like that (despite reppin’ Queens while wearing a Brooklyn Nets shirt). And he showed it from the off-the-top butchery (“I’m glad you got the kush on ya shirt cuz’ we’d (weed) smoke you”) to mean haymakers (“…like the last Ill Will you gonna’ die under a Queens nigga'”) that’ll have you pressing the rewind button. It’s what he does.

Verdict: DNA (W) 2-1

Best line: DNA – “And I’m still looking, like what your crew gonna do? You got your man, I got my gun, let’s have a 2-on-2”

Shotgun Suge defeats prez mafia

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Recap: Shotgun Suge spazzes (“I let five smack his face, we could slap box”) with nary a stumble to score a win over prez mafia who started strong, but tired quick towards the end of this one-rounder.

Verdict: Shotgun Suge (W) 1-0

Favorite line: Shotgun Suge – “You all the way fake, you ain’t just sorta fake”

Genesis Trez defeats Jorilla G

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Recap: Besides a couple of unintentionally funny sounds and barks from Jorilla G, there really wasn’t much to see here as both Jorilla and the man formerly known as Genesis Trez kicked a wide load of very basic and subpar bars throughout this 3-rounder from BYOB. Still, it’s the eternally gun bar blasting Trez, while failing to really spout anything substantive round 3, who gets away with a 30 thanks to an underwhelming effort that happened get matched with an even worse one.

Verdict: Genesis Trez (W) 3-0

Favorite line: Genesis Trez – “When it comes down to it, y’all squeeze off hammers?, please dog can it, ‘cuz I got police dogs cannons, K’s, 9’s, spit and kick crazy like retard tantrums!”

JC defeats Scotty

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Recap: A lot of gassin’ for the hometown spitter (“He tried to run, well that was a no go, I stretch the back of his head like the Patriots logo!”) Scotty and a slightly close 2nd round, but other than that JC’s usual assortment of exquisite wordplay, righteous name flips and at times fanatical (“Fuck is you fooling?, you don’t let off one pump, every cartridge that come with your gun…say Duck Hunt!”) gun bars does the job and it’s yet another win for the kid from Yak-town.

Verdict: JC (W) 3-0

Favorite line: JC -“A shot to the back will make his heart go out to his family…,my condolences!”

Caustic defeats Aye Verb

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Synonym: Sorry, but as long as Aye Verb’s been in the game he has no business complaining about time to prepare for a battle, much less choking. Not that any of that mattered anyway, as Caustic, with a busload of elite bars, jokes (that Shotgun Suge line was hilarious), personals and wicked freestyles, was well on his way to a victory anyway. Hopefully, Verb got a nice paycheck for just showing up….literally.

Verdict: Caustic (W) 3-0

Best line: Caustic – “I mean this dude’s trippin’ like I can’t bag his broad cuz’ I’m white, until I put a cracker in her mouth like I’m the body of Christ”

JC defeats Mic Phelps

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Recap: Definitely not on his A-game, but in this 3-rounder from MIRAP TV JC doesn’t need much more than his usual assortment of fiery punchlines, residual mayhem, otherworldly chatter and in this case, a gang of witty hairline jokes to beat back a rapidly punching, but mostly mediocre and freestyle-heavy effort from Mic Phelps.

Verdict: JC (W) 3-0

Favorite line: JC – “See my reign for the world, I get biblical, cut him off as soon as he get here…umbilical!”

B. Dot defeats Dezzyk

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Recap: AHAT 3-rounder between B. Dot and Deezyk turns out to be mostly one-sided as the mayhem-dishing Dezzyk, while scoring here and there in the early rounds, didn’t gave enough steam to keep up with a solid-punching, wordplay-nifty and personal-savvy Dot’s more potent rhymes.

Verdict: B. Dot (W) 3-0

Favorite line: B. Dot – “Dezzyk, you putting in work?, that gotta be minimum wage!”

Aye Verb defeats Swave Sevah

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Recap: Lame battle gets what it deserves with a wack crowd that seemingly couldn’t wait for it to be over with. Can’t blame them what with Aye Verb spending half his time telling sordid battle rap tales and Swave Sevah just coming off unmotivated while spitting generic bars he could write in his sleep. Give this one to Verb for putting on a better overall performance and for flexing that MC Hammer jacket.

Verdict: Aye Verb (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Aye Verb – “Karate only works on niggas that do karate”

Young X defeats Saint Mic

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Synopsis: Dope battle and who knew they battle rapping out in Nebraska? Still, Young X got this with a slew of haymakers in rounds 1 (“When it’s war you be on that ‘Yo dog, let me out'”) and 2 (“You stupid as fuck if you think I ain’t spraying, I’m about as hungry as those kids on commercials with Amazing Grace plans”) along with performance bars, mean schemes and tremendous wordplay. Saint Mic came with it in round 3, but by then it was too late.

Verdict: Young X (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Saint Mic – “Nigga, you are Charlie Murphy, straight darkness!”

Prep defeats D.O.T.

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Recap: “Everything fire”!!! More of that dope PG shit from the class of 2014. Prep vs. Dot and it’s entertaining all throughout with performance bars, schemes (Dot’s Jordin Sparks scheme was fire), crazy wordplay, personals, name flips, jokes (Prop suggesting Dot be a mime was over-the-top theater) the whole nine. But it’s Prep who edges it here, not counting Dot’s reaches (I double-checked, “matics” is not a word and the “umbrella” to “baretta”?! Really???), his delivery and execution were just more consistent. And while Dot came with plenty too, I thought Prep just outnumberd him on the hot (“OK we both PG’s but this is my stage, so play your position.or it’ll be Deron Williams, a PG from Brooklyn that got 8 [ate]”) bars and haymakers.

Verdict: Prep (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Dot – “I got coke in my ass crack, give me that drug walk”

Mackk Myron defeats Chozsin

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Recap: Way better with the wit (which were few and far between) than spitting fire bars, Chozsin wilts in the face of a barrage of spitfire punchlines, witty personals and gritty wordplay from Mackk Myron..

Verdict: Mack Myron (W) 1-0

Favorite line: Mack Myron – “Him beating me, a dog with his balls clipped, that’s new to me!”

B. Magic defeats Rum Nitty

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Synopsis: If you’re looking for a total barfest, then you’ve got one here as B. Magic faces a budding version version of himself in a game and able Rum Nitty. I got Magic edging the first two rounds only for outnumbering Nitty on the haymakers (“And yett yett, I show out (ShowwOutt) with the nina’s nigga, and let, let my Hitman do the remix nigga”), while Nitty took the 3rd easy when you take in account his stream of elite bars (“Dome shot, close your casket, it’s over Magic, get close and pull this nickle behind your ear, don’t make me show you Magic”) combined with Magic’s slip-up. Not only does it not get much better than this, but can we please see Nitty in the URL?

Verdict: B. Magic (W) 2-1

Best line: B. Magic – “Ain’t no bitches around here, you get the picture?, when you get wet with the calico (Calicoe) it ain’t skinny-dipping”

Bedaffi Green defeats Barrz McVay

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Recap: The unorthodox verbiage of Barrz McVay hits with some witty shiners here and there, but overall, a mostly average palette holds little ground against Bedaffi Green’s more intricate punches, stinging name flips and gritty wordplay.

Verdict: Bedaffi Green (W) 3-0

Favorite line:  Bedaffi Green – “Act hard and get choked before you start your car, feet dragging, it look like Smokey trying to park the car!”

Steams defeats Anubis

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Recap: Can a PG rapper actually face and beat a top tier before he starts talking reckless about one? I’m just saying. Anyway, good battle, but Steams outnumbered Anubis (loved that “your big bitch ass ain’t real like you sitting on a sink” line tho) on the execution, delivery, punches as well as the wordplay throughout all 3 rounds to earn the win.

Verdict: Steams (W) 3-0

Favorite line: Steams – “If he move, I got under the knee tools, the shit I lick-a come from the bootleg like cheap booze”

Eazy The Block Captain defeats DB

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Recap: Unbothered by the aggressive, mayhem-lit but at times witty punches from DB, Eazy The Block Captain uses a gang of piercing punchlines, some nifty wordplay and fiery gun lines/schemes to take all 3 rounds of this 3-rounder brought to you by Battle Rap Arena.

Verdict: Eazy The Block Captain (W) 3-0

Favorite line: Eazy The Block Captain – “His death was already written so this a closed chapter!”

Couture defeats Norma Bayts

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Recap: Versus the aggressive, trap talking and hardbody stylings of Norma Bayts, Couture still doesn’t hold back, using a boatload of piercing punchlines, stinging personals, flexing schemes, fierce name flips and because it wouldn’t be a Couture battle without some props, a couple of homies to parrot a sizzling horror movie narrative in round 3 that capped off a 30 versus an opponent who’s gritty, but long-winded rounds weren’t helped by a gang of weak personals.

Verdict: Couture (W) 3-0

Favorite line: Couture – “You probably walk through the Bronx Zoo and get sedated by mistake!”

Marv Won defeats Amazin

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Recap: The inconsistent knapsack raps of Amazin prove to be little match for the fierce punchlines and wily personals of MarvWon in this one-rounder from Infamouz Battles.

Verdict: MarvWon (W) 1-0

Favorite line: MarvWon – “Say my name, I’m popping up everywhere, like somebody sung the State Farm jingle!”

Chilla Jones defeats Daylyt

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Synopsis: Sometimes it’s not a matter of who lost, but who won. Such is the case here with this classic barfest between Chilla Jones and Daylyt–simply put as terrific as both emcees were, it all comes down to who dropped more haymakers. The edge goes to Chilla, from the crazy “Watch with the level I’m on, clear plane escalator, you can’t move me with long stares [stairs]) line to this gem (with Method Man literally in the building): “That’s cause she gave Ghost, face and blew Meth like Heisenberg”, it’s just rare to see Chilla waste lines. And Daylyt, who has long proven that he can match anyone lyrically (when he’s not beholden to antics), was as impressive as he’s ever been, dropping bombs like “And I rely my babe cuz she a cap and wild gunner, she’ll close her eyes, point the deuce at the ring like Pacquiao’s mama” and “If I chase a nigga’, back break a nigga’, funeral homes, box rake a nigga, you get the open hand, the fist or the deuce, rock, paper, scissors” that would’ve had any other battle rapper take his mike off and call it quits. But this was Chilla Jones, a wordplay artist and scheme king, who unless he produces that rare slip-up (vs. B. Magic) or you’re somehow able out-bar him (JC), your chances of winning are slim to none. I got Jones taking the 1st and 3rd with Daylyt taking the 2nd. Such a classic battle, does it even matter who won?

Verdict: Chilla Jones (W) 2-1

Best line: Chilla Jones – “It’s cuz’ you snitchin’, so to pigs I’m sinning, you sendin’ info so now y’all all fucked, it’s like I’m sendin’ nympho’s”