Recap: Pretty sure battling twice in one day (she also went head-to-head with Villun) had something to do with it, but a clearly-not-on-her-A-game MyVerse, while dishing some quality punches, rebuttals and witty zingers here and there, still didn’t have enough quality bars or consistency to keep up with the hilarity that ensued from the admittedly not ‘clever’ Oshea, but over-the-top with the misogynistic jokes, rich storytelling and witty personals in this entertaining 3-rounder from Don’t Flop.
Verdict: Oshea (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Oshea – “How come these bitches can survive childbearing, but not a single one of them can take a punch?!”
Recap: Despite his choice to run with very condensed, but well-packaged (“Verb, I’m back out the slump like when scoliosis hit you!”; “Let’s set the mood people, what type of nigga go to school, get out of school, go back to school to be a school teacher?”) ) rounds (when directed at his opponent), Aye Verb could’ve easily had this one, as Real Deal in between dishing some nice (“You a Hitman?!, I guess not, that description fits Gerald, you just write about gangsta shit like F. Scott!”) wordplay and rich (“This coke head has more issues with drugs than High Times!”) personals, still didn’t impress as much as you would’ve thought he would against another battle rap vet. Yet, tied going into the 3rd, it’s quantity as much as quality and with Verb literally spitting for only two minutes (half of which was nothing but aggressive filler), it’s Real Deal who uses a plethora of fiery storytelling bars to avoid what would’ve been a somewhat embarrassing loss in front of a throng that most likely came to see him.
Verdict: Real Deal (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Real Deal – “Smack, I swear to God sometimes y’all be picking favorites, ’cause y’all choose to book marks, long story short we must be on different pages!”
Recap: Normally battling dudes, Tay Roc steps away from the testosterone to have some fun with C3 on the Queen of the Ring stage. Round 1 is all Roc, literally getting mean with it through the use of too cold (“You’re not a bitch, you look like a man, let’s fight, I brought a strap, y’all better hope this tran’s vest tight [transvestite]”) personals, vicious gun bars and sick (“Real rap bitch, watch your mouth, don’t think Roc is ya friend, if I hear the wrong bar B [Barbie], you’ll end up in a box with’cha kin [Ken]!”) punchlines that easily took out an alright and too drenched with elongated set-ups turn by C3. Showing off his versatility in the second round, Roc steps away from the personals and switches it up for mostly name flips and it works what with Roc’s consistently aggressive flow now backed up by repeated (“The first bitch run up on me looking like a nigga?!, she gets it, the shit kick like a horse, it’ll go upside C biscuit! [Seabiscuit]”; “Bitch you don’t want none of this shit, keep talking, the clip a retired Crip, it’ll stop C walking!”) epithets that landed and got Tay another round. Last round featured another solid (“Roc the type to go in your pussy hole with a pocket knife!”) round by Roc versus what was easily C3’s best round what with more consistently fiery wordplay, queasy jokes and a DC (“Or maybe you just want the woman to pull out that Hawk man [Hawkman], for every need I got him, but Babs I don’t know you even invited him, like he could adjust [to] this league, this DC nigga a comic!”) comic scheme that scored. Still, for all of C3’s style points in the last round, it wasn’t quite enough to overcome Roc’s overall uniformity and bar quotient to avoid the 3-0.
Verdict: Tay Roc (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Tay Roc – “Bitch, you should focus more on being ladylike, you look like the lazy type, that don’t bathe, you wash up at the sink, with no soap, you just using baby wipes!”
Recap: This here is just how you like your PG’s–a fire and competitive battle from both sides that makes it hard to pick a winner. But a tighter flow and an edge on (“I’m a grimy cracker, pants sagging like a 90’s rapper!”) haymakers gives the gun-bar stalwart Glueazy round one, despite Reepah Rell possibly having the best bar of the round. Both battlers again stay (Glueazy: “I’m nice with it, I pull bitches like I’m light-skinned!”) consistently nice in round 2, but more points for Reepah for a more diverse turn that featured some filthy (“I hate this, now y’all gonna see a bald head pop, Everybody Hates Chris!”) wordplay, a richer performance, ill personals and potent set-ups. Tied going into the 3rd, one can’t help but note how Glueazy will often talk about his opponent’s bringing race angles into battle, but often be the first to do it himself….hmmm??? And that’s a little ironic when taking into account Reepah going there a handful of times in round 3, but also flexing with steely pontifications and fiery (“Ball raisers on the block?!, Please!!!, these nigga’s here fronting, he look like he spend his days chewing tobacco and deer hunting!”) punchlines to edge the round over a solid (“White boy, but the block love me, you Golddust, outside this ring, ya pop’s Dusty!”), but not-quite-as-nice turn by Glueazy.
Verdict: Reepah Rell (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Reepah Rell – “I’m up in the kid’s room, if I grip the K, I’m shooting all the kids at the same time…that’s Picture Day!”
Recap: Take out the Th3 Saga slipping up twice in the 3rd round and what you have is a pretty dope and exhilarating matchup between him and Swave Sevah on the URL stage. Swave, confidently mixing it up with demonic (“You’ll help me bro?, yo that’s righteous…aight what if I say I confess, I’m possessed, but I like it!”; “Show up to your church sermon dressed as a voodoo witch doctor…and bless your collection plate with $6.66!”) punches that made you scowl, some (“You Christian right? yeah, you know who else claim to be Christian? Klan members….you know who they known for killing, right?…your ancestors”) food for thought, rich set-ups with even more profound angles and gritty street talk throughout his three rounds…had what most would say was more than enough to win. However, in rounds 1 and 2, Th3 Saga did just enough to do his opponent better. Delivering potent (“That’s straight work, you a Mase verse, I could see the fake past the rhyme!”) eulogies along with age (“Swave, you’re so old, I don’t even know if you’re African American!”; “Old rappers get rocked in the 90’s, I’ll FUBU fit you!”) jokes that hit, potent wordplay and jaunty (“Get tougher, you lost touch with the Faith…BIG’s mother!”; “You got back on Smack and died in front of his set…that’s Chris Tucker!”) punches from all sorts of directions, Th3 Saga edged (“You got cornrows and muscular dystrophy…”) the opening rounds, withstood a strong 3rd by Swave and hung on for the win.
Verdict: Th3 Saga (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Swave Sevah – “You don’t get it, I would trade you for Mo, Arch, PH and Sean Price any day, and that ain’t even disrespecting, you wanna be in heaven anyway!”
Recap: You’re certainly entitled to relish the (“If I swing and miss, you’ll still catch contact from a second hand from wanting to smoke with me!”; “You front about putting money up for the grams and really sold your boy this picture!”) unorthodox, abstract schemes/punches of Prof AC in this fire PG battle. But even more notable here is the more direct and versatile stylings of Whosane, who uses a barrage of lucid punchlines, pointed personals, underhanded (“I never take subliminal shots, I hate soft nigga’s!”) wordplay and sterling set-ups to take the latter two rounds and the win.
Verdict: Whosane (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Whosane – “This is sort of like when Goku was sparring, throwing hits at Vegeta, i say that to say I’m about to get you fit for the Freezer!”
Recap: Clearly motivated to bring his best against a fellow St. Louis spitter in Metta, Aye Verb straight spazzes in this 1-rounder from Street Status. Verb, with nary any filler and a flexing ‘Showtime’ scheme to put the cherry on top, scored left and right with a gang of consistently fiery punchlines, braggadocious rhymes and brazen personals to beat back the nifty wordplay and at times witty punches from an opponent who besides Verb was also hurt by one too many reaches.
Verdict: Aye Verb (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Aye Verb – “I’m the king and only one at a time is what this throne sit!”
Recap: Assisted by a couple of Swave Sevah slip-ups in the 1st round as well as Swave getting off to an extremely slow start in the 2nd, Danny Myers’ stringent punch game combined with some witty old jokes, rampant mayhem and flexing gun bars manage to take the first two rounds of this judged battle from RBE. Swave’s 3rd, a near classic with its righteous takedowns of Danny’s narcissistic “King of Harlem’ catchphrase was a delight to see, but it still wasn’t enough to get him the win….here anyway.
Verdict: Danny Myers (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Danny Myers – “I’ll grab the semi from the shoulder holster, then I bust 8, then I’ll sneak the arm over the shoulder like a first date!”
Recap: No wonder hardly anyone is clamoring the Top Tiers, what with hardbody PG’s like this one…who needs them? DMV’s Ryda versus Harlem’s Snake Eyez is straight fire throughout, haymakers galore with little room for filler. 1st round edged to Snake Eyez, as his ability to consistently kick (“Think Louis Vuitton when I head shot him, ‘cuz his family ain’t know he was dead till they read about [red bottom] him!”) flashy, urban street (“But ain’t shit changed in my hood, nigga’s love me, I’ll probably get you smoked for free, I’m at momma crib, she still got the old Kool-Aid picture with the scratches on it., that shit about as old as me!”) flair along with some nice personals and authentic (“If we was on the Island, I woulda took this nigga commissary!”) bully bars was literally too intense and enough to beat what was a solid turn from (“I’ll dig a ditch, can’t catch the body?, then my lady will do it, they couldn’t get Snake up out this hole with Arabian music!”) Ryda. However, after barely losing round 1, Ryda stepped up the versatility, outshining a still (“My freedom?, I enjoy with a different demeanor, ‘cuz I still could’ve been locked away, mad at breakfast that I woke up late and missed that coffee cake with the Verena!”) fiery, but a little too one-dimensional opponent with a litany of crazy performance bars, frenetic (“Jesus Christ!…I’m the one who brought that twelve to the table…last supper!“) wordplay, dizzying (“The gun like business with Diddy, it did them all bad!”) punches, fierce (“Ironic your name is Snake, but you have yet to wrap around and body something!”) name flips and (“You the type of nigga that want to go to war, but forgot that you left your clip out, the type that’ll buy a house but still let ya bitch tell you ‘Get out!'”) jokes to take round 2 and 3 as well as the win.
Verdict: Ryda (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Ryda – “I’m known to black, but keep one eye open, like the Raiders man!”
Recap: Epic, long-awaited battle between Iron Solomon and Dizaster goes down with what you’d expect: plenty of racist banter, hi-def (Iron Solomon: “From slug fest to gun threats, this chump went from throwing temper tantrums to throwing up sets, choked out Billy, now he feel he’s a roughneck, been on 52 cards, got more attention from one deck!”) personals, rambunctious punchlines and some ill (Dizaster: “Who gives a fuck if NY is a no-flying zone?, I got Palestine inside my bones, I’ll hit you with a rock in your face from a couple kilometers away, that’s what I call reaching a milestone!”) braggadocio lines. In the end tho, it’s Dizaster’s 1st round that gives him the edge here and the win, as you could go either way in the latter two rounds. Indeed, a more consistent flow combined with slightly more potent bars and versatility gives Diz a dub over a fellow vet that he’s wanted to battle for a very long time.
Verdict: Dizaster (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Dizaster – “This here is for every single Arab, shit, even the Christians are gonna feel like they’re getting their payback, once I rape your mother in the ass with no protection, bare back, wearing a Mel Gibson face mask, you know what rhymes with bar mitzvah? Swastika!”
Recap: Bill Collector gets off to a superb start, using some nice (“We both play with the soda, [but] I use mine for pep see [Pepsi]? and make the coka colder [Coca-cola]”) wordplay, fresh schemes and rich (“Black Panther serious, let him know that I ain’t trying to play, so Bill tripping in half time, that goes beyond, say! [Beyonce]!”) performance bars to edge round one against ever-entertaining (“The way that you collecting germs is a skill, you probably use pick-up lines like ‘Herpes and chill'”) UK emcee E Farrell. But despite delivering some shiners (“The judge think I’m old games, but it’s True Crimes”) here and there, a too short 2nd round and a 3rd round choke eventually do in Bill, while leaving Farrell more consistent personals (“…well, yunno the slogan Billy, you can’t copy neglect!”) that hit, jocular self-deprecating bars and witty punchlines with enough punch for the win.
Verdict: E. Farrell (W) 2-1
Favorite line: E. Farrell – “Bad bars, that’s fire trash like the rubbish was lit, colostomy bag, i’m the type to dump from the hip!”
Recap: 3-round BullPen tryouts battle between Loso and Bully Danny features a solid and sometimes gritty outing from Danny, but a much better showing from Loso, who via a room-shaking mid-round rebuttal, consistently fiery punchlines, hitting ‘imaginary’ gun bars and some piercing name flips/personals came way with a 3-0.
Verdict: Loso (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Loso – “Sammy Sosa, Michael Jackson, I’m just trying to enlighten y’all!”
Recap: DNA shows off his competency in this rare freestyle battle against the UK’s Pedro. Whether it’s prolific (“You mention my mom so much, here I’ll give you her number”) rebuttals, amiable (“For talking shit, i’ll forward clips, that’s a side show!”) wordplay or wicked punchlines, DNA’s package of continuous heat had the road crowd buzzing way more than Pedro, who while spitting a couple of shiners here and there, caught a bout with the slip-ups throughout his rounds and relied on way too many lame ‘Yo momma’ jokes to stand a chance.
Verdict: DNA (W) 10-3
Favorite line: DNA – “Yeah, when I run up I shoot those cribs, you mention my mom but I’ll wig on your mom like Uno did!”
Recap: Suave (“I said I gave bitches nothing but dick…and brief time spent!”), witty at times, name-flip savvy, diligent with the heat and rambunctious with the punchlines/set-ups, Nu Jerzey Twork does enough to beat back a pretty solid, (“You season 5 of ‘Walking Dead’ ‘cuz you don’t really plan to leave VA!”) punch-heavy and fiery Redd Handed, who more than held his own in the face of Twork’s boisterous composition, but not quite enough in each round to avoid the 30.
Verdict: Nu Jerzey Twork (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Nu Jerzey Twork – “Mine might dump, it’ll lift Redd in the air like, ‘That’s my bike punk!'”
Recap: Close battle between Chilla Jones and Cortez pretty much down to hit harder and had a higher bar quotient in the 3rd. Nothing against Chilla’s 1st besides some filler and elongated set-ups in what was otherwise a pretty (“I’m like a frequent flyer, I stay tripping”) solid round, but Cortez, with a fiending flow coupled with a wicked mix of jokes, potent personals and stellar (“I’ll do you greasy, you asked for this so I’m blasting clips, ask Weezy, the K will put holes in your clothes, these fashion tips!”), wordplay took the 1st round with relative ease. Not quite as electric as his first, but still another solid round by Tez in the 2nd is edged by Chilla’s persistent (“You stayed with Clips for a month, but backed Hollow when they battled?, well that’s a bit strange, the shit’s lame, you disrespected Charlie’s couch worse than Rick James!”) schemes that landed and (“You had a debatable with Jimz?…you still looked like a clown, ‘cuz you was barring him [Barnum] and barely [Bailey] winning!”) angles that hit. Cortez goes the pontificating route in the last round, but for the most part it (“Shit I even got a punch for every time ‘Punch’ was on Smack DVD!”) works as he once again flexes his resume in a game that still too often doesn’t give him his just due.Chilla pontificates too and while the Nuborn line and a couple of others landed, Cort’s round lent more to being factual and had slightly less filler than Chilla’s–and that’s why Brooklyn gets the edge here.
Verdict: Cortez (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Chilla Jones – “See, when you getting paid to take on a rookie, they go harder…but I would’ve had Jimz [gyms] on lock like Coach Carter!”
Recap: Vigorous and bar-heavy match between (“You love to saying JC my ghostwriter, cool, I expect the hate, if that’s the case, the hand of Christ moving my pen, it’s Revelation!”; “I been disrespected, y’all give me cats that ain’t half as nice, yelling ‘grown man bars’ when only a child thinks felonies are bragging rights”) Detroit’s Anubis and (“I’m just here to prove that you can’t stand the pressure, like when your ankle twist”; “I been bucking, I’ll beat a bitch ass like I’m fist-fucking!”) Nebraska’s Saint Mic stays close until the 3rd round where Anubis falls victim to a couple of slip-ups, while Mic stays consistent with an aggressive flow that was backed up nicely by gritty schemes, feisty (“Food for thought, put him to sleep. give him nigger-itis!”) punchlines and potent personals to take the win.
Verdict: Saint Mic (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Saint Mic – “I bury shit, i’m an asshole to cats!”
Recap: Despite struggling at times with his flow, a sleepy-eyed Dutch Montega still managed to kick some formidable rhymes before running out of gas and finally choking in the 3rd. Of course, Chess being Chess, here dispensing standout set-ups/metaphors with filthy punches throughout his 3 rounds, all with relative ease, even if Dutch had brought his A-game, it wouldn’t have mattered anyway.
Verdict: Chess (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Chess – “Keep blasting, jamming his can like jail music!”
Recap: Mostly punch-heavy and at times personal-lit effort from Danja Zone. But in this competitive 3-rounder from URL, Rum Nitty would prove to be too much. The Arizona battler consistently scoring with dizzying wordplay, a gang of intricate punches, brolic gun lines and fiery gun bars/personals/name flips that included a flawless round 2 (i.e. classic) which when you added it all up amounted to a Gentleman’s 30.
Verdict: Rum Nitty (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Rum Nitty – “You my nigga, but I’ll give it to you, blade get stuck in a friendZone like how the bitches do you!”
Recap: In this flexing 3-rounder from TrapNY, Ish Mula comes solid with the name flips, bully bars as well as some nifty wordplay. However, a more consistent with the punches/schemes, fierce with the personals and versatile with the bars Holmzie Da God does just enough (along with a fire rebuttal in the 2nd) to edge the first couple of rounds and earn the win here.
Verdict: Holmzie Da God (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Holmzie Da God – “I got a AK, drum clip, ain’t no way of dodging …, these bitches coming outta nowhere, they like the Cosby accusers!”
Recap: Never one to leave the crib without a shitload of blistering gun bars, along with some fiery name flips, ringing punchlines and a couple of quality personals, Young Kannon comes well equipped to make quick work of a solid and gritty, but not as potent Michael Ice in this 3-rounder from Alpha League.
Verdict: Young Kannon (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Young Kannon – “You rep the .5, I’m testing a Blood, that’s a phlebotomy!”
Recap: Close battle between G Mayne Frost and (“Everybody you battle do the same shit, well I ain’t them and you know the .9 will get you baby, when you came in!”) Glueazy with plenty of dope (Frost: “Y’all really think this ginger snap?, he don’t even cook, he come with tasteless rounds and that’s why they book me!”) punchlines, heavy (Frost: “Before [B4] I 3 and [N} 0 G 2 gonna owe [O] 1, that’s Bingo!”) wordplay and fiending (Glueazy: When I start sleeping these bitches, it ain’t date rape!”) haymakers from both sides. Still, this wasn’t close enough to be called a debatable as with a little more variety and (Frost: “Your friends, in the hood, only invited you over when they needed a night light!”) wit to his bars, it’s Frost to takes the latter two rounds for the win.
Verdict: G Mayne Frost (W) 2-1
Favorite line: G Mayne Frost – “Your version of pocket-checking is stealing from your mom’s purse!”
Recap: Sorry, but no winner here as in this sizzling 1-rounder from NOBL, both Buretta Blaze and (“I paved the way for these botches to shine, I gave Tori lanes [Lanez]!”) 40 B.A.R.R.S, do their thing, each battler offering up an equal percentage of gritty punchlines, piercing personals, fierce name flips, hitting 4-bar set-ups and stinging heat to make this one a fitting draw.
Verdict: Debatable
Favorite line: Buretta Blaze – “You been riding high speed in the ring for awhile now, gets you a court date, but I’m a shooter, bitch I only sit my gun down at the end of the couch to let my arm rest!”
Recap: After a well-equipped, but short-lived 1st round (still, call the opener a debatable thanks in part to Lunes’ slip-up), Jey The Nitewing extends his palette with two consecutive rounds of nothing but fiery punchlines, fierce wordplay and righteous personals to edge them both and catch a vic over a mostly solid punching Lunes in this 3-rounder from High-Noon Rap Battles.
Verdict: Jey The Nitewing (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Jey The Nitewing – “You’re whole gridlock, zip lock, nigga’s like these got expiration dates!”
Recap: They see moments are fleeting and more often than not, haymakers are what you remember most in a battle. Still, consistency has to count for something and for all of JC’s elusive (“What’s homicide to an Undertaker, I literally throw Mankind Off!”) shiners here and there, it’s the cocky, but fierce, versatile and spirited darts from J Murda that edges him rounds 2 and 3 and gets him the win here. Indeed, for all of JC’s lyrical attirbutes, a little too much redundancy with his gun bars as well as permeable filler en route to his more standout lines, along with a Murda who brought his A-game with some seismic wordplay, fire schemes, stylistic/witty/mocking personals and steady (“Bench player, you’ll get a ring even if you do nothing!”) mayhem with the heat, ends up hurting the Writer’s Block captain in a judged battle that while close throughout, clearly should’ve ended with a different verdict.
Verdict: J. Murda (W) 2-1
Favorite line: J. Murda – “I will smack the bitch out of you…then chill with her!”
Recap: JC said it best, proving to be way ‘too much’ for Born, who for some reason decided in the early rounds, to at times abandon his noted (“Get crucified, I bet an arm will get in [Armageddon], then I’m stretching something, if I miss the first then JC the second coming!”) punchline game, for personals and name flips that didn’t always land and lines that were peppered with reaches. Nonetheless, this version of JC would’ve been nearly impossible to beat anyway. Seemingly motivated by Born’s long (“This all started with me not accepting this…and you not accepting it”) desire for this matchup, JC stayed ahead with repeated (“You want my advice? stop shooting, I’m nukin’, try stock and bonds, the ratchet ate Born like Octomom!”) haymakers, sizzling (“But just to hear me, they willing you give you a feature for the show, see this Victor…Sweet, even got you eating off the floor!”) wordplay and jaunty (“I’m that boy, in front of his house, with a lot of Mac clips, but a cocktail would be like inducing labor…be gonna force Bon outta that bitch!”) punchlines that literally had the crowd buzzing. And while JC stayed afloat enough with sharp (“I paint pictures, on the polls, niggas get boxed with a head shot and I’m Wanted for that”; “Born, every nigga I know armed with k’s, and down to shoot like it’s laundry day!”) bars to almost pull out the latter round, Born’s bright decision to revert back to punchline-heavy (‘Gut punch, leave you lying where you stand like perjury!”; “I was baptized to be born again, word to me, now I’m covered in the blood of JC, with a box of ties offering, I gotta pay his churches fees!”) bars along with a stronger performance, was just enough to edge him the 3rd round and avoid an embarrassing 3-0.
Verdict: JC (W) 2-1
Favorite line: JC – “It can get messy here, like jet repair, we air Tek’s [techs], the shots Blue [blew] Blood like it didn’t hit air yet!”
Recap: While Casey Jay has established herself as one of the most versatile and fiercest puncher’s in the female battle rapper game, her knock for over-writing still shows up from time to time. Another example being here, versus fellow (by way of Dallas) Texan Robin Rhymes, in which Casey uses her mom (who was in the crowd) to cap a fire punchline of an already lengthy and fire 3rd round, gets a huge reaction from the crowd and instead of ending things there, goes on for another minute or so with bars on rehashed themes she’s already spouted. And while filler is a problem many battle rappers face, timing/being able to know when to punctuate your round and egotism when it comes to your pen (something I feel Chilla Jones dealt with early in his career) can all play a part when it comes to overkill. That said, after a rambunctious and punch-heavy on both sides (better consistency and more haymakers gave Casey the edge) 1st round, this one was pretty much all Ms. Jay as the San Antonio spitter (with an assist from Robin shortening a flow-challenged round 2) served up some fly rebuttals to go along with a gang of righteous punchlines, some exquisite wordplay, steely personals and flexing heat to beat back a still solid-punching at times, but not as steady Rhymes and earn the 30.
Verdict: Casey Jay (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Casey Jay – “My punches are like advice…easy to give, but hard to take!”
Recap: Stumbles combines a gritty flow with real street (“What you was booked for?, that nigga look more…see, I’m first shot, you already took four!”; “Pops was an addict [attic] before I even knew what the base meant [basement]”) talk, nice bully (“Nigga, I will kill you and raise your son!”) bars and rich storytelling lines to stay competitive throughout this battle with Big T. However, overall his semantics lack consistency and just aren’t enough to keep up with T’s more steady combo of nifty (“Driving around looking for Smoke, he like Big Worm!”; “Boy you a puddle, you’re trash, you’re doo-doo, you’re ass, you boo-boo, you’re P-U, you’re played out, you platinum FUBU!”) wordplay, potent name flips, fierce schemes and searing (“Dirt, steel barrel, all I need is a wheelbarrow, bury him alive the Kill Bill special, beat him to death the Emmitt Till special, ‘cuz all my boys got arms around me, they make feel special!”; “See I got the courage to take your ashes up out of the furnace and [smacks the air] LeBron James the remains after the service!”) performance bars.
Verdict: Big T (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Big T – “My pops will make you put those guns down like Craig daddy!”
Recap: Even with the lisp, Hazey’s lofty (“Ain’t no such thing as a good morning [mourning], you’ll be at your wake alone!”) wordplay and flexing punchlines contain plenty of potency. Indeed, enough here to take rounds 1 and 3 over a sometimes (“My partner in crime, a Calicoe [Cali cold] defendant, they’ll landslide ya, real violence, they known on the block, QP and his baby mother on Maury, I know who to pop!”) biting/witty, but often laborious Gwitty.
Verdict: Hazey (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Hazey -“He could put on a vest and still die [waves hands like gun], nigga that’s laser tag!”
Recap: A more versatile Yung Griz, jumping out of the gate with a punchline-crazy 1st round to in the later rounds spouting hot schemes when he wasn’t macking on his opponent’s girl (amongst other robust personals) gets the 30 over the gritty and at times wordplay-nice, but overall underwhelming Shi Dog in this 3-rounder from AHAT.
Verdict: Yung Griz (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Yung Griz – “I hope y’all came ready for 3 rounds of me giving him more, I came to fuck Dog up, like I know this bitch ain’t shot on my floor!”
Recap: Who doesn’t love a fire PG? Well, that’s certainly what you got here as Utah’s Emerson Kennedy comes all the way out to the East coast to take on Brooklyn’s Jerry Wess. Despite a dope turn of fiery wordplay and fire punches from a slightly elongated EK in the first, Wess took the 1st with a sizzling and at times performance-heavy round that was backed by handful of well-stocked (“Bang, bang, you’ll be the first PG to get a ‘Don DeMarco!'”; “Pop the arm?!, you wouldn’t pull a muscle at a seafood bar!”) haymakers. Round two was another dope turn from both battlers, but EK’s fiery set-ups, standoffish (“No credit for the bullets, you not spraying nigga, we told you like we told Kobe, stop playing nigga!”) punchlines and raucous wordplay would edge an overall solid punch-wise, but too-often pedestrian turn by his opponent. Last round was nice on both ends with EK and Wess dropping an equal share of spitfire punchlines. But a nice rebuttal, fire struggle life bars and one more haymaker by Mr. Kennedy gets him the win here.
Verdict: Emerson Kennedy (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Emerson Kennedy – “I was living in guestrooms, whole family had to rent rooms with junkie roommates, paraphernalia, needles, ex-shroom’s, I felt like Neo, in the Matrix, when I was just 2, I knew this couldn’t be real life when I saw all them bent spoons!”
Recap: 3-rounder between battle vets Dizaster and Marvwon goes Diz’s way as while Marv came through with a personal-bent (that ‘red carpet’ punchline in round 3 was crazy), gritty at times and funny 3 rounds of heat, Diz’s spicy personals and relentless fat jokes (even if a little predictable), almost all of which were both hilarious and set-up lit, would prove to be too much in the end.
Verdict: Dizaster (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Dizaster – “He wants to act like he’s on some gang shit, but look at his body language, you don’t wanna rob no bank, you wanna rob a banquet!”
Recap: Making up for a minor slip-up near the end of his turn with a couple of solid freestyles and then getting right back on his grind of piercing punchlines, witty barbs and fiery heat/wordplay allows Cortez to edge this Don’t Flop 1-rounder over a hitting at times, but mostly middle-of-the-road Ark.
Verdict: Cortez (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Cortez – “National anthem, I let it sing and then it’s caps off!”
Recap: A solid punching, witty and gritty at times 3-rounder from Alpha League between N Pose and Bill Collector gets upended, after the two split the first coupel rounds, by Bill Collector (who was ahead at the time) surprisingly choking near the end of his 3rd round, thus handing N Pose the win.
Verdict: N Pose (W) 2-1
Favorite line: N Pose – “This shit is a massacre, I wanna use my chainsaw, no flip that, when I’m done your neck will be the least thing that chain saw!”
Recap: Gotta appreciate a crowd that lets you know it when you come unprepared. And boy did they here as after B. Magic got off to a hot start with a punch-heavy opening round to easily beat back a mostly pedestrian turn from Brixx Belvy, in light of Belvy upping his punchline game with a steadily hitting 2nd round, midway through Magic’s 2nd he’d would catch a severe case of the hiccups and proceed to choke away both of his latter rounds (to the tune of some serious displeasure from the audience) and pretty much hand an increasingly potent and personal-lit Belvy the win.
Verdict: Brixx Belvy (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Brixx Belvy – “You in here looking like a bitch and they know it…oh, that’s your resting face!”
Recap: Strong (tho, a little bit much on the pontificating, esp. in round 3), pretty punch-heavy and witty showing by Juan gets beat back by a more consistently punch-spazzing, storytelling, wordplay-rich, comical and rebuttal/personal-bent Charron in the latter rounds for the win in this competitive 3-rounder from Don’t Flop.
Verdict: Charron (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Charron – “It’s easy to write for Charron, so many angles to pick for me, [but] you’re like my internet after watching porn…no history!”
Recap: In this 1-rounder from Ball Hogg Ent., the often loud and raucous raps from Grandaddy Purp do enough to intimidate, but battle-wise aren’t enough to beat back a consistently gun bar-heavy plus punch and wordplay-lit Aye Verb.
Verdict: Aye Verb (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Aye Verb – “I’m in your city, acting reckless, with a weapon, all breathless, two open rams, which one of you nigga’s need affection?!”
Recap: Rolla’s OG stylings are filled with such gritty street shit, swag and underlying wit that a battle against him feels worth it just for the lessons alone. Still, in this 1-rounder from Body Bag Battle League, while an elongated Rolla scored with a variety of hard-hitting punches and personals, one too many pedestrian bars from the Norfolk, VA battler and a much more condensed, punch/simile-lit and witty Bill Collector gets Double Bar Bill the win.
Verdict: Bill Collector (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Bill Collector – “Clip so big the gun shaped like Oklahoma!”
Recap: Rone clone Deffinition steady came with the jokes, some (“People keep caling him DNA, he’s not, this dyslexic cunt’s name is actually Dan!”) decent and some not-so-much. But other than that too many standard name flips and flat personals from the Brit failed in keeping up with DND’s punchline (“I been in this 3 times and I already killed 2 battles, I’m leaving this dude baffled, Morpheus hands because cuz I could let it peel with two capsules”) virtuosity, fierce name flips and admirable (“Got 3 K’s the best clan, then I’m coming for Def’s squad, Redman”) wordplay, despite some hiccup in his flow here and there.
Verdict: DNA (W) 2-1
Favorite line: DNA – “And it’s definite, you’re gonna leave red, deficit, Don’t flop and struggling with views, you part of the deficit”
Recap: Does any battler out there keep a better poker face while their opponent rap’s than Couture? Just saying ‘cuz it’s hard to recall Couture even nodding at hot bar thrown her way. Speaking of which, Couture’s QOTR opponent here, Tori Doe, certainly with a barrage of them. The petite Harlem emcee flexing her heart out with a wide load gritty wordplay and flashy gun bars while aggressively maneuvering around the ring to make her presence even more felt. But after a more haymaker-lit Tori took the 1st round, Couture would up the ante and get extra busy with a gang of her own lyrical stunting in addition to witty/hard-hitting personals, fiery wordplay and piercing 4-bar setups/punchlines to edge the 2nd round before handily taking the deciding 3rd round for the win.
Verdict: Couture (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Couture: “I was ducking who?, who the fuck are you?, let’s get one thing clear, I told Debo before I wouldn’t make it, I had to get a tooth extraction, that’s the only reason I wasn’t around bitch, You would’ve watched the throne, I been the queen, even my dentist said I need a crown bitch!”
Recap: What would’ve been a close battle between Qleen Paper and K-Shine bar-wise, becomes a 3-0 thanks to Shine’s repeated slip-ups in the latter rounds and a surprising choke in round one. Qleen, who came nice with witty (“I talk shit and back it up, bitch that’s bad plumbing!”) anecdotes, dope (“I got a deal for you Shine, like two for five, No I came to deal with you Shine, like two .45’s!”) punchlines and hard (“I be on some fuck battle rap, I’m in the hood getting my transactions up, you in the hood smacking on your he/she because your trans acting up!”) personals throughout his 3 rounds, clearly had it in him to win this battle anyway. But K-Shine, who when he wasn’t getting caught with the EARL bug dished out a load of fiery name (“I came here to clean [Qleen] up Paper, like the money launderer”) flips and potent (“What we got?, another Midwest nigga with a death wish, nah, fuck the audience I clap first trying to get a cheer started, quick to throw a round in a round, like I’m beer-ponging”) storytelling bars that made things competitive, practically gave this one to Qleen with miscues that are unbecoming for a vet.
Verdict: QP (Qleen Paper) (W) 3-0
Favorite line: QP – “Say no more, I’m about to intervention him, Bruce Jenner him, he don’t even want to hold the thing no more!”
Recap: An easy 3-0 for Tech 9 who for the most part stayed consistent with wicked punchlines, lofty personals and rambunctious (“Gangsta?!? You don’t even look like you drink and drive!”) comedy relief. The UK’s Impact, who did dish some (“You’re the only URL battler without ‘lyrical’ in his introduction”) shiners here and there, may want to lessen his elongated set-ups and cut down on the corny /jokes/filler next time he takes on a legend making a comeback.
Verdict: Tech-9 (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Tech-9 – “I’m a legend, you should take a picture with me!”
Recap: Wow! Two of the South’s best, Chef Trez and R Streetz, put on what has to be one of 2016’s finest battles, going toe-for-toe with an equal parlance for lyrical acumen, while also delivering a gang of crazy, dope punchlines/similes, piercing name flips, some scheming personals, boastful shiners and hard-hitting gun bars. Oh yeah, and the wordplay was on point throughout as well. That said, with each round being super tight and nary a slip-up (we’ll chalk up a slight 2nd round hiccup by Streetz on Trez talking while he rapped) from either battler, Streetz’s ability to get a little more versatile and witty in the 2nd round and come with a slightly more condensed 3rd, all the while equating his ever-gunning opponent on haymakers, gives him the edge (after he got edged by Trez in the 1st) in both of the latter rounds for the win.
Verdict: R Streetz (W) 2-1
Favorite line: R Streetz – “You’re not the best, get it clear, catch him in traffic…buck at the front of his car like he hit a deer!”
Recap: While the slight stumbles here and there certainly made B Magic beatable, one too many pedestrian bars and reaches by DV Hendrix coupled with Magic scoring with a boatload of piercing punchlines and name flips when he had command, leaves the St. Louis vet with the win in this 1-rounder from Stl Street Report.
Verdict: B Magic (W) 1-0
Favorite line: B Magic – “Think it’s a game till the homeboys get to teaming up like Rock N’ Jock!”
Recap: Tough one between (“Talking guns please, I never seen you with a nose, you like the Sphinx nigga!”) Reepah Rell and Buddyfe on the WeGoHard stage with each dishing a load of exquisite mayhem that got both their respective entourage’s and the crowd amped up. Each had a handful of haymakers, but with (“The next time I back out, it’s with the infra-red like retro 6’s!”) Buddyfe going way longer than his opponent did, the edge goes to a more condensed Reepah here.
Verdict: Reepah Rell (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Reepah Rell – “If I’m uncomfortable, [blowh!] a Pop will sit Bud down, I’m Cliff Huxtable!”
Recap: In this one-rounder from Bullpen Battle League, Syahboy spits some hot (“Put him to sleep like a Cortez battle!”) bars (including a dope Olivia Pope scheme) and altogether delivers a solid and aggressive performance. But a couple of redundant personals (I mean, Arsonal’s been hearing about the ‘school bus’ since like ’09 versus Conceited), bars that could’ve been more creative, wasted bars on other battlers and a shoddy ending doesn’t hold up when matched against Arsonal’s more steady unabashed (“This like the 10th plague, I’ll bring death to Syah’s firstborn, open up her stomach for him, now he getting worked on, your organs all in the background like this a church song!”) heat, winning (“You got the face of a bigga who mother still put him on punishment, nigga”) personals, rich set-ups/performance and a more versatile round.
Verdict: Arsonal (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Arsonal – “Fuck Marcus, your name Randy, you won’t let your K shine [K-Shine], you got that Rex swag!”
Recap: Angling his opponent with utter persistence, making use of some fire schemes and somehow not losing any ground for the usage of some recycled bars thanks to the hit-n-miss/redundant mayhem brought to you from Danny Myers, after a debatable 1st round, the ever witty Charlie Clips musters just enough variables to his shrewd punches/hitting personals to take rounds 2 and 3 and get the win in this 3-rounder from Black Ice Cartel.
Verdict: Charlie Clips (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Charlie Clips – “See, Rex lied about getting locked up and you knew it, and I got a question, why D ain’t strike him?, he made you shit when he took your money…I woulda been in T cell fighting!”
Recap: With her classic matchup versus Remy Ma from years back on her resume, we all know that Lady Luck isn’t new to battle rap. But since it’s been such a long time since we’ve seen Luck in the ring, the same rule applies to all recording artists making the transition to battle rap: just don’t embarrass yourself. And for the most part Luck doesn’t here, tho dishing some very basic lines in the first two rounds, she actually gets better with each proceeding round and with some killer personals, flexing (“I feel so disrespected, but anytime I’m having a bad day I just picture you naked!”) punchlines and spiffy name flips here and there, Luck not only did well overall, but she even managed to do enough to win a pretty dope 3rd round. For Luck tho, it’s too bad that the 1st and 2nd rounds count just as much as the 3rd and O’fficial clearly got each of those. The Flatline spitter using her noted gun-savvy heaters, a gang of spitfire (“I’ll leave you with a cold case, I wanna be like you, so these fists go both ways!”) wordplay/name flips and with a nod for brushing up on her research, some jaunty personals that all landed to take out Luck early and win this much-hyped Go-Rilla Warfare battle.
Verdict: O’fficial (W) 2-1
Favorite line: O’fficial – “This bitch ain’t never fresh, she sloppy dirty, said I need to lose some weight?, well, I’m dropping [points hand out like a gun] .30!”
Recap: Combine what was arguably his best bar being directed towards someone that wasn’t his opponent (Chess) and a lack of variety to what was mostly inconsistent street darts, and there’s no way (“We fight nigga’s, we slice nigga’s, get ya shit cut short…we [slaps hand] TIME nigga’s!”) Blake Winters keeps up with a spirited (and at times downright disrespectful) Presidential Dubz’ gutsy (“He died for trying to come up on Prezy, but hey [waves arm like he’s shooting] it’s worth the shot!”) wordplay, lofty performance bars and ill name flips in this one-rounder from Colosseum Battle League.
Recap: “You said I was hungry and right now you and your squad looking like all snacks!” Charlie Clips’ freestyle pedigree puts yet another battle rapper to shame (or in this case smiling heavily at his opponent’s prowess for off-the-dome lyricism). Not that Quill, with a splendid (“I feel like Rock Lee with the weights off, you killing your own image, Nicolas Cage in Face/Off”) punchline game, didn’t do well here. But when you’re battling a Top 5 on Everybody’s List kind of guy, you just have to do better.
Charlie Clips: (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Charlie Clips – “I know she nervous, your girl scared, I got Eurgh scared, knock you out, you wake up with Eurgh’s bread!”
Recap: Not as consistently punch/wordplay-heavy as his opponent Yung Griz, Ron Compton still has enough extra wit (“Nobody help him move shit…like he live upstairs!”), piercing 4-bar set-ups and fiery performance bars to stay competitive after a debatable 1st round and edge the 2nd round of this Riot Rap Battles matchup before the mayhem-rich Griz came back to take the 3rd and force a tie.
Verdict: TIE
Favorite line: Yung Griz – “Mob on me, y’all will be the Mafia for real…your whole family tied!”
Recap: In this one-round matchup from Body Bag Battle League, steady up-n-comer Genocide uses a plethora of raucous heaters, bully (“Bitch I want the money, I’m sack-chasing, gat-flaming, hospital gown…I’m back out with the strap hanging!”) bars and fiery (“I’ll have that .45 bustin in her mouth like a sugar daddy!”) punchlines to pull off an upset over Big T, who started off (“Ain’t you from the South, but you got a East coast flow when you actually spit it, so your fake ass took your whole flavor [Flava] from New York, now that’s Deelishis [delicious]!” nice, but lost his momentum and any chance of winning with a couple of slip-ups and what were mostly standard lines in the second half of his round.
Verdict: Genocide (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Genocide – “Your mother bout as dumb as a spoon and I can’t stand her, I told that bitch to suck my dick or she’ll catch cancer, she got scared, the bitch got to sucking I face planted her, gave her all the energy out my balls…I Space Jammed her!”
Recap: Pretty good battle between the subtle, but deadly E-Hart and the never lacking for confidence 40 Barrs on the Queen of the Ring stage. I got them split after 2 rounds with Hart taking the 1st with a tighter delivery while edging it on the ill punchline and (“It’s no mercy or sympathy when this bird gets cooked every round, like rotisserie!”, “Tonight is like you coppin’ a molly, you get a different E!”) haymaker count, but 40 coming back deftly with some dope schemes, gritty (“My trigger history E, no mystery, I’ll put a finger on it”) gun bars and brash (“This guerrilla warfare, so fuck you and that monkey, it’s a must-see, I bust E, leave both y’all bitches funky!”) personals to even things out. Last round goes to Hart, who despite an admitted slight stumble, still delivered better wordplay along with more potent (“What real bitch woulda owned being homeless?, not this one, i would’ve respect you a bit more if you ain’t rap about a gum, while you was applying for shelters, i would’ve robbed the state out of one!”) personals to get the dub at the end.
Verdict: E-Hart (W) 2-1
Favorite line: E-Hart – “I’m back on my job, you was only a temp hire, now you gonna have to Cook e [Cookie] to take over this Empire!”
Recap: In this 3-rounder from AHAT Washington, the more experienced Jey The Nitewing doesn’t break a sweat as he uses a gang of piercing punchlines/schemes, witty barbs and flexing personals to score a 30 (which included a 3rd-round choke from his opponent) over the mostly soft-peddling raps of Alex Stokes.
Verdict: Jey The Nitewing (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Jey The Nitewing – “Well you was talking trash, well I’m here now, your whole class I’ll tear it down, I’m a put your peers in a box since you asked for that fair trial!”
Recap: D.O.T. uses some dope (“You wanna bro, we can go, die slow, swing a beer bottle across his head…it’s gonna sound like Stone cold intro!”) wordplay, rich performance bars and steady punches mixed with resident “D.O.T. Talk” to take out Hitz, whose bad sportsmanship and mostly bland bars amounted to nothing more than a lot of righteous filler and a loss.
Verdict: D.O.T. (W) 1-0
Favorite line: D.O.T. – “Boy, I don’t go nowhere without this can tucked [Ken-tuck] please, squeeze till the clip on E…you ain’t even catch the reach…boy I got this strap from Ken-tuck-y!”
Recap: Jey The Nitewing turns this $500 judged battle into an easy decision, using some vivid wordplay, quintessential roasting sessions and a boatload of piercing punchlines/4-bar set-ups to beat back the pretty ho-hum linguistics of Famous in this 3-rounder from ForMCsByMCs.
Verdict: Jey The Nitewing (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Jey The Nitewing – “You could learn from this majesty, change you from the Queen that you are into a Bohemian Rhapsody!”
Recap: Don’t Flop 1-rounder between Cortez and Cee Major, with very little prep time for both battlers, gets edged by Cort, who’s gritty punchlines, boastful barbs and dope wordplay/name flips are just enough to get past an aggressive punching, witty at times and solid lyrically Cee Major.
Verdict: Cortez (W) 1-0
Favorite line: Cortez – “I could end thee so simply, don’t get me started, I pull strings to orchestrate on how to hit each organ!”
Recap: Before this battle dropped, word around town was that Aye Verb took this matchup against Tsu Surf easy. But watching it is a whole ‘nother matter. Simply put, even tho this battle didn’t come out as dope as it looked on paper, it’s Surf who ends up adding another win to his Midwest roster by out-barring his opponent with a bunch of potent (“You battled Griz Guru and said ‘you shot at a car when you was 22, that ain’t what a body about, by 22 I was a ho with regrets, ashamed of my body count”) personals, lofty gun bars and paunchy (“Tsu Surf got a ghostwriter, that’s what them niggas said right?, well if there is a ghost writing, I swear that nigga dead nice!”) wordplay that even had the Chicago crowd yelling for more. As for Verb, outside of his requisite ‘Showtime; routine, for all his confident (“Ride up, hollow his crib, that’s a renovation, put a couple of holes in his roof, extra ventilation!”) swag points, not only did the St. Louis vet often fail to deliver the shrewd wordplay we’re used to seeing, but too much filler as well as his use of standard ‘I’m more of a G than you’ angles would also hurt him. That said, Surf would take round 1 easy before clearly taking the 2nd via a better performance that was matched by just as dope (“I never had cable, couldn’t tell you about no Showtime!”) punches for the win before a harder hitting Verb (“You a handout-ass nigga, that’s why you can’t stand out, ass nigga!”) did enough to take round 3.
Verdict: Tsu Surf (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Tsu Surf – “My big homie said bring the wolves that fool might try you, my boy’s cold, I’m don’t want to send them on ya…cold, pneumonia, that flew [flu] right by ya!”
Recap: Don’t let the final score fool you as besides the 2nd round, this matchup between Chilla Jones and Th3 Saga was pretty close. Yet, with a confident Chilla going for a more straightforward approach to unleash a wide array of scintillating (“Deuce, deuce near me, say I won’t shoot, dare me and get a buck from under the pillow like the tooth fairy!”) punchlines, delicious (“You wanna scrap Now or Later?, you and your homies can come box, I be punching like Mike and Ike, these Jawbreakers hit your Chiclets and then your Gum drops!”) schemes, nice angles and finally, some well-equipped (“I want y’all to count how many times he look at that pussy!”) personals that more than delivered in the 3rd round, Saga’s nicest (“Well I’m Adam, EVEn if Sir Pen [serpent] nice, I’m still talking to a snake!”) punches and more fluorescent bars were either (“I’ll kill JC for the bread…do not Wonder!”; “Tell Danny what’s a Bar God to someone that literally writes God’s bars!”) indirect or too often surrounded by lackadaisical filler to keep up with Jones’ consistency and versatility overall.
Verdict: Chilla Jones (W) 3-0
Favorite line: Chilla Jones – “This was greatly ill-advised, you sent you on this stupid mission, y’all seen me son Day’s vest, now I tailored these bars to suit a Christian, you’ll die walking under this ladder, it ain’t a superstition, so many bodies on a mag, shit looking like a swimsuit edition!”
Recap: Here in this 3-round battle from AHAT, a strong 3rd by Stash doesn’t offset his much weaker earlier rounds, which in turn way gave way to Whosane’s more metaphorical and wordplay-heavy raps, thus giving the 845 rapper the vic.
Verdict: Whosane (W) 2-1
Favorite line: Whosane – “My semi crack head’s in the front just like the loosie spot!”
