Recap: After a slip-up causes him to end his 1st round a little early and a spirited Jae Laww matches his opponent’s renowned wit with fiery performance bars and some vigorous Spanglish, after the opening round Uno Lavos gets busy with his, serving up a stirring dish of jaunty punchlines, able-bodied name flips and flexing set-ups to gain his moxie back in the latter rounds, turn the battle around and earn the win.
Verdict: Uno Lavos (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Uno Lavos – “All jokes and no bars, is that what you was expecting from me?, well consider this battle a Catfish ‘cuz I ain’t the nigger that you was expecting to see!”
Recap: Showoff more than makes up for his disappointing PG battle against Brizz Rawstein with a consistent and more focused performance against a quality opponent in Blaksmif. Both started off hot in the 1st round, a (Blaksmif: “You still fucking those dirty birds? grow up, that shit that that bitch be squirting look like throw up”; Showoff: “Tell his mother that Plan B should’ve been Plan one”) barfest of machismo rhymes, jokes and elevated wordplay. Come round two Blaksmif was still firing some heat, the “foundation when we land cum [come]” line serving as the highlight, but not delivering enough hard bars to keep the momentum he earned from round one. On the other hand Showoff stayed hot with mean performance (“I’m two-stepping with a snub nose, I let a bullet dance”) bars, festive wordplay and all-too-gritty punchlines. Last round the bout stayed close with Blaksmif snapping away, but only landing a couple of haymakers, whereas Showoff continued to well….show off, using just enough “lingo flips”, schemes and punches to edge this one at the finish line.
Verdict: Showoff (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Showoff – “I got kids, we call those re-spon-si-bilities, headshot, he gonna lose his response ability!”
Recap: Neither battler lacking for confidence, in this 1-rounder from Front Battle League, J Krooger and Hollaluyah Jones spout a gang of spicy punchlines, nifty wordplay, some potent name flips and your steady chapters of residual mayhem to keep the battle close and competitive. However, with a more condensed turn, a couple of more haymakers and some fiery schemes, Krooger gets the edge here.
Verdict: J Krooger (W) 1-0
Favorite line: J Krooger – “I’ll rob this nigger on his strip, then take him back to his crib like ‘Fuck nigger, where the rest at?'”
Recap: Never afraid to use her physical attributes to score a punchline or two, but better yet forever aggressive and brazen with the heat, wordplay and personals, after getting edged in round 1 by a punch-heavier Jada Raye, Viixen The Assassin stays consistent with the piercing punches in the latter rounds, all the while scoring more haymakers to comeback and get the win in this 3-rounder from Black Ice Cartel.
Verdict: Viixen The Assassin (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Viixen The Assassin – “You the type of bitch, you talk about people kids and shit, cool I’ll pop another baby out, you mad I have kids, you swallow yours…you like to take easy way out!”
Recap: Nothing too crazy here as Nef Dallas and Fettuccine20 battle in what one can surmise (from Fetti’s wasted bars on ‘Train’) was a one-round matchup put together at the last minute due to other’s backing out. Either way, Nef spits a clean round of punchlines, but nothing really substantial therefore allowing Fettuccine to get an easy win with a better mix of steely punches and aggressive schemes/wordplay.
Verdict: Fettuccine20 (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Fettuccine20 – “Now Don’t be a Menace and try to act all Bullet Proof, ‘cuz this one round’s a body, that’s a hula hoop!”
Recap: Swave Sevah stops by in Baltimore to make good on a favor owed to Pit Fights Battle League and reverts to the old Swave by unloading 3 rounds of steady haymakers and hard bars with frequent punchlines to perform a body on Makk Mizzle.
Verdict: Swave Sevah (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Swave Sevah – “We roll deep, AR’s maggie’s, ski masks, black hoodies, looking like Daylyt at a Trayvon rally”
Recap: If freestyling is your thing then you’ll love this matchup as Prep and Cakes, both clearly unprepared (or just not taking each other seriously), rely mostly on on-the-spot acumen to see who can win a rap battle. That said, the edge here goes to no one as while both had their moments, no one really stood, what with Prep first two rounds coming way too short and Cakes putting on one of the most unpolished performances you’ll ever witness. Indeed, in this day and age of prepared bars and polished writtens, if a couple of professional battle rappers really just wanna freestyle they should probably take it outside to a street corner near you and entertain you there.
Verdict: TIE
Favorite line: Cakes – “Malcolm X wore bow tie’s too, but that nigga still died from the piece [peace]”
Recap: After a strong (“I’ll flip the pound right through ya chest, but it ain’t King Kong!”) first round from the performance-heavy Mr. Wavy is countered by a stronger and more consistently nice turn from a frenetically (“Stay sick, you only play sick, this nigga Ferris Bueller!”; “These arms I bear [bare] on ya couch, that’s Ted nigga!”) potent Prez Mafia, it’s the latter who dramatically loses steam in this battle of URL newcomers while the former glistens. Indeed, a 2nd round stumble for Mafia only enhanced what was a lackluster turn anyway. And while Wavy’s 2nd wasn’t as powerful as the his 1st, combined with Prez’s downhill styling’s, it was still solid (“You could that metal by [swings arms towards Prez’s mouth] your grill, that’s a license plate!”) enough to even things up going into the 3rd. The final round? An easy body for Wavy. After Prez seemingly cuts his turn short what with more mediocre bars and a lack of crowd reaction, Wavy, steadily scoring with loaded gun bars, winning schemes and dope personals, wins the crowd and more importantly, the battle.
Verdict: Mr. Wavy (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Mr. Wavy – “Nigga you from BX, that’s a Puerto Rican stop, I get the drop on this nigga from a Puerto Rican thot, she said, wherever they sell joints, that’s where Puerto Rican’s shop, nigga death gonna be Goya, that’s a Puerto Rican box!”
Recap: Don’t let the oft-subdued crowd reactions or reaches by both battlers fool you as both O-Red and Rum Nutty still came with some nice punches and crazy (Nitty: “Nitty not accepting L’s, so if you came to see O win (Owen) in the ring, I bet he fell [fail]”} wordplay throughout this 3-rounder from King of the Dot. However, it’s O-Red who survives a bout with Earl in round 2 and manages to edge the 3rd round round with slightly more consistent heat in light of a solid turn too by his opponent.
Verdict: O-Red (W) 2-1
Favorite line: O-Red – “Pop, pop, pop, his shortie run out when she in that cannon fire, hugging Nitty after 3 roundns, that bitch…Danny Myers!”
Recap: Facing an opponent in fellow up-n-comer in Polo Boy, who was able enough to score some shiners here and there (yet took way too long to reach his punches at times before choking in the final round), Chef Trez has little problem dishing a 3-0 on his opponent with a barrage of dizzying punchlines, nice (“I’ll erase [racist] this block like a hood full of clan killers!”) worplay and crazy name flips throughout his 3 rounds.
Verdict: Chef Trez (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Chef Trez – “Punk please, I learned from the older nigga’s, you’ll catch two rounds and get a slice through one like a Toyta symbol!”
Recap: Really disappointed with this battle, it’s like neither Clips or O-Red took it that seriously and altogether there just wasn’t a professional feel to it. Plus, as much as I don’t like to get into the extra shit, there shouldn’t be nothing wrong with a little constructive criticism, right? For starters, the crowd’s at U-Dubb have really gotten lame or just quiet. I don’t know if it’s the venue or the sound equipment or what, but compared to past U-Dubb events, the energy just isn’t there. Then too the camera angles were off and sometimes it felt like the only people witnessing this battle were the people on stage. Secondly, please stop letting Debo host battles (hell, even Clips said it). If a guy’s gonna host, he should just get a quick introduction, introduce the battlers, flip the coin and move on. Debo doesn’t do that and he reminds you too much of when Star hosted in the URL…too much extra shit. Lastly, if anyone’s arguing about oversaturation killing battle rap, battles like this would help prove their case–just lackluster all around with a couple of top tiers who clearly didn’t bring their A-game. That said, I got Clips taking the 1st and 3rd rounds.
Verdict: Charlie Clips (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Charlie Clips – “You know what you are? You a check my nigga, we only battle you when the landlord wanna get the rent, you beat X-factor, so what?, when I got fed X he ain’t deliver since”
Recap: Just when you think you’ve seen it all in battle rap, here’s something new for ya: a double choke in the 3rd round here between Kid Chaos and Marvolus. But since the much stronger-punching Chaos, already up 2-0 going into the final round, rapped longer than his opponent did in round 3 before choking, we’ll edge him the 3rd too without an asterisk, since he really didn’t receive much of a chance to continue spitting his bars.
Verdict: Kid Chaos (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Kid Chaos – “Out of my waist, every single one of you stars turn on to Orion’s belt!”
Recap: E.B.A.N.G.A. put on a good (“How you float like a butterfly, sting like a bee, but you was battling DNA in that Walmart tee?”) show, might have enough skills to help put Philly back on the battle scene. But even his best bars couldn’t handle prez mafia’s heat: a whole lot of dope schemes, heavy (“When I could wig on a nigga I doubt fire…Robin Williams, when-you-wig-on-a-nigga-I-Doubtfire”) wordplay, in-your-grill name flips and steady haymakers that got him all three rounds.
Verdict: prez mafia (W) 3-0
Favorite line: prez mafia – “I’ll have a semi mop the floor with you, you ain’t getting up, or I’ll get bitches to wash you, that’s Coming To America”
Recap: Body Bag Bud, a last-minute replacement for JC in this 1-rounder versus Big Kannon, does a solid job with a gang of raucous raps to keep the crowd entertained and paying attention. But a more versatile BK, dishing everything from fierce multi’s to fiery punchlines to captivating freestyles and boastful darts, takes this one easy in the end.
Verdict: Big Kannon (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Big Kannon – “The fact that we in a skating ring don’t mean that I’m a let shit skate!”
Recap: Prior to their noted PPV Total Slaughter match, Big T and Arsonal had already met up, doing this half battle-on-a-beat/half microphones match for MC War. Round 1, which was on beat, went to a clearly punch-heavier while Big T, coming off a shortened turn earlier, was able to spit a couple of more haymakers to tie things up in round 2 which was also on beat. Battling with written’s and off beat for round 3, Arsonal’s flashy wordplay, sizzling gun bars and piercing personals would combine to edge a pretty solid turn from his opponent for the win.
Verdict: Arsonal (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Arsonal – “I’ll shoot at your house while you in it, you needed help bringing the mortgage down!”
Recap: Had this one tied after two what with the bars being pretty equal, but Zeus putting forth a slightly better performance with matching aggression in round 1, while J. Murda was more consistent with the punches (“Let that metal ring under your nose if I don’t accept him”) and had better wordplay in round 2. 3rd round was easily Murda’s, heavier with the bars, nice personals and a couple of haymakers mixed in to take the win.
Verdict: J. Murda (W) 2-1
Favorite line: J. Murda – “I will cut you, and yeah I like to get a little violent and crazy, but I like gutting niggas, I’m still kinda precise with the .80, I’m talking c-sections like and y’all still can’t stomach how I get them outta here baby!”
Recap: Let’s face it Chilla Jones just seems to get nicer with each battle. And here against a veteran in Real Deal who almost always impresses, Jones had to know going in that he better be on his A-game in order to pull out a victory here. Thinking that he’d come out with haymakers (ala his bout against B-Magic) Real Deal fails to impress much in round one, mostly delivering bars on Jones supposed regimen for street talk–an angle that makes no sense against an opponent renowned for schemes and wordplay. On the other hand Jones quickly shows that he did his research, spitting congenial wordplay on how Real Deal will attempt to win, while serving his opponent with a nice “boy band” scheme as a keepsake. Round two sees Real Deal clowning on Jones supposedly overrated style (“Your bars make people feel good when they get ’em like a refund check”) and alleged reaches with jokes, punchlines and other anecdotes breaking down Jones’ miscues on past bars. With Real Deal stepping it up, Jones switches angles, snapping on Deal’s Dot Mob status (“Why ain’t K-Shine behind you screaming ‘Get that nigga Deal!'”) before returning to his mantra of hot (“Once I air Real, he gonna see how some assault feel”) punchlines and hard-hitting bars. Last round finds Real Deal getting personal, hilariously cracking on Jones’ epic battle against JC, his hairline and the infamous Boston accent. But Jones, who’s more than stepped it up when it comes to his 3rd rounds, is at the ready, executing an unreturned high-five with precision on the creative front and pulling out haymakers (“This is the shit that happen when you step to the best Real, bars out of this world I brought extraterrestrials [extras to rest Real] “) to put this one to bed.
Verdict: Chilla Jones (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Real Deal – “I’m not a hater tho, your battle with JC is a classic I won’t lie, but you two pussies talk about it like it’s 4 touchdowns at Polk High”
Recap: For some reason Kloud MkBreeze saves, by far his best round, for the last round with a wicked combo of stifling (“He want y’all to call him Qleen Paper, in Detroit they call you ‘Tell Something!'”) punchlines and literal off-the-dome haymakers. Too bad MkBreeze’s late battle hysterics and early rounds hibernation works in favor of Qleen Paper (who might want to think about ditching the oft-sloppy solo endeavors for some two-on-two with new PNC QP) as he had just enough (“All this talk about how you dumping it please, I’ll put this nigga in a bag like I’m done with the leaves”, “Chrome to his back, because behind every Kloud [cloud] is a silver lining”) ‘light bars’ to edge rounds the first two rounds, overcome an ill-prepared 3rd round and basically survive with just enough air left in the tank for the win.
Verdict: QP (Qleen Paper) (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Kloud Mkbreeze – “You know how I know now only are you a bitch-ass nigga, but you’s a dumb nigga?, because you got sonned by a S.O.N. nigga then joined his fucking team, so that mean you got jumped in by one nigga”
Recap: Decent battle. Both came with plenty of bars, but their similar styles feeds into the argument that too many of these PG dudes sound alike. Blaksmif also needs to work on his delivery along with less dapping, while Gutta’s lines are too generic (even if you aren’t into personals, being proud that you couldn’t find any dirt on a dude is a non-starter) and his entourage could’ve shown more support for his bars. I got Blacksmif winning this easy tho: way more angles, better (“You remind me of a pregnant bitch: you got nut-in [nothing]”) punchlines, nice wordplay, steady jokes and more hard-hitting bars.
Verdict: Blaksmif (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Blaksmif – “I’m balling cuz’ I run through two halves then it’s O time, I shut him down so bad so bad his casket need a Closed sign”
Recap: So what if he seems to be another PG battler built in the mold of Tsu Surf, as seen here Stylez’ still got plenty heat for that ass. Against the ever competitive (“Fabio, No!, I’mma pop the bottle like ENJ and put styles on you…”) Steams, newcomer Styles displays a roundhouse of hard-hitting bars with confident (“This ass-whooping worse than a booking, I don’t fear Steams, open the window while I cook him, I’ll air Steams!”) swag and precise execution. Steams stayed in the match (“Tell bird chest I’m bringing the eagle so put that hawk away”) through the 2nd round, but some late stumbles and Steams continued dope personals, punchlines and schemes was just too much to overcome.
Verdict: Stylez (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Styles – “Slightly after a few battles Steams and Prezzy was buzzing, [till] I let this llama bake and a sucka relate like first cousins”
Recap: In a battle loaded with a lot of grit, aggression and mayhem, but a plethora of basic bars from each side, Mack Mel stirs up just enough fiery schemes and consistency with his punches to edge the first two rounds from the Tink Da Demon co-signed Geno, win the match and survive a late 3rd round choke.
Verdict: Mack Mel (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Mack Mel – “They say Mack don’t spit personals, you’re fucking right…I ain’t got time to know nigga’s!
Recap: All the way from Harlem, NY, Head Ice puts a hurting on The Deadman with mean name schemes, personals and aggressive bars to move the crowd and shake the room. The Deadman had his moments (“I’ll stomp Ice out till I’m walking on water, Jesus Christ!”), but for the most part Ice stayed in control of the battle and easily took the win.
Verdict: Head Ice (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Head Ice – “No wonder they labeled you The Deadman, you overdosed”
Recap: Not the best showing by Showoff what with a couple of near slip-ups. but he makes up for it by maintaining his flow and dropping some nice schemes along with stifling wordplay which over the course of this one-round matchup, was enough to beat Ab Eaze’s consistently basic punchlines.
Verdict: Showoff (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Showoff – “He ain’t been cooked yet, fuck that’s supposed to make him, raw?”
Recap: Dope battle featuring a gang of hot bars, rebuttals and quality performances by both Bigg K and Big Kannon. Had the 1st round debatable as BK (“You 6-2, football build awww I know how to tackle you, you can see hawks [Seahawks] or the Eagles, which team you trying to get drafted too?”) and Bigg K (“I’m going nuts on the drums like Step-Brothers”) both went full tilt. Second round goes to BK, better bars, more direct lines and the setup for that “You don’t wanna be fucked as a couple, don’t try swinging” line was super nice. Going into the 3rd round I don’t know why BK would say out loud that he lost round 1 (probably overconfident that he’d win the 3rd, but still), however, it wouldn’t matter too much as Kannon went for the jugular, spazzing on K’s wannabee nigga-itis while tossing out dope name flips and feelgood (“You’ll leave here, with nothing but da feet [defeat], that’s Danny Myers”) wordplay. Bigg K’s 3rd was nice, but short (as was his 2nd) and while the roasting session lines were funny, choosing to stick with one angle wasn’t enough to overcome his opponent’s versatilty.
Verdict: Big Kannon (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Bigg K – “I do it for the streets, you do it for the sweets, used to battle in the lunchroom and the loser had to eat”
Recap: Sometimes when you set the bar so high, a less than stellar performance can be seen as taking your art for granted, which in turn can provide an opponent with a window to win. Such is the case here as Chess, tho he certainly had his moments of executing some hot bars, fails to perform as consistently nice as you’re used to. Too bad as he gets schooled by a literal brickhouse in Dre Dennis, who spazzes on the little guy with enough elite schemes, haymakers, punchlines and self-deprecating (“I ain’t got one, so I know you ain’t coming for my neck nigga!”) rhymes to make your mouth water. Perhaps a hard ‘L’ to digest, but a good student will learn from this one.
Verdict: Dre Dennis (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Chess – “Chess, what’s your next move? I’ll tie his fat ass up and watch him starve in front of fresh food”
Recap: Using a magnanimous play on words that stayed upbeat throughout the first two rounds before settling down a bit in a less potent 3rd, Jakkboy Maine’s forte of rampant boasts, head-ringing mayhem and unorthodox punchlines prove to be too much for the charismatic/gritty flows of an uneven A Train in this 3-rounder from L.O.C (League of Champions).
Verdict: Jakkboy Maine (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Jakkboy Maine – “This the hook up, when it bang it’ll be right by your side, it’s like you secretly agree that’s consensual crime!”
Recap: Plenty of hometown personals and literally light bars from both Glueazy and Chris Lewis in this three round battle from Body Bag Battle League. But it’s still Glueazy who stands out against a mostly lackluster opponent, particularly in a fiery 3rd round that proved to be his most consistent and bullish.
Verdict: Glueazy (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Glueazy – “With me, it’s hard to get a leg up like Tracy Morgan when that van flipped!”
Recap: Jay Wirth has a nice flow. had some hard lines, but too many generic bars and filler couldn’t hold up against Ah Di Boom’s more direct bars, personals and ill schemes.
Verdict: Ah Di Boom (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Jay Wirth – “The coke and molly got me tweeking, fuck with white girls too much, almost broke my sinuses”
Recap: Consistency, never wasting bars, what a difference maker. Add the repeated name flips, delivery, potent (“Niggas literally dying to be fire, no cinnamon challenge”) bars and a not-so-nice 3rd round by King Moneyy, Brooklyn Carter gets this one on what was otherwise an electrifying battle–arguably one of the better PG battles of 2014.
Verdict: Brooklyn Carter (W) 2-1
Favorite line: King Moneyy – “I’m walking around with that ‘Wish a nigga would’ that’s all a ‘G’ needs [genie]”
Recap: On reactions alone, Drugz wins this battle by a landslide. As for the bout itself? Well, Drugz happens to take this 1-rounder too, using a gang of gritty punches, rigid gun bars and spicy ‘Street’ name flips/metaphors to handily beat back a solid and hard-hitting at times, but name-flipping excessive and mostly pedestrian Streetz Messiah.
Verdict: Drugz (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Drugz – “Where you be at when the judge’s banging the gavel down?, exactly Messiah, when we need you never around, so to your name you’re a failure and contradiction, looks couldn’t stop me from steaking this nigga, that’s loss prevention!”
Recap: Don’t know what happened to Hazey Williams here, because after pretty much bodying (“Leave him alone? I’ll lend an arm to raise a stock then [Stockton] leave him alone [Malone]”) Showoff with steady name flips and hot performance bars in round 1, it’s like he just gave up, coming light in round 2 and just stopping in the middle of round 3. Not that Showoff didn’t step it up and straight spazz in the latter rounds here, but the way this battle just did a 180 so quick is kinda weird.
Verdict: Showoff (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Hazey Williams – “I got a 9 to 5 and sell weed on my lunch break”
Recap: After splitting the first couple of rounds with an animated and probably exhausted Danny Myers, Bigg K manages to keep his cool and take the last round with a wicked combo of haymakers, biting (“It must be hard having 10 kids and know not one gonna be shit”) personals, crazy punchlines and fierce deliveries.
Verdict: Bigg K (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Bigg K – “I’m retarded with a gun, Officer Doofy”
Recap: Mostly lackluster battle between Ms. Fit and Bonnie Godiva stayed close thanks in part to Fit surprisingly not being at her funniest overall and Bonnie leaning on too many lyrical darts (which led to a lot of dry spots) instead of angles that were hitting (like when she went personal). Either way, a close one with a more condensed Bonnie taking the first while the punch-heavier Fit took the 3rd. The deciding 2nd round was also tight with an equal amount of haymakers from both battlers, however Bonnie’s ability to start off her turn with a couple of dope freestyle’s (one of which was a rebuttal) gave her the edge and the win.
Verdict: Bonnie Godiva (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Bonnie Godiva – “Your Papi wasn’t around huh?, that’s terribly sad, another gender-confused alien looking for an American Dad!”
Recap: Jimz takes “unlimited” literally, Shotgun Suge doesn’t. So we’ll take it back to Math 101 and use the Quality Bars Per Minute (QBPM) rule to decide this one and Suge wins hands down with a better variety of haymakers, punchlines, jokes and personals without the filler.
Verdict: Shotgun Suge (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Shotgun Suge – “I been shooting niggas before your mother started talking in English”
Recap: Nothing out of the ordinary here as the usual abstract and witty flair from Daylyt meets the usual gun-centric and mayhem-dishing plate from O’fficial. But in a very close one-rounder, even the slightest mistake can make a huge difference and in this case, Daylyt’s near choke at the start of his round does just that.
Verdict: O’fficial (W) 1-0
Favorite line: O’fficial – “That vagina had stretch marks on it, you lost out, ‘cuz that pussy you was eating was literally marked out!”
Recap: Equally solid effort here from both Charron and B. Magic comes down to a more condensed Magic edging rounds 1 and 3. And while the always witty Charron was a little more versatile overall with his bars, while also spouting a handful of nice rebuttals during the match, the Canadian rapper was hurt by a couple of elongated rounds as well as his punch-heavy opponent coming through with less filler.
Verdict: B. Magic (W) 2-1
Favorite line: B. Magic – “Metal squeeze on this bitch chest like a mammogram, one rise we all get into it like a family van!”
Recap: Against a nice effort from up-n-comer Celebrity Cell, Cityy Towers lands just enough hard-hitting bars and punchlines in the first two rounds (with a dig at the PG’s thrown in) to claim victory in his 3-rounder from Beast Mode NY.
Verdict: Cityy Towers (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Cityy Towers – “We fighting wars in CT nigga, murders over drug money, every day I’m walking around with the same vest, I’m Doug Funnie!”
Recap: Really good battle, barfest, both came with it. However, while Stash got better and more potent with each round, Xcel stayed consistent throughout, delivering heat upon heat with better showmanship, personals and performance than his opponent who saved his best round for the 3rd. However, by then it was too late as I thought Xcel clearly got round one and edged the second.
Verdict: Xcel (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Xcel – “Dog, I hear the critics, I see ’em when I look, they say my bars is way over heads…well read a book!”
Recap: From Black Ice Cartel, a battle that was a lot closer than the 40 stans in the comments section would like you to believe. A surprising choke from an up-to-then hard-punching, disrespectful and personal-heavy Cortez in round 2 eventually leads to opponent 40 B.A.R.R.S. upping her moxie and using a gang of stinging name flips, hard-hitting Spanglish heaters and some potent punchlines/schemes to come from behind and take the middle round as well as edge the deciding 3rd for the win.
Verdict: 40 B.A.R.R.S. (W) 2-1
Favorite line: 40 B.A.R.R.S. – “A Mexican with no money?!, I’m a pull that green card!”
Recap: Displaying his versatility early on, Jerry Wess uses nice schemes and hard-hitting (“I’m with your girl, she can’t stay long..now he wanna fight, but this hook better than Nate Dogg!”) punchlines to take out the sometimes (“Got niggas talking shit, mouth for a loosie, well I came to fix that with these Mac’s and these toolie’s, have them scream Uh Oh!, no I Love Lucy, and take shots on Jerry West [Wess] I’m the Celtics…Bob Cousy!”) alright, but oft-lackluster Dinero in a street battle that real fans of battle rap can surely appreciate.
Verdict: Jerry Wess (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Jerry Wess – “I’ll take your watch and give it to my bitch…that’s a timeshare!”
Synopsis: Illmaculate makes for a dope rebuttal in the middle of round 1, spazzing on Verb for complaining about the timekeeping and that’s pretty much the highlight of this match as Verb not only chokes, whines and recites a whole ot of filler, but clearly just showed up for the check.
Verdict: Illmaculate (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Aye Verb – “….I see Mac and smash the gas till a 100 it hit then downshift and make it rain while I Tokyo Drift”
Recap: Confident enough that he had this battle in the bag already to use like half his 3rd round to spit heat at potential upcoming opponents, Ave spouts a heavy wordplay and punch-crazy fest against a mostly lackluster CT in rounds 1 and 2 that more than delivers on his cool-headed premonition.
Verdict: Ave (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Ave – “I know it’s been awhile since y’all seen me, well I’m back like a never left, the show just ain’t the same without daddy, that’s James Evans’ death!”
Recap: Female battle rap is so drenched in ‘who’s screwing who’ semantics and ghostwriting allegations that when it comes to originality and genuine personals the lines can often get blurred. That aside, as a re-capper who only cares about who rapped better, the idea that Phara Funeral can’t spit her own shit (as QB claims time and time here) just doesn’t hold much weight when you look at some of her past battles (her Viixen The Assassin battle being the best case). Instead, Phara’s main flaw has been a lack of preparation (hence, past chokes and slip-ups). Yet QB, while also dishing her usual m.o. of disrespectful zingers, boastful barbs and resident mayhem, went there with the wordmonger stuff repeatedly, which makes you wonder if that was about ego or the idea that she didn’t pay enough attention to why she lost the Jaz battle. Because lyrically speaking Phara Funeral won this battle. The Bronx emcee taking a page from the Jaz playbook (and also taking advantage of two elongated and often redundant rounds from QB) and using fierce schemes, pretty solid wordplay, fiery gun bars, piercing punchlines and some grating personals to edge rounds 2 and 3 (with nary a slip-up after a debatable 1st) for the vic.
Verdict: Phara Funeral (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Phara Funeral – “The wrong word will get you shot, them slugs burning you out, my shit clickin’, if I’m lickin’, no studs turns turning you out, I send my chicks in to get the kids and my nigga’s fuckin’ ya spouse, everybody will be trading places if gotta usher you out!”
Synopsis: Perhaps if bars just decided rap battles, a scheming wordsmith like JC would most likely be undefeated. But of course, that’s the kind of thinking that has some of the gifted pen’s of the battle world living with their head in the sand as they struggle to accept other attributes that can win you battles. Then too, if you go in the boxing ring recognizing that your opponent is noted for having a superb left uppercut, you and your trainer’s job is to come up with an effective plan to counter that move with an effective game plan that can get you the win. That’s what K-Shine does here in this 3-rounder against JC on UDubb: using his own talent for showmanship, running with his opponent’s biggest weakness and milking it for all its worth. And who could blame him? I mean what is he supposed to do? Go toe-to-toe with JC on bars alone and most likely lose? Puh-leeze. Granted, K-Shine is no slouch in the ring when it comes to punchlines. But as he showed in his infamous ‘Professor Shine’ 3rd round against DNA, when your opponent has an advantage on you in one area, why not return the favor and counter with what you do better? In this case perform. And that he did with an insanely adept (i.e. classic), dope and crowd-rocking MIchael Jackson scheme in the deciding 3rd round (that had JC literally flinching and talking to himself) to earn the win.
Verdict: K-Shine (W) 2-1
Favorite line: K-Shine – “You know them bitches Love Sosa, but this more like Oprah, they all get the gift from under the seat!”
Recap: In a battle versus an opponent spitting mostly hit-or-miss comedic puns and substandard (“You a clown, but guess what?. but homey I don’t play that”) bars/freestyles, Ryda still makes it close by serving as his own worse enemy what with constant slip-ups throughout the battle, Indeed, if it wasn’t for dishing just enough hot lines along with ill schemes in rounds 2 and 3, this one would not of been a good look on the resume.
Verdict: Ryda (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Ryda – “Once Raheem get to Q, you gonna be dead soon after you yawning, he get to cooking with the Steel, meaning you gonna get that .40 with your eggs in the morning!”
Synopsis: Good battle. And since Shotgun Suge didn’t choke or have any huge stumbles you can forgive him for pulling out the flip phone in round 2. Close throughout and both came with the bars (Suge: “I’m King Joffrey, I drop Rose before I take a step”; Rosenberg: “Catch him late night around 2:50 at the spot alone, he catching airtime like one of those Obama phones”), performance matched up and so did the aggression. However, while on bars alone I got the 1st round going either way, then Shotgun taking the 2nd and Raw taking the 3rd, Rosenberg hitting Shotgun on the tired drama that was Suge not showing up in Detroit a few years back and wasting bars on that bald guy in the crowd (while Suge went straight at Raw throughout), was to me the difference and edged it for Suge in the end.
Verdict: Shotgun Suge (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Rosenberg Raw – “Go ‘head and win this battle if you good enough, but I’mma slap you if you choke nigga for fucking my footage up”
Recap: 40 B.A.R.R.S. makes a visit to the World Battle League and against the loud/witty/raucous raps from Brisco, still delivers a sizzling 30, using a gang of blistering personals, festive wordplay/4-bar set-ups and stinging punchlines for the win.
Verdict: 40 B.A.R.R.S. (W) 3-0
Favorite line: 40 B.A.R.R.S. – “This muthafucka is an illiterate, what you ain’t never been to school bitch?, oh yeah, you move that work and I believe it…you look like a mule bitch!”
Recap: A rare choke from JC in the 2nd round still doesn’t stop him using some fiery schemes, ill personals and fire gunplay in the 1st and 3rd rounds and beat back the loud and boisterous, but often reaching raps of Gjonaj.
Verdict: JC (W) 2-1
Favorite line: JC – “I still spark the llama like Martin mama, if I reach, ain’t shit I’m raisin’ but a biscuit!”
Recap: Coming off a less than inspiring match against Math Hoffa, MarvWon gets back on his grind, easily taking out the bar-heavy, but mostly average and monotonous Fatal with a roundhouse of witty performance bars, fierce punchlines, braggadocio {“How dare you say that Marv fell off or Marv trash?, when I’m the nigga that the nigger’s you call ‘them nigger’s’ run they bars past?!”) citation’s and fully loaded wordplay.
Verdict: MarvWon (W) 3-0
Favorite line: MarvWon – “Dig, I’m like a Mario Brother…I got big off the block!”
Recap: Sno’s oft-lackluster name flips, repeated gun bars and racial (‘When that cig split, it’ll get you and your nig lit [niglet]”) undertones are no match for the forever slept-on T Money Bagz’s substantial punchline game, confident delivery and witty (“Treat him like JC battle, y’all gonna find half of him missing”) personals in this one-rounder from Bar Wars.
Verdict: T Money Bagz (W) 1-0
Favorite line: T Money Bagz – “I should spark the ratchet and start shooting Snoman like Django went to target practice!”
Recap: Fire, braggadocio and competitive URL N.O.M.E. 4 battle between Ms. Hustle and Gattas stays throughout lit with plenty of lyrical shiners, witty punchlines/anecdotes and fiery personals. Gattas, well known for her comedic (“Yo, you a dusty trick and attention is like money to you, half the time she don’t even know why she fucking, it’s just somethin’ to do!”) acumen and appreciation for bar efficiency, kept it lively throughout the battle with a boisterous delivery that was further emboldened by a heapful of jocular stylings and piercing (“I’ll smack fire out of a bird and turn a Phoenix into Jean Grey!”) punches. And while Ms. Hustle was a little less condensed during her turns as opposed to her opponent, the ever-aggressive and raucous “1st Lady of URL” kept the pressure on with a gang of fierce bully bars, glistening personals and flexing punchlines/schemes. Each round was close and while Ms. Hustle had her bouts of mediocrity here and there with the punches, her ability to be a little more versatile with her angles, display some of her own wit/wordplay and land more haymakers in the (“You a dumb AG, you couldn’t execute this simple plan?, I mean when we met years ago, you was a different man!”) 1st and 3rd round coupled with Gattas’ penchant for filler in those same rounds, allowed Hustle to edge each one for the win.
Verdict: Ms. Hustle (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Ms. Hustle – “I’ll bus(t) and leave your camp pissed [campus] that’s a college trip, no jewels [jews] so why stick ya [swastika] that’s a Nazi flip, Remember you said I was bi-polar? Yeah bitch I’m mad…nice, You used to be that bitch but you ain’t cooking no more, you a bad wife!”
Recap: Flexing with some jaunty wit and fierce punches allows Lynx Montana to have some moments here and there. But too much of Mackk Myron displaying fire tenacity with the steady stream of hitting punchlines/personals along with several slip-ups (and a 2nd round choke) by Montana, equates to this being an easy 30 for Myron.
Verdict: Mackk Myron (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Mackk Myron – “Shotgun open Lynx [links] up, like I’m right-clicking!”
Synopsis: Really good battle, but Rolla got this. His wordplay, name flips, jokes and gritty bars outnumbered and outmaneuvered T Top’s usual trap talk and tough schemes/bars. Having seen Rolla give Tay Rock good comp before, it’s no wonder he held his own here.
Verdict: Rolla (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Rolla – “I’m a southpaw, as soon as you step left, I’m Right witcha!”
Recap: Damn: If only Syahboy came half as hard (“Your wife a slut bucket, try divorcing that, she put me on to the neck, that’s a torture rack”) as he did in round 3 (“I’m in the street with the Tommy like Keisha tripping”), he probably would’ve gotten a win here. But by then it was too late as JC’s fiery (“Dreams crushed, it’s a wrap for Syah, that’s King Tut”) bars, steady personals, wordplay, name flips and flat-out (“What I’m supposed to believe he nice and ignore the fact that he lost a lot y’all lying/lion on Syah, that’s King Jaffe in the barber shop”) haymakers easily gave him the first couple of rounds. Still despite losing, considering he was a last-minute replacement for Ah Di Boom, Syahboy more than held his own.
Verdict: JC (W) 2-1
Favorite line: JC – “Welcome to my ring Syah, I’m king, the chrome will spark, Tony Parker pointing with the 9 (who counted that), that’s 5 rings”
Synopsis: Stop playing! A Christian battle rapper who doesn’t curse in his rhymes?! Nice work by Norbez on finding this guy who’s not only unorthodox, but still able to combine hard-hitting bars (“So even if your boys gas ya’ like Blaqu came with the hottest rounds, that ain’t a concerning me, I done came with he brew boy if he don’t call on God he getting burned in 3”) with fresh words of wisdom. It’s just too bad that TH3 Saga gets off to a slow start with each round as Blaqu Mugga’s consistent sports schemes, storytelling, jokes and disrespectful wordplay (“When God made hoes he threw the book at your daughter!”) was overall, just enough to win.
Verdict: Blaqu Mugga (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Blaqu Mugga – “I’ll pop up, whistle and then the big shit come out like the Green Ranger”
Recap: Except for a debatable 2nd round that saw Punchline’s fixed cadence produce some hotter punches/schemes, this one’s all Brooklyn Carter, who uses a barrage of aggressive and gritty bars/wordplay to unload a host of bedlam and easily take the 1st and 3rd round’s of this NCBL battle.
Verdict: Brooklyn Carter (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Brooklyn Carter – “You don’t want this kind of work, you should clock out when I clock in, it only took 4 lines to leave him boxed in!”
Synopsis: Damn, a battle that could’ve been so much better considering the names. And just when you thought B-Magic was on his way to an easy 3-0, he chokes in round 2 and had a couple slip-ups in round 2 to allow Big T (who stayed consistent throughout despite not being at his best) to steal a win.
Verdict: Big T (W) 2-1
Favorite: – B. Magic – “Besides your homies I ain’t see you with a bitch yet”
Recap: Southern home fried cooking versus gritty, East-coast panache as Texas’ Casey Jay goes at it with Brooklyn’s (“Everybody about to witness me put this star in a box like a Texas flag!”) Nina Cruzae for 3 rounds of gripping punchlines and rigid personals. Add to the mix some boastful barbs and flexing wordplay on both sides and you’re left with a slightly cleaner/condensed Nina edging round 1, before a more consistently spicy Casey Jay edges the 2nd round and with each lady landing an equal amount of haymakers in round 3, this one ends up a draw.
Verdict: Debatable
Favorite line: Casey Jay – “Yeah, I’m Tiny, but got Mayweather hand’s…you’ll see how Tip feels!”
Synopsis: Not to be on the S.O.N.S. bandwagon or anything, but I just think you gotta be corny or just a hater to diss the “Slow-It-Down”. For one it’s an innovative artform that brought something new to battle rap (which alone should give it respect). Secondly, it takes certain skills to do it and lastly, when done right the shit still works. But like Arsonal says: “Haters Pivot, Winners Travel” and until you work hard and get the type of notoriety and mileage in your passport that recognizes you as an official top tier, new guys like Duce will forever stay in their lane.
Verdict: Conceited (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Conceited – “That bitch know I gotta have [half] face like the neighbor from Home Improvement”
