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Cali Smoov defeats Jenezyz Da Hitman

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Recap: One of the best Cali Smoov’s you’ll ever see as the West-coast rapper visits Philadelphia to battle Jenezyz Da Hitman and uses an uber-confident, aggressive and consistently fire flow of wicked punchlines, systematic name flips, stinging wordplay and ringing personal to easily beat back his mostly subpar opponent and take this 1-roudner from AHAT.

Verdict: Cali Smoov (W) 1-0

Favorite line: Cali Smoov – “Nigga, test me, it’ll be Pepsi how the can blew [blue], it’s like sign language I don’t talk to these niggers…my hands do!”

Presidential Dubz defeats Cream

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Recap: Upping his wordplay potency, gun bar acumen and punchline game in the latter two rounds, Presidential Dubz gets some payback for his Cake Lyfe team with this win over Cream, who after a thunderous 1st round, fell victim to too many shots at Steams, a boatload of pedestrian bars and of course, his opponent’s rapid fire heat.

Verdict: Presidential Dubz (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Presidential Dubz – “I’m the reason that you on nigga, my flow failed you, you don’t believe it?, cream equals money, what’s that?, President’s, without me, Cream got no value!”

Ill Will defeats Sno

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Synopsis: Ill Will will never make an easier $10K in his life. I mean, what a time for Sno (who I was never really that impressed with from jump) to put in his worst performance: filler upon filler, tired “I fucked ya bitch” bars, inconsistent lines and basement bars. All the while the black guy from Yak-town was just put on another dope show with black history bars, biting personals and that real shit (“You from da Yac….I Am That!!!!”) that makes ya mouth water. As much as Swizz Beats (or anyone for that matter) should never be allowed to judge a battle by himself ever, ever again….Will’s beast mode vs. Sno not showing up made it an easy decision.

Verdict: Ill Will (W) 3-0

Best line: Ill Will – “But I can make a nasty scene, cum on your sister’s face and tell her it’s acne cream”

DNA defeats prez mafia

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Recap: Up until prez mafia stumbled in the 3rd round, I thought this battle was pretty close as prez’s personals, angles and flat-out bars were an even match for DNA’s performance, jokes and freestyles. But then the 3rd round came and while prez continued to hold his own despite the stumble, DNA just straight-up spazzed with freestyles, rebuttals and stellar (“You tried to look good against KG in Brooklyn, but you ain’t have enough power for it [power forward]”) lines that reminded everyone who the seasoned vet was in the building. All in all, still a dope battle.

Verdict: DNA (W) 2-1

Best line: prez mafia – “Nigga I’ll run up on Clips with a big plate, (makes eating noise) eat that shit in front of him then switch plates”

Bender defeats Big T

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Synopsis: Close battle throughout, both played to their noted skills, but with all other categories not really coming into play, I thought overall that Bender just had the hotter bars.

Verdict: Bender (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Bender – “Just because you built like the Kool-Aid man doesn’t mean you’re running through bricks”

Chess defeats Big Trap

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Recap: Who ate more? The decision here is Chess with a more consistent flow, better wordplay, dope performance (“…cuz’ to win y’all get bodied together, y’all Siamese for real!”) bars, nice personals and a couple of haymakers thrown in just in case you’re having a hard time subtracting the difference. Still a good one-rounder tho between the kid and Big Trap.

Verdict: Chess (W) 1-0

Favorite line: Chess -“Think Deebo, he act hard, but we all know he Tiny in real life”

Nunn Nunn defeats Blitzen

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Recap: Versus a speedy flow and what sounded like mostly mixtape bars from (“Fuck outta here, I body cats and I don’t give a shit about your sloppy Shotty Horror act!”) Blitzen, Nunn Nunn’s spitfire bars and exquisite (“But you’ll die, trying to be fly, when I air hearts like Amelia!”) wordplay prove to be more than good enough to take rounds 1 and 3 for the win.

Verdict: Nunn Nunn (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Nunn Nunn – “Quit lying like you in the streets doing work son, you a blister, you pop up when the work’s done!”

Mo Mula defeats Aslan

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Recap: Easy win for Mo Mola as Aslan’s clear lack of wordplay and love for nursery rhymes serves as no match to the Bronx kid’s confident flow which was matched by a steady stream of perfunctory punches and nice performance bars.

Verdict: Mo Mula (W) 1-0

Favorite line: Mo Mula – “Been dogging these bitches, I should be sponsored by Petco, switch blade to ya neck, I could give a nigga strep throat…or I could give ’em a buck-fifty like he only had a dollar on his Metro!”

Arsonal defeats Yung Ill

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Synopsis: Funny to see two vets who have been in the game so long that you would’ve sworn they’d been battled each other by now. But either way, a decent battle nonetheless (despite the wack headsets), that could’ve been so much better if Arsonal wasn’t always so hellbent on continuing to prove to everyone that he can out rap anyone and Ill was just more consistent. Sure, Ill used some old angles against Ars, but for the most part they worked and I’m all for props (as long they’re used right), but Ill didn’t stay on teh ghey angle long enough.. However, Ill knew who he was up against and after taking round one (thanks to, as usual, too much filler from da Rebel) Ars easily took the second with nice personals on Ill’s battle with his demons (“He ain’t got 5 cents to put cheese on a waffle, but got all the right tools to feed his addiction”) while just snapping in round 3, getting straight ig’nant with the rebuttals and killing it with tha “I might even change a diaper or two if I like the bitch, then pick her up and scream touchdown Cowboys!!! and spike the bitch” set up. Jersey.

Verdict: Arsonal (W) 2-1

Best line: Arsonal – “You St.Louis’ Star Smilez, you anotha pussy that Rex ate!”

Sno defeats KG the Poet

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Recap: Having already beaten Sno and with a chance to face Ill Will for $10K on the line, KG the Poet couldn’t have picked a worse time to frequently (tho he had more haymakers) stumble as he does here during rounds 1 and 3 of this UFF semifinal matchup. That, combined with Sno’s consistent aggression, wild storytelling (“You already know how a Rocksta does, I ain’t gotta pop at cha to make ya popular, if ya cross me you’ll bent out of shape like a swastika”) bars, wordplay and wicked schemes does him in, in what was otherwise a pretty close battle..

Verdict: Sno (W) 2-1

Favorite line: KG the Poet – “This battle’s more lopsided than a bad boob job”

Brizz Rawsteen defeats Show Off

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Synopsis: In this PG matchup between Brizz Rawsteen and Show Off, Brizz boasts the versatility with exquisite bars (“It’s ’bout to get live as shit, what I’m giving you ain’t a compliment, I’ll split your frame and take you outta the picture without cropping it”), nice schemes.and a top-notch performance to match. It’s a new jack primer that deftly displays who’s ready for the big stage and who (consider Show Off’s choke in round 2) isn’t quite there yet.

Verdict: Brizz Rawsteen (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Brizz Rawsteen – “His last battle he had on leather pants with zippers and leather sleeves, looking like he argue with bitches over who got the better weave”

True Maserati defeats Ddub

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Recap: After the two split a couple of gritty, personal/witty at times and street-centric rounds, a more hardbody and gripping 3rd by True Maserati gets him the win over Ddub in this altogether close 3-rounder from We Go Hard.

Verdict: True Maserati (W) 2-1

Favorite line: True Maserati – “What you know about running nigga’s pockets because you hungry and want it all?, nigga’s ain’t have shit so you smacked them ‘cuz you wanted more!”

A-Ssassin defeats Dre Dennis

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Recap: Credit to Dre Dennis who apparently took this battle at the last minute and despite a couple of slip-ups, still impressed with atypical rambunctious (“Conclusion, I got a body before the intro, I came to do this esai [essay] wrong!”; “Now I’m strapped up in New York like Ray Felton!”) bars that melded well with rich performance lines. Still, a better prepared and steady confident A-Ssassin uses some fledging wordplay, nice (“Wanna scrap?, yet we can go out side like old-school hats!”) angles/punchlines and surefire (“…run up on Clips with these clips just to steal his rhymebook, that’s what I call going scheme for schemes”) schemes to hold on for the win in this one-rounder from the Trap House.

Verdict: A-Ssassin (W) 1-0

Favorite line: A-Ssassin – “This battle rap is like crack to the fans, tell the top tiers this how you treat your feens better…in the fastest way, bar after bar after bar after bar like alcoholics on St. Patrick’s Day!”

Ha Double defeats Statz G

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Recap: Statz G and Ha Double get a lot off their chest in this close and competitive battle from Houston Bar Code. After Statz’ edges the first round with a stronger showing filled with braggadocio bars, gritty gun lines and potent (“…I should blast two in you, it look good on the screen, but in person it ain’t the same, he like that new item on the fast food menu!”) punchlines/personals, Ha comes back with a more pronounced, personal-laced and (“I think out of space, give his soul a AR [solar] and let these bullets orbit in his system!”) wordplay-heavy turn in the 2nd to beat back a less stirring and elongated round from Statz. Going into the final round tied, both battlers push their pen and let it all hang out. However, after starting out with a nice rebuttal, Ha Double edges the round and the battle with another personal-themed turn that highlighted by fiery schemes, fiesty/witty struggle bars and pointed, performance-heavy punches.

Verdict: Ha Double (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Ha Double – “See, this is real shit, ain’t nuthin’ to be amused with, ‘cuz the money we got off the shit we stole, we used that to hit the studio and do music…so alladat, what you know about this, what you know about…nigga you don’t know about what you know about!”

Born defeats Cityy Towers

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Recap: Very close battle between Born and Cityy Towers, but Born edges it with more equipped angles: jokes (the “I can finally make short jokes” lines worked), slightly better punchlines, wordplay, grittier bars, name flips and schemes.

Verdict: Born (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Born – “I pop the ratchet like Billie Ray Cyrus”

YaBoyClip defeats Dre Dennis

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Recap: Bar-for-bar it’s pretty even in this 3-rounder between (“Just know this Mister will Son like Dennis the Menace!”) YaBoyClip and (“I am Legend, I Will Smith, all I got is my dogs!”) Dre Dennis. But Clip’s avalanche of fiery schemes along with a heavy bout Earl-itis by Dre Dennis throughout the battle makes the difference and gives YaBoyClip the 3-0 on the road.

Verdict: YaBoyClip (W) 3-0

Favorite line: YaBoyClip – “But you see that I’m Blind Fury to the fact that it seems absurd, sign language how my hands can exchange with words!”

KG The Poet defeats Danny Myers

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Synopsis: Absolute barfest with a killer first round by Danny Myers (“I knew this would be a cold war, so after I spy I’m rushing [Russian] to wherever KG Be”) that had me thinking there was no way KG The Poet could stand a chance. But KG would prove me wrong, equaling Myers in wordplay, aggression and of course, bars: “Show me where you got that bread at, like you did with M. Ciddy, comparing the cash, kick in the door, spark it at your mouth, my niggas march in [martian] in the house like American Dad”. After straight spazzing in round 1, you’d expect them to both have to bring it down a notch in the middle round, but Danny, despite his best (“I’ll punch you in your face 7 times, it’s gonna be hella wounds bro, you ain’t gonna understand all these bad bitches like Telemundo”) lines, still didn’t have enough to take the lead on the consistently nice “I got a pair of .25 ACP’s, a shot to the face or stomach he dies, I named them Mary-Kate and Ashley watch these twins raised in front of his eyes!”) KG. With a win still on the line in round 3, while Danny still came with it (“I am the manifestation of the Annunaki in human form”) there was just a little too much filler to keep up with KG’s numerous heavy bars, wordplay and personals: “And you wonder why your baby mama ain’t giving her vagina, it’s cuz’ while you out here whining and fussing, she out there grinding and sucking, I bust in her face took an Instagram pic, no filter…”

Verdict: KG The Poet (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Danny Myers – “I keep a ratchet like I’m not attracted to bitches with goals”

Nu Jerzey Twork defeats Rap Guru

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Recap: Not much to see when it comes to haymakers in this pretty mediocre 2-round battle between Nu Jerzey Twork and Rap Guru. But with the unintentionally funny, but pretty serious when it comes to spitting that O.G. talk Rap Guru rhyming twice as long as his opponent in both rounds (while not saying much), even a mostly average punching and nimbly scheme-throwing Twork can slip by with a win.

Verdict: Nu Jerzey Twork (W) 2-0

Favorite line: Nu Jerzey Twork – “I don’t care what Jim carry [Carrey], I’ll still have fun dick’n Jane!”

Tink Tha Demon defeats Hue Hef

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Recap: It’s another day at the office for Tink Tha Demon whose ‘6 Million Ways I Could Kill You’ (“Boxcutter to your face like I’m ripping carpet!”) ethos makes quick work of a simply outclassed Hue Hef.

Verdict: Tink Tha Demon (W) 1-0

Favorite line: Tink Tha Demon – “I’ll knife your name in bubble letters across your chest and rip the meat out!”

John John da Don defeats T Top

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Synopsis: I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: when John John da Don isn’t stealing bars or continuing to use Serius Jones’ old-as-hell “Multiple Choice” scheme, he’s one of the nicest battle rappers out there, good comp. for just about anyone out there including top tiers. That said JJDD proved my point here (tho he did swipe that opening from O-Red), with a versatile array of personals, solid (those “Popeye’s” line was nice!) schemes, jokes and dope punchlines. Indeed, his experience came through here and it had to because a game T Top gave just as well as he took, only losing points for too many “Trap” bars and trying to use the “multiple choice” back on JJDD. Good battle nonetheless.

Verdict: John John da Don (W) 1-0

Favorite line: “It ain’t a hard choice, you want to earn all coffins, but since they riding with the dead we brought hearses for all of ’em, and when these shells get to bursting upon him, I’ll have his brains hanging out like they ain’t gotta work in the morning”

Chess defeats Reepah Rell

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Recap: Oversaturated with too many standard name flips/young’un lines as well as listless bars, while (“Your name Chess, you should know tonight, move with L’s!”) lit at times, overall Reepah Rell just can’t keep up with Chess’ more bountiful barrage of aggressive urban hijinks, a potent body scheme and cogent (“Hold the phone, I’ll let it ring even if it’s uncalled for!”) wordplay in this one-rounder from Colosseum Battle League.

Verdict: Chess (W) 1-0

Favorite line: Chess – “He think he a G, ummm he getting chewed…WinterFresh!”

Show Off defeats Dre Dennis

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Recap: Despite a couple of early skip-ups, Dre Dennis does show that he has some bars, but even without the fumbles no way he beats Show Off’s triple latte of dope schemes, fiery punchlines and personals here.

Verdict: Show Off (W) 1-0

Favorite line: Show Off – “Fat nigga, lift pounds off that waist, that’s a diet plan, no y’all ain’t catch it that’s my lingo, if I lift pounds off the waist and he die, it’s planned”

J-Krooger defeats Dre Dennis

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Recap: Way more intricate and shrewd with the punchlines, boasts and mayhem, but also helped by a Dre Dennis who had one too many random shots at his opponent’s girl when he wasn’t resorting to redundant gun bars and schemes, outside of a debatable 2nd round, J-Krooger elicits more than enough consistent heat to take this fiery 3-rounder from Frontline Battle League.

Verdict: J-Krooger (W) 2-1

Favorite line: J-Krooger – “You said I couldn’t win here, well today we gonna see, Dre got it backwards, you going in the ER, D!”

Brooklyn Carter defeats Bonus

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Recap: Another one of those 1-round battles that should’ve been a 3-rounder as Brooklyn Carter and Bonus kept it live, bar-heavy (Bonus: “Speaking of black halls let me pitch this lesson, you act like you out of this world with a Smith-n-Wesson, that .22 I said you had? You need a different weapon, try to ring me with that and get a ring back while I get a star 67”; Brooklyn Carter: “Niggas upper half be tough but they moves fishy, you’ze a Merman”) and competitive throughout their rounds. However, edge here goes to Carter for slightly better wordplay, more variety and nicer storytelling bars

Verdict: Brooklyn Carter (W) 1-0

Favorite line: Brooklyn Carter – “After I earth you I’m with the bitch who birthed you, she could get murked too, they gonna have to pull your mother out the sofa…like the Old Spice commercial”

Bigg K defeats Thesaurus

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Synopsis: Thesaurus’ trite and predictable style proves no match for Bigg K’s raucous and eccentric banter (hey, K’s confidence has grown to the point where he’s even dropping rebuttals). And while one can certainly appreciate Thesaurus’ perennial love for battle rap, he seriously needs to update his rap flow (did he really say ‘He gonna coach the Hit Squad if we catch K solo’ in round 1???….yes, he did) if he’s gonna stand a chance against these hungry yung’un’s in 2014.

Verdict: Bigg K (W) 2-1 

Best line: Bigg K – “I will bag Thesaurus like Barnes and Nobles”

Syahboy defeats Neeq

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Synopsis: Ummm….no contest here. As Syahboy brings that cocky, Rich Dollaz-type heat (when Richie actually showed up to battles) and takes Neeq out to pasture with bars, jokes (“I see ya’ bitch I’m straight dot mobb, I’m ass grabbin'”), schemes and a superb performance. Not a body tho, what with Neeq (between a whole lotta filler) actually having some lines (“Contract killer, I put money on every hit like Pete Rose, but this an old-school ass-whupping like when ya’ mama caught you playing in your street clothes”) and Syahboy clearly stumbling towards the end of his round, but still an easy win nonetheless.

Verdict: Syahboy (W) 1-0

Best line: Syahboy – ” I don’t like talking, I should’ve killed this nigga at the chit-chat club”

Lotta Zay defeats Luciano Crakk

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Recap: Lotta Zay matches his swag with 3 consistently dope rounds filled with nice schemes (the Camp Lo couplets worked), crisp punchlines and lively wordplay to score an easy victory over an earnest, but unfocused Luciano Crakk.

Verdict: Lotta Zay (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Lotta Zay – “You think you designed for the crime life, really? you in my hindsight, hear me, this is how we equal out, me putting a two to this emcee like it’s Einstein theory”

Holmzie da God defeats Johnny Mel

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Recap: While freestyling may be a lost art, in this day and age of battle rap being 99% dependent on written’s, unless you’re on the level of an Eyedea (RIP), there’s really no sense in going into a battle using mostly quasi-lame freestyles, as Johnny Mel does here, unless you’re just showing off or you’re really not that serious about a battle rap career. One gets the feeling that both happened here, enabling Holmzie da God, dispensing swift and heated punches, ill gun bars along with some nice schemes, to score an easy 3-0.

Verdict: Holmzie da God (W) 3-0

Favorite line: Holmzie – “Why the fuck y’all put this church boy in front of a sinner and why the fuck do white people where shorts in the winter?!”

Chef Trez defeats Hitz

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Recap: T-Top is your host, the 3rd round seems to be missing and Hitz bullies his way into going first, but none of that matters as Chef Trez’s jaunty performance bars and feening wordplay are more than enough to take the two rounds seen here.

Verdict: Chef Trez (W) 2-0

Favorite line: Chef Trez -“You a bully right, well try something, I’m that quiet kid in Science, but I bet you ain’t know I got of chemistry and gripping [grip in] iron!”

Sno defeats Danny Myers

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Synopsis: Sno’s repeated bars on how he’ll do your girl or your mama or your sister or whoever are definitely wearing thin, but he shines with enough performance, gun bars (that Johnny Cage scheme in Rd. 1 was nice!) and schemes that make you get past the fact that most of his bars are pretty average. And while Danny Myers had a lot more variety to his bars, too much filler and too many slip ups cost him any chance of winning.

Verdict: Sno (W) 2-1

Best line: Sno – “Her pussy don’t even get that wet, but I’ll knock down her dry wall like I’m working construction”

prez mafia defeats Took

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Recap: Took had some nice (“Obama college picture, Prez getting smoked”) bars, but a couple of stumbles and some nonsensical lines cost him bad against a prez mafia who was cooking heat throughout.

Verdict: prez mafia (W) 2-1

Favorite line: prez mafia – “Nigga straight away, you’ll see a A R down a one-way and I don’t expect you to get it bitch, that’s like mail on a Sunday”

Big Kannon defeats Big T

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Recap: Doing their own version Hitman Holla vs. Aye Verb, Chi-town’s finest, Big Kannon and Big T, get together for a matchup that probably happened too soon considering the amount of hype that could’ve been built up for this one if given more time and a more proper stage. Still too, as seen on Total Slaughter and a couple of other recent battles, Big T’s been going through a bit of a slump lately and from the stunning choke he pulls here in round 1, it wouldn’t be unbecoming to say that T may need to think about taking some time off to get his shit together. Not to take anything away from Big Kannon tho, who while not at his best either, still put on a good show here, spazzing on Big T’s relevance in the game, making fun of his more noted gun bars, rebutting the choke and breaking down T’s supposed lack of effort in trying to get other local rappers on. Towards the end Big T tried to make a comeback, but mostly generic bars along with a lack of energy just showed you that the focus just wasn’t there.

Verdict: Big Kannon (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Big Kannon – “…..you’ll see a magazine, but read an obituary, and you don’t think I’m digging your grave? Wait…let it simmer terry [cemetary]”)

AR-16 defeats Red Dott

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Synopsis: AR-16’s ability to win battles with mostly freestyles either makes him an overall dope emcee, a guy doesn’t know how to prepare or a guy with enough confidence in his skills that it doesn’t matter who he faces or a guy who just doesn’t take battle rap seriously. Or perhaps it’s all of the above. Whatever the case, with ample jokes at the ready he’s still a crowd pleaser and as proven here, while he may never get top tier battles with this kind of m.o., somehow the dubs keep coming.

Verdict: AR-16 (W) 1-0

Best line:  AR-16 – “As a matter of fact, you gay, I’mma kill him (instead) cuz’ that’s your boo nigga'”

prez mafia defeats Whosane

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Recap: Another nice battle from TrapHouse with Whosane and prez mafia going toe-to-toe throughout in a highly intense and spirited battle. Whosane stayed (“You characters get met with the bird, then get the retweet”) hot through the first couple of rounds (I had it tied after 2), but faltered a little bit in the last round thus giving prez, who stayed more consistent and came with more angles, the edge at the finish line.

Verdict: prez mafia (W) 2-1

Favorite line: prez mafia – “Your ass couldn’t beat Sco, J. Murda or Barzz, that’s bad luck and you got schooled, this is a Parent Teachers conference ass-whopping!”

Roc Raw defeats Jakkboy Maine

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Recap: Assisted by a Jakkboy Maine choke in the 2nd round (which the unorthodox punches from Jakk was ahead on till he forgot his words), but mostly scoring points via a slew of slinging punchlines, witty barbs and hitting schemes/freestyles, Roc Raw puts up a 30 in this Supreme Training Camp battle.

Verdict: Roc Raw (W) 3-0

Favorite line: Roc Raw – “If you sitcom [sit calm] and the Price is Right I’ll Drew [makes motion with hands as if pulling weapon out] Carey nigger’s!”

Born defeats Lotta Zay

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Recap: Not a battle that’s easy on the ears due to the sound quality, but one thing’s for sure: Lotta Zay wasn’t lying about Nuborn once upon a time hosting this mess. Moving on, despite a hot 3rd from Zay, Born’s first two rounds, a deluge of personals, crisp punchlines and hard-hitting bars, was just too much to overcome.

Verdict: Born (W) 2-1

Favorite line:  Born – “…I know it might shock ya, the head quite proper, she like Don King she be ripping off these nice boxers”

DNA defeats Arcane

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Recap: Both DNA and Arcane have been around long enough that you’d think this battle would be better, however thanks to Arcane’s mostly unimaginative lines/set-ups and DNA’s lack of focus, the names here failed to meet the standard set on the billing. Still, DNA wins with better punches and personals (the “When you battling Arcane you never really know who you going up against” angle worked) in front of a Canadian crowd that had a hard rooting for their own guy because he came so lame.

Verdict: DNA (W) 2-1

Favorite line: DNA – “Since recently it was Martin Luther King day I had a dream…that you wrote yoru own bars”

Cityy Towers defeats Uno Lavos

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Recap: To think how good Uno Lavos would be if he could come more focused and spit hot bars and jokes with equal ease. Still a good matchup till the 3rd, as Cityy Towers broke down Uno’s style and used genial (“The gift of gab real [Gabriel] union with your bitch in the pool, that dee wade [D. Wade]”) wordplay to take the first, while Uno actually spit some hard (“People thought because I was battling City I was gonna be off but I ain’t, because my niggas is known for clicking and popping like Carlton Banks”) bars to edge the 2nd. Split after two, Cityy just upped the ante and spazzed with wicked personals, mean performance (“My shit ain’t over heads, it’s under chin!”) bars and line by line heat all throughout, leaving Uno to stumble through his 3rd round and eventually wave the white flag.

Verdict: Cityy Towers (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Uno Lavos – “This gun will put niggas to sleep, that’s why I tuck it in!”

Mike P defeats Pro-Caine

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Recap: Mike P finesses with panache (“But you a G tho, riigghhttt? and you got the muscle to fight…bitch it looks like the only thing you fucking up is your life!”) bars/schemes for 3 rounds, to the point of even spouting a nice Loaded Lux impression at the end. Despite a slip-up along with a comeuppance in wordplay by opponent Pro-Caine in the 3rd round costing Mike an easy 3-0, having distanced himself greatly in the first couple of rounds, the decision here was made early.

Verdict: Mike P (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Mike P -“I snapback to be on the Card again [Cardigan] despite doubts from crews, a tie?, never that, button up ‘cuz nuthin bout you suits!”

Hitman Holla defeats Charlie Clips

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Recap: Can’t front, after a pretty basic 1st round that went up against a very (“‘Cuz the last nigger you beat was O-Red, and it was a O-Red that was way off…ok, so the Sixers beat the Pelicans, cool, neither one of y’all making the playoffs!”) witty, basketball-bar heavy, performance rich and scheme-friendly turn by Charlie Clips, it wasn’t looking good at all for Hitman Holla going into the later rounds. But then suddenly Holla flipped the script, starting out with a fiery (“You know what my brother Showout do, keep it up and you gonna have to remove DNA from the ground for real!”) rebuttal in the early part of his 2nd round, that along with some hard personals/punches combined with an aggressive performance edged things for the St. Louis rapper and made it a tie heading into the 3rd. The deciding round was more of Holla upping his verbal game with yet another nice rebuttal, some fly personals, braggadocio shiners and stifling gun talk, all enough to beat back what was a solid, scheme slick and at times funny, but a bit of a lazy turn by Clips, who needed to freestyle to complete his round.

Verdict: Hitman Holla (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Hitman Holla – “10,000?!, a nigger owe me $10, I need it, I’m on his doorstep, I’m knocking on his door with a .357 like it ain’t 4 yet!”

Big Kannon defeats Dizaster

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Recap: On the spot freestyle battle between Dizaster and Big Kannon is edged by the mayhem-dishing and boastful Kannon, who while seemingly more enthused than his opponent to participate and accused by Diz of spitting some written’s, still registers enough feelgood raps to edge the latter 3 rounds after getting edged by a more personal and potent Diz in the 1st.

Verdict: Big Kannon (W) 3-1

Favorite line: Big Kannon – “I can kill him freestyle or Acapella and put that shit in his mouth…that’s Akinyele!”

Dougy defeats Haze

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Recap: Some nice (“That twin chrome will lift up souls while ya feet down!”) lines here and there from Haze, but too many pedestrian/predictable bars against Dougy’s much more righteous and steady (“These hands, they do the best punching, soon as he swing, I’m a weave, then come back with my strong hand…like I left something!”) heat, made this one a no-brainer.

Verdict: Dougy (W) 1-0

Favorite line: Dougy – “I’m a fucking animal, you can’t see the Bambi nigga, you’ll get your shit snatched, my gun don’t even kick back…that’s shit SCARED!!! of me, nigga!”

Brooklyn Carter defeats Xcel

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Recap: Whew! Brooklyn Carter spazzing from jump with haymaker after haymaker combined with a slow start by Xcel (his 3rd was definitely where he hit the most) gives BC an easy dub.

Verdict: Brooklyn Carter (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Brooklyn Carter – “I’ll pop X with more than one pill, it ain’t a molly, I left him lying without a poly, just his head, leg, arms…but I took the body”

KG The Poet defeats Jay Rell

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Recap: I agree with the judges decision: Rell edged the first round, KG edged the second and while the 3rd was close, light stumbles by Rell along with a stellar rebuttal from KG, gave it to the Poet in the end.

Verdict: KG the Poet (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Jay Rell -“KG ain’t making it out the first round, this the ’95 draft again”

Chess defeats K.O.

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Recap: In this vets vs. rooks battle from WeGoHard, Chess and K.O. unload what’s left of their emtire battle rap notebook’s for what turns to be a solid, but a bit of an underwhelming battle. Don’t get it twisted, an aggressive K.O. dished some (esp. in the 1st round) quite a few (“It’s gonna remind Chess of Jumanji, the way those pieces unravel!”; “I’ll umbrella open his top like a frank stand!”) haymakers throughout, all the while using steely gun lines and some nice flips to edge round one. But for K.O., as his penchant for landing roundhouse punches on his opponent lessened, as the match went on, his rampant usage of filler increased that wasn’t helped by elongated rounds that we’re ironically used to seeing from Chess. All that combined gave an opening to the rapid, punch steady Chess, who even while not at his best when it came to spitfire bars and with his standard pedigree of going way over time limits, still spouted enough verbal (“What’s in store?, is you getting [makes like throwing a punch at K.O.] caught on cam…surveillance tape!”) hijinks, performance-rich heaters and consistency to his raps to edge the latter two rounds and pull out a close win.

Verdict: Chess (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Chess – “I named this [makes left hand like gun] monkey one, this [makes right hand like gun] monkey two, the right shoot, the left shoot, monkey see, monkey do!”

Show Off defeats Dose

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Synopsis: Let’s face it: word is Dose only got his first match with Math Hoffa all those years ago as a last-second replacement. And he only got his rematch with Math because of the infamous punch that got loaded up on that SMACK DVD. In other words, if not for Math would Dose have ever made the URL stage to begin with? Yunno, on skills alone? As this battle shows, probably not.

Verdict: Show Off (W) 3-0

Favorite line: Show Off – “Your bitch call me Quasimodo, that’s my lingo, I’m only known for hump”

Cali Smoov defeats Rum Nitty

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Recap: Using infinite wordplay and backing up his mettle with a host of nice 4-bar set-ups and spice-minted, triple entendre’s…against a dry spot heavy Rum Nitty on his B-game, Cali Smoov (“I don’t write battle rap bars, I write poetry”) proves to not only be a competent battle rapper, but a guy you might not to face in a game of Scrabble either.

Verdict: Cali Smoov (W) 1-0

Favorite line: Cali Smoov – “Man, I been in L.A. County, Twin Towers, fighting a pen charge, I was riding alone, been locked in dorms with more Rolling 60s than retirement homes!”

Real Deal defeats Rosenberg Raw

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Recap: Of course Real Deal, performing in front of his hometown crowd, had the folks gassed for his bars, but even if this battle were held on neutral turf, Real Deal’s punchlines (“When it comes to hands, you been washed more than a germaphobe”), personals, aggressive bars and jokes would’ve beat anything Rosenberg Raw had spit.

Verdict: Real Deal (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Real Deal – “You probably the last one in your crew to slide out and slap like the 5th Temptation”

Yung Ill defeats Fresco

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Recap: Close battle. This despite Fresco losing to his water bottle and some ill Young Ill bars in round one. With Fresco easily winning the 3rd, it comes down to round two, which saw Fresco start slow, but pick it up with a wicked Paul Walker line and some Jew jokes–overall an alright round that could’ve been better if it wasn’t drenched in filler. Yung Ill’s 2nd round wasn’t that great either, but with bars that were more direct (“I’m still that young black boy the public school systems tried to neglect, you that college kid that corporate America didn’t accept”), authentic (“You dressing like a Forever21 model”) and potent, Ill just did enough to win.

Verdict: Yung Ill (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Fresco – “Now his wifey suck me off while I grab the controller, I ain’t asking for no head I just casually told her, then I hit it from the back while I’m grabbing her shoulders, dropped my kids off then leave thanks for having me over”

40 B.A.R.R.S. defeats Daylyt

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Recap: Say what you will about Daylyt, but when he’s in the building you’re almost always guaranteed to get your money’s worth. And while I’m sure those in the crowd of this QOTR battle versus 40 B.A.R.R.S. weren’t expecting the Watts, CA, rapper to pull his dick out onstage during the battle, compared to attempting to shit on stage as Quill would do at another bout…well, they should be thankful ‘Lyt only went there. That said, while the headline generating ‘Lyt out-witted, served up a handful of crazy haymakers and punched his opponent’s lights out in round 1, the rest of this matchup was pretty much all 40. Boston’s finest getting ‘malicious’ with the wordplay throughout the latter rounds, while getting extra personal and testing ‘Lyt’s manhood when she wasn’t spouting fiery mayhem, aggressive heat, fierce name flips and witty/hard-hitting schemes to get the win over a topsy-turvy ‘Lyt who couldn’t keep up with 40’s bar efficiency in round 2, before mostly going indirect with the lines and clearly transferring to antics mode in round 3.

Verdict: 40 B.A.R.R.S. (W) 2-1

Favorite line:  40 B.A.R.R.S. – “When you want them real bars in a battle, they playing mine, his footage like tomorrow, when it come to Daylight, we saving time!”

Th3 Saga defeats Notic da Boss

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Recap: In this one-rounder from Battle Rap Arena, Th3 Saga’s thematic Christian bars spreads its message in the way of soaring wordplay, lofty punches and spirited (“That Samuel from Pulp Fiction is what I will do…that only means you’ll get a verse from God before I kill you!”) bully bars to easily defeat a non-too-solid Notic da Boss.

Verdict: Th3 Saga (W) 1-0

Favorite line: Th3 Saga – “Yo, I’m blacking, off top like a yamaka Boss, you’ll get flamed with 7 lines like it’s Hanukkah Boss!”

M. Ciddy defeats Danja Zone

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Synopsis: M. Ciddy makes use of frequent TV habits (“Charm School”), name flips, personals (“I bet you hear the floor squeak when ya’ mam fuck”) and punchlines along with steady aggression to make hay of Danja Zone.

Verdict: M. Ciddy (W) 2-1

Favorite line: M. Ciddy – “You use schemes for a crutch and you stretch crazy, and draw everything out, you Tex Avery”

Danny Myers defeats Ah Di Boom

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Synopsis: A clearly more motivated Danny Myers spazzes on a underwhelming Ah Di Boom to get an easy victory in this BET/UFF tournament elimination battle.

Verdict: Danny Myers (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Danny Myers – “You a broke nigga with an explanation, that’s a poor excuse”

Chilla Jones defeats Blackheart Adonis

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Synopsis: Blackheart Adonis not only has bars (Who could fuck with Adonis? These prozac like they had depression, so I’ll fuck up a pair of mid schemes like a bad investment”), punchlines and plenty of jokes (“You’ll be like a street performer, give him bucks and claps in public”), but judging from his round 2 here his favorite TV show is clearly “Martin”. That said, even with a nice artillery, as seen here it’s not enough against a wordplay genius and scheme killer like Chilla Jones. From reversing the college scheme in round 3 to the over-the-top name flips to the official haymakers (“Y’all thinking this bitch fly? He’ll disappear ‘cos a milli will air Heart (Amelia Earheart)”), while Blackheart Adonis did a good job of keeping it close throughout, in the end it wasn’t enough to keep up with Mr. Jones.

P.S. To Blackheart Adonis, while it’s ok to be cocky and confident in your bars, disrespecting your opponent and speaking throughout his rounds while making light of his bars has no place in battle rap.

Verdict: Chilla Jones (W) 2-1

Best line: Blackheart Adonis – “We seen no proof in your work, so how is your Tommy getting fired?”

T Top defeats Automatic Ray

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Recap: Automatic Ray scores with some jokes and nice (“Rap or otherwise, we get suckers cut, we engineers, cuz’ we punch niggers for fucking up!”) punchlines, but an inconsistent delivery/performance and a lame Loaded Lux impression does him in against T Top, who on top of the requisite trap talk, mixes it up a bit with a variety of dope wordplay. potent schemes and witty (“…her breathe smell like…aight I ain’t gonna start no shit, but she could say the holiest words and still be talking shit!”) jokes to score a 3-0.

Verdict: T Top (W) 3-0

Favorite line: T Top – “I promise you gonna die, no might, it’s like Napolean, Len Bias style, you ending before the show begin”

Moneyy defeats Gwitty

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Recap: Another intense and entertaining battle from the good folks at WeGoHard. Gwitty’s first round was epic with hard (“I grab the ratchet, like breaking up a fight with two bitches”) bars and hitting (“Your bitch she not popping, I took her sis [assist] to play with Jazz like John Stockton”) personals, while Moneyy countered with heavy wordplay and performance (“That gun from Korea it speak Chinese, it’s my money machine, it go cha…ching…POW!!!”) bars–edge to Gwitty tho for more consistency. Second round is where Moneyy took over as Gwitty bars weren’t always matching his intensity and he seemed to lose steam as the round went on. Then too, Moneyy stepped it up with enough “easy” schemes to win the round and tie it up after 2. 3rd round saw Gwitty spit from witty (“This pump, a long jump, knock your body across country”) punchlines and talk that real shit for those in the crowd that can rock with that, but overall it wasn’t nearly enough to beat Moneyy’s steady (“That fifth caaaaaammmmmmmeeeeee with a kick, like when Mike got back with The Jacksons”) haymakers and real bar execution.

Verdict: Moneyy (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Moneyy – “Fuck a big gun, this shit so little you’ll think it’s disposable”

prez mafia defeats Ty Law

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Recap: I was in total agreement with the Lox on this one. Had Law easily taking the 1st round while prez maf edged the 2nd. Last round was close (Prez’s “run up on you with a switchblade….and then switch blades!” line was mean!), yet Law was on the verge of taking it till his slip-up cost him near the end.

Verdict: pref mafia (W) 2-1

Favorite line: Ty Law – “Funny, he studied Law, now he dying in da tourney [an attorney]”

T Top defeats Cephdeezy

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Recap: Easy win here for T Top as his eccentric wordplay, potent gun bars and urban life (“My mom’s put coke in my pamper, I was born hustling”) tales are too much for Cephdeezy’s mostly rampant filler and predictable angles.

Verdict: T Top (W) 1-0

Favorite line: T Top – “They dropped you in the ring to die, boy you Owen Hart”

Fettuccine20 defeats Kevin Vann

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Recap: While Kevin Vann displayed a few spurts of nifty wordplay here and there, a more consistently spicy with the punches, witty at times, mayhem-lit and street-laced/gun bar savvy Fettuccine 20 scores with more than enough haymakers to handily take this 1-rounder from 16 Bars Rap Battle League.

Verdict: Fettuccine 20 (W) 1-0

Favorite line: Fettuccine 20 – “Bullets come from all angles, surround sound, loud smoke in the air call that the Sound cloud!”